[Romefalls19]

Why do you think it is your job to constantly be there for this girl? She left you, yet you still hold on and look out for her. She made her bed, let her sleep in it. Stop trying to tuck her in and fluff her pillow

[amicon]

That's her problem now,not yours. She's your ex,not your girlfriend.

[talaniman]

What she does it not your business, or concern. Give it a rest.

[newborn24]

Hmm I really shouldn't care about it anymore? Even as a friend?

[Romefalls19]

NO! You're not over her, why are you trying to be friends? It's not going to work

[wilhelmb1983]

Newborn, I am going through the same thing as you (i.e. girlfriend left me for another girl). Want to chat in private with me? Do you have Yahoo or MSN? Shoot me a private message...

[newborn24]

Hi all, it has been three months since I broke up with my ex.
To be honest, I didn't strictly adhere to NC but luckily for me, it turned out fine. We messaged each other a few times throughout the past month but other than that we stayed out of each other way.

I was looking at some of the photos that we took together and well, the memories were still there and I still do not understand certain things but I am glad that we did move on with our lives after all. Life in university is good and I am looking forwards to graduating in June.

I have since met this wonderful girl, 4 years younger than me and is still in the process of getting to know her. I am taking it slow and easy now as she had also just broke up around 4 months ago. I am afraid that this will be a rebound. Any advice on dealing with this?

[amicon]

You need to be completely over an ex before becoming involved with somebody else.

As both you and the new girl are just months away from your breakups it's a double rebound.

Be friends if you can handle that,don't start a relationship with baggage from previous ones.

[newborn24]

How do you know whether when will we becompletely over our ex? Cause memories are bound to be there, I don't believe they can be erased from our mind.
What I have left for my ex are perhaps just feelings of guilt. I am no longer concern about where or what she is doing, how is she etc. Gone are the feelings of hurt and despair.

Is time a good way to measure have we gotten our ex?

[sully123]

Newborn, its all still too new,the breakup. You need to heal. Jumping into a relationship right away, is not always the best thing. You need to stay friends for now, and take it slow. Don't rush into anything. Your emotions are still running high from your past girlfriend.

[newborn24]

Wow my ex just gave me 7 missed calls and I was afraid for a moment. I have since move on and have no intention of reconciling. Pheewww luckily its not about that or any desperate SOS. But 7 missed calls -_-"

But guess what, her dad made a booking for chinese new year eve's dinner and ask me to along. I guess she hasn't told her dad after all this while. 7 missed calls for a dinner appt...

I am seriously thinking of not going. Its going to be awkward since I guess her whole family except her dad knows about our break-up so its rather crappy lol.

And I am enjoying for my single life now, getting to know about this new girl, having all the free time in the world. Yes I may feel lonely but at least I can concentrate on preparing for my tests and exam haha. So the last thing I want will be for her to come back again into my life. At least not now where I am not sure whether am I able to handle another potentially heart-breaker since the stakes (i.e exams, graduation) are high now.

With regards to this new girl, the only fear that I have is that if I were to take it in a nonchalant manner, I may miss the chance to go on further with her. She is definitely a fun and decent girl to be around and someone which I definitely wants to get to know more about. And just when I am about to know more about her my ex has to come in again.

[amicon]

So tell her dad you're not going,no point getting drawn back into her confusing life.
But, as long as you allow yourself to be affected by such things,you are not quite over her.

Just get to know girl two,as friends. Babysteps.
Don't rush into anything.

[newborn24]

Thanks amicon. You are right, that the word, she has a confusing life :~

But what does a rebound feels like?
Can anyone explain to me cause I have no idea?
Thanks

[sully123]

A rebound is going from one relationship to another, and not healing from the first one. Your still not over the first one, because your questioning yourself. I would cut her off completely number one and don't answer anymore phone calls. She is one mixed up girl. Concentrate on your studies and working on you. Number two girl just keep as friends now and take it slow. Proceed with caution.

[newborn24]

Thanks sully and valkman,

Yup it feels better with time.
Today I was with my friends when I saw her at the canteen and we walked together and exchange a few lines. Nothing much out of the blue happened haha and I am glad that we can talk like normal friends. She is as pretty as always but I wish her that she will find her own happiness in life.

With regards to the no.2 girl, I am at a lost of what to do. She is a very friendly but when I sms her, she doesn't always reply to my message. I don't know why but messages to her in the day will often not be replied or will take ages for her to respond but messages send in the night will often get immediate and spontaneous replies? We knew for less than 2 week but due to her being friendly and me wanting to know her better, we had talked a lot when we met up, including our past and exes. She even revealed to me that there was this guy who is going after her but she is not interested in starting a relationship with him. A competitor, the last thing that I need since I was planning to take things slow and easy with her.

However, just a few days ago, the guy asked her out for a date on this weekend and she actually agreed. I wanted to ask her out for a date ( she already agreed on a date with me but we haven't set a day yet ) but I lost out by a few minutes lol as she promised the guy first :X What luck haha? She initially didn't tell me that this guy was asking her out until I probed her for more information. I asked her whether is her suitor still chasing her and she replied he had just ask her out for a date :X Being nosey, I msged her asking whether is she interested in this guy but she didn't reply me. Not wanting to probe further and appearing desperate, I decided to back off to straighten my thoughts.

Ytd night, I finally could not take it and messaged her for a date on the next weekend. She did not reject but say she will have to check her study load and assignments. She suggested we CAN study together but can only let me know next week;(

Having said all that, I felt like calling her tonight but I am getting a bit confused and tired. I think I gave more than enough hints that I am interested in her. I wanted to slow down if I could but when I found out about this rival that I have, I sort of lost control for myself for a moment. I am normally calm and cool but well... sort of lost my way lol.
My friends advised me to not give up without a fight but I am rather confused now.

[amicon]

Then you back off-it's way too early- you should be looking to make new friends-not girlfriends at this stage.

The last thing you need right now is a rebound.

[talaniman]

Friends to me are as valuable as a relationship, and I see already you think she feels as you do, just because you show interest in this new girl. You want to get to know her, do so, and realize that your both single and free to do as you please as far as dates go.

Keep it friends, and don't get so carried away with the idea of being exclusive.

Don't make her your only friend either.

[newborn24]

Yes I realised I got carried away :( Didn't keep my emotions in check and she seemed be at the right place at the right time.

I don't plan on contacting her tonight and I am pretty sure she wouldn't be contacting me either.

[newborn24]

Hmm not sure what happen today but crap happens. I thought I was really over my ex and sent her an email updating my life to her but as I type towards the end, tears start flowing again.

At least the bitterness is gone and the memories are happy and bring a smile to my face. They do not hurt anymore.

I honestly do not know that in my whole life, whether will I be able to forget her. My first love but just a friend now.

[amicon]

I don't think we forget them,but the memories fade.

And life goes on,bringing new relationships and more learning experiences.