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Kitkat22 · May 24, 2010, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

No problem. Kitty said it, you will do fine. Good luck!

Goodnight and let us know in a few days how you're doing. Got to go to bed now...

klap33 · May 24, 2010, 09:39 PM

Does this sound like something that has an oppurtunity to still work.

Aurora_Bell · May 24, 2010, 09:40 PM

It's hard to say with out her in put.

klap33 · May 24, 2010, 09:53 PM

What do you mean by that? If you wouldn't mind elaborating?

She did say this is something she does want to work. Im the only one to hold her heart, and she has repeated to many others including me she just needs some space but does want us to get better. I don't think its false hope. But I wouldn't mind hearing your input : )... thanks

She even told me on her own that she has zero desire to see other people through out this she just wants space for awhile to find herself again...

Trust me I'm a little confused even with her words lol

Aurora_Bell · May 24, 2010, 09:57 PM

With out actually talking to her, no one can know how she really feels. Sounds like to me she is confused, and maybe doesn't know what she wants her self.

talaniman · May 25, 2010, 12:04 AM

You are a mess. That's to be expected. You want a time line? Don't contact her at all until she contacts you.

Just figure every time you do, in any fashion, will show her that you have not changed and will not even do what she asks of you and give her what she needs.

She needs the time to get over your controlling needy insecure ways. That's what she keeps telling you, but instead of acting as a mature adult male, you can't even control yourself, and its only been 2 weeks.

Get a grip, and start doing something beside freaking out because you never know when she will take that second look and see the guy who is a real man and carry himself like on and who will appreciate her.

If I were you, I would do all I can to grant her wish, and use this time apart to work on the issues you have, and get a grip on them.

You better learn fast that females are not dumb, and they will not take your word, or listen to empty promises you make to fool the into coming back and giving you what you want.

So start practicing what she wants to see, patience, being cool, calm, and collected, and quiet confidence and good humor. Show her this, when SHE is ready, and she will KNOW for herself that not only have you changed, but are better.

Only then will she be convinced that you are seriously a real man that she can trust and count on.

That's another reason you do not contact her, because you are not ready to do anything but cry, beg, and show her reasons that she broke up with you in the first place, and no way will she go back to that.

Now leave her alone and get your act together, the longer you take, the longer it will be.

And by the way chat/text is against the rules, and CAN get this whole thread deleted, and I would hate to see that happen.

Sledsik · May 25, 2010, 04:01 AM

Klapp33, let me ask you this.. How bad do you want her back? I imagine with what you said you want her back with you pretty dam bad. I lost my ex at the beginning of the year, why? Because the same thing, smothering. What you seriously want to do now is make her curious. She knows that your going to text or call very soon, don't. She will not miss you if you are still there. Believe me friend, it really does not seem like the right thing to do but I would take everything back to go to when my relationship ended and do this but I learned the hard way. I know this hurts really bad, Ive felt it before and did not eat for weeks. Seriously try leaving her alone and get her curiousity going and I guarantee that she will start to miss you and feel like SHE is the one losing YOU. Hang in there bud.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 04:15 AM

I love this site!. Woke up this morning for work feeling OK? I guess still thinking about her and what to say : /, but I know I can't say anything and need to respect her space!

Tala- Your absolutely correct! The relationship got ugly on my half. It used to be so good! Then we just slipped into trust issues and my turned from trust to control, but I have honestly accepted and admitted to all I have done! and tried to find where these things went wrong so I better know how to fix them next time...

She keeps saying we will get back together! and that she does want this to work that she just needs space!

So you think I shouldn't contact her even once? For any reason until she contacts me?

Sledsik! Thanks for sharing bud! I want her back more then I can explain! 6years together, and most of them great! Just hit a rough patch! I am going to listen to you and try to spark her curiousity, but I'm not going to lie, I am a little scared to do so with the level of frustration she did show yesterday!

She did still say she wants this to work even though her frustration was high, but I'm afraid by ignoring her for to to long she will forget or move on so to speak!

I just have to trust her!

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by klap33

I love this site!... Woke up this morning for work feeling ok? i guess still thinkin about her and what to say : /, but i know I can't say anything and need to respect her space!

Tala- Your absolutly correct! the relationship got ugly on my half. It used to be so good! then we just slipped into trust issues and my turned from trust to control, but i have honestly accepted and admitted to all i have done!, and tried to find where these things went wrong so I better know how to fix them next time...

She keeps saying we will get back together!, and that she does want this to work that she just needs space!

So you think i shouldnt contact her even once? for any reason til she contacts me?

Sledsik! thanks for sharing bud! I want her back more then i can explain! 6years together, and most of them great! just hit a rough patch! I am going to listen to you and try to spark her curiousity, but i'm not going to lie, I am a little scared to do so with the level of frustration she did show yesterday!

she did still say she wants this to work even tho her frustration was high, but im afraid by ignoring her for to to long she will forget or move on so to speak!

I just have to trust her!

If she loves you she'll wait... leave her alone for a while and don't play games' I f you keep hounding her she'll drop you completely. That will only drive her farther away.
Seriously you need to leave her alone until she makes contact. You are in the process of becoming a stalker.. don't let that happen... give her time.

talaniman · May 25, 2010, 06:45 AM

I think any contact will be making a pest of yourself. So just wait and bring about change for yourself, for you, NOT her, just because YOU feel the need too!

Be warned though buddy, whatever she decides is her decision, without your influence. That's the way it has to be for it to be real, and true.

So whatever she decides, you have to cope with it, because that's the reality of life.

Personally, I think you have too much of your life wrapped up in her, for it to be healthy. So I ask you what kind of life do you have without her as that's really the key to happiness is that you are happy with yourself.

This change may take time (undoubtedly), so you either get busy, and be proactive, or sit on the pity pot and feel sorry for yourself.

I suggest you maintain some dignity, and self respect, and find ways to be happy without her, as self pity is very ugly indeed.

asking · May 25, 2010, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

it would really help you if you spoke to a councellor or a Therapist.

I agree.

Klap, you need counseling. You seem obsessive and very anxious. Your anxiety is not going to just go away, but something you will have to work on all your life. You can become calmer and happier, but you have to put some work into it. This is a wake up moment in your life.

Basically, you can find constructive ways to deal with your anxiety (to self soothe), or you can continue to rely on other people to calm you down and exhaust them. You need to learn how to do this yourself so you do not drive away your friends and lovers.

Spend this time researching your particular problem. It sounds like you had a tough adolescence. The question is what are you going to do about it? Your girlfriend is probably realizing that your anxiety is bottomless and she can never make you feel better. Only you can do that.

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by asking

I agree.

Klap, you need counseling. You seem obsessive and very anxious. Your anxiety is not going to just go away, but something you will have to work on all your life. You can become calmer and happier, but you have to put some work into it. This is a wake up moment in your life.

Basically, you can find constructive ways to deal with your anxiety (to self soothe), or you can continue to rely on other people to calm you down and exhaust them. You need to learn how to do this yourself so you do not drive away your friends and lovers.

Spend this time researching your particular problem. It sounds like you had a tough adolescence. The question is what are you going to do about it? Your girlfriend is probably realizing that your anxiety is bottomless and she can never make you feel better. Only you can do that.

It is a good idea to see a counselor..

asking · May 25, 2010, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I suggest you maintain some dignity, and self respect, and find ways to be happy without her, as self pity is very ugly indeed.

I agree with Talaniman on this. But I want to add that getting to this place he is talking about will be an ongoing process for you. It's something you have to keep practicing until you get it right. Not something you can just decide to do one day.

The right counselor (though maybe not the wrong one) can help you learn how to do this in a way that's healthy for you.

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by asking

I agree with Talaniman on this. But I want to add that getting to this place he is talking about will be an ongoing process for you. It's something you have to keep practicing until you get it right. Not something you can just decide to do one day.

The right counselor (though maybe not the wrong one) can help you learn how to do this in a way that's healthy for you.

Honestly reading your posts have worn me out. You keep asking the same things, we keep giving the advice we think is healthy and will help you... You are way past obessed... and frankly I don't know what else to say. Here is what will happen if you do not get help. You will keep on making yourself a total uncontrollable mess and who wants that in their life?

You need to know that is probably the reason she needs space. God if you you went on and on like this every single day when you were with her.. no wonder she is tired and needs a break. I won't walk on eggshells with you anymore, because I think you are in dire need of psychiatric help.
Please get it.. and leave this girl alone until you get yourself on the right track.

Aurora_Bell · May 25, 2010, 07:40 AM

asking agrees : I don't agree here. I do not think a month is too long to chill out after 6 years of intensity.

That's not what I was saying. I said it depends on how long HE feels she is worth waiting for. Obviously the OP needs to seek professional help, I just don't think he is the only one at fault here. And like I said it takes two to make a relationship work. But I did NOT say a month was too long.

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

asking agrees : I don't agree here. I do not think a month is too long to chill out after 6 years of intensity.

That's not what I was saying. I said it depends on how long HE feels she is worth waiting for. Obviously the OP needs to seek professional help, I just don't think he is the only one at fault here. And like I said it takes two to make a relationship work. But I did NOT say a month was too long.

If this OP has any hope at all of saving this relationship.. he needs serious professional help. I wish the girlfriend would come her and give her side of the story. The OP needs to go back and read every single thing he has posted and then he'll see how the girlfriend feels.

Bella... I agree he needs to chill out and stay away until he gets the help he needs. I'm not being unkind, I do feel pain for him. I just think he needs more than a few days away from her. Asking... what would you do if you were in this situation and you had obsessive girlfriend. You have given wonderful advice and so has Bella, but something about this relationship just doesn't seem to be all he has posted.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 07:54 AM

Woah! I know I have my problems and feel bad if I have come across wrong! And trust me I'm dealing with them and addressing the issue. The break up just happened I am emotional. I just want this girl back Im sorry if I bothered anyone, and would like to thank everyone for there help and advice as well it has helped tremendously!

I just really don't want to lose her! If that sounds bad I'm sorry but I feel as though we could work if I give her, her space, and work on self improving myself so this once GREAT relationship does not slip into the same faults...

She said herself she wants it to work just needs space... sorry for bothering any one I have just trying to get the best info I can the N.C is kind of hard but I'm doing it no problem right now with the help of you guys talking to me as well.

Thanks again!

Aurora_Bell · May 25, 2010, 07:58 AM

I just think that his personality can be a bit over bearing Kitty, I agree a bit exhausting at best. Sorry Klap, but you seem a bit obsessed here. Don't take offense, relationships can do that to anyone.

We are here to help, that's why we are all here. It just seems a bit much with all the posting, but you are not bothering anyone. It's our choice to come here and read the posts. We are here to help.

NC is one of the hardest things to do, but you just need to give her what she is asking for. And it really wouldn't hurt to seek a therapist to help with these issues in the long run.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 07:59 AM

I never expected a few days help. This outlet has helped me with the no contact. Like I said she did see me a few times say nothing but good things and how she wants it to work, and even kissed me and sweet stuff along those lines. I took and inch and made a mile.

I have been going out, I have been going to work, and college classes no problem I am just hitting some anxiety and using this as an outlet... She was just admitment on space, and I am panicking a little because I know I do want her back, but in life you lose people my childhood has shown that. I will be OK if I don't get her back...

But like I said I do want her back... and she seems to share those feelings but we needed this break to get back to the same relationship we once had.

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by klap33

I never expected a few days help. This outlet has helped me with the no contact. Like i said she did see me a few times say nothin but good things and how she wants it to work, and even kissed me and sweet stuff along those lines. I took and inch and made a mile.

I have been going out, I have been going to work, and college classes no problem i am just hitting some anxiety and using this as an outlet... She was just admitment on space, and i am panicking a little because i know i do want her back, but in life you lose people my childhood has shown that. I will be ok if i dont get her back...

But like i said i do want her back... and she seems to share those feelings but we needed this break to get back to the same relationship we once had.

We'll help all we can. But just remember... NC and therapy. Good luck.