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talaniman · Apr 29, 2008, 05:34 PM

Sooner or later, you will get tired of being confused, by a confused female, and take matters into your own hands, and cut all the contact, and put time into rebuilding, yourself and your life. Wait I misspoke, she knows you and her ain't happening.

asking · Apr 29, 2008, 11:32 PM

I think she's being honest. She feels affection for you and wants to help you feel better. She doesn't have to keep saying she loves you. You are not a couple anymore and it's natural for people's feelings to diminish when they've broken up and been apart. Let her go. If you need no contact to move on and can't be friends with her, then do no contact. It sounds like she wants to be friends and you aren't ready for that.

miller3 · Apr 30, 2008, 02:42 PM

My ex girlfriend of 2 years broke it off 2 months ago, as I state din previous post. We were engaged for 5 months. She would not return the ring back until last week when her dad sent it back to me. I told her thanks for the ring and she said good that I should have it back because its over. I can not understand why she kept it for almost 2 months then her dad has to return it back t me then she says that to me.

The whole time until these last few days she would reply to my e-mails when I would e-mail her but she was very mean and kept stating how bad I treated her and I should have thought how it might be without her then I would have treated her better. Just a few days ago I asked if she could find and return more of my things and she said yes and I was being al nice to me saing she bought me a book that she is reading to help with me and her hurting over the breakup that she did... huh? What the hell? What is she doing, trying to help me feel better about her leaving me? I am confused. I then asked to talk to her on the phone and she agreed.

I then stated that I wanted to see her to hang out as friends and she did not see yes but did not say no. She said to me "what if i said no" I then said then you say no. Soon after she said she had to go off the phone, I said when can I talk to you again and she said she does not know, I said how about tomorrow and she got frustrated and said she will call me in a mean voice. I have not talked to her since, it has been 4 days. The longest I have not talked to her is 1 week. I will not bother her until she calls me if she does. Do you think we are at a point of no return since we were engaged and now we are not and its been 2 months. What do I do with this girl?? I feel I have to push a little to get her to see me but I do not want ot push her away. She agreed to see me a few weeks ago and it was OK.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2008, 03:18 PM

What does it take to convince you that her mind has radically changed about you, and she really wants no contact??

I can not understand why she kept it for almost 2 months then her dad has to return it back t me then she says that to me.

That would have convinced me.

chuff · Apr 30, 2008, 03:24 PM

She sounds like she's attempting to get whatever she can from you and when you push back she gets frustrated. The thing I get from reading your post though is this, it is over. It was over a long time ago and I don't think you wanted to accept it and that made it easier for her to take advantage of you. Now that your pushing back she is just turing the b-shield up even higher. I think you are best to not be her friend, she doesn't sound like a great one anyway.

miller3 · May 1, 2008, 02:27 PM

What does it mean when your ex says to you " i do not know if i love you" We have been together 2 years and engaged and she broke it off 2 months ago. When I asked her 1 week ago she said "of course" what's happening here? I mean the 2 months we have been broken up we talked a little but she really gave no hope for us to be back together. She says she is unhappy and I trated her bad. I have not talked to her since sat and do not plan on talking to her. Do you think her feeling daminished because of me not leaving her alone meaning I am making it easier for her to get over me by contacting her and bothering her? I am doing the NC now because I do not tink she knows what she has done and I want her to miss me and its kind of hard when I keep bothering her to miss me. When will it hit her that we are done and when will she start to miss me, how can she be over me that fast or is she?

Inpain1 · May 1, 2008, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by miller3

What does it mean when your ex says to you " i do not know if i love you" We have been together 2 years and engaged and she broke it off 2 months ago. When i asked her 1 week ago she said "of course" whats happening here? I mean the 2 months we have been broken up we talked a little but she really gave no hope for us to be back together. She says she is unhappy and i trated her bad. I have not talked to her since sat and do not plan on talking to her. Do you think her feeling daminished because of me not leaving her alone meaning i am making it easier for her to get over me by contacting her and bothering her? I am doing the NC now because i do not tink she knows what she has done and i want her to miss me and its kinda hard when i keep bothering her to miss me. When will it hit her that we are done and when will she start to miss me, how can she be over me that fast or is she?

Dear M;
I am 41 years old. I have been through a lot... here are my thoughts. If someone says to you that they don't know if they love you... sometimes it is a polite way to get out of a relationship while trying not to hurt you. They may like you, respect you, but you just can't force love. My suggestion would be to put it behind you, go out do things that you enjoy and give yourself some time to get over her. I promise that if you are true to yourself, you will either 1. Meet someone else or 2. Not really need anyone else and find that you are happy anyway. I know that it seems like you are at the bottom of a well... but you will find your own life and yourself esteem never lie in the hands of someone else. It will be OK... just hang in there, and time will take care of the rest! Keep your chin up!

chuff · May 1, 2008, 04:05 PM

Miller,

It is her way of slowly backing out of the relationship without trying to hurt you. When they pull back you have to pull back as well and not mention emotions even if you truly do love her. When you do it comes off like you are desperate and as Inpain stated like you are trying to force something. Women understand emotions and you can't force them, you have to just let them experience the emotions on their own.

confusionmax · May 1, 2008, 09:15 PM

Hey Miller,

I guess the question your asking is common amongst many people here. I know I'm one of them. When she said she's not sure if she loves u, it could mean multiple things. Either she really doesn't love u, or is confused about a few things, or has cold feet. Just give her some space. Let her work things out on her own. NC is the best way to go. But don't keep your hopes to high. If you really want her to miss u, then leave her alone. Go enjoy your life... do things that you like. I know this is easier said then done at this point in time, but wondering what she is doing, how she is feeling is not going to help. Keep yourself bz and hopefully, things will work out. If they don't with her, then I'm sure ull find someone else who will love you unconditionally. All you need is a little bit of time and faith.

talaniman · May 1, 2008, 09:28 PM

As others have said it would help you a lot with the confusion at this time by stopping all contact with her whatsoever, and building your life that you enjoy, without her in it. I think your still in shock and denial, but that's normal.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2744931, for the whole story.

miller3 · May 2, 2008, 05:37 AM

Ok... long story short my ex and I have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and I have treated her bad, and I should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then I would have treated her better. I really do not think I treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but I did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway I talked to her last on Saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so I said I would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " I am not giving you every weekend, I said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does not want us together but I got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and I did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has a lot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why I was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but I sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains a lot of what I wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter I was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because I am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because I think she is confused. What should I do I really love her and care but I want her to miss me and I know time will be a factor. She know I am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Shoule I call her that day if she does not call. She knows I will be there.

W1SDOM · May 2, 2008, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by miller3

Ok.... long story short my ex and i have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and i have treated her bad, and i should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then i would have treated her better. I really do not think i treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but i did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway i talked to her last on saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so i said i would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " i am not giving you every weekend, i said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does nto want us together but i got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and i did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has alot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why i was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but i sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains alot of what i wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter i was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because i am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because i think she is confused. What should i do i really love her and care but i want her to miss me and i know time will be a factor. She know i am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Shoule i call her that day if she does not call. She knows i will be there.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
^^ This will help you mend the wounds and get through day by day... Good Luck!^^

This is what's your problem... YOU'RE CLINGY.

You need to find a life of your own.. Go up there to see your friend and do not contact her...

Go three months without seeing her or talking to her and I will almost guarantee you she will try to initiate contact.. And if she doesn't at least you'll have your life back on track my friend.

*Do not talk to her even if she tries to initiate contact*

Lithean · May 2, 2008, 10:15 AM

Oh my god you and I are going through the same thing. It sux.
W1sdom is right.
When my engagement ended I stop all contact with her. For two and a half months I didn't hear a thing. Then all the sudden last week she started calling. We've talked about 6 times this week about an hour each time. We haven't talked about dating or us at all. But we're Talking. I don't know if shell come back to me but "we're talking".
The best thing you can do (even though it hurts like hell) Don't call, text, email or send a homing pigeon to her. If she calls you pretend not to care. Just be the "old you" Don't whine to her, don't say you miss her, don't say you love her, don't even talk about her or the relationship. Sound happy the whole time. Talk about all the fun your having and all the adventures your going on. Keep the first conversation short and YOU get off the phone first. The mystery of why YOU got off the phone will kill her. It will eat at her and mark my words shell call again. DO NOT BRING UP ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. She will bring it up when its time.
Women don't like whinny men. The faster and harder you chase her the further she'll run. Stop chasing her, stop whinning to her, stop everything. It will blow her away.
Good luck
Oh yah Don't you dare contact her when you go visit. She knows about your trip, she expecting you to call. NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. This is your chance. Because she expects you to call, when you Don't she'll start thinking. When she calls you (and she will) and asks why you didn't contact her just tell her you were busy. Don't apologize for it.
Anyway Good luck

miller3 · May 2, 2008, 11:25 AM

Ok... long story short my ex and I have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and I have treated her bad, and I should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then I would have treated her better. I really do not think I treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but I did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway I talked to her last on Saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so I said I would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " I am not giving you every weekend, I said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does not want us together but I got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and I did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has a lot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why I was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but I sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains a lot of what I wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter I was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because I am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because I think she is confused. What should I do I really love her and care but I want her to miss me and I know time will be a factor. She know I am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Should I call her that day if she does not call. She knows I will be there. My only question is... is it too late? have i ruined any chances to have her back with the " no contact" method since for the last 2 months i have been begging and pleading with her to fix things.. and if so or not how can i tell?????

losingit77 · May 2, 2008, 11:41 AM

Whether its too late or not, the bes thing you can do is STOP contacting her. You're only making it worse at this point. Over the past 2 months I'm sure you've said all you can possibly say and then some, so just stop. You both need breathing room to reevaluate this relationship. Right now, you're smothering her and she doesn't seem interested at all by it. She can't miss you if you're constantly contacting her. Take some time... a lot of time.. to yourself and get over this and you will. Just stop contacting her because at this point it can only make things worse.

Chery · May 2, 2008, 11:47 AM

I think you already answered your own question.

You did not even give her a chance to miss you, and irritated her by your constant clinging.

May I suggest you write down the exact reasons of those spats you had within the last few months and try and reflect on those issues - without attempting to figure out what she was thinking - because you cannot be in her mind and should not even try to second-guess her motives. Look at the cold hard facts.

Then, write down the things that got you two together and seriously take a look at whether you two continued to work on the relationship or just went on day by day 'thinking' you could relax now and take things for granted.
Check out the threads with our No Contact advice and also the link in my signature regarding what each of us learned about breakup pain and how to help with the healing process.

I know it hurts when we lose someone we cared about for so long, but we learn from each experience how not to cling to people just because we hate to be alone and hate to be rejected. This is something we all have gone through and survived in time. Time is what you need now to help heal - and don't spend it on chasing her. Let her run and let her have time to reflect and miss you.. even if it does not bring you the wanted results. You both need this time.

Now it's time to give yourself a chance to mend, make new friends, try new things, and stop chasing.

I wish you a lot of luck and hope your healing process does not take too long. We will be here to help you on those rough times, so please keep us posted.

DO NOT contact her... it will only hurt you more right now. Regain your self-respect and strength.

Don't dwell on the past - look toward your future.

JBeaucaire · May 2, 2008, 02:23 PM

15 page letter? Yeah, I can see why she's heading in the other direction. Good for her.

Long distance relationship take a lot of work. She's not interested in doing that work. She'd not interested in "giving you her weekends"... does this sound remotely like someone who is head over heels in love with you?

Love means sacrifice. You're not getting sacrificial behavior from her, so this is a losing battle.

15 page letter? Seriously? So, without even reading it, I am guessing it a full discourse on how your feelings and love for her can make everything OK? Example after example hoping to "convince her" to feel something she doesn't?

It's prettly lame, when you think about it. If she loved you the way necessary, your note to her would be 1-2 pages and would involve zero convincing arguments, it would all be words of loving encouragement and adoration, something that can be said relatively quick.

Anyway, sorry for your loss. This relationship has actually ended and either you're ignoring that fact or she's soft-pedaling the whole thing to make it easier on herself. That's too bad, because either way you're in for even MORE hurt until you accept this fact and get on with your life.

turtlegirl16 · May 2, 2008, 02:27 PM

That is sad. I think you should talk to her again and show her how much she means to you. Tell her "Everybody deserves a second chance"

miller3 · May 2, 2008, 02:57 PM

I have told her that and at this time anything I say goes in one ear and out the other. She says she has giving me chances before, and which she did not. She is really not her self and my talking to her is not helping. She knows how I feel.

miller3 · May 2, 2008, 03:02 PM

For your information I wrote the long letter to tell her what I wanted to tell her because she would not have over the phone. I had a lot I wanted to let her aware of not only how I felt and to convince her but to talk about all we have been through... so before you bring me down more then I already am know the situation. I don't like or and even care to listen and take in anything you say because I have read your post before with other people and you need to find better words to state what you want to say to the people that have issues on here. Do not even write back.