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bigbird213 · Sep 8, 2008, 08:12 AM

Bravo jai,

You sound like you really have your head wrapped around what is giong on and have good direction in your life. You know what you need to do and are sticking to it. I'm glad to see that.

The things you are feeling are not unique. Don't feel like people haven't been there before, we have. It is easy to feel like it is all your fault when you have been berated and told over and over again it is. It's a sort of mental conditioning that you need to break. Try to be logical with yourself and let your brain win over your heart. Its hard, but you can do it.

cowboyjai · Sep 8, 2008, 04:01 PM

9/09/08

I'm at work. Miss her terribly. Last night was OK. I want to call her, see her. But she's gone. I keep wondering if she misses me and wants me back, but if I got in contact and she didn't it would be game over for my emotional health.

You have your dignity jai. Keep it.

Dragonfly1234 · Sep 8, 2008, 04:47 PM

Whenever you feel that way, try to think of stopping yourself from contacting her the same way one resists a cigarette craving when trying to quit smoking, or any other addiction for that matter. Think of it as a craving that will eventually pass if you resist the urge. But if you give in, you have to start all the work and progress you've made all over again.

bigbird213 · Sep 8, 2008, 04:50 PM

Originally Posted by Dragonfly1234

Whenever you feel that way, try to think of stopping yourself from contacting her the same way one resists a cigarette craving when trying to quit smoking, or any other addiction for that matter. Think of it as a craving that will eventually pass if you resist the urge. But in the event that you give in, you have to start all the work and progress you've made all over again.

Absolutely right. He is breaking an addiction and feeling the same affects as a smoker who's quitting... Deal with the temptations, but don't give in. In time they lessen, and you learn how to control the feelings. You will feel great when you realize you can change how you are feeling at will...

cowboyjai · Sep 8, 2008, 05:26 PM

I won't give in, I try to tell myself it's a game Im playing and by not contacting her I win. You guys are right in that it does feel like in going through withdrawal symptoms. I miss the peer bond but I'm sure I can find that in another girl. I'm pretty young (20), fit, always got compliments on my looks, and have my head on right. More than that I know deep down Im a good guy and I think that realisation will ultimately be "my answer". This thing has rattled me I must admit, but I have hit back hard in basically every other aspect of my life. I didn't know any other way to deal.

cowboyjai · Sep 9, 2008, 06:15 AM

09/09/08 - 11:15pm

Hanging in there. Talked to a couple of mates tonight. One is a guy I've known for a long time now (around 5 years) who honestly thinks I'm being crazy and that I'll have a girl within a month, or two tops. Another is a chick who digs me, but sadly I am not interested in her that way. Feeling OK - I always feel better when I'm tired. Speaking of, me and my mate set up our Japan trip blog. I'm really looking forward to this - it'll force me to man up, it'll get me away from Brisbane, and I'm sure I'll meet a lot of interesting people. MySpace.com - The Japan Show? - 20 - Male - AU - www.myspace.com/thejapanshow if you guys want to check it out

bigbird213 · Sep 9, 2008, 09:16 AM

Being tired always helps out. Running and working out are great ways to make yourself feel better and get you a little more tired by the end of the day :)

cowboyjai · Sep 9, 2008, 03:26 PM

10/09/08 - 8:20am

On my way to work. Doing OK. Stayed up too late last night (I enjoy them because it feels like I'm myself again). Hanging with the boys tonight. I love my mates, and it's funny, I never really appreciated them until now. Friends, the right music, the SUN (for some reason the sun makes me feel better), and keeping busy with social activities. I can do this. I always said I could do it alone, now's my chance

wikedjuggalo · Sep 9, 2008, 03:34 PM

Keep going !

cowboyjai · Sep 11, 2008, 02:07 PM

Sorry for the big quote, by browsers broken and won't let me quick answer.

12/09/08

A lot of stuff has happened. Been having a great couple days with the boys, plus the LHC fired and didn't destroy the world, so that was pretty cool. I feel a lot better when I'm away from where I live. Last night I caught up with a friend from school (I had once had a huge crush on her). She's leaving this weekend and moving to the city. In a way it was really weird - I heard my 15 year old self saying wow, good work man. She hopes we keep in touch (we're the last people that we each keep in touch with from school). It might sound weird but it seemed like another form of closure. I don't know.

Also, my mate broke up with his girlfriend last night. I was on the phone to him for a while last night trying to talk him through some stuff. A month ago he took me out cableskiing, partying, everything to get my mind off things and now he's on the otherside. There's a lot of similarities between our stories. It let's you realize how bull**** it all is.

Me and him are hitting up the gold coast this weekend.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 11, 2008, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by cowboyjai

Sorry for the big quote, by browsers broken and won't let me quick answer.

12/09/08

A lot of stuff has happened. Been having a great couple days with the boys, plus the LHC fired and didn't destroy the world, so that was pretty cool. I feel a lot better when i'm away from where I live. Last night I caught up with a friend from school (I had once had a huge crush on her). She's leaving this weekend and moving to the city. In a way it was really weird - I heard my 15 year old self saying wow, good work man. She hopes we keep in touch (we're the last people that we each keep in touch with from school). It might sound weird but it seemed like another form of closure. I dunno.

Also, my mate broke up with his girlfriend last night. I was on the phone to him for a while last night trying to talk him through some stuff. A month ago he took me out cableskiing, partying, everything to get my mind off things and now he's on the otherside. There's a lot of similarities between our stories. It let's you realize how bull**** it all is.

Me and him are hitting up the gold coast this weekend.

I think that's great man, keep up the contact with her and help your bro out, you know most what can help him through this and don't let him make any mistakes you may have had. Good Luck man

Jiser · Sep 11, 2008, 02:45 PM

Keep up the good work! Busier you are the better : )

In time your be a new person, just make sure you learn the lessons of previous years. I made the mistake of not! Getting to attached and still obsessing over a new person. I thought traveling would change me and be the best experience of my life, which it was. However you still return to what you had before, same on people, same old life.

Sometimes you either got a make a radical change or be happy with what you have : /

cowboyjai · Sep 14, 2008, 12:48 AM

14/09/08 - 5:26PM

Wow where to begin. I hit the coast up with my mate, but, I think he could really be in trouble. He still contacts her a lot (he's told me she's asked for space), ringing and txting and worrying about how she's getting home from work etc. Unlike my situ they've said they're on a "break", and he thinks they might get back together (I didn't do this, I cut clean). Anyway, he had an epiphany last night about how he should ACTUALLY be giving her space, and sorting out his life, but I'm not sure how he's going to act on it.

Something happened today with them and he's going down there to see her tonight. I'm pretty worried about him. When he had his epiphany I thought he'd be right. But I don't know... I guess I'll see how he goes tonight with her. I just want him to be OK - one way or the other (and from what I've seen its always, mostly, the other).

As for me... well. I'm actually doing pretty good. I haven't been sad for days now. Strangely (I still think this is weird), I was able to look at my old myspace photos with her in them and I wasn't sad at all. I was happy in a weird, detached way. Like it was the normal reaction to the photos, from when I was with her, and not the panic-induced hysteria I got if I saw them, after we broke up. I wasn't sad, guys. But I still know I can't talk to her. The day I love somebody else is the day that I can think about doing that and not before. (and once that day comes, I wonder if I'll even care)

I had a few dreams about her about 15 minutes ago, but they were all pretty minor ones. Felt a tinge of negative, but that was blown away the instant I woke up.

It's strange, at the start of this, I really didn't think I'd ever be OK ever again. And I'm pretty OK now.

There's still a ways to go before I get to where I want to be though. I'll keep you guys updated.

cowboyjai · Sep 14, 2008, 03:29 AM

I also think, now that I'm healed and I can actually think logically about things again without my entire perspective going straight to grey (best way of explaining how I felt last month), I'm on the next part of my own self-journey which is looking for meaning.

For the last little while all I've been doing is spending money and hanging with friends, which is great. But now that *I* am actually back, I can settle down a bit and look for whatever it is I'm looking for - "meaning". Something all-encompassing that I can focus down and aim for. Nah, another GF will not fill this. It's more than that. "This is me and this is what's important to me." If anyone's reading, what keeps you guys running?

By the way, I never introduced myself. My name is Jai. I live in Brisbane Australia, I'm 20 years old, and I'm back in drivers seat from the lowest point of my life. I'm stronger, fitter, more socially connected and clearer than I've ever been. My perspective is back - changed, of course, but back. And you know what? Everything is going to be all right.

turbogtir · Sep 14, 2008, 06:42 AM

Good stuff bro hang in there, stay positive.

Peace

wikedjuggalo · Sep 14, 2008, 07:36 AM

That's great man. Your bro is in a tough spot I was there. The worst feeling in the world to me was waiting. Waiting on a decision. Best is to go NC, Get him out his house, Don't let him wallow. Honestly just be there for him. You know how it feels. I wish the best for your friend.

cowboyjai · Sep 15, 2008, 03:24 AM

15/09/08 - 8:03pm

I think it's official - I'm back 100%.

I heard through the grapevine about a mutual friend going through a very incredible low (I won't go into it here). This girl was my ex's best friend, though me and her haven't talked for probably a year. And even though she wasn't there for me at all when I went through my rough patch (which, I guess when you think about it, is pretty understandable), I still sent her an email saying if she needed anything to let me know - and I meant it. You know? It was the right thing to do.

I won't go maudlin about how the past is over and the chapter's closed or whatever... those thoughts make me sad. What I will go into is that... I can't change the things that have happened. All I can do is try to make better and the right choices in the future. Be the man who I can be proud of. That is what I CAN do.

And yeah, I am proud of trying to support this girl. If I was lesser, I'd probably just let her stew.

Nobody can touch me now. I said that out loud today and was surprised when it rang true. I'm out of the dark thanks to this website and the posters who come here and light up like beacons. I would have paid down any amount of money to feel the way I do now at the start of this breakup thing. Some days I really did think it was game over, the end of everything. But give it enough time, stick to NC (I feel great and I'm still sticking to it... honestly ask yourselves what good could come of talking to your ex, if you're in any pain at all? Nothing, guys, nothing good can come of it. You talk and have pleasant conversation, you get sad. You argue, you get sad), and basically just force yourself to be the best possible person you can be at this moment.

I've ridden this rollercoaster about as high and low as anyone else out there. If I can get better, there's hope for EVERYONE.

cowboyjai · Sep 16, 2008, 03:59 AM

16/09/08 - 8:57PM

I'm okay. Had a good day at work and just got home from dinner with my mate. Also got a chicks number (not sure if it really counts or not LOL), who was interested in me back when I worked at this restaurant.

I don't know. I feel fine. I wish my ex could see me now. This might sound dumb (I'm not sure if anyone here can relate), but, more than anything, I'd like her to be proud of me.

It's a selfish thought though. No, don't worry guys, I'm not going to break nc or anything :) It would probably cause me pain... it might cause her pain. I really did love her. And when you love someone, sometimes you've got to let them go.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 16, 2008, 06:10 AM

Originally Posted by cowboyjai

16/09/08 - 8:57PM

I'm okay. Had a good day at work and just got home from dinner with my mate. Also got a chicks number (not sure if it really counts or not LOL), who was interested in me back when I worked at this restauraunt.

I dunno. I feel fine. I wish my ex could see me now. This might sound dumb (I'm not sure if anyone here can relate), but, more than anything, I'd like her to be proud of me.

It's a selfish thought though. No, don't worry guys, I'm not going to break nc or anything :) It would probably cause me pain....it might cause her pain. I really did love her. And when you love someone, sometimes you've got to let them go.

Yup. Look at you know getting numbers from girls :P. Keep your head up and pushing forward as we all are. I have not turned down any social invites and have opened myself to talking to a lot of people I have not in a while. The one is out there.

cowboyjai · Sep 18, 2008, 06:10 AM

18/09/08 - 10:57 PM

Last night I chilled with my boys on the northside, had a great night. Got dinner with a mate after work tonight, haven't seen her since school finished.

Same ol same ol - no real change of emotion. However, about 15 minutes ago I came across a video of me and my ex. It was taken at a good point in our relationship - Christmas Eve 07. Its strange - I'm not sad, or upset, or anything. But like, watching her being cute to the camera, and being so... into me? I don't know. It makes me wistful. I think that's the term.

I miss her, guys. And no, I don't mean it in the "sky is falling on me miss my ex I am going to die" anymore. I miss the good times, and the little things. There is a lack of pain in that statement too "I miss her".

And no, before anyone reaches for the alarm bells, I don't intend on breaking nc :P I honestly wish her the best, even though I can't be involved with her anymore (this is just me being honest, to be involved with her at this point would only cause me pain - I wish it was more of a stronger "I don't WANT to be", more than a logical, clear thinking "I can't be"). Well, I guess my "heart" wishes she would storm the doors occasionally and beg for me to take her back but I've come so far now, those little pangs are instantly quelled and silenced. I've learnt (and assume am still learning) on how to deal with the emotions. They're just emotions. As much as my "heart" wishes she would come back, my brain knows she's not going too and more than that, is OK with it.

As soon as I sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow, this thought will be gone, but I thought I'd give it the justice of writing about it here tonight.

I'm becoming the man I want to be - a good man, a strong man, and my best self. I see this in the way I've started to handle this whole thing, along with other factors in my life. Can't change my past, or my mistakes. I can only do better in the things ahead. I am... I've made some good choices so far... and I think things like what I wrote above, shows me how I've matured in this time frame. I'm proud of myself for keeping my head up.

That's all there is to it.