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talaniman · Dec 11, 2007, 03:07 PM

Me to, that's life.

chris28 · Dec 12, 2007, 06:10 AM

Okie here the new update. So my weekend went great I hung out and enjoyed myself while I was away Saturday I got a text from my 17 yr old cousin she just ran away from home for whateva reason and needed a place to stay. Now I'm upstate and can't do anything from there so I text her and told her when I will be back and all that. My ex’s friends were skiing with us and I explained the story to them. So yesterday I was at work and I got a text from my ex saying that she's sorry for bothering me but she wants to no what's going on with my cousion. So I gave her the short version and explained I was working and coudnt go over too much details she asked me to call her 3 times and I did I explained again what was going on with her and that I was going to talk to her my mother that night “my aunt”. So my ex told me she wanted to come and help me to make sure she don’t step on me and help me setup the rules and all. I said I'm not sure how comfortable that would make me since were broken up and she didn’t really push it but I could tell she did want to come. So after I kept a firm attitude that it might not be right she agreed and that was that. I wound up then saying you no what lets try it come to my aunts house with me and we will talk to my aunt. So I went to the gym and them home to shower I picked up my ex and we went together on our way I asked what she wanted from me she said not a thing and how she just wanted to help she said she wants to be friends good friends and that’s it. So I explained I do not think I can do that cause of jealousy I said if you start dating it won't work and If I start dating its going to make you jealous so she turns around and says No way would I be jealous she said I can do what I want and it woudnt bother her. She told me that she could stay with me even if I was dating someone and she would even hook me up if she had the chance. So now I'm getting more baffled. So we go to my aunts house talk for a while we leave she says she wants coffe so we go to star bucks buy coffee then go back to her friends house I stay there for a while and we just talk about anything but us. After about 1 hour my cousin calls and tells me she's coming over she comes over my friends ex house and we talk she needs to pick up cloths from her b/f’s house so I'm about to go take her and my ex says I want to come and she does. We get to my cousins b/fs house and she goes into get her cloths while she's in there now my ex says I want to come over and talk to her I was like fine so she comes over and talks to her for a few hours I went out to buy us all food and all and somehow we get into the conversation about me and her with my cousin how she's just confused and how everyone likes, loves me, and tells her she should be with me. But she has to live her life and try things alone. How she wants to explore different things alone and all. My cousin now goes to sleep and she's hanging with me alone a little weird but she starts looking and picking my back like a monkey and all then she turns around and goes “this is a little nasty” I have a ingrown hair bumb on my inner thigh and I don’t want anyone else to see it can you help so of course I say fine and she takes her pans off blah blah blah. She covers up cause she's VERY HAIRY hasn’t shaved in weeks or legs or trimmed anything . She has gained at least 10-15 pounds its weird Im doing everything I can to get into better shape she's doing the opposite. She tells she does not want me or to be with me but she's the one who calls yes she doesn’t talk about us its always about my family its so weird I'm falling into a trap… Is she's insaine am I insaine. Why is she not taking care of herself?? She tells me I lost more hair so I made a comment you gained some weight and she goes I'm starting my diet 2morow…. Im so confused what's she trying to pull??

O BTW I found a therapist I'm telling him all of this once I start …. Pleasse people what's this about

Homegirl 50 · Dec 12, 2007, 07:44 AM

She feels very close and comfortable with you but is not in love with you. You are still in love with her.
If this bothers you so much, stay away from her. It's that simple.

talaniman · Dec 12, 2007, 08:30 AM

Just can't say no to her can you? Most of your confusion comes from your own leftover feelings from being with her. She has the control here, and you just go along with the program as she slips back in your life, and taking what she wants. Learn to say NO, and keep her out of your business, and you'll be less confused.

chris28 · Dec 12, 2007, 08:36 AM

Ur all right I didn't totally ever let go yet. I am trying 100% but once she wants in I let her in without too much hesitation…… and she is winning it seems like she does this when she's bored

chris28 · Dec 12, 2007, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Just can't say no to her can you?? Most of your confusion comes from your own leftover feelings from being with her. She has the control here, and you just go along with the program as she slips back in your life, and taking what she wants. Learn to say NO, and keep her out of your business, and you'll be less confused.

So do u think its possible she's just bored and doesn’t want to let me go yet?? Or she's just waiting for something better to come along?? Cause she's gained weight she's unsure about her life. Then I forgot to post that I asked her if she wants to come x-mas shoping Saturday she said sure if it doesn't make u feel weird so I said does it make u feel weird and she said no immediately….

I'm so lost what to do.

talaniman · Dec 12, 2007, 10:04 AM

No your not, you just can't bring yourself to do what must be done. I cannot judge what's going on with her, but I've paid attention to what you've written. Some time away from her is needed for you to figure it out, and to get that cloud of confusion away from you. That means no contact, and you being single, and building your life without her, not around her.

chris28 · Dec 12, 2007, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

No your not, you just can't bring yourself to do what must be done. I cannot judge whats going on with her, but I've paid attention to what you've written. Some time away from her is needed for you to figure it out, and to get that cloud of confusion away from you. That means no contact, and you being single, and building your life without her, not around her.

That definitely has some truth to it!

chris08 · Dec 13, 2007, 03:21 AM

Everything he's trying to tell you is the truth. You've got to listen to him, I have, and it's working. You know you'll meet someone better one day, someone who won't mess your head up or play games with your mind, just keep telling yourself that. You don't need her company for christmas shopping, or christmas itself. Just enjoy christmas yourself and spend time with the people who matter the most to you. Friends and Family. :)

shygrneyzs · Dec 13, 2007, 05:24 AM

Chris, I am not surprised that you fell for your ex's text. She found a way to worm back in and you allowed that. She had no business in your family business, so to say.

I don't know why she is not taking care of herself and frankly I don't care and you should not care either. No contact means just that, no contact. I hope you learned something in this - next time she texts, just delete it without reading it. You can block her from your phone you know and you can block her texting too.

You just did not need her presence. She wants to be in charge of her game with you. Do not go Christmas shopping with her - please. Keep some of your dignity and stay the heck away from her and all she does.

chris28 · Dec 13, 2007, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Chris, I am not surprised that you fell for your ex's text. She found a way to worm back in and you allowed that. She had no business in your family business, so to say.

I don't know why she is not taking care of herself and frankly I don't care and you should not care either. No contact means just that, no contact. I hope you learned something in this - next time she texts, just delete it without reading it. You can block her from your phone you know and you can block her texting too.

You just did not need her presence. She wants to be in charge of her game with you. Do not go Christmas shopping with her - please. Keep some of your dignity and stay the heck away from her and all she does.

This is probably the route I will take. I just wanted to let her in and see what happens but it was more like she was just there for drama and to leave a door open to me just in case things don't go her way she has me here.

Or that how I feel... The only reason I mention her taking care of herself was because it made me happy she wasn't looking for people or other guys. I look way to deep into things!!

ISneezeFunny · Dec 13, 2007, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by chris28

The only reason i mention her taking care of herself was because it made me happy she wasnt looking for people or other guys. I look way to deep into things!!!!!

This may come off a bit harsh, but you got to get past that. Whether she's looking for someone shouldn't affect you. Because if you do find out that she is looking for someone, or she went on a date with someone, you will be crushed, and you will have a setback so large that it'll be day 1 again.

No calls. No texts. Unless absolutely necessary...

chris28 · Dec 14, 2007, 05:57 AM

That is so true I would be crushed. It actually happened again yesterday I was at a mutual friends house she new I was going to be there and she wasn't suppose to come there, she actually had plans to. She called out mutual friend and confirmed I was coming and she made it clear she will not be there. So I went and we were cooking and baking with friends she calls the mutual friend and says she outside cause she's bored and wants something to eat. She also said that she was only coming for like 2 hours cause she has plans so she comes in and I give her a attitude and she asks why am I being nasty so I tell her she's only here cause I am she would not agree but after seeing me annoyed she starts hugging me. I pushed her away and say what do you want from me?? I was like lets just cut ties completely “even that I didn't mean that” she said she didn't want to and she wanted be to be a big part of her life. So I was like what do you mean as dating she said no I'm confused but I no I don't want to give you up.

I no this is as much my fault as it is hers. I keep on playing into her. And that last comment scares me about her finding someone it would probably drive me nuts. I need to listen to people here but once I get a small glimse of hope I fall back into a rut. At this point I think she knows that.

George_1950 · Dec 14, 2007, 08:03 AM

As someone said, We must decide whether to fish or cut bait.

chris28 · Dec 14, 2007, 10:09 AM

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I wish it was easier

chris28 · Dec 14, 2007, 10:36 AM

It made it so much easier when she didn't call and once she did I got all mushy

chris08 · Dec 14, 2007, 11:31 AM

Why don't you put her number on block on your phone? That way she can't ring you? Unless a little piece inside you still wants her to call, if so your just going round the twist. Backwards and Forwards. It will only improve your healing if you block all contact with her.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 14, 2007, 11:49 AM

Oof. That is a tough one. What do you do when your ex corners you like that.. well, what do you do when a rabid dog corners you in a room? Try not to make eye contact... and run when you get the chance? Don't blow up at her like that because it shows that you still care and by you blowing up at her, it tells her that she drives you insane. You don't need that. Just act cool, calm, collected, and act like she's just one of the people that you don't really know that well in the crowd. If she asks you a question, answer with a short (but not rude) reply. Try not to initiate any sort of communication with her unless you're absolutely cornered. Again, it's important to show her that you're not mad, even if she is driving you to the ground.

For example, the minute she shows up, don't even act like you care if she comes. You don't have to ask her why she's there... she knows why she's there. She's there because you're there. You don't have to accuse her. It's like yelling at a bank robber that he robbed the bank.. . duh?

When she hugs you, step back and say, IT WAS YOUR DECISION FOR US TO BREAK UP. AND I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE ANY CONFUSION.

Although she may not want to give you up, it could be because she wants you on the back burner. Regardless of whether this is true, you got to end it all.

Hope you the best of luck bud.

Chery · Dec 14, 2007, 12:16 PM

I am plain out of energy today, but have read this stuff and will have a lot to say about it Chris, after I take a rest and then I will be well armed to set your head straight - or try to anyway. You don't deserve to go through this, and the only one stopping you from healing now is YOU... So be ready when I come back to talk to you.

Not a good mixture... and neither are you and that girl, but more later.

chris28 · Dec 14, 2007, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

I am plain out of energy today, but have read this stuff and will have a lot to say about it Chris, after I take a rest and then I will be well armed to set your head straight - or try to anyway. You don't deserve to go through this, and the only one stopping you from healing now is YOU... So be ready when I come back to talk to ya.

Not a good mixture... and neither are you and that girl, but more later.

Uh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh