[nymphetamine]

Things will get better, Parvan. You'll see. Just one day at a time. Good luck to you.

[Wildcat21]

Parvan - the minute you put a woman up on a pedestal, they will use and abuse you - the will lose respect for you.

They need to EARN the right to be your equal. It may sound weird, but woman don't think in logic... they go by their feelings - and when they don't repect you they poop on you - Maryanna pooped on you big time.

I am sure you did WAY too much for her - most women aren't used to this - they will test you to see what they can get away with - she really, really tested you.

Learn to say NO to woman. Learn to have spine and STAND UP TO THEIR BS. Maryanna threw A LOT of BS at you - believe me - no question. I have seen this manay times before. You should never put up with that crap - learn to say 'Ok bye'.

You were always there for and there is/was no doubt in her mind she had you. You have show and learn to WALK AWAY.

[talaniman]

While I agree with my man Wildcat for tellin' it like it is I also know that to go through the pain that you have been through was a very difficult thing to do.But you must also remember that much of the things you go through has been of your own chosing so it may be easy to blame Maryann but do not overlook the part you played in your relationship with her!No one has the answers to how one should or shouldn't act towards another but you have a choice as to how you deal with people and situations that you go through.Being blessed to be a man in my 50's I can vouch for the fact that we all go through our trials and tribulations that make us who we are.Trust me when I say I've made many mistakes that I would love to take back, but have had to live with the consequences of my actions,and it is up to me to correct my own attitude or make the same mistake over again.I chose not to cry in my soup but to learn from my mistakes and be a better person because of them!:cool:Life is for those that want to live it!

[Wildcat21]

I agree with talaniman.

I just want this guy to know exactly what happened. This woman is a cronic liar as well to him.

He needs to learn what happened. She played him to the tee... used him.

BUT, yes - he brought it on himself by putting a woman on a pedestal. Sorry - but woman do wrong... none deserve pedestal. I am not saying be mean, but woman are your friends - lover maybe 20% of the time. The ydon't need to be taken care all day long 100% of the time.

Woman are part of your life - not your life.

[nymphetamine]

Wildcat, you are cool and all but dang! What up with the pedastal thing. Some chick must have really done a number on you. You must be under the illusion that all women behave badly and get treated good all the time or something. I could name quite a few women who deserve not only the pedastal but a sparkly crown to go along with it. I was married to an abusive one who was never ever there for me and it was very lonely. I have never been treated very well by men except for one. Ive never understood why women complain about men peeing on the toilet seat or leaving their underwear on the floor or forget to take out the trash. I have seen women act like utter demons towards their men over things like that when their man could be doing so much worse. If you have a man that talks to you and actually listens and goes to wrk and provides for his family and makes you feel like a goddess then who gives a darn about the trash or the toilet seat? Id love to have that kind of man. I would not only put him on a pedastal but he'd have a glitteryfreakin crown on his head too. Of course maybe that's my problem is I treat men too well. Maybe I should be a ruthless uncaring shedevil who treats all men like dirt. Why people want to be treated that way I will never know.

[talaniman]

I agree with talaniman.

I just want this guy to know exactly what happend. This woman is a cronic liar as well to him.

He needs to learn what happend. She played him to the tee....used him.

BUT, yes - he brought it on himself by putting a woman on a pedestal. Sorry - but woman do wrong....none deserve pedestal. I am not saying be mean, but woman are your friends - lover maybe 20% of the time. The ydon't need to be taken care all day long 100% of the time.

Woman are part of your life - not your life.

One thing we see in thread after thread is someone getting there heart broken and yes it hurts, we've all been down that road before,and not to be mean a man needs to know that crying, b*ing, and moaning gets you no where, so guys if you can't take advise that you ask for... don't ask!Women are a part of your life not your life,the same applies to women too!OH darn her comes my wife with her 2cents!Be right back if she lets me!:cool: :eek:

[Wildcat21]

Crankiebabie - you got it WAY wrong - AND I knew a woman would complain here.

I never said be mean. This guy was a push over for her. She walked all over him and he let her.

I am sure you want a guy who does everything for you, never says no, doesn't have a life, gives up his friends for you, clingy/needy, ALWAYS calling you 10 times a day, no mystery... AKA 'Nice Guy'. Not a 'good guy'.

Woman want a confident, independent, good, fun - guy.

[nymphetamine]

Ha ha. No actually I don't want a guy who is clingy or any of that other stuff. You have to learn to balance it out. You make it sound like all women want to be treated badly and take it from a woman who has always been treated that way, that is very far from the truth. Yeah its nice to have friends. I never denied my husband his friends. ITs when his friends became more important than our children that there was a problem. I don't need a man to do everything for me. Im not a helpless baby. Yeah I want a confident guy. I don't need a guy constantly asking me" do these jeans make my butt look big? Don't be clingy or a push over or not have a life. No you don't always need to be there for your woman. There are something's she needs to deal with and figure out her self but it doesn't hurt to be there everyonce in a while to comfort her and give her advice. I don't know maybe its different for just girlfriends. I am thinking from a wife's perspective. Yes be a man but that doesn't mean you have to be a cold hearted jerk towards your woman. If you treat her like that then you might just find yourself alone. Believe me there were many times that I had wished I had the guts to stray because my husband acted like that cold jerk and I wanted a man who would give me the attention I craved. But no I have to be faithfull and good. I ought to change that.

[Wildcat21]

No - I never ever say treat them badly... ever! Can you show me where I said treat woman badly?

I am trying to keep guys from making the woman their entire world. It's creepy. Stop seeking her approval by doing everything.

Guys should always be kind... it's being kind to woman - not 'nice guy/walk all over guy"

Yes it's a fine line.

Most women would rather be with a bad boy/jerk... than the clingy/needy/insecure/approval seeking 'nice guy'.

[nymphetamine]

Its just the way it looks to me. Maybe I am seeing it wrong. Maybe we should just all be single. Relationships are too danged confusing.

[Wildcat21]

It should never be confusing or hard in the right relationship and the right person.

It's the people you're choosing. Women rely TOO MUCH on their feelings when picking a guy/attraction... it gets them into big trouble.

You need more logic in choosing - these jerks initially make you FEEL that atrraction... but, in the long run they are jerks/players.

That's why experienced women use TESTS and barriers.

[Parvan]

Well, just an update, this ***** has completely ruined my life. Since the day she left I have discovered the following things missing: my laptop, my $600 35mm SLR camera, my digital camera, and DVD's and CD's. I have also discovered that she has herpes and has known that she had them. She intentionally lied to me telling me she had gotten a complete sexual health checkup and was clean so that we could have unprotected sex, knowing the entire time that she has herpes. So now I get to wait a couple of months with no intercourse (not a big burden as I have no desire to ever get into a relationship with a woman again) until it has been 4 months since my last exposure and then get tested so that I can know I'm clean. I really wish I had just let her die on my ****ing couch when she attempted suicide. I've tried several times to get my **** back and she refuses, the police are telling me that since she lived with me it is a civil matter, if my shti turns up in a pawnshop somewhere then I'll get it back if I pay the pawn fee. I spend all my time just so ****ing angry at her, I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night since finding this **** out and I spend a huge amount of time fantasizing about grevious bodily harm coming to her. She also admitted to me that she was cheating on me for 3 months and that the only reason she was staying with me was because I was stupid enough to give her a place to live and pay her way. I am going to weekly sessions with a counselor now, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. Of course that might be because I discover new **** missing every day. My only consolation is that she has to live with herself, but since I'm convinced that she is sociopathic and doesn't give a rats *** about anyone else that doesn't help much.

[nwsflash]

Im so sorry to hear that things have gone so bad! At least there is one good thing to come out of this and that is that you have managed to get the truth out of her and she is out of your life... I guess you must be really ****ed off with her taking your **** because I know I would be too, as for the STD at least you got shot of her now before you ended up with AIDS.:eek:

People like this will just go around and leach off people all there life, my way at dealing with people like this is I really love to beleave that "what goes around comes around"... So she maybe all smug now, but when she is in a trailer getting beat and full of STD's, you will be sleeping in peace with a clean life. You have to hold your head up and keep looking forwards to all the new ways that you are going to be better off and how much better your life will be now. Its good that your going to see someone as well to help with all the stress you must be under right now, Im just sory that the law is not on your side regards your missing stuff, would it cost loads if you took her to small claims court over the stuff?

I hope this is a new start for you and that you look ahead and not backwards, keep looking to the front and take control of your life.. This will make you a lot stronger in the long run, and yes its hard to start but take each day as it comes and you will be the winner and so much stronger in your heart and your soul and your spirt.

[Parvan]

I'm not sure but the value of all the stuff probably exceed what could be called a small claim. Laptop was about $1500, SLR Camera was about $600 Digital Camera ~$250. One of the things that is really irritating is that as a college student at a community college I have no health insurance and none of the free clinics do blood test for herpes, if I have an outbreak they could swab and confirm, but by then I'd know for myself. The cheapest bloodtesting I have found was around $100 but I've spent so much cash on this girl and was really counting on her helping out this month that I just can't afford it. In either case every clinic I have talked to says it is best to wait 4 months after the final exposure. She of course is refusing to admidt that she has it. I first learned from her old roomates who all had the same reaction "She never told you" however I have spoken with the person that she caught it form and he confirmed it. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I know what I need to be doing, but am havign a hard time doing it. One of these days I'll no longer discover something else missing and that will be when it really starts to get better.

[bizygurl]

Hey Parvan, I really feel for you and I don't blame you for being completely turned off to relationships. Because everything you just went through with this past one is completely messed up. I really don't think that you were letting this girl walk all over you, love is blind sometimes but knowing when to take action and to say enough is enough was the right thing to do.

This girl lied to you and that's totally screwed up, you don't do that to someone you care about. As with most people on this mile long thread I agree that she used very poor judgement when she went to "see" these guys. She may not have slept with these men but Coming from a female point of view you just don't do those things when you have a man at home. Even if she was unhappy with or even had issues with the relationship, she should have just talked to you before all of the lying began.

When it comes down to it, relationships thrive on honesty and communication, it isn't always easy and it may not be what the other wants to hear, but lying about things and then getting found out after is a heck of a lot worse.

Take time for yourself, all pain will heal in timeand stay single for awhile. But don't give up on us woman we aren't all bad. The right woman and the right relationship will come along in time.

[nymphetamine]

It sucks about all that stuff happening. Believe me us women find ourselves saying that we've given up on the relationship thing constantly. It takes time to heal when someone has hurt you and I guess even when one does you wrong its hard to believe that no one else will do the same. Just give yourself sometime and don't go out on the rebound because someone always ends up getting hurt in rebounds.

[Wildcat21]

The thing thast really sucks is she posted here looking for symapthy.

She lied to all of saying she wasn't cheating on this guy when I KNEW she was. You just knew she was. I knew she was lying.

THEN she steals all of his stuff... what a gal!!

Parvan... you will find a good woman. It takes time. You need take your time with it and don't rush into it. No living together for at least 6 months. Build barriers - don't trust completely right away - have your own tests!

[Parvan]

So, one more update. I went in and got a complete workup done. HIV was negative but I need to get tested again in a few months, Herpes Type 1 (Cold sores on the mouth) positive, Herpes Type 2 (Genital) was inconclusive (negative, but not enough time has passed to be sure) and I need to get retested in a month or so, the initial ghonerea (urine) test was negative, but they are doing blood workup to be sure I get those results as well as the Syphlis and Chlymidia results tomorrow. Anyway, besides a severe case of the flu I'm doing much better.

[bizygurl]

Glad to hear that Parvan, I hope you get a clean bill of health. I really commend you on getting tested for these things, that's very responsible of you. Your just like me, as soon as I found something like that out, I would get tested for EVERYTHING, I couldn't stand not knowing. But many choose not to and that's never a good idea. Ill keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I hope everything turns out okay.

[Wildcat21]

Wow, what a gal that MaryAnn was!!

And she even posted here and lied. (I knew she was lying).

Paravan - take slow going forward. You will meet a great gal - probably won't be tomorrow. But, you probably need time to yourself anyway.