[speedy009]

This seems like an uphill battle to trust her again and to even get to a place where you would be comfortable. Is it really worth the trouble? At your age you have so much living to do and don't really need that kind of baggage. I would ask a lot of hard questions to see if it's worth it.

Just because you still love someone doesn't mean that you can give up peace of mind. It's really not a good trade-off.

It definitely is a huge mountain to climb.. And I'm deciding whether its worth it to even put on my hiking gear, so to speak...

I'm still looking for a lot more insight even though everyone here is telling me to move on... is everyone here that pessimistic or speaking out of experience?

I would like to hear a girls opinion as well because I think we only have male point of views here so far...

[Romefalls19]

I am speaking out of experience. I can go into detail about some of the relationships I have been in that have ended on unfriendly grounds

[jmw0713]

Everyone here has a story. Just click on our names and look at the threads we started to see where we come from when we tell you these things.

When your head finally wins over your heart, you will look at everything in a completely different light without any emotions to mix your thoughts up.

It takes time for this to happen... especially for a person who was in a relationship with someone for 1/3 their life.

I think it's time for both of you to see what's out there instead of just you and her.

[ajGambino]

You dragging this out about wanting more information is just disguising your true intention, and that's to wait.. wait.. wait... and then go back to her. I can see it already, do not go back to her. Even though you guys want each other, it will not work, no matter how much you want it. She has broken your trust and she's too fragile to get in another relationship right now. She just got out of a rebound relationship, do you not see all the warning signs ahead of you?

This is a no brainer, give yourself time... and a lot of it.


We obviouly can't force you to make the right decision, so we won't even try, all we can do is tell you that it's not a good idea for YOU. If you do get back with her, we'll be here when things get sour... this is a lesson to learn, don't do it the hard way.

[speedy009]

You dragging this out about wanting more information is just disguising your true intention, and that's to wait..wait..wait...and then go back to her. I can see it already, do not go back to her. Even though you guys want each other, it will not work, no matter how much you want it. She has broken your trust and she's too fragile to get in another relationship right now. She just got out of a rebound relationship, do you not see all the warning signs ahead of you?

This is a no brainer, give yourself time...and a lot of it.


We obviouly can't force you to make the right decision, so we won't even try, all we can do is tell you that it's not a good idea for YOU. If you do get back with her, we'll be here when things get sour...this is a lesson to learn, don't do it the hard way.

Yes, in a way I'm waiting for someone else to say that they have gotten back with their first love and it was a good thing because they learned a lot about themselves. It just seems like everyone here is has been burned with love.

I can meet other girls no problem. There is a huge selection at the university that I go to. I am in no rush to make a decision, and when I do make one, I will be willing to suffer the consequences or rewards of my answer... just looking for experiences of others...

Thanks everyone.

[aiyerrc]

after reading the first few pages of comments and your replies to them, you clearly want to get back with her. Man, 8 years is a LONG time. Most people don't even date for a 1/4 of that before they make a lifelong commitment to each other. Yea, what she did hurt. I think it hurts even more because she technically didn't do anything wrong.

listen, if you want her back, then go for it. We have told you all the reprucussions you may face if you do, but sometimes love makes you blind to good advice. If you feel she is genuine about the things she's saying to you, she sounds like a great girl who has learned from her mistakes VERY quickly.

I miss my ex a lot, but then I like to imagine what a second try and our relationship would be like. It makes me feel better to go back to our last month together and realize how fake it was and how little we still wanted to be together. It was miserable day in and day out. We had our good times sure, but by the end the bad outweighed the good.

the problems and negative feelings you would feel a second time through would only be ampliefied by the fact that you have dealt with them before.

once a relationship isn't improving your well0being, it is time to revaluate, but that skill only comes with experience my friend. The regulars on this forum are giving you years worth of experience in failed and successful relationships in a few short lines. The value cannot be fathomed.

[speedy009]

after reading the first few pages of comments and your replies to them, you clearly want to get back with her. man, 8 years is a LONG time. most people dont even date for a 1/4 of that before they make a lifelong commitment to each other. yea, what she did hurt. i think it hurts even more because she technically didnt do anything wrong.

listen, if you want her back, then go for it. we have told you all the reprucussions you may face if you do, but sometimes love makes you blind to good advice. if you feel she is genuine about the things shes saying to you, she sounds like a great girl who has learned from her mistakes VERY quickly.

i miss my ex a lot, but then i like to imagine what a second try and our relationship would be like. it makes me feel better to go back to our last month together and realize how fake it was and how little we still wanted to be together. it was miserable day in and day out. we had our good times sure, but by the end the bad outweighed the good.

the problems and negative feelings you would feel a second time through would only be ampliefied by the fact that you have dealt with them before.

once a relationship isnt improving your well0being, it is time to revaluate, but that skill only comes with experience my friend. the regulars on this forum are giving you years worth of exprience in failed and successful relationships in a few short lines. the value cannot be fathomed.

Thanks for your input. Yes I do want her back because I really do love her. But also, my ex told me that it is possible to love another person. I didn't want to hear it at the time because I didn't want to find another love, but now I'm seeing that its true. I do want to see what else is out there but also want my ex back... I kind of wish that my ex didn't come back so I didn't have to make such a hard decision... lol...

[57373]

Why are you idolizing a girl who

SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE

LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE

IGNORED YOU FOR MONTHS

REPLACED YOU RIGHT AWAY

Why would you even give her the time of day?

Go back to imagining her telling him she loves him,and telling you it 'just won't work'

Ha.. It's a big joke this sort of 'love'

If she can do that to you,she never loved you.

People aren't toys,you can't just switch whenever you want and expect them to be in the box waiting.

Or maybe that's how you are?

No girl will take you seriously (even your ex) if you take her back.

That is just 0% self respect.

The people who say 'oh take her back for true love' have never been through this,and are most likely 12 year old girls.

[Bluefish23]

^^ I disagree with this guy above me,
love is complex and bothersome, especially for longtime lovers, ESPECIALLY for virgin longtime lovers.
It is natural to be curious, and for all I know, your ex could have honestly just been testing out the greener grass only to realise it was shinier but not tastier.
It seems to me you still hold her very dear to your heart, so why throw the chance away to be back with her, on the offchance you end back up in the same scenario you are in.

So I would take her back, but be the man in the relationship this time around. Make sure she doesn't need to stray from your love. And if she starts to, think of this thread and dump her quick smart!

[57373]

^^ I disagree with this guy above me,
love is complex and bothersome, especially for longtime lovers, ESPECIALLY for virgin longtime lovers.
It is natural to be curious, and for all I know, your ex could have honestly just been testing out the greener grass only to realise it was shinier but not tastier.
It seems to me you still hold her very dear to your heart, so why throw the chance away to be back with her, on the offchance you end back up in the same scenario you are in.

So I would take her back, but be the man in the relationship this time around. Make sure she doesn't need to stray from your love. and if she starts to, think of this thread and dump her quick smart!

I disagree,virginity means nothing.Nothing more then a bundle of roses at a door,it's sweet and all,but that's all it is

it does not equal=/ true love.

If thats' the case 80% of us would never fall in love again.

I believe if you honestly and truly love someone,there is no greener grass to notice,you wouldn't waste time finding it either.

The second you look at the other side,the pure love you had is tainted,will never be the same,bottom line.

You can try and try and try but the problems will come back again,the trust will never be repaired,and you will go to bed sick worrying every night.

Some true love? Eh.

It's best to maintain it as a memory,I say. As painful as that is,they made the choice,and that's life.

Do you honor the promises and vows you make to people? Then you should expect the same.

[speedy009]

Hey thanks for responding to my thread. It really means a lot to me right now. It is now 5 am where I am on a Sunday night. I just had such a fun time because I was SINGLE!! I actually enjoyed it this time because there was at least 3 girls that showed real interest in me tonight but I was just hanging with my boys tonight but still made come connections with the ladies without feeling guilty.

I will still love her no matter what but it seems like she found out what she wants after venturing off and maybe that's what I need to know now if I really wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I do feel like I have matured a lot and am willing to forgive her if she really shows me that she really does love me and made a huge mistake leaving me when things got rough.

We will see. It has been 4 days since she has told me that she wants to be with me forever for sure... I am taking my time to answer her back...

I will update my situation if people ask or I make a decision.

Thanks everyone. This forum has helped me see things I would have probably wouldn't have.

[57373]

Hey thanks for responding to my thread. It really means alot to me right now. It is now 5 am where i am on a sunday night. I just had such a fun time because I was SINGLE!!! I actually enjoyed it this time because there was at least 3 girls that showed real interest in me tonight but I was just hanging with my boys tonight but still made come connections with the ladies without feeling guilty.

I will still love her no matter what but it seems like she found out what she wants after venturing off and maybe thats what I need to know now if I really wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I do feel like I have matured alot and am willing to forgive her if she really shows me that she really does love me and made a huge mistake leaving me when things got rough.

We will see. It has been 4 days since she has told me that she wants to be with me forever for sure....I am taking my time to answer her back.....

I will update my situation if people ask or I make a decision.

Thanks everyone. This forum has helped me see things I would have probably wouldn't have.

Forgiving her doesn't have to mean taking her back,just remember that.

[JAMMA25]

I think you have A LOT to think about here.
I'd say give it some time and see how you both feel then.
I guess I'm in a similar situation right now: see "is it really over this time?" My ex and I have been off and on for nearly 6.5 years and as of a month ago it's over again. I'm in the middle of NC day #5.

She might genuinely be sorry or she might just pull this crap again. Only you know if you're strong enough to handle it.