[vanheart]

Jre,

There's lots of things to do if you venture out especially out of your comfort zone. Don't worry how o get there, just go. Even if it by yourself.

There's cool people galore. There's really nothing holding you back from finding them.

You have things you dig & don't need to be a part of anything that doesn't make you happy & feel good. Remember those ones?

You have the whole world as your oyster, slurp it... Rock on.

[jre14]

Also, another question.

My ex fiancee's little sister, 14, adores me. We still talk on Facebook, mostly her initiative. She thinks of me as a big brother. Now I know one of the rules is that being friends with your ex's family members is not OK. So how do I handle this? I feel like if I break contact with her, she won't understand and be hurt by it...

[Romefalls19]

You tell her due to your sister and I breaking up I'm not going to be able to communicate with your anymore. It would be too hard for me to keep in contact right now but maybe one day we can be friends again

[vanheart]

Exactly.
NC isn't to hurt anyone. Its for you to heal.
Plus you don't need to hear anything vicariously that will slow down your process.

[dynocompe]

One of my ex;s, her sister became really close to me. When me and her broke up, her sister still talked to me all the time. I had no contact with the ex ever, but me and her sister continued the friendship. Her sister always came to me with her boyfriend, friend and family problems.
The ex thanked me for being there for her sister like3 years later, and that was that. I didn't find any harm in it . And me and her sister are still friends until this day, but she has now moved away. But it didn't halt my getting over the ex in anyway to me. Her sister was around the same age too 14 at that time. Every time I see her now, she still gives me a hug. I think our bond is great and caused no harm.
Her parents almost go ta divorce, and while they were fighting, she even came and stayed over for a couple nights. After the first night, her mom even came to my house and asked if she could stay a bit longer, so I truly think I helped in the long run. When I see the sister, I didn't think of the ex at all. She liked talking to me, because I knew her family so well most likely, and knew I would understand.
I honestly think I helped her become the young woman she is today! She was headed in a bad direction.

[jre14]

Thanks for sharing that. Yes this sister I speak is also having some trouble in her life. I think I've had a positive influence on her. She doesn't really even talk about my ex. So I don't think that would be an issue. She's 14, she wants to talk about herself! Lol

[bella99]

I just read your entire thread. Read mine - its really long but it'll show you why being friends with an ex is super hard. I think he and I could potentially be friends in maybe a year or two when there are no feeligns left, but until then no dice. We had a LOT of mutual friends which made things incredibly awkward for about 6 months until I got my act together and said no more.

Its really hard to do no contact - and you have to do something to keep yourself from looking at her Facebook - and any friends that hang out with her often's facebooks.

I know you said "go out and do something" isn't the advice your looking for, but really it is the key. I basically just started spending more time at the gym then going jogging and to the beach. Decided to go sky diving and go kayaking and do things that didn't remind me of my ex. I made it my mission to meet new people. It is really hard but eventually you won't think about her so often. I had to force myself to think about all of the terrible things my ex did to me in order to realize that I could find someone better who cared more about me.

You guys were young when you met, and have done everything together for multiple years. That was how my first real relaitonship was (not the relationship that my thread is about). I met this guy fell madly in love and we were together for 3 years but then I started thinking that I would never experience anything else in life - I love dhim but needed to go out and do my thing until I was ready to settle down - I know where she is comign from (I didn't do coke or e or anything tho). She NEEDS to be left alone - left to make her own mistakes and learn from them. If you try to stick around to be her shoulder to cry on - you will always just be that. She probably does care about you still - that's hard to change - but she is young and needs to experience the world. And so do you!

Don't sit around moping while she is out having fun - don't be her rock - let her fall and learn - one day when it is supposed to happen you will meet another woman who will make your heart flip again.

[jre14]

^^This hit home. Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it.

I feel like I'm getting better but at a moment's notice, all the pain is back and I well up... argh.

[bella99]

my thread that is called something like friends with ex mutual friends or something like that (click on my name and look at all threads I've started). IF nothing else it will distract you for a few hours while you read it :)

And seriously you are going to feel like that for a while - I still lhave random days where I wish it all had worked out - but it doesn't for a reason. You just have to be determined not to let someone else's choices ruin your life. You get one life - live it up!

[jadeflower1989]

It souds like you are in a really messy situation. I'll tell you something a chaplain told me when I was in a similar situation. It might sound a little harsh, but he said if you love something you have to set it free, and if it loves you too, it will come back, and if it doesn't then you hunt it down and you shoot it. Well, it made me smile anyway. I think you should stay away from her for awhile, maybe even years, but if you are meant to be together it will happen in its own time when you are both ready. It sounds like things are pretty painfull for both of you, let it heal. Then see what you really want.