[sypher373]

Did you kiss him back, long and sweet, and with feeling, or was it just that he planted a little peck on you before you knew what was happening? If the latter, don't torture yourself and don't tell anybody, just be on your guard and don't let him get away with it again. If the former, you need to seriously examine your heart and mind, and if you have been harboring feelings for him, maybe you need to back off from both relationships for awhile and decide who you really love.

I agree with this, although I feel that even if it was just a "little peck" that the boyfriend has the right to know. Would you rather have your boyfriend be a little angry, though appreciate your honestly, or if he somehow finds out in the future, not be able to trust a thing you say, because you hid something relatively innocent from him.

[gp_17]

Don't tell him anything. It was nothing, you just went for a drink. If you tell your boyfriend I can promise you he will say ''If you love me, why did you go out with your ex and have a drink and allow him to kiss you!! '' and then you will be stuck. Don't say anything about it. Just forget it and move on, your with your boyfriend and that's all that matters. Just don't meet your ex again xxxx

[destiny07]

You should tell him... your relationship should be build on trust.put yourself in his shoes... would you want to know? What if you got married and he told you about something like this what would you think? The sooner you tell him the better because the longer you keep this from him.. the harder its going to be to convince him it didn't mean anything.the key is how you tell... what I wouldve done is come home mad... and for him to be all like what's wrong... and I wouldve been like... so and so invited me to grab a drink and I stupidly went because him and his girl is good people but anyway when I got their he tried to kiss me!explain to him when he did it you got up and left and felt bad because your in love with your current b/f and good friends with his g/f.explain to you b/f you felt stupid because you honestly went there as a friend!

[s_cianci]

You kind of are guilty of cheating, in sprit if not literally. You and he are now both seeing other people so I'm not at all sure that going for coffee followed by a good-bye kiss was appropriate. Your relationship ended for a reason so there's really no good to come from "blasting to the past" now. I'm not sure I would tell anyone at this point but give it some good long and hard thought for future reference.

[mckenzie134]

THis is anold thred

[cherryblossom]

I've been dating this boy for over a year now. & I used to adore his family. The feeling was mutual towards me. They loved me. But the other day, I was the mall with a big group of friends... guys and girls both involved. My boyfriend, however, wasn't with us. But he knew ahead of time that I was going to be there and he trusted me.
Well someone saw us. The big group of us at the mall. And it got back to my boyfriend's father. And I got a very LOVELY phone call from his father later that day. Basically telling me how I was no longer going to be with his son, because I wasn't going to hurt him. [ you can add a couple of bad words in there too. ;-) ]
So right about now I'm freaking out. Because an innocent trip to the mall turned into a nightmare. Now I'm not allowed to date his son because I'm "cheating" on him.
& my boyfriend is 18. & I'm 17.
What's the deal here?
I love this boy with all my heart. & now our relationship has been ruined by his family accusing me of something I didn't do.
How am I suppose to gain "trust" back? I haven't done anything!! : (

[xxsamxx110]

Has your boyfriend told his family that he knew you was with them? Why did they get the impression you was cheating. Try getting your boyfriend to talk to them. If he is 18 he should be able to make his own mind up but also talk to his parents and explain that you were just out with friends. Sorry can't be of more help.

[talaniman]

How a dad gets personally involved is beyond me, but this sounds like something your b/f has to take care of and you just have to wait until he does.

[cherryblossom]

I am 19 years old, and I've been with my high school sweetheart for almost 4 years now- we are expecting a baby in march, live together & are now engaged. Sounds about perfect from an eagle's perspective, right?

Well, last year- I ended up breaking up with him, because of fights/family issues that I didn't want to deal with- the normal break up situation, and we were apart for 6 months. Needless to say, even though I initiated the break up- it still killed me to be away from him, but I needed the time to get myself together emotionally- didn't want to date anyone, just needed time to myself to figure out if this relationship was healthy for me, and at the time it wasn't.

He dated another girl, which bothered me at the time but I didn't show it- and him & I didn't talk during the time either, except for one night, he called me crying/missing me/wanting to see me- and I gave in and went to see him. Told me that this wasn't right, that he wanted to be with me and that dating someone else had made him realise, and about that time in my life I knew that it was the right time to make it right with him again- so I gave him time to break up with her, and we got back together- not too long after I got pregnant :D

I never EVER let the girl he dated before bother me, until now. UNTIL I'M 8 MONTHS PREGNANT- I found out he slept with her. He is my first and only, and even though we were apart, I figured he would respect the fact that he "cared for me" so much not to jump in bed with someone else. I know it was probably out of retaliation, but here lately it has made me question whether he is the person for me- I don't ever bring it up, but anyone can tell if you're around me that something is just not right anymore.

Needless to say- I still love and care about him, but it HURTS so bad to think that he did that. I somewhat feel betrayed- and I don't want my little man to pay for his father's stupid mistake. Can anyone help me or give me some insight? I'm young and am in really need of an emotional boost.

Thanks all-Brittany

[amicon]

Technically speaking,you were broken up,so I wouldn't say he cheated on you.
Have you been able to talk to him at all about your feelings ?
If not,I think you should.

[Romefalls19]

I agree with amicon, you two were broken up and even though he cared for you, you ended it which meant he should try to move on. I'm not saying it shouldn't bother you, but you also can't hold it against him. Could it be that you're pregnant and emotional that it's bothering you right now?

Communicate with him, see what he says, he cannot change the past but can help you understand it perhaps?

[UnluckyDucky]

Hi Brittany,

I understand that you are feeling hurt about finding out that your fiancé had slept with a girl during your break. Sometimes we have certain expectations of our loved ones in our lives and I can see that it's bothering you that it seems as though he didn't respect his feelings for caring about you enough to not sleep with this girl.

Did you have a clear communication with him about what was expecting during this breakup or did you just assume he wasn't going to date around? Have you tried to put yourself in his shoes? How do you think he was feeling during all of this since you're the one that dumped him? Sometimes people seek solace in another person's arms, and I while it's not something I'd personally do I can hardly blame him for doing that. And we can't ignore the fact that a break up is a break up - do you feel it is really fair to hold someone accountable to you while they're not in a relationship with you?

You should definitely discuss these feelings with him as both amicon and Rome have stated - hiding or burying your feelings about something like this is not good for a relationship as it can lead to resentment. You can get passed this if you try and what's important that he's around now, right?

[HistorianChick]

I understand. I was in a LDR and when we had broken up, he ended up with another girl. It killed me, but we talked about it, I was honest with him, and we ended up moving past it. It took time, but I forgave him and we moved on.

That's the key: honest communication, sincere forgiveness, and erasing it from the relationship. It is not something that can be brought up again and thrown in the face of the relationship.

You two need to sit down and talk about it. In my opinion, you two were broken up (as I was with my LDR), and technically, it wasn't cheating... but it was a breach of trust. I get it; I know what you're feeling. I felt it. But it was something that he had chosen to do during the period when he was hurting from the break up.

If, after talking honestly about what you're feeling, you decide that you can forgive and forget - do that. Choose to forget that it happened.

It's hard, but it seems like you have a relationship that has withstood time, troubles, and heartaches before; you have a history with this man, a relationship that has been cultivated through years of ups and downs, and a future family in the making.

Now is the time to decide if you're going to be able to get past it and move on.

Once you do, it's done. I wish you the best of luck!

[cherryblossom]

Yes, I have talked to him about it- the night I found out. She actually messaged me on fb and told me about it, for some reason I figured she was trying to start drama, so I deleted my account & tried to forget about it. Besides- Him & I are a family now, I wasn't going to let anyone interfere anymore. But it ate at me- and I asked him about it, and he admitted it.

He cried alot- which made me feel like he was really sincere or just really manipulative. :/ Mom told me to tell him that I forgive him and never to bring it up again- basically fake it to make it kind of deal. I just hope that I'm lucky enough to forget about it one day. But as of right now, I feel like I'm barely hanging on emotionally.

I don't want to bring it up to him anymore, because I don't want to cause problems or add on to any hurt- and I could tell that he wanted to drop the subject the moment I asked.

Anyone know any self-help rituals or any way to really get past this? It's consuming my every thought- making it hard for me to be close to him and stressing out me and my unborn. Just need more advice than just forgiveness- because I really don't think I've learned how to do that.

Thanks

[HistorianChick]

But the thing is, sweetie, a relationship is about two people... two people that are dedicated to making it work, trying to help each other along the way, and sharing a single life beating with two hearts. A relationship is a partnership - in everything. When one half of the partnership is not happy or is hurting, it suffers.

Personally, I think that you need to talk to him about it. It's not OK that it's eating you up inside and you feel that you can't talk to him. He should be the one person that you feel you can tell anything.

You're not trying to rub his face in it... you're trying to heal.

I'm so sorry that you're "just barely hanging on emotionally." That is a hard walk to lead.

Talking helps. Whether on here (this place is an amazing healer... it helps people - myself included - talk through things.) or to a trusted confidante.

Do you have a pastor or minister that you could talk to? A priest? A trusted friend? Even your Mom. She knows the situation.

Forgiveness is rough. It is a mental choice to actively forgive... I always thought that forgiveness was a one time thing - but it's not. It's an action. Sometimes, the act of forgiving a person takes time.

You know that he loves you, he apologized, and was sincere in his apology. Dwell on that.

We're here for you! :)