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Coffee Pot · Oct 12, 2009, 05:50 PM

Already a response.

"I am sorry I haven't stayed in contact with you. I have been thinking of you and just wanted to know how you were doing. I guess I was afraid to just give you a call. I don't know why. I don't want this to happen though.... "

So just go into NC now and ignore? She obviously doesn't respect my decision or feelings.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2009, 07:11 PM

Ignore it. You've given her all the response that is needed already.

You know you're stronger than you thought you were. Keep up the good work.

123skyscraper · Oct 15, 2009, 09:31 PM

I just came across your story coffee. I am very proud of you for listening to these experts. They really know what they are talking about. You did the right thing in deleting her from my space. Never check up on an ex when you are trying to move on with your life. Some ex loves getting back at you and starts whoring their new relationship on social networks just to make you extra pissy and jealous, even though they are the one whop dumped you but cannot leave you alone.
I just gave my ex the warning to stop harassing me or I will go to HR. he has agreed to stop. Let's see if he keeps his words.
In the meantime, keep your head up. You are doing a great job! Don't let her get to you! The more you pay attention, the more you feed her ego. Stay strong and move on! No contact in any shape or form!

Coffee Pot · Oct 16, 2009, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by 123skyscraper

in the meantime, keep your head up. you are doing a great job! dont let her get to you! the more you pay attention, the more you feed her ego. stay strong and move on! no contact in any shape or form!

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I received one more message after her last a couple hours after I ignored it along the lines of 'we have been friends for so long I don't want you completely gone from my life.' I am pretty sure that's what it said I read it and quickly deleted it. Since then she has left me alone.

It feels great to finally have cut that last tie of contact. The roller coaster ride was starting to get to me and it seemed like the only times I hit a hard drop was when I read/saw something on her profile. Now that I have deleted her I feel surprisingly free. This is the first time that I finally feel completely separated from her and emotionally I feel better than I have in the past 3 months.

There are times where I want to tell her how I feel still or I catch myself almost feeling bad for her (no f'in idea why) but it's much easier to pivot off these feelings now. Before I would almost feel anxiety when these feelings came up to check her profile (work at a computer all day, very easy to type in Facebook). Well those feelings are gone and the road seems much easier to travel down now. Thanks again to everyone for the excellent advice and words of encouragement.

Imabadman · Oct 16, 2009, 09:28 AM

Feels much better when you're in the drivers seat doesn't it?

Coffee Pot · Oct 28, 2009, 06:33 AM

The roller coaster ride continues. Defriending her was the greatest thing I could have possibly done to get my head on straight. The fact that we were in a long distance relationship and now the defriending there is almost literally no way for information on her to get back to me. It's almost like she doesn't exist. The past 2 weeks have been very fulfilling and much easier not seeing/knowing what she is doing every day/weekend.

Yet this week has been a bit harder. Probably the fact that I haven't slept much recently and work is very slow but she seems to be on my mind a lot. Just the ups and downs of a breakup. I'm sure something will come up soon and I'll forget about her for a couple of weeks. This roller coaster ride of emotions is the hardest part of the breakup. I just never seem to know what days will be great and what days will have her itching at the back of my brain.

The fact that I haven't really found someone else yet to take my mind of her is probably some of the reason too. I don't want to jump into another relationship but could use some time with someone else to take my mind off her.

How long did some of you wait until you started the process of actually looking to date find someone else? I of course am in that phase now but don't feel like I am quite ready yet for another relationship at this point in time.

kctiger · Oct 28, 2009, 06:37 AM

The fact that I haven't really found someone else yet to take my mind of her is probably some of the reason too. I don't want to jump into another relationship but could use some time with someone else to take my mind off her.

That is the easy way out and it leads to a rebound. Utilize your friends, family and this website for emotional support, don't use a female as a rebound to make yourself feel better. You're better than that and it isn't worth hurting others. Women are attracted to guys who have a good sense of self and are confident with or without someone by their side.

How long did some of you wait until you started the process of actually looking to date find someone else? I of course am in that phase now but don't feel like I am quite ready yet for another relationship at this point in time.

I waited for about 6 months before considering a date. I flirted with a lot of girls, but I never carried it farther than that. I knew I wanted nothing to do with a relationship. It is different for everyone, but don't start dating until you get the feeling of loneliness out of you. You can be alone without feeling lonely, two different things. (Side-note, I had just come out of a nearly 5 year relationship)

Just take your time, fill your life up with fun and challenging events and go from there. Leave the dating stuff for a later time.

amicon · Oct 28, 2009, 06:39 AM

It's early days yet,so long as you've not healed completely any relationship you become involved in will be a rebound which is not right for you, nor is it fair on the other person.
I think many of us just know when we are ready and as long as we have to ask the question-are we ready-we're not.
As you re still on the roller-coaster you need to give yourself more time to heal.

Coffee Pot · Oct 28, 2009, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I waited for about 6 months before considering a date. I flirted with a lot of girls, but I never carried it farther than that. I knew I wanted nothing to do with a relationship. It is different for everyone, but don't start dating until you get the feeling of loneliness out of you. You can be alone without feeling lonely, two different things. (Side-note, I had just come out of a nearly 5 year relationship)

Just take your time, fill your life up with fun and challenging events and go from there. Leave the dating stuff for a later time.

Yeah I am pretty much in this exact phase now. Meeting new people, flirting, realizing I still have game, but not really taking it to the next level. The feeling of loneliness is still sometimes there and it just felt like it was tied more to the fact that I am now single, not that I am getting over a relationship. At 24, most of my friends are 24/25 and a lot of them are in the I have been single for a while and I am lonely/looking for a life mate phase. Just feels like I am in that phase but it probably has a lot more to do with the fact that I am still getting over a tough break up, not that I am now single and lonely. (small fact, haven't been single since I was 17. I have been in two different long term relationships. I broke off the first one and jumped into the second one. Never really had single time to myself so this whole experience is a bit new to me)

kctiger · Oct 28, 2009, 06:55 AM

You and I both just forgot how to be single. There's nothing wrong with that. You just relearn how to enjoy certain things. It is like being in a relationship. Let's not act like those are all joy and happiness to begin with, because they have their drawbacks as well. So, for now. You adjust to this new change in your life and adapt to being happy in a different way. It isn't abnormal, it is just hard at first. Give yourself some more time. We get used to things for so long that when those things aren't around, we immediately freak out and want back into our comfort zone.

Coffee Pot · Oct 28, 2009, 07:16 AM

I appreciate the advice kctiger. It's these small setbacks of loneliness that bring the breakup back to the forefront of my mind and it's tough to look at my situation clearly and even harder to think that someday these feelings will in fact be completely gone.

It's the two steps forward one step back that hit you. One day life is grand and the next the emotions come whirling back. It's good to hear from those who went through this and were in similar situations themselves.

kctiger · Oct 28, 2009, 07:18 AM

I am not going to sit here an tell you that I don't still trip up a bit. There are days I still miss her a bit, and we broke up over a year ago :eek:... no worries though my man! Keep on keepin' on.

Coffee Pot · Oct 29, 2009, 06:39 AM

Of course these things always seem to happen. The day I start posting again, and the day the roller coaster hits a small downswing, I a receive a text from the ex...

'Just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well'

Ummm, please leave me alone. Ignored.

kctiger · Oct 29, 2009, 06:40 AM

Delete and move on, no sweat man!

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 06:45 AM

Well done :)

Coffee Pot · Oct 29, 2009, 06:52 AM

Doesn't make sense to me why the 'breaker' is the one who makes the decision to end it, yet puts up a fight when you want them to leave you alone.

Dear X
I don't care if we were friends before, I don't care if you don't want me out of your life completely. We shared a large portion of our life together and now that it is over I don't want anything to do with you. Is it really that hard to understand. We can never be friends, we can never go back to before we dated. Move on and leave me alone.
-CP

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 06:55 AM

Very succinct and powerful - you are setting the rules now - your rules. Excellently worded :)

Imabadman · Oct 29, 2009, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

Dear X
I don't care if we were friends before, I don't care if you don't want me out of your life completely. We shared a large portion of our life together and now that it is over I don't want anything to do with you. Is it really that hard to understand. We can never be friends, we can never go back to before we dated. Move on and leave me alone.
-CP

Please tell me you didn't send this?!

Dead silence is a much stronger message than an emotional outburst. A message like that just tells her you're still broken hearted and pining over her.

Coffee Pot · Oct 29, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by Imabadman

Please tell me you didn't send this?!?

Dead silence is a much stronger message than an emotional outburst. A message like that just tells her you're still broken hearted and pining over her.

Haha, did not send. Today I've been itching to break NC but I know it's not in my best interest. I am ignoring and hopefully she will get the hint and leave me alone. I'm guessing she won't give up that easily but a couple more ignores and she will.

Imabadman · Oct 29, 2009, 11:26 AM

Coffee Pot - 1
Ex - 0

Win.