[jessickah12712]

OP in your last post it would also seem he is not respecting your boundaries either.

Can you get counselling, because I think that is really what you need, it seems that the rot is setting in in your relationship, and counselling will help you both with the control issues the anger management you seem to both possibly need and also for helping him to know hes to respect your boundaries.

If you are really serious about being together then Im sure counselling will help you both.

Never settle for inferior treatment, or put up with his ways for a quiet life, he is controlling and Im sure he knows it, he has to however be willing to see this for himself, you can tell him till youre blue in the face it wont make a blind bit of difference.

He knows he is controlling. He saids it all the time and his reason for it is "i don't want to loose you" he's crazy I tell you. He won't listen to anyone. Everyone who knows him always saids that he seems irresponsible and controlling. He needs to be correct about everything. We argue about the most stupidest things. Last night he said he wants a motorcycle and I said I don't think it's a good idea because he will be driving fast and he saids that the motorcycles are built for people who want to go fast. He's so stupid. So what you are going to speed down a 25mph lane just because you are on a motorcycle? Sounds stupid. You still have to follow the law

[positiveparent]

This gets worse by the post, I think I have to tell you this relationship isn't going anywhere, he is controlling you more than I realised, I think you should consider moving out, and ending this relationship, whatever you do don't marry him, you could end up a battered wife, tell me he hasn't ever hit you?

Has he??

[jessickah12712]

This gets worse by the post, I think I have to tell you this relationship isnt going anywhere, he is controlling you more than I realised, I think you should consider moving out, and ending this relationship, whatever you do dont marry him, you could end up a battered wife, tell me he hasnt ever hit you??

Has he???

Oh no he has never ever hit me. He is very much against that and once he beat up a guy in the train station for hitting a girl. He only yells and storms off. He doesn't like to see me cry and if I get hurt he runs to my aid. This is one of the reasons I love him. I feel safe with him but then again one might never ever know. There are many married couples that end up beaten after years and years and years of being with someone. And I will never tolerate a man putting his hands on me. I'll kill him 1st before he even thinks about hitting me! My stepdad hit my mom once and I hit him with a frying pan and I was only 10

[ISneezeFunny]

... I'm protective over my girlfriend, but... I don't need to watch her/be with her 24/7 to be protective over her. I'll make sure she's in a safe place... if she's walking back from somewhere, I'll offer to pick her up or walk back together. If she's going out and won't be home until late, I ask her to text or call me when she gets back so I can make sure that she got back OK... and when I question her, I simply ask, "How was that party," or "did you have fun?" That's it. If she chooses to tell me a story, great. If not, that's fine.

She has her life, and I have mine.

[positiveparent]

That's OK then but if he does ever raise a hand to you, you whack him with anything close to hand and then leave him right then and there. Joke, but seriously don't tolerate physical violence.


You are however I feel in an abusive or toxic relationship, click link in my signature below to find out more if you're interested, abuse isn't just hitting someone, emotional and verbal abuse can be more damaging.

[talaniman]

I read this whole thing, and you kids have a lot of growing up to do and need to establish some rules and boundaries of acceptable behavior. Half the problem as I see it is the way you communicate as you both are a bit hardheaded and emotional, in an amusing way so its understandable that you can overwhelm each other with feelings sometimes.

This started being about joint accounts, but everything under the sun has come out as a point of contention. So where is the real problem? You got together young, have grown use to each other, and only recently your learning the irritating truth about each other. Very typical of young people finding there way through reality. To bad your both too stubborn, and hard headed, and emotional, to make adjustments that work for you in a peaceful way, but I doubt that either of you will drop the drama as it seems that's the way you react to each other.

Probably why talking, and listening, doesn't seem to work very well, and its only through the emotional explosions that you both understands one another. You're both alike, even though you have a practical side, thank gosh for that. Your youth and the way you cope with your own individual feelings are getting in the way of how you deal with each other because its not okay to control another, and its not okay to push the others buttons for any reason. That has to be replaced by you both with honest calm COMMUNICATIONS. I don't want to hear how you try but he won't listen, that's no excuse, you are as guilty as he is by allowing him to rant and rave like a kid and not having CONSEQUENCES.

So the real issue facing you is you live together out of convenience, and necessity, but you have added sex, gotten attached but neither of you have a commitment to where you want to go, and how to get there. You don't know what you're working for. You are but reacting to the actions of each other, but have no plan other than maintain a status quo, with no working together through honest COMMUNICATIONS, just a lot of stirred up feelings, and building resentment.

You better sit down and talk, and unless there are real consequences for over the top behavior, and a real plan, with real goals, this circle of reacting without adjusting will continue. After 3 years together, come on, you have to stop being kids, and controlling each other and start working together for a common goal. Give its some thought, and make a plan. You both need to know when to just shut up, back up, and do some thinking, since you seem to have the acting out down rather well.

To answer your original question about the bank accounts, NO WAY do young unmarried partners have a need for joint accounts. Pay your share of expenses, but manage your own money. And both of you act like adults. Both of you define what the heck you're doing living together.

[Homegirl 50]

Have to spread some rep tal, but you are so right!!

[jessickah12712]

I read this whole thing, and you kids have a lot of growing up to do and need to establish some rules and boundaries of acceptable behavior. Half the problem as I see it is the way you communicate as you both are a bit hardheaded and emotional, in an amusing way so its understandable that you can overwhelm each other with feelings sometimes.

This started out being about joint accounts, but everything under the sun has come out as a point of contention. So where is the real problem?? You got together young, have grown use to each other, and only recently your learning the irritating truth about each other. Very typical of young people finding there way thru reality. To bad your both too stubborn, and hard headed, and emotional, to make adjustments that work for you in a peaceful way, but I doubt that either of you will drop the drama as it seems thats the way you react to each other.

Probably why talking, and listening, doesn't seem to work very well, and its only thru the emotional explosions that you both understands one another. You're both alike, even though you have a practical side, thank gosh for that. Your youth and the way you cope with your own individual feelings are getting in the way of how you deal with each other because its not okay to control another, and its not okay to push the others buttons for any reason. That has to be replaced by you both with honest calm COMMUNICATIONS. I don't want to hear how you try but he won't listen, thats no excuse, you are as guilty as he is by allowing him to rant and rave like a kid and not having CONSEQUENCES.

So the real issue facing you is you live together out of convenience, and necessity, but you have added sex, gotten attached but neither of you have a commitment to where you want to go, and how to get there. You don't know what you're working for. You are but reacting to the actions of each other, but have no plan other than maintain a status quo, with no working together thru honest COMMUNICATIONS, just a lot of stirred up feelings, and building resentment.

You better sit down and talk, and unless their are real consequences for over the top behavior, and a real plan, with real goals, this circle of reacting without adjusting will continue. After 3 years together, come on, you have to stop being kids, and controlling each other and start working together for a common goal. Give its some thought, and make a plan. You both need to know when to just shut up, back up, and do some thinking, since you seem to have the acting out down rather well.

To answer your original question about the bank accounts, NO WAY do young unmarried partners have a need for joint accounts. Pay your share of expenses, but manage your own money. And both of you act like adults. Both of you define what the heck you're doing living together.

Wow. Great advice and thank you. I actually do have plans for myself. I start school next week for my nursing (I am ultra excited) he had a little problem with it because he wants to start school as well. OK so I've been waiting for him to get up off his butt for a year and he still hasn't started school. His reason for one of us attending school at a time is because he feels we won't see each other as much and one of us won't work as much as we should because school is in the way. I sat him down and explained to him that I am 24yrs old and don't even have an associates degree (how sad is that?) I did however finish my HHa, CNA and medical assistant courses even though he had a problem with it. Now my main goal right now is to finish my nursing and work as a nurse, save up money and start working on building a family.he isn't ready for that so I explaind to him that I don't want to wait until I'm 40 to actually start getting my life together. I know its my fault that I am going through all of this because its obvious we both want different things so its up to me to leave or stay but like I said I have hope that he will one day open his eyes and start gettig to work. He has no goals at this time. I told him that I will stay with him but if I finish my nursing course and start working and save up enough money I can't be with him if he isn't either in school, gotten a better job or already working after he has finished school (he wants to be a computer tech and he is so smart with so much potential bt doesn't know how to use it)

Back to the joint accounts. I tried to speak to him yesterday about when we got home and he kept brushing me off so instead of yelling and getting mad I said "ok we dont need to tAlk now but i do want to talk about it later please" he said no and I said OK and went to sleep. He was sort of shocked lol because he saids I always yell (which is true) but like I said its something I've been working on for a couple of months and our communication is a tad better. He informed me this morning that he will cancel the joint account and we both just have our own and just split the bills. I said that sounds good to me if that's what you want to do. Then he gotmad and said "you see you just dont want to be with me!" and I just sat there without saying anthing and let him ramble about me not caring and taking one step backwards in our relationship. By us not hving joint account is the only way I know of to make him gain responsibilities. I feel I am doing the right thing and all of the advice you guys have give me has helped out so much. Thank you so much

[jessickah12712]

...I'm protective over my girlfriend, but...I don't need to watch her/be with her 24/7 to be protective over her. I'll make sure she's in a safe place...if she's walking back from somewhere, I'll offer to pick her up or walk back together. If she's going out and won't be home til late, I ask her to text or call me when she gets back so I can make sure that she got back ok...and when I question her, I simply ask, "How was that party," or "did you have fun?" That's it. If she chooses to tell me a story, great. If not, that's fine.

She has her life, and I have mine.

I totally agree. I am trying to make him see that but he just see's it as I just want to do whatever I want and he keeps thinking I have to ask permission or something? We live in a different state now then we did when we met so my mom lives in the other state. (2hour away drivng) he works on Saturday and Sunday and I want to attend my cousins baby shower. I told him where it was taking place at and the time and he said well we can't make it because I have to work so I said "i was thinking maybe i can go on the bus" and he wnt off on me about me always wanting to do things without him. Its funny he would say that because we never ever go out together. He never takes me out or show any romantic gestures. It isn't fair for him to try to incage me as if I am a bird. He thinks if I leave the "cage" I will fly away and never come back. If he wants to go over his friends house I tell him plenty of times he has traveled to the other state without me with his friends. He did ask for me to come but I said no go and enjoy yourself. I'm not trying to make myself seem like I am innocent and don't have my flaws, I just wanted to get that out in the open lol. No one is perfect and I know I am not perfect but I try guys I really really do.

[jessickah12712]

Thats OK then but if he does ever raise a hand to you, you whack him with anything close to hand and then leave him right then and there. joke, but seriously dont tolerate physical violence.


You are however I feel in an abusive or toxic relationship, click link in my signature below to find out more if youre interested, abuse isnt just hitting someone, emotional and verbal abuse can be more damaging.

I am reading the link you have provided for me and I see us in it lol. We really have a problem and I will bring it all to his attention

[jessickah12712]

Thats OK then but if he does ever raise a hand to you, you whack him with anything close to hand and then leave him right then and there. joke, but seriously dont tolerate physical violence.


You are however I feel in an abusive or toxic relationship, click link in my signature below to find out more if youre interested, abuse isnt just hitting someone, emotional and verbal abuse can be more damaging.

Hello everyone. I know I am annoying lol. I made a list of topics id like to cover with my boyfriend and I am planning on repeating this to him word for word and id just like to throw it out there for you guys to review and to correct me if I am saying anything unappropriate or that might sound mean. Thank you

things to work on

1. controlling each other! This is our number one issue. You are you and I am me. We are 2 individuals sharing our life together but that does not mean we are ONE person. We are no longer allowed to tell each other what to do under any circumstances unless it is endangering our lives or somebody else's.
-as of today you are free to do whatever you want. All I ask is that you respect me and respect what I might want to do.
- I don't want you talking to your ex because it makes me feel bad and to me it's a form of cheating but I can't stop you from talking to who you want so if talking to your exes make you happy then I will not interfere but just know that there are consequences to all actions you take and the consequence for talking to your ex will be me leaving, treating you badly, or me talking my exes.
- richie asked you to go to trinidad with hm in December and you said you can't go without me but that's not true. I have no business in trinidad and I am not interested in going over there so if you want to go then you can go without having a consequence attached to it. My trust for you is still a little shakey but I have to get over it and move on
- now that we aren't going to be sharing an account we are each responsible for our own money and paying our bills. Whatever money we have left over is ours to do whatever we want with it without consulting one another. You are allowed to buy whatever you want because you worked hard for it. I am in no place to decide how you spend your money and neither are you.
- how you dress is none of my business. You wear what you want whether its dirty or not I won't say anything about how you dress anymore expecting that you do the same. We shold be allowed to dress however we want. I know you hate it when I wear revealing clothes but you met me wearing those types of clothes so you can't tell me I can't wear them or that I can only wear them when we are together.
-you want a Facebook, myspace, aim or whatever then you go ahead. You give me your password only IF YOU WANT. Who you talk to is none of my business unless you want to tell me.
-i know you like to run errands for others so I will no longer object to you doing whatever you want with the car because in reality the car is YOURS. Your mom bought it for you and she pays the insurance so I have no say in what you do with it. When I buy a car then I have the right to tell you that you can't run errands in it for other people.
-i won't tell you anything about your driving and refusing to wear a seatbelt orsmoking cigarettes unless I am in the car. I understand that you drive how you want and wearing a seatbelt makes you feel uncomfortable but all I ask is that you don't speed with me in the car or smoke cigarettes. I only ask this because I feel its unfair to put somebody through that. When you speed and cut people off it scares me and then I'm feeling uncomfortable and it makes it hard for me to actually enjoy being in the car with you. I will no longer remind you that you are a danger to others when you speed and cut people off or that by not wearing a seatbelt you can fly right through the window. This is the last time I will say this
-when we are having a fight I will try not to yell and say things that will make it worst. I acknowledge that I push your buttons while arguing by calling you names and being a . I do those things because I am mad and you always storm off and never want to stick around to finish and I recongnize that my actions have consequences as well. I would like it that when we are disagreeing that you don't brush me off like you usually do just because you are mad unless you promise to talk about it later. I will no longer cut you off when you are speaking unless you ask me to expecting you do the same

[jessickah12712]

Also do I have to tell him about my past? He is mad at me because I won't discuss my past sex life. I feel that's none of anyone's business and also because he will hear something he isn't ready to hear and lookk at me differently and usually not trust me because of my past. He keeps trying to force it out of me but I keep telling him I don't feel comfortable talking about my promesquise past because I am ashamed of who I was but he is still being persistent

[jessickah12712]

Also I don't ask him anything about his past. I'm not interested and I don't care

[Homegirl 50]

You don't have to tell him squat unless you have herpes or something.
You're a good one cause his behind would have been out of the picture.
Why are you with and putting up with this child?

[jessickah12712]

You don't have to tell him squat unless you have herpes or something.
You're a good one cause his behind would have been out of the picture.
Why are you with and putting up with this child?

I have been asking myself the same question for 2yrs lol. He does have his good qualities and he isn't bad all the time. I really love him and I know he loves me. But he has noticed how I am around him now and he knows I'm ready to leave soon. Its just soooo hard whne you are living with someone although that's not an excuse but I have no where to go and we have NOTHING saved up. We live check to check and I'm tired of it and that's another reason why I want my own account

[ISneezeFunny]

Seems fair. As far as the ghost of sexual past...

It ranges from different couples. Some couples share stories, while others don't. Usually, though, no guy ever likes to hear about their partner's sexual past, no matter how low the number was.

For me, my reputation before I met my girlfriend was one... not too kosher.

My girlfriend and I decided that neither one of us cares about each others' past, as we liked one another for who were at that exact moment, thus, we don't discuss it.

If you don't feel like telling him, then don't. That's your own private business. Simply tell him that you feel it's too personal, that you've made a few mistakes, and you would rather not talk about it.

At this point, however, I expect his response to be something like this:

1. How can it be personal? You're my girlfriend. There should be nothing personal between us and you shouldn't hide anything from me. If you hide something, then that means that whatever you did is bad.

2. What mistakes? What, you hooked up with so and so? You slept around, didn't you?

... which is a pretty immature response, and it's more immature to ask a question you KNOW you don't want the answer to.

[ISneezeFunny]

You don't have to tell him squat unless you have herpes or something.
You're a good one cause his behind would have been out of the picture.
Why are you with and putting up with this child?

I agree. I'm a GUY and I'm telling you drop this kid.

[Homegirl 50]

Girl you me need to bite the bullet.
Send him home to his mama and you get someplace you can afford.
This relationship is dysfunctional, it has run it's course, you're making excuses YOU don't even buy at this point.
It's time for you to grow up too.
Leave this bozo alone and start taking care of yourself by yourself

[jessickah12712]

Seems fair. As far as the ghost of sexual past...

It ranges from different couples. Some couples share stories, while others don't. Usually, though, no guy ever likes to hear about their partner's sexual past, no matter how low the number was.

For me, my reputation before I met my girlfriend was one...not too kosher.

My girlfriend and I decided that neither one of us cares about each others' past, as we liked one another for who were at that exact moment, thus, we don't discuss it.

If you don't feel like telling him, then don't. That's your own private business. Simply tell him that you feel it's too personal, that you've made a few mistakes, and you would rather not talk about it.

At this point, however, I expect his response to be something like this:

1. How can it be personal? You're my girlfriend. There should be nothing personal between us and you shouldn't hide anything from me. If you hide something, then that means that whatever you did is bad.

2. What mistakes? What, you hooked up with so and so? You slept around, didn't you?

...which is a pretty immature response, and it's more immature to ask a question you KNOW you don't want the answer to.

Hhahahahahaha those are his exact words! Do you know him or something? Lol . He took it upon himself to talk about his past sexual experiences and I got very upset and stormed off. I am going to have the talk with him that I posted up earlier and "pick his brain" a bit and give him some time just to see how he handles the new change and if nothing changes then I know what I have to d

[ISneezeFunny]

Hey, the more patient you are, more power to you. Honestly, I think you've been MORE than patient with this guy, but whatever floats your boat.

I'm not saying that you should ditch a relationship whenever it gets hard... however, there are just some issues that a couple can work through, and there are others that you just can't.

The above mentioned case, is not uncommon. If you Google "controlling boyfriend," I'm pretty darn sure that there are PLENTY of other stories just like yours. The problem is, the guys RARELY change.