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Alty · Apr 15, 2011, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by firefly15

I dont live in a fantasy world beleive me things are very real to me in my world you have no idea if you think im being a selfish spoilt brat then so be it and i suppose thats how i sound but you dont know me or any thing about me.I lnow my choices can affect my life beleive me i know how one decision can effect my life for ever but my life is already messed up i dont care about if i grow up if i get a job blah blah blah because i simply dont want to you say im messing my life up and my mum only cares for me well where was she when i really did need her no where and i think what i do dosnt hurt me but help me deal with what others have done. I dont want to hurt my mum i do love her and that is why i dont want her to get in my stuff she dosnt need to know because she can't help and it will only make things worse.

Do you want to compare lives? Were you molested at the age of five, going on for many years? I was. Were you raped? I was. Did both your parents die within 6 months of each other? Mine did.

I've been where you are and worse. Guess what, I didn't care either.

The one thing I had going for me were the best two parents any child could have.

I got help to deal with my past, and I got help to stop trying to destroy myself. Now I'm married, have two great kids, pets galore, a home of my own, and a wonderful husband that's also my best friend.

If I had given up, like you seem to be doing, I wouldn't have any of this. I'd most likely be living on the streets or I'd be dead. That's the reality.

You have control over your own life. You don't seem to be as weak as you sound. Do you have strength in you? I think you do. So stop fighting against everyone that cares about you and start fighting for yourself! Fight to be a better person and fix the crap you think isn't fixable, because I can tell you right now, no matter how bad you think your life is, someone has it worse. You have a mom that cares about you, and from what you said, you care about her too. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it!

Yes, that's a double dare. Get help, you need it. You'll be amazed what therapy can do for you, that and some self respect.

smoothy · Apr 15, 2011, 05:04 PM

I have a good friend (woman) that was chained up as a child (literally... shackles and chain). Prostituted out by the parents for drugs to feed their addictions at a VERY young age for more years than she remembers... finally escaped and lived on the streets at 13. Now in her 40's and married with kids... and in ongoing therapy.

NOTHING that has happened in your life... compares to what she went through. Oooooo your parents check up on you, Ooooo your parents care about what you do...

Sounds like pretty good parents to me. If you make it to your 20's... you are going to see it too. And if you don't ruin your life being thick headed and stubborn... you will thank them for trying.

firefly15 · Apr 15, 2011, 05:48 PM

I know I'm doing things the wrong way taking drugs but I don't know how else to just make it go away. I know there is people out there that are worse of than me.But its hard to try and talk to my mum when what I tell her will hurt her how can I tell her what her boyfriend does yeah that's real easy isn't it. I wish my dad was around because then id just go and live with him and wouldn't have to deal with this but he not. If I honest I don't want to ruin my life, and your right I should just grow up I suppose stop taking drugs and having sex. I don't want to be a drug addict and I definitely don't want to have a baby.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 15, 2011, 05:56 PM

First drugs don't make things go away, it actually makes it worst normally latter when you hit bottom. And some things can't just go away, but we learn to deal with them the right and correct way.

southamerica · Apr 15, 2011, 06:56 PM

Firefly-you need to be honest with your mom. If her boyfriend is hurting you in some way, she needs to know that. We've already told you that she is going to find out about the drugs and sex, and that WILL hurt her. Seeing you hurt or hurting yourself, is going to hurt her. But until she knows what's wrong, she's powerless to stop it.

I hope you're serious about stopping the drugs and stopping the sex. If you have problems or pain in your life, you can deal with those things in healthy, productive ways-instead of just hurting yourself further. Step one is coming clean to mom.

I hope you do.

firefly15 · Apr 16, 2011, 01:50 AM

I am going to stop smoking pot and taking drugs well iom going to try. But I don't think I need to tell mum about the drugs I don't think she really needs to know.I never really thought of things the way you all have put it and I have been stupid so thank you for the reality check I'm going to try to change things

Alty · Apr 16, 2011, 02:21 AM

Originally Posted by firefly15

I am going to stop smoking pot and taking drugs well iom gonna try. But i dont think i need to tell mum about the drugs i dont think she really needs to know.I never really thought of things the way you all have put it and i have been stupid so thank you for the reality check i'm going to try to change things

I'm so proud of you. I know we were harsh, but we had to be. We needed you to see that what you're doing is not right.

Sweetie, if your moms boyfriend is doing things to you, you have to tell her. Take it from someone that never told. I was molested by my babysitter, that also happened to be my cousin. I never told my parents. I really wish I had. Then it would have stopped, and I would have gotten help sooner.

It will be hard for your mom to hear, and it will be hard to tell her, but from what you've said your mom loves you a whole lot, and she will help you.

You are stronger then you think you are. I know you are because instead of leaving in a huff when we told you to stop doing this, you came back, and you listened. That shows a really strong character. You have the strength and the power to take control of your life. No one else will but you. You can do it. I know you can. I have faith in you.

One step at a time, okay? We're here if you need help, and we'll do the best we can to get you that help, but it's in your hands to do the work, and I know you can do it. I really do.

Now prove me right. :)

firefly15 · Apr 16, 2011, 06:32 AM

I can't tell her she won't believe me I know she won't. I can handle it anyway.She loves this guy they have been together for three years I don't want to hurt her.

sharper11 · Apr 16, 2011, 09:45 AM

That's what I like to hear. Good luck!

Alty · Apr 16, 2011, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by firefly15

I can't tell her she wont beleive me i know she wont. I can handle it anyway.She loves this guy they have been together for three years i dont want to hurt her.

Firefly, you and your mom have been together for over 14 years, and I guarantee that she loves you more then she loves him.

I'm not going to lie and say that this won't hurt her. It will. She'll be outraged that this is happening. She may have doubts to begin with. It will be a shock. But from what you've said about her, she cares about you very much. Once she calms down she'll help you. It won't be easy for either one of you, but in the long run it's what you need to do.

I have kids. My son is less then 2 years younger then you. As a mom I don't like to hear that my kids are doing bad things, or they're being hurt, but I need to know so that I can help them. That's what moms do. We're bears when it comes to our kids. I dare anyone to try and hurt one of my kids, I'd rip them apart. I'd bet money that your mom would do the same for you.

I know it won't be easy to tell your mom. I know you're scared. You're scared she'll be mad and be even more strict with you. You're scared that she won't believe you. It's a risk you take, but I can tell you right now, once you tell her, even if she blows up, you'll feel a lot better, and I'm sure that once she realizes that you're telling her because you need help, she'll move heaven and earth to make sure you get the help you need.

firefly15 · Apr 16, 2011, 04:27 PM

I told my mum everything about the drugs about her boyfriend. She went mental at me told me to stop making lies about him to try and make excuses for using drugs she said that if he was doing it for so long why did I just tell her now and that he wouldn't do such a thing.She slapped me in the face and told me to go to my room I can't beleie that I didn't try to make excuses for the drugs I just wanted her to believe me now I'm scared she'll tell him I wasn't suppose to tell.I don't want to be here when he gets home, now I'm grounded I can't go anywhere

Alty · Apr 16, 2011, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by firefly15

I told my mum everything about the drugs about her boyfriend. She went mental at me told me to stop making lies about him to try and make excuses for using drugs she said that if he was doing it for so long why did i just tell her now and that he wouldnt do such a thing.She slapped me in the face and told me to go to my room i can't beleie that i didnt try to make excuses for the drugs i just wanted her to beleive me now im scared she'll tell him i wasnt suppose to tell.I dont want to be here when he gets home, now im grounded i can't go anywhere

Give her some time to process what you've told her. I told you that at first she'll be in shock. She'll be upset. She may not believe you at first.

Tell her that you're not lying (are you?) and that you're afraid because he told you not to tell, which is why you didn't until now. If it helps, tell her to come here and we'll talk to her.

She loves you. That's what you have to remember. Sometimes it's hard to hear that our kids have been hurt and we didn't protect them. She needs time to think, and time to accept what you've said.

Give her that time.

firefly15 · Apr 16, 2011, 11:56 PM

Im not lying I wouldn't lie about something like this I wish it wasn't true.I wish I could forget about it all.Ever since I was 12 he's been coming into my room when he's drunk when I was 13 things just got worse I hate him but I'm scared of him he's so big he always said if I told anyone he would hurt me.Now mum will probably tell him and then I'm going to be in trouble.I shouldn't of told mum she hasn't even said anything to me all day.I just want to go out and get wasted so I don't have to deal with this.I just want to run away get out of this house

Alty · Apr 17, 2011, 12:08 AM

You have to give her time. Let her absorb what you told her. She's not a stupid woman, she has to know that if she confronts him about this that he'll deny it.

Getting wasted won't solve anything, it will just add to your problems. Just lay low, stay in your room, and make sure you're not alone with her boyfriend at any time. If he comes into your room, scream, or call the police.

If your mom won't do anything about this, then you will have to look out for yourself and call CPS (child protective services). But give her a bit of time to come to terms with what you told her. She's been given a lot of info to take in. She's human, and she needs a bit of time to sort it all out.

firefly15 · Apr 17, 2011, 12:47 AM

Mums suppose to go to work tonight I hope she doesn't go I don't want to stay here with him.If she does go I don't care I'm not staying in this house I don't care if I am grounded I'm not staying here I hate it when he's drinking.I hope she doesn't go

southamerica · Apr 18, 2011, 06:30 AM

I'm proud of you for coming clean to your mom. Altenweg is right that it might take her a while to process but she WILL do what she can to protect you if she loves you as much as her actions have indicated.

I want to second that even if your mom doesn't help you, you need to speak to someone about what her boyfriend is doing. It is NOT okay for you to be living in terror because of him, and CPS needs to step in if your mom won't.

Keep us updated, and we're always here if you need to talk more. Again I'm really proud of you!

smoothy · Apr 18, 2011, 07:38 AM

I'm venturing a guess she night be in the UK. From the use of MUM vs. MOM. So what agency might be of help will vary according to what country she resides in.

southamerica · Apr 18, 2011, 07:47 AM

Good point, Smoothy. Firefly, if you need our help in figuring out which agency to contact, just let us know where you live and we will help you do the research.

firefly15 · Apr 18, 2011, 07:32 PM

Mum went to work so I ran away I wasn't going to stay there with him.Mum called the police so embarrassing I was at my friends house and they came and got me and took me back home.Mum went ballistic we had a huge fight.I should have never told her anything