[EuRa]

This has sort of happened before? Your instincts are correct, and your actions are 100% perfect. GJ to you, sir.

[Jason8676]

Hey,
All I can say is, "Amen to that!" for every one of your replies. Seriously, what does she expect? For me to call her everyday and show her attention when there is another guy in the picture? Maybe there isn't another guy, but over the past 5 months all of her actions are indicative of another love interest based on her history. As the old cliché goes, "you can't have your cake and eat it too"-so it is with her. Had we continued to reconcile when we started talking after Thanksgiving(seeing and talking to each other on a regular basis), then I would have not returned her present and went NC. We made love once during that time and I honestly thought things were going to improve. But when I talked to her several days before Christmas(I did as she said, I called her), that blew the deal. I told her, "I love in you..."-several other co-workers were around to hear us talking and I felt embarrassed. She said nothing and for some reason that just left a knot in my stomach. I asked, "Did you hear me?" She's like, "Yeah, I heard you." Then she told me to call her and I said, "Oh, I may if I feel like it." During that conversation, she could hardly say anything. I had a feeling that maybe she was out with her new interest and tried to keep the words to a minimum. I then resolved to go NC. Christmas passed... nothing from her. New Years passed, still nothing. Then out of the blue on Jan. 8 she texts me wanting to give me a present. I don't want her present... I've given her plenty and never asked for it back. She even has my engagement ring and I don't plan on asking for it back. Jason

[JBeaucaire]

Kids, when ignored, will misbehave to get at least some negative attention from their parents. Way to go for not letting her goad you back into a pointless interaction.

Any other messages or missives you receive from her, just agree mentally... "she's right..."... then delete away. Calm preserved. <sigh of relief>

[TrueFaith]

Good one :)!

And congrats on not sending anything back to her

You don't even owe her a reason

[lickemlolly]

Always trust your gut instinct. 99% of the time its right. Trust me I've been burned many a time not listening to that little voice in the back of my head that was telling me that something was going on. My advise would be just to move on and let it go. You've already said before that you have been through this before so how many times more are you going to continue to do it. I mean really is this someone you would want to make a life with and you don't even trust that person

[JoeCanada76]

She deserves nothing, you need to stay away. Rude, Not really. You keep the no contact and it is better to keep it that way. Like others have said, you do not owe her anything.

[Jason8676]

Hey!
Another resounding "Amen". This situation with her has left me ruminating about what went wrong. I saw a lot of signs that I did not trust and therefore stopped contacting her back in September . She further reinforced my suspicions by not contacting me or coming over to see me for that matter. When we started talking again, she said that she thought I wasn't interested anymore and that I stopped calling. I confronted her with, "Well, I thought you were seeing somebody else." She just shrugged it off and denied it. Of course, I think she started this garbage. She'll probably tell you that I started it by not talking to her anymore. Well, I'm going to finish it. I'm glad I'm not alone with my opinion. Take care everybody! Jason

[bizygurl]

Sounds like she's just trying to start drama because she doesn't have anything else better to do. And if she's a repeat offender as you stated then she doesn't deserve your time and or attention. I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about it. The nerve of some people

[Jason8676]

Hey!
In response to the previous post-I couldn't agree more. I think if she really wanted to come back, then things would not have deteriorated the way they did a month ago when we started talking again. She has been really immature in the past and evidently has some brain damage because she fails to comprehend the consequences of her actions and expects me to be okay with her just dropping out of sight without so much as telling me that things are over. I sort of regressed earlier this week when I responded to her text messages. Basically, I told her that she did not want to be with me and to stay out of my life until she does. She asked me if that meant that I did not love her anymore. I told her that she was the one that did not love me. I regretted giving in and responding to her-sort of pouring out my feelings in the process. When she texted me again yesterday accusing me of being rude, I just ignored it. She wants to have her way and keep me around as a friend and an occasional romp in the hay, but ignoring her will speak louder than words that I'm not going to stoop to her level. Maybe she's trying to be cute in front of all her friends and trying to boost her ego by getting two guys after her but I'm going to have no part of it. Jason

[twinkiedooter]

I think you hit it right this time. She's tying to have the 2 guys chasing her thing. But you're not biting or playing along. Gee, that's not going to be much fun for her. She'll get bored with the whole thing and move on to greener pastures to play games on someone else soon.

And you, you lucky guy, will be off in another direction with a wonderful new Miss Right.

[Jason8676]

Hey!
I'm trying to move in a different direction and hopefully Miss Right will be along soon. There are several girls I have my sights set on but I have no idea as to how to approach them without setting off any alarms-I am extremely shy. When you've invested 10 years on one girl it's really hard to get going again. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and take care. Jason

[Jason8676]

Hey,
The ex-girlfriend sent me another text message-this time informing me that she returned my Valentine's Day gift(funny, she had supposedly had a Christmas present for me several weeks ago.) In an earlier post I said that I returned her presents and she in turn called me rude. I ignored the message where she called me rude. Night before last, at about 10:00 in the evening, she struck again. The fact that she returned my present came as no surprise but she just had to send me a message to stir up some drama again. This time I cooly replied, "That's okay. You had every right to." She replied with, "Why's that?" Then I laid the coup de grace on her, "I took back your Christmas presents so I deserved it. I was a jerk." Since then, I've heard nothing. I figure if she's going to send me smartass text messages, I might as well play along and kill her with kindness just for the fun of it. Now its back to NC. It'll be interesting to see if she replies. If not, its NC. I expect some more smartass messages in the future. Would it be more graceful to just ignore her or BS her just for the fun of it? Thanks! Jason

[JBeaucaire]

Haven't we talked about this already in another thread?

"It'll be interesting if she replies"... NO, it won't be. We all talk to you in good faith about this stuff, but to find out you pretty much ignore what we've suggested, did more of your own pointless texting... posting here about the new texts won't garner you new insights.

This is all pointless, stop talking to her. Unless you really prefer all this melodrama.

[psychedelix]

You'll only encourage more drama, headaches and problems. If you truly want to move on, and make it clear to her to move on, stop answering back to her messages/calls/emails or contact of any kind.

[Jason8676]

Hey!
I'll admit that I I have ignored the advice given to me on this site and for that I apologize. I've tried NC and when I get going, here she is with another text message. Part of me wants to let go and part of me wants her to come back. There are times when I feel great about being single and other times when I wish she would just stay with me for good. Several years ago, I rarely had any time to myself because she smothered me to death, now I have all this free time and nobbody to share it with. I have not forgotten the advice given to me on this site and I will try to practice it, but it is HARD-especially when I was given no real closure by her. Again, thanks to all and I PROMISE never to post another question on this subject. Thanks! Jason

[Romefalls19]

Jason, I know how you feel, I didn't get any closure from my ex either. The way things were left when we last saw each other was very very up in the air. But it doesn't help the situation knowing she is able to string you along, every time you reply to those pointless texts from her you're telling her "I'm not over you" So if you like giving her the upper hand, continue to text her back. I ignored all my ex's texts when she was telling me she didn't have feelings for the other guy she is now talking to until it was too many texts and all I responded was "None of it matters now, we are no longer together. That's the past" and then after a few more from her I said "Thank you, I appreciate you're honesty and to show that I have changed and matured I will put my trust into you about that. Goodbye"

And to top it all off... You admitted you were wrong! Dude, seriously, what is the problem? If you want to move on or even get her back stop apologizing or admitting you were wrong for pointless crap! You had every right to take back her gifts. You are going to keep coming right back to square one if you keep responding, change your number if you don't think you can prevent responding

[talaniman]

I'll keep this real simple, No Contact from you or her, that means ignore her texts, and smoke signals.

[Brandino747]

Hey,

If you have NO desire to get back to her- then simply stop with the replies. That just gives her power and makes you look smaller.

If you want closure, and that's it, then get it... and move on.

It's so confusing after a break up, trust me we all know. Some days your like "eh, forget her..." and you just remember all the fun times and it's no big deal. Then there are the other days where you remember the SAME fun times but it just hits you like a ton of bricks.

It's two steps forward and one step back with the no contact thing. To keep yourself from falling back avoid contact, avoid talking to her friends about her, avoid visiting any networking pages she has to check up on her (myspace, etc... )

And remember, what your ex is doing now is non of your business, so don't dwell on the thoughts of her and someone else.

[Romefalls19]

Brandino... I agree and disagree with your statement.

First, I disagree with the closure part, he already got it by her ending it. That's reason enough to just walk away, and now the mind games he KNOWS she is playing reason number 2. So closure he already got.

Second, I agree with the avoiding her friends, I dropped a friend of 9 years because she said she was going to be friends with my ex, and I'm not surrounding myself with that. Deleted not only my ex from my myspace account but also anyone who has her listed as a friend on my account. Just erase anything that you have on your computer about her... Myspace, Facebook, AIM, pictures.. anything to will make you want to call her

[HistorianChick]

Hon! Don't play this game! Really, its not healthy for your emotional state or hers.

When she sends a text, delete it. Read it if you want, but then delete it. Don't respond! If you have to send a text in response, send it to your own email account, but don't send one back to her!

Text messages are tricky things. They have the ability to put someone in a state of fluffy happiness or they can hurt like Hades with a well-directed dart. Listen, its NOT worth it.

Don't play the game! Delete, delete, delete!!