[DJ 'H']

I have been trying to talk to him for the last 3 months. He won't return my calls, reply to texts, or emails and this letter was my last attempt. We have been friends for 9yrs and he will only know about my new boyfriend through the letter I sent on Friday.

He gave me no reason for not coming to my 21st just said "sorry I did not make it".

I just don't understand. He is so special to me and our friendship so special. We both met on holiday when I was only 13yrs and he was 15yrs. And being friends was easy - no hardship. Always used to meet up - go shopping, on nights out and even spend nights in watching 'Southpark' because we love it. We used to spend hours and hours on the phone and even got pleasure in phoning each other up when we were drunk only to laugh and be random for the whole duration of the conversation. I really miss him and I really don't understand.

I love him so much and I basically told him I had feelings for him, but if he only wanted a friendship that was fine - I just needed to ask because if I didn't I never would have known. He replied "You are very special to me, but I am not ready for a relationship right now and things in my life are changing and I may be moving to away". Weeks later I find he has got a job in a town 20minutes from where I live and he only lives 45minuts away. I work for a company which happens to be 10minutes away from his house.

I am really happy with my new boyfriend Pete - but really want my closest friend back. I can't help but feel that if only I had kept my big mouth shut then none of this would have happened and I would still have him in my life.

[DJ 'H']

Ignore me - I am just a bit down at the moment!! I will pull myself back together - I always do!!

[bizygurl]

This situation really stinks and I can understand your feelings. But if this guy was a truly good friend to you he should at least tell you why he's been avoiding you. It isn'tright to do that to someone who you call a friend. If there wasn't a logical reason to avoid you i.e, you had an argument or if you can't think of anything that you said or did that would have led him to this, then I can't see why it would be your fault. Like I said I went through the same thing. I'v had a friend that one day started avoiding me or wouldn't return my calls, nothing. And I was extremely hurt and went through a lot of stress and to this day I have no idea what I did to her. I practically begged her to tell me but she wouldn't respond to my calls or letters, so eventually gave up. I wouldn't of called her my"best" friend but she was a good friend for the most part and it still hurt when she did that too me. There isn't a whole lot you can do, the ball is in his court, he needs to do the right thing and tell you what's going on otherwise I would try to just move on. A friendship works both ways not one way.

[DJ 'H']

I can't help but think the friendship maybe went down two separate allyways and that is where the problem is. We both felt more for each other - he wanted to go down the path of a fling and I wanted to go down the path of a relationship. That's probably where the complication lies. But I did make it clear that if this was not an option for us then staying good friends was more important to me than not having him in my life at all.

He did say to me once "all the girls I have been in relationships with have been my close friends" each relationship broke up and he lost their friendship with it. I can understand it if he did not want to go down that road because we are/were so close and he did not want to lose that but to just cut me off anyway - it's all very strange to me. Being as we had been spending a lot of time together after not seen each other for a year. He initiated everything.

Maybe he is just a player and wanted to get in my knickers and then move on. The fact is I stayed at his house but nothing happened. I would not allow anything to happen when the intentions of a man are so bleak. I have learnt that from past mistakes and did not want to get caught in something like that. So this situation could have been a whole lot worse - it's just lucky I listened to the voices in my head saying 'No don't do it' .

It's all so confusing. I think I just need to let go, put it down to experience and lay it to rest in the past. (it's hard to do though)

[bizygurl]

Well that does make more sense. It sounds like he wanted to have more of a "friends with benefits" situation than an actual relationship. That puts things more in perspective. If the reason that he is throwing a friendship away because he can't sleep with you than I think your better off staying away. Maybe the reason he initiated everything was maybe there was a hope that you two would "hook up" and when it didn't happen he decided to stay away. It sounds like this guy really doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship unless he's getting physical action. But I commend you for sticking by your feelings and not giving into it. That is unfortunate that he won't remain friends do to that factor, obviously we don't know that for sure but that sounds like the most logical explanation. I definitely think you should move on and go on with your life with your boyfriend. It'll probably take sometime to get over the hurt this friend caused but I think you'll be better off in the long run.

[DJ 'H']

We don't know anything for definite - that's the frustrating part - but that's what we have to do when we don't know - apply logic and come to the conclusion for ourselves - it's the only way we lay our minds to rest on that subject and move on.

You can guarantee - I will put all of this behind me - go on very happy and one day out of the blue he will get in touch or our paths will cross. I guess no point worrying about it until if & when it happens.

Thank you for your help & support today :o

[bizygurl]

I think your doing the right thing. Sometimes you got to count your losses and move on. Hopefully one day he will grow up a bit and then you guys can pick up where you left off. Your welcome for the help, anytime!:)

[DJ 'H']

You would think with him turning 24yrs old on January 8 - he would be mature and grown up enough to acknowledge me and give me a reason for his behaviour.

I guess he is miles behind the rest of us and I am approaching 22yrs lol

And once again thank you - it's always good to know I have someone there to listen!!

[bizygurl]

Most men no matter how old they are seem to be at least 5 years behind in immaturity from woman. His age and what he's doing in many ways doesn't surprise me. Im very happy that I was some help to you. I hope talking about it a little gave you some encouragement.:)

[DJ 'H']

Most men no matter how old they are seem to be at least 5 years behind in immaturity from woman. His age and what he's doing in many ways doesn't surprize me. Im very happy that I was some help to you. I hope talking about it a little gave you some encouragement.:)

It has helped just to get it off my chest. I have so much going on at the moment that it is all becoming very stressful.

Offloading one thing has helped imensly. You and jesushelper have been absolute stars. I know jesushelper has gone on a long journey to surprise his family for xmas - but he was a tremendous help to me - and you have been a fantastic listener offering great advice - most of which I knew deep down - but when it comes to taking advice yourself - you have to hear from someone else before you actually believe it yourself (if that makes any sense) lol

[bizygurl]

I completely agree. The way I start to feel better about something is to talk about it. That's how I deal with stress, so I really enjoy talking with others when they are dealing with a lot. You know I also find that talking to complete strangers is sometimes easier than talking to family and friends. You don't get unbiased opinons and such. With me the only person I can talk to about anything major is my best friend, my husband is hard to talk to my mom is to stressed as it is to deal with my problems, so being here talking to you and others I feel is very helpful. If you ever need any help or need to blow steam off, I got you back.:)

[DJ 'H']

I completely agree. The way I start to feel better about something is to talk about it. Thats how I deal with stress, so I really enjoy talking with others when they are dealing with a lot. You know I also find that talking to complete strangers is sometimes easier than talking to family and friends. You don't get unbiased opinons and such. With me the only person I can talk to about anything major is my best friend, my husband is hard to talk to my mom is to stressed as it is to deal with my problems, so being here talking to you and others I feel is very helpful. If you ever need any help or need to blow steam off, I got ya back.:)

That's a real comfort. I hope that I can do the same for you!!

[bizygurl]

Thank you! That really does mean a lot!:D

[DJ 'H']

Anytime. It's weird but I feel quite connected to you. We seem very similar and seem to have lots in common. Our personalities are on par. I can see us becoming very good friends. :)

[bizygurl]

Oh most definitely! I feel the same way. I actually joined this forum way back in August and I worked myself all the way up to I think full expert and then My computer caught a virus. I just got a new one so now Im back. But it really stunk, cause I met some really great people here and then I was gone like that. I really did miss everyone. I think we definitely have a connection and that's great to know.Im looking forward to meeting new people what better way than through a site that's here to help people. At least you know your not dealing with nasty mean disrespectful people. You can private message me to anytime you want.:D

[DJ 'H']

Totally agree!

Feel free to message me anytime also!! I am well chuffed now :)

[bizygurl]

Awsome, me too!

[DJ 'H']

Thank you so much for cheering me up bizygurl - you are a star.

He still has not got in touch! I had a CD on full Blast in my car on my way back from work yesterday and this song came on - 'Savage Garden - Truly Madley Deeply' - it's one of my Favourite songs and it was Mine & Damiens song. I had flashbacks going on in my mind of fond memories of the when we met and the things we have done together since. It was like my mind was marking the end of an era. It bought tears to my eyes.

[mikestorm]

It could be that his Gareth Gates fell through and driving that far to go to a party where he only knew one bird was a little to far out of his comfort zone, so he skipped it.

At that point, he probably felt like a real plonker for blowing off your Todd Carty after he had promised to come and you had gone out of your way to ensure he had a place to sooty and sweep and all that.

I say give it a bit more Harry Lime, but eventually be the bigger person and reach out to him. Just say you hadn't heard from him in a while and wanted to say hi and see what he was up to and if anything was new - spanish waiter, don't be a Queens Park Ranger, etc. Don't mention the party.

If he thinks you're not dwelling on it, then he may also act like it never happened and never acknowledge it again. Then you can both put it behind you.



NOTE: Portions of this post were written with the assitance of Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary

[DJ 'H']

It could be that his Gareth Gates fell through and driving that far to go to a party where he only knew one bird was a little to far out of his comfort zone, so he skipped it.

At that point, he probably felt like a real plonker for blowing off your Todd Carty after he had promised to come and you had gone out of your way to ensure he had a place to sooty and sweep and all that.

I say give it a bit more Harry Lime, but eventually be the bigger person and reach out to him. Just say you hadn't heard from him in a while and wanted to say hi and see what he was up to and if anything was new - spanish waiter, don't be a Queens Park Ranger, etc. Don't mention the party.

If he thinks you're not dwelling on it, then he may also act like it never happened and never acknowledge it again. Then you can both put it behind you.



NOTE: Portions of this post were written with the assitance of Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary

Well he knew my mate Kirsty (as she and I both met him together whilst on holiday when we were 13yrs) - he had also already met a few of my friends and he knew the majority of my close family members. I also gave him the option to bring a few friends, so I don't think that's it.

I wrote him a letter before xmas and sent it, but he did not respond. I kept it light hearted and friendly and just left it open, so that he knows I am here no matter what, so that if and when he decides to get in touch, I will still be here and I am still his friend no matter what he does. I am not prepared to throw away a great 9yr friendship for nothing.

I have now accepted that his life des not involve me at the moment, but I do know that our paths in life will cross over at some point and I will see him again. I don't believe it's the be all and end all for good, just for now.