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Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 10:52 AM

She brought up to me that we needs to just be friends to reestablish the trust between us. How do you go from a 2 year relationship talking about marriage... to being friends with hopes of working back into the relationship? She told me a few weeks back that she thought we had rushed into this. How can you say that after 2 years have already passed?? Why is she running these lines on me?

Sdjosh · Jul 23, 2007, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

Will i ever hear from this girl again?

Who knows... my case is the same but different in many ways from most people on here. Her and I talked nearly everyday for the first 5 months after we broke up. Because we were good friends.

Its hard to do. Most people wouldn't want to go through that. Its easier to move on than to subject yourself to that kind of hurt all the time. But in my case, I know she is worth it. I was willing to make the effort.

Sdjosh · Jul 23, 2007, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

She brought up to me that we needs to just be friends to reestablish the trust between us. How do you go from a 2 year relationship talking about marriage...to being friends with hopes of working back into the relationship? She told me a few weeks back that she thought we had rushed into this. How can you say that after 2 years have already passed??? Why is she running these lines on me?

I went from a 7 year relationship and many discussions about marriage. But like I said... being friends is hard. But you have to focus on the here and now. Talk about happy things. Goals... music... movies... what you did this weekend. Stuff that you would talk about with a good friend. But don't sit there and ask about the relationship... what, why, where, how... and when. Its pressure... guilt... hurt... pain that you are bringing up. How is that going to fix anything.

Talk about those things with us here on the board or with your buddies. But NOT with her. If you want to rebuild a trust and friendship then start by being her friend. You know how to do that... you do it everyday with your buddies.

Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 10:58 AM

ANother thing that pisses me off... my birthday was June 29th. Her and I had plans to see each other for my birthday. On my birthday she tells me that she didn't think it was a good idea for us to see each other on my birthday. Instead she went out with her friends. That hurt me and pissed me off.

Sdjosh · Jul 23, 2007, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

ANother thing that pisses me off....my birthday was June 29th. Her and I had plans to see eachother for my birthday. On my birthday she tells me that she didnt think it was a good idea for us to see eachother on my birthday. Instead she went out with her friends. That hurt me and pissed me off.

Im not trying to side with her here but... but don't be mad. Its just as confusing to her as it it is to you. She won't admit that to you but she is unhappy just like you. She is trying to find her way. I know if I were in her shoes it would be so hard to see someone I loved and had a long relationship with.

Like I said... the best thing is to not have any expectations.

Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 11:05 AM

Is she really hurting as much as me? She seems to be happy from all the things she told me last time we saw each other. I judt don't think she is missing me at all, and I think she is falling out of love with me. People tell me differently, but I just don't see it that way.

Sdjosh · Jul 23, 2007, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

Is she really hurting as much as me? She seems to be happy from all the things she told me last time we saw eachother. I judt dont think she is missing me at all, and I think she is falling out of love with me. People tell me differently, but I just dont see it that way.

The advice I gave you... about being her friend? She is applying it. She said she wants work on being friends... So why would she sit there and pour her heart out to you? She is keeping it fun... light conversation... happy. She is trying to be your friend. Do the same.

And you should continue to work on yourself. Work on your issues. Fix what the problems were. You can't even begin to thing of getting back in a relationship with her before you fix what broke.

Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 11:23 AM

I would continue to meet her as a friend... but I cannot do that if she isn't contacting me. Maybe 2 weeks isn't a lot of time, but it seems forever to me considering I am in it.

Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 11:25 AM

This breka has gone on for about a month and a half. I have also been in therapy for the same amount of time. I feel I am ready to begin working on the relationship, but I feel I cannot bring it up. I feel this has gone on long enough.

Sdjosh · Jul 23, 2007, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

Tihs breka has gone on for about a month and a half. I have also been in therapy for the same amount of time. I feel I am ready to begin working on the relationship,

You may be ready but she my not be. Work on being friends first... No pressure... no expectations... just friends

Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 11:55 AM

How can I do that if she doesn't contact me?

talaniman · Jul 23, 2007, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

How can I do that if she doesn't contact me?

Stop thinking in terms of getting her back, Stop thinking about working on the relationship. Think in terms of building a life that YOU enjoy without her. Balance your life and LEARN how to make JOE happy. That's exactly what she is doing. Rightfully so. How else can you be prepared for what life will throw at you next? If you move on in a positive direction you will be met with positive results. Hang in and get busy.

I would continue to meet her as a friend... but I cannot do that if she isn't contacting me. Maybe 2 weeks isn't a lot of time, but it seems forever to me considering I am in it.

The pot boils more quick if your busy doing what your supposed to do.

Sdjosh · Jul 23, 2007, 01:47 PM

Tal is telling you the same think I am... Work on you first...

talaniman · Jul 23, 2007, 01:49 PM

Just curious about your therapy sessions, and how they are going?

She wants to work on the relationship, but wants me to work on my trust issues first.

She is giving you the space you need to help yourself, and not to be nosey(hehehe) but what where those issues??

Joe2982 · Jul 23, 2007, 02:10 PM

I would call her a whole bunch of times when I couldn't reach her when she was out with her friends. A couple of times I would show up at places she would be at when she wouldn't answer her phone. The therapy is going well. I mean the fact that I am not calling her at all or questioning her about the last month and a half we have not been together is a huge step for me. I do miss her, but I am learning how life is without her.

talaniman · Jul 23, 2007, 02:56 PM

Hope you never act like a nutcase again, glad you got help. It will get better just keep on your path. Be patient with yourself.

Joe2982 · Jul 24, 2007, 06:00 AM

I can admit and take full responsibility for my actions. I learned a valuable lesson from all this.

Joe2982 · Jul 24, 2007, 06:34 AM

I really am taking the steps to improve myself in all the ways I can. The only problem is that I can't get my situation out of my head. It has become much easier to deal with after a month of all this. However, it is still in my head every day.

talaniman · Jul 24, 2007, 06:55 AM

I wish I could tell you that it will be better soon, but that's up to how driven you are to get healthy. Volunteering is a great way to spend time, and nothing boost self esteem and confidence faster than giving of yourself and time, to some one who doesn't have what you can give. Get busy, stay busy.

Joe2982 · Jul 24, 2007, 08:46 AM

I wish this was easier, but for me it isn't. I just feel on some level she is not going to be there to work on the relationship. I know I can't focus on that, but it is a fear I have. I am learning how to cope with everything else, but I just do not want to throw away two years.