[judytal]

Hi I am back just to give you all an update.
I am still on the “ hold it back” and “busy my life” stage. I am almost invisible.
He is also holding it back. We talk less. Just one phone call in the last week and a couple of messages.
I am crying less, and try to spend more time on my list of the things to do that grows like crazy everyday.
I nailed baseboards in the living room, still learning French and bought two beautiful leather chairs for the living room (almost impulse buy! ).

Can it be just winter blue that goes away when it gets brighter? Can it be that he want's some time to go to his cave?
It hurts so deep, so hard..

[vanheart]

Can it be that you are moving on?

Yes.

[judytal]

vanheart: I won't call it "move on"... at least not now.
As much as it may sound naïve to you, I would like to call it, waiting for him.
Give me at least some wait time :)

[vanheart]

Sure. Wait as long as you want.

You will know sooner or later.

But, now, spend your time wisely & enjoy. Have fun regardless.

Did I forget to mention how we spend our time? Hehehe

Glad you are doing things to better yourself & your place. Keep that up.

[amicon]

You're doing all these things for yourself and I see that as moving on with your life for your own sake which is a good thing.
What exactly is it you are waiting for?

[judytal]

vanheart: How do you spend your time?
amicon: I think I am waiting to see if he misses me :)

[vanheart]

Well, honestly.

To not worry about someone who doesn't want me.

And know that this was in the past.

And to do everything in my power to heal, have fun and be grateful for all of the amazing things I do have.

The things that make me happy.

After telling all the things he has said, my advice is to exit, & have no contact. Hes a wuss that's trying to slip out the back door & you won't let him.

[judytal]

amicon: very good question actually. You mean it never happen that a guy/girl wants some time alone after a year of relation (and not saying I love you, I didn't forget that!) and actually realize he/she wants to be with the other person?

I feel I have to do this for myself, like a self respect, or respect for a relation so when I look back I don't say "what if...".

Don't forget that I really love this person... more than moving on after 2 weeks :)

[vanheart]

This is not self respect. Just the opposite.

You can't force someone to say it or mean it. Or better yet know that unconditionally.


You may love this person, for whatever reasons, but that's not being reciprocated.

"What if?" Exactly. What if I don't try hard enough. What if this was not meant to be? Fear & insecurity.

How about "What if" I move on & find someone that loves me & can say it with meaning and act on it.

Good question actually.
The point is you've already proven your feelings toward him. How much more work does this require from you?

Sounds like you are giving & he's not.

There's adjusted men out there.

[judytal]

vanheart: don't forget that I am not showing him I am waiting let alone forcing him to do anything. I am actually just trying hard to do nothing. Have lots of inner dialog but not speak out. I don't call that "giving" to him, it is more of giving to myself, that is the thing I call it self respect.

This might be my insecurity but I am not that kind of person who can move on like this.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I don't want to hear different opinions, that is the reason I came here but I still feel I'd like to go with my instincts.
But REALLY appreciate your help... maybe I need your punch into my face to get to the reality sooner.

[amicon]

Waiting around in limbo is never a good thing,me I'd -sorry for being harsh-move on with my own life,rather than hanging on to false hope.
Sometimes people aren't on the same page,or even in the same book. And then we're better off writing new chapters for ourselves.

[vanheart]

Yup, I punch with love.

That's why Im here. Ive had my heart broken too.
I don't wish people to go down a path of pain & indecision.
Waste time, actually.

So, go with your instincts. I hope your instincts prove true here.
Just don't waste too much time wondering if your instincts are right.

Or if he is.

[judytal]

Ok, amicon and vanheart, all I can promise is not contacting him for another week (I added this later :) ). What about that?
I will talk to him (not in a needy way) if he calls.
I'll come back in a week to give you guys more updates.

[vanheart]

That isn't no contact dear. If he calls.

Don't promise to us. Promise to yourself.

Like amicon said "What are you waiting for?"

(not in a needy way)

Boy does that say it all. You need him, he doesn't need you.

[vanheart]

Listen judy,

I am around your age.

If one thing Ive learned is that relationships are everything.

Not only romantic ones, but every single one we have.

To recognize what's good & what's not. And the feelings that come from that.

To ultimately be aware. And use our gut.

Not to make the same mistakes again, and to use what we learn to recognize.

It seems to me that you need to step back & think about why you want this guy so bad. Take a long hard look at yourself.

Can you do that?

It may reveal your future relationships not only with others but with yourself.

Nuff said. Rock on Judy. You know who you are.

[judytal]

Hello Friends here,

I found one of our emails in my mailbox and thought to myself OMG, I did not finished my story.
I broke up with him 2 months later (after a phase of “let’s be friends!”). I went to absolutely NC mode. Deleted from my IM, phone number absolutely everything. And yes, I survived.

Happier than ever, I am now with someone who loves me (and yes, he says it) and has act-of-love too. After a long time, I remembered how does it feel when somebody loves you with the attitude of “what can I do today to make her happier”.

One last note, I learned NC here and to everybody who is going through this phase, DO IT. Do it completely and not half way. It is hard I know but worth every bit of pain in the long run. Saved me from losing my time and dignity. This is one surprisingly simple, unbearably difficult and undeniably rewarding advise I got from you all.

Thanks for your support,
Judy