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talaniman · Oct 27, 2009, 06:42 PM

She isn't sending you mixed signals at all, but your receiving them. She has clearly told you where her head is, and she is telling you she needs to heal without that romantic stuff clouding her head.

She is wanting a friend who understands where she is at, and needs help to get through it. All you see is clouded by your supposedly good luck, a pretty face and false hope, and a lot of insecurity.

That because your thinking with your heart, and your needs, and can't even see beyond what you want, and what your afraid of. You aren't paying very close attention, because if you did, it would be about a friend helping a friend, not losing a girlfriend.

That's why your in real danger of getting your heart broken, because your expecting something she can't give you, and that's what you want. Back away dude because you don't have the help to give her, nor the means. Don't be mad about it though, just protect your heart, and if you can't see friendship through your feelings you need to break this off and let her heal on her own.

lp2009 · Oct 27, 2009, 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

She isn't sending you mixed signals at all, but your receiving them. She has clearly told you where her head is, and she is telling you she needs to heal without that romantic stuff clouding her head.

She is wanting a friend who understands where she is at, and needs help to get thru it. All you see is clouded by your supposedly good luck, a pretty face and false hope, and a lot of insecurity.

That because your thinking with your heart, and your needs, and can't even see beyond what you want, and what your afraid of. You aren't paying very close attention, because if you did, it would be about a friend helping a friend, not losing a girlfriend.

Thats why your in real danger of getting your heart broken, because your expecting something she can't give you, and thats what you want. Back away dude because you don't have the help to give her, nor the means. Don't be mad about it though, just protect your heart, and if you can't see friendship thru your feelings you need to break this off and let her heal on her own.

So basically she just wants the company, even if she thinks she likes me

emopunk7 · Oct 28, 2009, 01:52 AM

Maybe she does like you... But I like many girls and none are so special though. She just needs you right now but not for a relationship but as a friend. Can you handle that? That's all this can be. If you let her know that since she told you she doesn't want a relationship but that you like her enough to be in one with her that you have to stop talking to her for a while.

If you leave her alone now... u may have a chance later when she has fully recovered. Right now u don't stand a chance even if she tries to force it, which she is! Don't get hurt. Care about yourself. At least u know you had good and now you know you can find better and never doubt yourself again. Be humble. Be cool! You don't need her... you are better than that. Go back to school with swagger! There will be plenty of girls in your life. Don't worry about this. Ok?

talaniman · Oct 28, 2009, 06:53 AM

I think she does like you, but not in the way you want her to, nor should she. She is still working through her feelings from her last guy.

Plus another thing your overlooking is its way to early in this thing to be jumping to conclusions about your feelings for each other.

Your in the dating stage where its fun getting to know each other, and enjoying yourself. You sound so carried away by the intense feelings for her, but she is a stranger, with a lot more to learn about.

Then you expect her to walk away from what she has been through, and focus on her feelings for you. Hey dude that's a long way off, and though she may treat you nice, its up to you to pay attention, and keep your perspective, as to where you stand.

For now, just enjoy what you have, but don't expect more. And don't get carried away. You will learn from this, and can have a good time, But protect your heart. Mostly from your own inexperience, and getting in too deep, too fast.

Even if her intentions are pure, she will need space later to process all she has been through, and is going through, and how to deal with her next steps. You may, or may not be a part of that. To early to tell.

lp2009 · Oct 28, 2009, 07:15 AM

Okay, I understand, but I'm still confused. She said when we started that she liked me, but she didn't want a serious relationship with me... yet she said yes when I asked her out. Why would she be my girlfriend if she doesn't want a serious relationship? What defines a serious relationship?

talaniman · Oct 28, 2009, 07:51 AM

Serious relationship= romance and a commitment to give it your all.

Dating= Having fun getting to know each other. No commitment to romance.

A serious relationship may follow, but right now, she is having fun getting to know you. That's why you keep expectations at a realistic level, and don't get carried away by your own feelings for her. In my mind then its 6 months, and you may know enough to see where you want to go from there.

I believe in dating many, and if one hits your fancy then you can date, by mutual agreement, EXCLUSIVELY! That has always kept me from fixating on one person, and letting my intense feelings get me carried away, and see more to things than what it is.

Often people who are only dating a new person give too much of themselves, and get all hyped up in love, and see more than reality, they start to fantasize, and hope for more.

They fall hard when things change, and it takes a long hard journey to heal from the reality that their partner doesn't feel the same way.

Its important to balance your life with other people, places, and things in your life besides just her, while at this very fragile time, when the juices are really flowing, or you get too attached, and dependent on her for your happiness. That's your responsibility.

She didn't allow herself enough time to get over her ex, and that is a red flag that she jumped too fast into something with you, while she is healing, before she was ready.

Sure she can date and have fun, but like most, after she has healed she will be ready to move beyond the one who helped her heal. Knowing this, enjoy it for what it is, a good time, but hardly a commitment for romance. She is just taking care of her needs, the best way she knows how. Taking care of your needs, is up to you

lp2009 · Oct 28, 2009, 08:26 AM

So I understand now. She probably likes me, but she's not planning on falling in love with me, I'm most likely going to springboard her back to her ex, or to someone else, just bad timing... :-/

talaniman · Oct 28, 2009, 09:45 AM

Yes, that is a very good possibility. And yes its more bad timing, than anything you have control over. Its mainly up to her, and how she feels, so don't take it personally, because its more her circumstances, and feelings than your.

Just back up emotionally, and have fun with more realistic expectations.

You would hardly be the first one to getting a little ahead of themselves in a relationship though, as we all have at one time or another. Its quite the life lesson to go through. But rewarding, depending on your attitude toward yourself. And your own coping skills.

lp2009 · Oct 29, 2009, 02:19 PM

She told me to add her mom on Facebook, and her and her mom are really close... does this mean anything?

overayear · Oct 29, 2009, 03:15 PM

I think you are fishing dude. From the looks of it you are neck deep with her. You are taking her to serious after she told you not to. She made it clear upfront that it wasn't going to be serious. If someone says this upfront. They usually mean it.

lp2009 · Oct 29, 2009, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by overayear

I think you are fishing dude. From the looks of it you are neck deep with her. You are taking her to serious after she told you not to. She made it clear upfront that it wasnt going to be serious. If someone says this upfront. They usually mean it.

I understand that, but she told me at the beginning that she likes me, and that she doesn't want a serious relationship with me because she didn't want to make the mistakes she made with her ex. But we have been together for four weeks, I mean, I know its not a long time, but if she didn't want a serious relationship, why is she still with me. And before she never mentioned it, but now she told me to add her mom on Facebook, she talks to her mom about me... I mean I'm young so school me, does this not mean anything?

Maybe she's falling for me?

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 03:49 PM

Think about it -

4 weeks... hmmm not a great deal of time to consider a ''serious'' relationship

She has also told you that she has feelings for her Ex

I totally agree that leaving the laptop is a BIG hint!

Unless you want to be a stepping stone to hurt; let it go!

By the way, take care

lp2009 · Oct 29, 2009, 03:58 PM

Yeah, but she told her ex that she felt guilty cause she was emotionally cheating on me by talking to him about their past relaitonship, I don't know I'm sort of lost about how she feels, do you not think she could change her mind after a month? About wanting a serious relationship?

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 04:02 PM

Be careful as she maybe playing the two of you off against each other - BIGGG ego trip - just a thought but something to bear in mind anyway!

lp2009 · Oct 29, 2009, 04:15 PM

I don't think that's it, but I'll keep it in mind, but , can she change her mind? About not wanting a serious relationship?

overayear · Oct 29, 2009, 04:24 PM

I don't know man, I mean for only being together with her for 4 weeks its seems that you are waaay to into her. Right now should be more about fun and not really worrying about how much she likes you or not. She has feelings and is still writing her ex!! You don't deserve that and you should let her get over him first. She told him to be patient with her and when someone says that it means that somewhere down the line she plans on going back to him. I am not saying that she will but as of right now she is consdering that. Why would you want to be with a girl who is pretty much thinking that she wants to be with someone else in the furture. The only thing that you should be doing is enjoying this girls company, not looking for her to be in love with you. It doesn't seem like you are able to do that. You are looking for something deeper with this girl and to be honest I don't think you are going to find that. If you can't just date her and enjoy this moment in time then you need to walk away. It seems like you are setting up yourself to get hurt. Look how you are trying to examine her every word and action. You are thinking tooo much and its only been 4 weeks.

lp2009 · Oct 29, 2009, 04:31 PM

So, just enjoy being around her, but don't anticipate it developing into anything serious? But if it does it does? I guess I can do that, I just like to know before hand if I should be expecting anything

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 04:33 PM

Doesn't sound like she wants any sort of relationship at the moment :)

overayear · Oct 29, 2009, 04:42 PM

I think you are invested too much all ready and it will be hard for you just to have fun and not take her serious. I think your best bet would be to walk away.

talaniman · Oct 29, 2009, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by lp2009

So, just enjoy being around her, but don't anticipate it developing into anything serious? But if it does it does? I guess I can do that, I just like to know before hand if I should be expecting anything

Nobody can answer that at this time not even her. It's a chance we all take when we date.