[Wondergirl]

Going to try and get to sleep now, it's 11 pm here now. Will try and get some sleep. Thanks very much for your help and your time. I will let you know if she gets in touch and let you know what's happening.

Sleep well. You've done well today. I'm proud of you, and will be happy to stay in touch. (I live on this site now that I'm retired.)

[Allanwhite12320]

Hallo wondergirl
I spoke to my girlfriend mum this morning and asked her to see what is going on. She knew that we had an argument on Friday but said that we had to really think about what is going on before it really is finished. But how can I do that when my girlfriend won't even speak to me. My life will really be at an end if she does finish with me. I have a really bad feeling that it is finished or that she will fonish with me. The problem is tjat then I don't really have anything to live for. It doesn't really seem to bother her that we are not able to see each other and that hurts me a lot. Makes me feel useless, as if she os happy not speaking to me. I would do anything and everything for her if I could. I spelt the name of one of the cats wrong. I put keonie instead of lilly. But my mobile does that automatically and didn't read the text back. She then wrote back saying " lilly not leonie!!!". I wrote and said it was a mistake, but she didn't reply. I really am at an end and have basically done with the idea that things will be good again with my girlfriend. I just can't get it out of my head.

[Jake2008]

I think we are getting further and further away from addressing the issues that belong only to you.

Your first post you admitted to an attempted suicide, which eventually put you in a psychiatric hosptial. You went on to say that you have relationship problems, which seems to be front and centre right now, as well as you having financial problems, employment problems, and continuous 'bad luck' as you described it.

While I can see that at the moment the thought of your relationship ending is causing you stress, at the same time, your whole world revolves around someone else, and living up to what you see as others expectations.

While you would do anything to keep your girlfriend, you fail to realize that the only person that can help you gain control and direction in your own life, is you. Not your girlfriend, not her parents, only you.

You say your life will really end if she finishes with you, but I haven't read anything where you have an understanding of why that is, and that you won't have anything to live for.

I get the impression that there were dependency problems probably from the start of the relationship. I don't see this as a relationship between two independent adults in their own right, having a mutually satisfying relationship of give and take. Or a relationship that is healthy, and that can survive the temporary problems that come up. A committed couple working together contribute equally to the well being and happiness of the other. Where one party is dependent upon the other for their very survival, and things don't change, it becomes very difficult to see where needs are being met, or fulfilled, or that the relationship itself can survive such an imbalance.

I have been waiting and hoping for some insight into why you have not taken any steps to address your own problems, independent of anyone, or anything else. If you are unhappy, unfulfilled, afraid of the world, not taking steps to find a better job, not addressing the need to have someone to cling to for your survival, then how do you expect to live a healthy life, let alone a healthy life with another person.

You have to be strong in your own right, as your own person. If everything you do, and everything you are, is a result of being dependent upon others, you will have nothing to fall back on, when that support system ends.

This isn't about doing 'anything and everything for her', (in order to keep her), it is about turning your own life around, under your own steam, and being strong and independent on your own. Your world should not end because you face the breakup of any relationship.

I don't know what has put you in this place, but with a suicide and hospital stay already under your belt with this relationship, I'd have a hard time believing that you haven't had problems long before this. Just a stab in the dark, but you brought into the relationship, a person who was the same before, as he was, after.

Without more understanding on your part, of your own behaviour, and how that has caused not only relationship problems with your girlfriend, but also serious problems with day to day living and managing your own life, it is hard to see where you are at this point, motivated to help yourself.

While you focus your whole world on one person, your girlfriend, you are setting yourself up for disaster by the way you are thinking, if the relationship ends.

I'm not sure you can even see the difference in assessing yourself as an independent person, as opposed to a person who is totally reliant upon someone else, for your very survival, as you have suggested in your posts.

Considering all that you have not said, I hope that you will at least attempt to reach out for help, for yourself. Not help from your girlfriend, but professional help, to help you cope with how you see your life now. Please seek counselling, and don't be afraid to start thinking that you may very well have to change your own life, on your own, so that you can start living.

And that includes learning how to deal with disappointments, that may include the breakup of your relationship. If you cannot see past not surviving if the relationship ends, you will again be thinking of drastic measures such as those you first posted with. I hope it doesn't come to that.

[Allanwhite12320]

Because I get the feeling that I have no purpose in life. I haven't eaten since Friday, because I have lost my appetite. Her brother knows that I won't be feeling good so why does nobody ask me how I am doing. I don't really have anybody who actually cares about how I sm doing. So what's the point in carrying on. I sm so close to just doing it, and that will be the end of it.