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Eddie713 · Jun 30, 2008, 12:24 PM

Dollarman, I am going through about the same thing. 3 weeks of NC and she broke contact with "bought a new car....... ". I played it cool initially and did very short and cold replies, but as soon as I dropped my guard and starting txting freely and even suggested that I take a ride in her car she backed off. Its been a week and I am undecided as well to should I reply to her next contact or go NC for a long period. From reading all the replies you have received I am leaning towards NC indefinitely. Good Luck Man! Will keep following your thread.

chuff · Jun 30, 2008, 02:28 PM

Dman, in a previous post you talked about how she was positioning you as basically a back up plan and how this entire situation benefits her. Well nothing has changed, she sends you a best wishes, and even though you hold off before replying you still replied and in that lead to some back and forth where YOU said, let's catch up. Again, this puts HER in the power position. Look at what happened the moment YOU said, "let's catch up" she said, "i'll hit you up ONE DAY." So this is right back to being on her terms, this catch up, that YOU requested, will be when SHE initates it. You are once again powerless and she is once again, in a power position and leading this interaction between the two of you. No contact was working, this we know because she caved before you, she didn't think you were strong enough and she came back to you. "Happy Sabbath" wasn't a wish for you, it was a test to see your response, if one at all, and where she stood. Now your wondering when the next contact will be and how this will all come about.

You owe it to yourself now to NOT contact her at all. I think you are thinking somewhat clearly but when you go back to talking to her, that kind of takes your emotions into a fuzzy area and you get confused... which by the way is perfectly normal, but your fuzzy emotions are clouding what is really going on here. She wants you as a back up plan and you deserve better then that so you should let her know, not through words but through your actions, by showing her that you will not put up with that and her tests. Stay in NC and stay away from her until she either leaves you and her game for good or until she comes back on YOUR terms.

dollarman · Jun 30, 2008, 02:42 PM

I can't really argue with you chuff. You already know that your advice is very very helpful and insightful. Although I never brought up catching up... she mentioned it to me and I just said sounds good. Either way, I do hear what you're saying and I'm glad you left your opinion here. You wouldn't believe how much it really helps.

Michelle4452 · Jun 30, 2008, 10:08 PM

DM, I think you handled your responses very well. I would take it one day/step at a time. Do whatever makes you happy. Just always remember, It is What it is. Don't put any unspoken words into the picture. Don't try to intrepret something that she said as something else. Don't build your hopes upon the notions of pretense. When she contact you again, go with your heart.

Michelle

dollarman · Jun 30, 2008, 10:24 PM

OK don't be mad at me guys... I asked God, prayed and prayed... and then I realized I had just sent a text... it was simple.. just said, "hope you are doing good".

She didn't answer for a bit and surprisingly it didn't bother me too much.

She texts back, "I've been better. I'm kinda down. Things with one of my friends went kinda bad."(She always referred to the guy she was seeing as "friend".. not sure if that's what she's talking about but whatever)

I then sent, "I really hate to hear that. don't be down! come onnn! smile!"

SERIOUSLY DID NOT EXPECT THIS ONE...

So she replies...

"i smiled wen i saw that u txt me. i got ur emails and ur letters i just havent had the time or energy to respond like i want but they were sweet and fun. "

We then texted back and forth for a while... stopped... then I sent her a funny pic saying I hope she feels better and good night. Didn't expect a response.. didn't get one. And I don't feel any worse than before.

Back to NC to see where it goes... I guess I just wanted to put a feeler out there.
OK I'm not trying to get to excited... but talk to me guys... gimme some opinions.

talaniman · Jul 1, 2008, 04:24 AM

It made you feel good, but means nothing. How much did it fill you with hope for more, though?
Did it get you thinking something had changed, like her mind about you? Are you trying to figure what she means?

The question my friend, is how did it make you feel??

dollarman · Jul 1, 2008, 07:14 AM

Honestly, it made me feel good. Only because I've seen the evolution of how we used to talk post break up and now. She seemed a lot warmer and the fact that she would say that to me unprovoked made me feel good. Granted, it may be a one time occurrence... it may not mean anything... but I did feel good.

chuff · Jul 1, 2008, 07:28 AM

I feel like you are still hoping for something that may not happen, which is going to prolong your emotional healing. I understand you want to get back with her, but I think by being in contact with her your clouding your own judgment as to what is going to be the ultimate outcome.

dollarman · Jul 1, 2008, 07:32 AM

Thanks chuffster. I realize that I definitely can't do that too often or at all because I was a mess waiting on her replies. I feel like things did go positively, but at the same time at what cost? Who knows..

starlite1 · Jul 1, 2008, 07:57 AM

Hi Dollarman!

Not for nothing? I know the feelings too well. When you contemplate whether you should reach out to your ex, then decide to, and you wait and wait for their response. It can tear you up waiting, and then if/when they do respond, we tend to analyze their responses. I think it's sweet that you reached out to her, and you texted back and forth for a little while, but, sweetie be strong, and try and do the NC again. Let her come back to you, let her miss you. If you do not end up getting back, just know in your heart and soul that you gave it your all, and there will be someone new for you, who will cherish you, and you will cherish. Then you can give your all to her. :)

dollarman · Jul 1, 2008, 08:03 AM

Hi Star! Thanks for the reply... it made me smile. I actually feel better today whereas the last few days I been anxious. I don't know why I have a good feeling about things... but again I'm going to sit on this egg for awhile..

starlite1 · Jul 1, 2008, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by dollarman

Hi Star! Thanks for the reply...it made me smile. I actually feel better today whereas the last few days I been anxious. I don't know why I have a good feeling about things...but again I'm going to sit on this egg for awhile..

I think I can shed some light on that question, my friend. Because you ARE a great guy, and you WILL get through this, and you WILL give your love to that special woman who I'm sure is just around the corner. Keep those spirits soring! You are doing great! :D

dollarman · Jul 1, 2008, 08:23 AM

I officially owe you dinner, a movie, a helicopter ride, the works! I haven't heard stuff like that in such a long time and now my day will officially started correctly. You are a God send and every time I read your words I remember why God created woman... truly a phenomenal woman. Thank you!

Romefalls19 · Jul 1, 2008, 08:26 AM

I may only be getting some of this and if I am wrong, feel free to say so. You seem to do N/C after every time you talk to her and wait for her to text you. That's really not the purpose of NC, you aren't healing. You are still holding out hope, and you think that if you don't text her and she texts you that it means she wants to get back with you. You could be just a friend, nothing more to her.

dollarman · Jul 1, 2008, 08:35 AM

Oh no... I don't think it means anything until she says so. In my head I am just a friend. Not a friendly friend, but we aren't together. So with that in mind I don't think just because we text she wants me back. Not at all. However, I see how it could be easy to think that though, and I actually like your perspective. I've followed your story as well so I know you know your stuff.

starlite1 · Jul 1, 2008, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by dollarman

I officially owe you dinner, a movie, a helicopter ride, the works! I haven't heard stuff like that in such a long time and now my day will officially started off correctly. You are a God send and everytime I read your words I remember why God created woman...truly a phenomenal woman. Thank you!

Thank you, Dollar! I really do appreciate that. I speak the truth. :D Listen, if it wasn't for you, and everyone here, I would have been truly out of my mind. You Rock!

Romefalls19 · Jul 1, 2008, 09:27 AM

Thanks Dollar, I just don't want to see someone get their hopes up and then it be shattered.

dollarman · Jul 1, 2008, 12:34 PM

I really appreciate that. And like I said I'm sitting on this one for a while. No constant contact. Well at least initiated by me.

Michelle4452 · Jul 1, 2008, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by dollarman

I really appreciate that. And like I said I'm sitting on this one for a while. No constant contact. Well at least initiated by me.

Dollarman, please help me to understand something. You mentioned that she broke your NC, and that you were back to NC after you did not get a favorable result, but do you truly understand the purpose of NC? No contact is just that, regardless of who initiate the contact. If you continue this "I'm no contact until she contact me and then it's back to no contact", you are going to forever hurt. What are you truly expecting out of this NC method of yours?

Michelle

chuff · Jul 1, 2008, 01:07 PM

Dman,

I think Michelle brings up a good point. This can go back and forth forever, but she is a woman and she understands how emotions work better then you do. For her this is nothing because she's got other options to fill her time, you on the other hand are using her as the option you will play with and wait out. That does nothing for you, that does nothing to help you, that does nothing to move you forward, it just continues this pattern you are currently in.