[e46]

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I need to get out for the day. I was wondering the best ways to stop thinking about her. I try to keep myself busy and am trying to move on, but she is always in the back of my head.

[hjpan]

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I need to get out for the day. I was wondering the best ways to stop thinking about her. I try to keep myself busy and am trying to move on, but she is always in the back of my head.

Drive to LA & party?

[talaniman]

This is all about coping with your feelings, and building a life without her. Just read the stickies in this forum, for some excellent suggestions about what to do.

Above all be patient with yourself. Time does the healing, you do the coping.

[Chery]

Hi dear. Take Talaniman's advice and read the stickies!

After being on this site for a while, you know that you are not the only one going through this and that you will eventually get yourself back together - maybe even better. But, you also know that the healing process takes TIME... TIME is what you need most now, and it will be occupied with regrets, anger, denial, false hope, etc. That's just part of life and you are a sensitive and emotional human being. There is absolutely nothing you can do to avoid feeling down sometimes, but it should not occupy your whole day.

So, feel down, then get angry at yourself, then start picking yourself up and work on healing.

We will be here and you can vent any time.

Do some mind and house-cleaning and get rid of all evidence of her that upsets you and give you false hopes. Rearrange the furniture, change the décor, rearrange the stuff iN the kitchen and bedroom... make the place as 'new' as possible. It will also help if you watch a lot of comedy or stupid stuff on the TV for a while, anything that will not remind you of 'her'.

Change your choice of music back a few decades and remember younger days before you met her... anything that will take your mind off for a few hours a day. Take one step at a time and you will eventually be OK.

Take trips, and go to new places to eat or have coffee - meet new people.

Stay with us and we'll help get you through it.

Good luck.


I promise, you too will survive this - TIME heals - if you let it.

[lovedoctor]

hey e46
I read your problem and the only thing I can say is wait if she says she needs to find herself then mabye she has something in her life that she is trying to figure out and though she loves you she needs this time for herself. Im glad your trying to give her space by hanging out with your own friends. Like mentioned before she might be bitter about not having any friends which I had trouble with myself and I can definitely understand her she feels alone and even though you might think she doesn't have friends at least real ones she still misses that. She might call you but I'm not sure because every girl is different and has different needs. But the point is when she does call you pick up and just talk she might vent on you.. so for now be her friend so she can tell that you are always there for her. Take it slow for now just enjoy herself. That she has her clothes and her cats at your place could be a good and bad thing, she could always come and get her stuff but if we see it in a positive light she still isn't ready to let go and probably doesn't want to which is good. Don't move her stuff or anything leaving the way things are if she ever does come will make her see that you haven't moved on and that you waited for her and she will appreciate that. So don't call her, enjoy yourself, wait till she calls, if you miss her don't hesitate to ask for advice again
I hope this sort of helped since everyone pretty much said the same =)

[e46]

Thank you so much for the support. I have been trying everyday to be as strong as possible. This website has helped me so much, and I' am forever grateful. I haven't talked to her in 3 days and I am not going to contact her. The last thing she told me was that she didn't know if later on she wanted to get back together. So I asked her to tell me if she didn't really want to ever talk to me again to just tell me the truth and not string me along. She responded by saying that she didn't know if she ever wanted to talk to me. So I know that I should never contact her, but today was really hard for me. There was a couple of times during the day that my thoughts were focused so heavy on her that I had to fight my tears back. She did a complete 360 in one week. She is treating me like she doesn't even care about me. And when I talked to her on the phone, she was crying a lot and said she couldn't jump back into a relationship with me right now. I don't know if I will hear from her, but right now I'm just trying to focus on my life, and trying to be happy again. Im still very in love with her, and its been really tough. And I agree that time will heal the pain, that's if I use that time in a productive way. I'm just really confused.

[e46]

Another thing that is very confusing to me is that she hasn't changed her myspace. We haven't seen each other in two weeks and she still has pictures of us on her page, I'm still her number one, and she still has her status as in a relationship. I don't know if any of these things mean anything, but it confuses me. And I already gave her clothes back. On top of all of this I just got back from the animal hospital where I found out my dog has parvel. I love my little dog a lot and I don't know if he is going to survive. This is the hardest time in my life. I really feel like god is testing my faith. I finally realized today that my life has changed dramatically and that I took so many things for granted. Im so pist off at myself. I wish I didn't feel so alone, confused, and angry.

[hjpan]

Another thing that is very confusing to me is that she hasnt changed her myspace. We havent seen eachother in two weeks and she still has pictures of us on her page, im still her number one, and she still has her status as in a relationship. I dont know if any of these things mean anything, but it confuses me. And I already gave her clothes back. On top of all of this I just got back from the animal hospital where I found out my dog has parvel. I love my little dog alot and I dont know if he is going to survive. This is the hardest time in my life. I really feel like god is testing my faith. I finally realized today that my life has changed dramatically and that I took so many things for granted. Im so pist off at myself. I wish I didnt feel so alone, confused, and angry.

She's probably too lazy to change...

My ex took pics of us together off.. (, eh?)... rarely talked to me... and so on

Forget that ex.. partyyyy

[talaniman]

Stay off her web page, that's a real good way to keep those feelings fresh in your mind and bring you anguish and more confusion. There are literally millions of break ups a day and every one cause confusion, chaos, and shock. You will deal with this daily, so get used to handling how you feel, and staying busy and being active. Haunted by old memories?? Make new ones!

[e46]

I know that I have to move on, and I feel like I get a little stronger everyday. Today I logged onto myspace and saw that she set her mood to mischievous and that she was chillin with her friend bud light (the beer). I don't understand her at all. She didn't drink one beer in the past 8 months, and 4 days into no contact she is drinking again. I feel like her friends are telling her to move on and stay away from me. It really pissed me off because it doesn't even seem like she cares. I did so much for her, I co signed on her car, was there to support her through school, I even took her on a incredible cruise to the bahamas. I deleted her from my friends list, I know this will help me move on. I just don't understand how she doesn't even care about me anymore.

[hjpan]

I know that I have to move on, and I feel like I get a little stronger everyday. Today I logged onto myspace and saw that she set her mood to mischevious and that she was chillin with her friend bud light (the beer). I dont understand her at all. She didnt drink one beer in the past 8 months, and 4 days into no contact she is drinking again. I feel like her friends are telling her to move on and stay away from me. It really pissed me off because it doesnt even seem like she cares. I did so much for her, I co signed on her car, was there to support her through school, I even took her on a incredible cruise to the bahamas. I went ahead and deleted her from my friends list, I know this will help me move on. I just dont understand how she doesnt even care about me anymore.

Don't assume she drinks... theres alot of girls who take beer bottles and pretend to drink... idiots

As for you, I feel the same way too.. my ex was a Jehovah's Witness and pretty much lived a solitary life. I went into her life, got her outgoing, and boom... she's gone~

[e46]

Ok so tomorrow will be a full week of no contact. But today is really tough for me, I miss her so much and am still in love with her. I keep thinking about her and how much we meant to each other. I know I need to continue no contact, but I really feel like she was a very special person that I let get away because of insecurities. Im in this weird state of mind that I'm going to be single forever, and never find anybody again. I really feel like its going to take me a long time to find love like this, if I even find it at all. I wondering if all of these things I'm thinking are normal? At the same time when I feel like I'm going to contact her I remember how bad she treated me, and abandoned me without even a phone call. I just can't believe she did this to me. And another thought that's eating away at me is picturing her with someone else. She is not with anybody, but I keep picturing it and it drives me crazy. How do I deal with that. And how could she ever want to be with anybody else if she loved me so much. Sorry for such a long post, but I figured if I didn't express my feelings on here I would contact her again.

[talaniman]

Give yourself a pat on the back for coming here instead of at her. Have you read the stickies yet?

[e46]

Yes I read them and they are very encouraging. This site has helped me tremedoulsy and I know that if I didn't post my feelings on here I would talk to her. Im never going to call her, but I just feel like I'm never going to meet someone again. Is this a normal feeling everybody has after a breakup? I mean I'm only 22 years old and I know I have plenty of years ahead of me. Im starting to regret the times I called and texted her before, she treated me so badly and has been completely cold hearted. I wish I could turn the tables.

[talaniman]

Your feelings are normal when you lose a great relationship, but after you heal, you'll try again, we all do.

I have felt the same thing a few times, and if I had not been kicked to the curb, I would not have found my wife of more than 30 years. So sooner or later, you'll look back with some fond memories, and grown rug rats, so enjoy your youth, no matter who kicks you to the curb.

[hjpan]

Your feelings are normal when you lose a great relationship, but after you heal, you'll try again, we all do.

I have felt the same thing a few times, and if I had not been kicked to the curb, I would not have found my wife of more than 30 years. So sooner or later, you'll look back with some fond memories, and grown rug rats, so enjoy your youth, no matter who kicks you to the curb.

30 years? Wow!

[e46]

Ok so its been awhile since I have logged on. I have improved my situation a lot since the last time I was on here. My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for almost three months and I was starting to get back to normal. Then out of the blue she texted me telling me she needed to pick up some more stuff I forgot to give her. She ended up coming over to my house to get her stuff and we talked for about an hour. She told me that she still cares and if she didn't she wouldn't be here and that she was scared to get hurt again. I told her that I have gotten myself back together since the breakup and asked her if she wanted to take things slow. She said yes and that she wouldn't say stuff she didn't mean. Before she left my house she said she thought things went great. When she was at my house the chemistry still seemed there and it wasn't awkward at all. Well she said I could call her last Tuesday but she said she had a family emergency and that she would call me tomorrow. Pretty much throughout the whole week she tells me she will call and it hasn't happened yet. She sends me text messages telling me she will call. I asked her if she was avoiding me and she said no. I don't know what's going on and I need some advice on the best direction to take. The last time I talked to her was on Friday, she said that she would call me when she wasn't working like crazy. I know she is going though a rough time with her family but I am really confused.

[Sweet_Guy23]

Hello everyone, i'm currently going through a rough stretch. My girlfriend of a year and a half told me two days ago that she still loves me but needs space. The past month was really good for us, no fighting, and just enjoying our time together. Five days before she asked for space she said she wanted an engagement ring, and that we should get engaged. We ended up getting into a fight because her friend who just came back from living in New York asked her to give her a ride to fill out an application for a job. I got angry because she said she would call me to let me know how things were going, well an hour later I didnt hear from her and called her. She didnt answer the phone then called me right back, I overreacted and told her I didnt want to talk to her. The reason I acted like this is because two of her past friends took advantage of her and I had to help her get rid of them. They were on drugs and were stealing stuff from her and my house. Because of these past issues I feel that I let insecurites from the past cloud my vison. She told me a couple of days ago that she needs to find herself and get herself together. She told me that she has lost all of her friendships and that she doesnt know how to make friends. I feel its unfair, because she never told me any of these things were bothering her. I know she loves me and I have not contacted her in two days. In the mean time all of her clothes are still at my house and so are her cats. And on her myspace page she still has me as her number one and has pictures of us all over her page. She also set her mood to gloomy. I dont know if any of these things mean anything but im really confused. I've been keeping myself busy and went out with my friends a couple times last week. I'm holding up pretty good but am still madly in love with her. I need some advice.

You messed up big time dude. But maybe there's a good shot that she might come back around. FROM NOW ON DUDE LEARN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES... AND NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN... YOU'LL NEVER WIN! YOU GOT SLOPPY WITH THIS GIRL BIGTIME!

But hopefully you gave this girl just what she asked for "SPACE."

GO NO CONTACT... GIVE HER TIME... LET HER CONTACT YOU...

When she contacts you... apologize only once! And then go from there...

[irisaussie]

I agree with misssarahanee, show her you care without invading her personal space, and wait a few weeks to try something new. You will loose her one way or another if you don't support her need for independence, I've been married for 15 years and trust and oppisite activities are extremely important, even for you. You just might realize there is so much in this wonderful world, to enjoy, and life is short and every day goes on with or wothout your participation, so relax and live every day like it is your last!

[ajGambino]

Ok so its been awhile since I have logged on. I have improved my situation alot since the last time I was on here. My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for almost three months and I was starting to get back to normal. Then out of the blue she texted me telling me she needed to pick up some more stuff I forgot to give her. She ended up coming over to my house to get her stuff and we talked for about an hour. She told me that she still cares and if she didnt she wouldnt be here and that she was scared to get hurt again. I told her that I have gotten myself back together since the breakup and asked her if she wanted to take things slow. She said yes and that she wouldnt say stuff she didnt mean. Before she left my house she said she thought things went great. When she was at my house the chemistry still seemed there and it wasnt awkward at all. Well she said I could call her last Tuesday but she said she had a family emergency and that she would call me tomorrow. Pretty much throughout the whole week she tells me she will call and it hasnt happened yet. She sends me text messages telling me she will call. I asked her if she was avoiding me and she said no. I dont know whats going on and I need some advice on the best direction to take. The last time I talked to her was on Friday, she said that she would call me when she wasnt working like crazy. I know she is going though a rough time with her family but I am really confused.

You're confused because you believe what she's telling you.. and what she's telling you is not 100% honest and is now leading you on. I know how you feel and I know what you're going through man, we all felt like this. You keeping in contact with her isn't helping, you're still confused aren't you?

I was just like you, so confused with everything. Then I forced myself to stay away from her and everything that reminded me of her... smartest thing I've ever done. It will uncloud your mind and see things as they really are. I know it's hard man, but it's necessary. She's leading you on to make herself feel better, don't give her that luxury. She left you, I suggest you do the same.