[friend4u178]

Doubt there will be Friend, but hopefuly he will start a new one. I would like a nice bed time story to tell my grandchildren

Ha Ha Rome

You mean a Long Bedtime story ;)

[Romefalls19]

Yup, it's going to be a week long continuation story for when my children go off for the week and need a baby sitter, ha ha

Just messing with you Tab, you know we are all routing for you!

[friend4u178]

Just messing with you Tab, you know we are all routing for you!

Absolutely :cool:

[tabbarat]

Thanks guys...

Anyway, I know this is more of a journal entry, and most of the times it will continue to be, however, sometimes I will ask for advice... ummm, like NOW:

I don't know if its because I'm drunk or one of my friends played with my head... but I'm wondering: I sometimes hit on tamales and do stuff with them... could she be doing the same thing?

It all started when we saw each other everyday this week and all was good and dandy, fun, great, etc... but this weekend (weekend in dubai is Thursday and Friday night), she spent it with her friends

I didn't mind, especially since I got to see my friends as well, and obviously we are still technically single... so I didn't say anything... just said have fun, and she told me the same thing

But now I'm wondering: 1) could she be doing smthg on the side or liking someone else?

My opinion: I do stuff on the side to satisfy my physical urges... why would she do stuff on the side?

And if she was seeing someone else, she sure does see me more! So poor "other guy"

2) I don't tell her when I do stuff with tamales... could she not be telling me too?

3) the million dollar question: do I have a right to ask her?

She usually just asks who I went with, where I know these people from, how my night was, and if I had fun

I do the same.

But now wondering if I have a right to ask her if she is doing stuff on the side; considering we are not bf/gf and only "2 good friends who really liek each other" in an "open relationship"

The point in all this is: I can handle her not being with me fully because of her ex of 10 yrs... but I can't handle her not being with me because of some new prick

Anyway, I think maybe I'm just being paranoid... a mix of a friends bad advice and a lot of vodka :)

[wikedjuggalo]

I couldn't help but laugh at that last post buddy.

Of Course she could. A lot of things could be going on.
As far as asking her that will be a two way street buddy. Don't be upset if she ask the same questions.

[talaniman]

Whether she tells you, or not, or whether she tells the truth, or not, you just have to trust her, as she trusts you, as this is the open relationship that you both agreed to.

[slapshot_oi]

1) could she be doing smthg on the side or liking someone else?

Oh come on, why'd you even ask that? If you are hangin' and bangin' then she probably is too.

3) the million dollar question: do i have a right to ask her?

Actually, you don't. You said yourself you're both technically single, open relationship, whatever you want to call it, meaning you both can do whatever you please and not have to get approval from the other person. If you ask her anything about what she's doing, she'll just get annoyed and angry. You would only have that right if you two were exclusive.

anyway, i think maybe im just being paranoid...a mix of a friends bad advice and a lot of vodka

This is what we all mean; this probably isn't the first and it sure ain't the last time you'll feel like this, especially drunk. It'd be in your best interest to put a stop to it all before you do something really stupid that you'll regret.

On a related note, the girl who I was recently seeing who also is bound to her ex-boyfriend Facebook messaged me Wednesday asking if I was interested in getting together on Friday night; I never responded, and I felt like it was the best move I could have possibly made. If I had responded, not only would I give her the satisfaction of acknowledgment but we probably would've met up and as it were, we were headed to a bar and I would've been tanked and said something out-of-line. Like I said to you, I don't want to be on her leash.

I wouldn't like my new ex-girlfriend to be with some other guy either but that's a risk I'm willing to take, and you should too. I'd rather accept the break-up and lose her to some chump than wallow in misery for weeks to months.

[Mom of 2]

So now you are confirming the fact that you are NOT okay with the way that EVERYTHING is going, although you have continued to say throughout this post that you are. Sorry, I didn't believe you then and I certainly don't believe you now. Technically, you have a right to ask anybody anything. However, what you DON'T have a right to be is upset with HER if she tells you this is going on because there is a supposed agreement that you are both single and you are not gf/bf. Yes, I believe that she can be doing just what you are worried about and she IS WITHIN HER RIGHTS TO DO SO!! So are you, right? You said it yourself. Remember, you can't have your cake and eat too.

If you don't ask her, then you will never know. Just remember that if you do ask her, she most likely WILL be angry with you and you MAY lose her. If you REALLY want to know the answer to your question, then you need to decide if it is a risk that you are willing to take. Please DON'T take this as me telling you that you should ask her questions about what she is doing when she is not with you because I strongly believe that you really don't have a right to question her actions because YOU ARE NOT IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP (let alone even A true relationship other than a friendship). You are in an open relationship, which means there are no boundaries. I personally don't believe in these kinds of relationships, but then again I'm not like everyone else and no one is like me. To each his own - as long as you are Truly comfortable with it.

[liz28]

I am curious to know what kind of "bad advice" was your friends giving you? Did they tell you to remove yourself from this situation? Just wondering what is your friends take on this situation.

Oh, and I agree with everyone above about how your not fine with this set up and I guess it takes booze for you to figure that out. How longer do you plan on keep going down this road because sooner or later your going come to a dead end.

[tabbarat]

1) the reason I think that I'm the only one that might be doing smthg on the side is a) I'm not getting sex from her and b) because she has her ex of 10yrs back home on her plate as well

I'm not saying that she might not be doing anything, all is possible...

2) I will ask her, but its not what I say, its HOW I say... I work in sales, so trust me on this one ;)

I will just ask "so meet anyone new or interesting or so anything u wanna tell me or whatever"

I have a right to ask, but NO right to get angry at the answer

But the million dollar question is if she will tell the truth

Because I surely will deny sleeping with tamales even though I HATE lying to her or anyone

I, however, have told her that I'm meeting "new, cool, pretty, girls" etc...

So I guess I will ask (just for peace of mind) but will still wonder if it's the truth or not

All I can do is not let it bother me and move on... c'est la vie, as they say

3) you are right and wrong... I can say that 90% of the time I'm OK with the way things are

But sometimes when she goes with her friends, or I go with my friends, we get into this grey area

I already told her: "we are both technically single...we really like each other and the way things are...but we are free to live our lives...HOWEVER, if you do meet someone new, you should tell me, and i will do the same, bc it wouldnt be fair to us and what we have"... basically, I'm OK with not being with her FULLY because of her boyfriend back home, but not because of some new prick

She agreed, and I guess time will tell...

talaniman is right... I got myself into this mess, so "i better get used to it"

Anyway, after not seeing her for 2 days, we saw each other today.. had dinner.. a good time.. held hands, kissed, nice conversation, etc.

4) that's not true, guys... I don't think that any advice I disagree with is bad advice... if you notice, I have given out a lot of greenies :)

The "bad advice" I was given last night is: don't be a fool, if your here looking to get laid/meet a chick... she is out doing the same thing

But what "scares" me is not her meeting a guy or talking to a guy for one night... what "scares" me is her liking a guy.. maybe exchanging numbers etc

Guys are OK just having one night stands.. but girls like to get all emotional and sh*it :)

As for my friends' advice on the whole situation: its mosty the same I get here: a mixture of "better just to let go" and "enjoy the ride" and "if u can handle an open relationship, then good luck...if not, fcuk it".. etc... nothing new

However, I was interested with LIZ28 post... u said "sooner or later there will be a dead end"... can u elaborate?

Regards :)

[tabbarat]

I just re-read my post... I really hate lying.. I really am a nice guy :)... any ideas on if I should say the truth or not if she asks me if I slept with anyone? Hope it doesn't come to it :s

[wikedjuggalo]

i just re-read my post...i really hate lying..i really am a nice guy :)....any ideas on if i should say the truth or not if she asks me if i slept with anyone?! hope it doesnt come to it :s

Depends... Do you want a relationship that is started on truth or one on lies? I'm sure down the road it will come out.

[asking]

I already told her: "we are both technically single...we really like each other and the way things are...but we are free to live our lives...HOWEVER, if you do meet someone new, you should tell me, and i will do the same, bc it wouldnt be fair to us and what we have"... basically, I'm OK with not being with her FULLY because of her boyfriend back home, but not because of some new prick

She agreed, and I guess time will tell...

You "told her" and she, what? Nodded her head? Are you sure she agreed with all that as a kind of contract? Or was she just saying she understood how you felt? Those are two different things. Or just listening and wondering what to say?

I've had guys say weird things to me and I was just kind of speechless and then they change the subject. Then, later, they said we "agreed" on whatever it was they said, even though they never asked me if I agreed and I never said I did.

.. . She is out doing the same thing

Maybe, maybe not. But unless you've been tamaleless for a couple months yourself, what can you say? I still think you have to choose between her and the tamales, or you aren't really pursuing her. Maybe she's picking up on that...

guys are OK just having one night stands.. but girls like to get all emotional and sh*it :).. .

Of course YOU don't have any emotions and sh*t about this woman you've been telling us about for months. :)

[talaniman]

This is often the point that your mind starts playing tricks on you! The doubts, and questions, get to creep into your thinking, and affect your actions.

Originally Posted by tabbarat
i just re-read my post...i really hate lying..i really am a nice guy :)....any ideas on if i should say the truth or not if she asks me if i slept with anyone?! hope it doesnt come to it :s

One lie will always lead to another... and so on... and so on..!

[slapshot_oi]

1) the reason i think that im the only one that might be doing smthg on the side is a) im not getting sex from her and b) bc she has her ex of 10yrs back home on her plate as well

im not saying that she might not be doing anything, all is possible...

So, because you aren't getting sex from her and she has an ex-boyfriend in another country is reason enough you are the only one playing the field. Let me break it down Barney style for ya: If you're not getting sex from her, then she's not getting sex from you, which usually means she's getting sex from someone else and has you tangled in this emotional affair.

i have a right to ask, but NO right to get angry at the answer

but the million dollar question is if she will tell the truth

Of course you would say that when we all, in one way or another, advised against asking about her business. You're so predictable and we've never even met, you must make this girl feel like a prophet. I bet she can read you like a book and play you like a fiddle, there's no mystery with you anymore in her eyes, in fact, in our eyes as well. You're so quick volunteer information that she doesn't need or want to know, like:

i, however, have told her that im meeting "new, cool, pretty, girls" etc...

We know you want her to be jealous, and she does too. It's easy to take advantage of someone when you know how he'll act or what he'll say ahead of time, and you've given her an arsenal to work with. You're setting yourself up for a huge disappointment.

You should only say what needs to be said. There are other schools of thought on this forum that clash with the above statement, but if you're the type of person that usually talks himself into a bad situation (and you seem like it), then being concise is a life-lesson.

So again, don't ask her about her personal life, it's down-right rude.

[tabbarat]

1) of course I want a relationship based on truth.. but this is exactly the point, we aren't in a relationship... I wouldn't have even been out with tamales if we were in a relationship

2) no, she nodded and agreed... this "contract" came up a couple of times, so she would have said smthg

3) no, she knows I still want her... but she also knows that as long as we are not together, I'm going to go out with friends and party... she knows this, and I made it clear... her choice

4) I love how you guys think I have "no emotions" for this woman, but see me still attached and want to be with her after all this time... dont let the fact that I do stuff on the side because I'm still single fool you.. if we were together, and WHEN we were together, I'm the best boyfriend ;)

5) I agree with talaniman that thoughts start to play with your head... I guess I have to just take it easy and not worry... I also agree that one lie leads to another... hope it doesn't get to that

6) slapshot: I don't know if you read the whole post... the reason why she is hesitant about getting sex is because of her guy back home.. and that her having sex with me or anyone is a sign that she finally moved on.. and she is not ready to let go of her past

If she wants sex, she knows she can get it with me... and she is not the one night stand type of girl... I mean being with the same guy since she was 15 should prove that

The reason I want to go have sex is because she isn't ready.. when she is, I will be more than reay to stop with the tamales.. and I never pressure her because I respect her wishes

5) dude, even before I got your advice, I always believed I can ask her, but not get angry at what she says... ppl on this site know that I ask for advice even though I already know what I'm going to do anyway :P

And its easy for you to say that "she plays me like a fiddle" when your all the way in God knows where looking at a computer screen

I don't voluntarily tell her I met a cool girl... im not an idiot... she asks me and I say... I don't go into details... I leave a mystery.. I say it was a fun night, met nice people, etc.. thats it

I don't think its rude if I ask her what is going on in a NICE way... in the end we are good friends... I mean we see each other almost everyday...

[talaniman]

To bad that's not how to win a females heart. In this case, I don't see you winning her at all. Sorry guy.

If you were serious as you say, you would have had the confidence to step back, and let her make her own decision without your influence.

You still should, give her space, just to see the reality of this situation, and see if her words match her action.

I will bet, they don't, as its obvious, neither do yours.

[slapshot_oi]

4) i love how u guys think i have "no emotions" for this woman, but see me still attached and want to be with her after all this time....dont let the fact that i do stuff on the side bc im still single fool you..if we were together, and WHEN we were together, im the best bf ;)

Quite the opposite, my friend, if anything, I would say she has no real emotions for you. She's been simmering in an emotional stew since she broke up with her ex, so she's probably saying and doing things she wouldn't normally do, that's what people do under stress.

6) slapshot: i dont know if u read the whole post...the reason why she is hesitant about getting sex is bc of her guy back home..and that her having sex with me or anyone is a sign that she finally moved on..and she is not ready to let go of her past

if she wants sex, she knows she can get it with me...and she is not the one night stand type of girl...i mean being with the same guy since she was 15 should prove that

My God... I read the whole post, I even friggin' quoted it! You aren't reading mine! Again, you prove my point (the leash), "she knows she can get it with me". Because she knows you'll jump her bones at the drop of a hat, she's going to make you wait and wait and wait, and you will wait but shall never receive because that spineless behavior it's so unattractive to women! There was even a 20-year old girl that agreed with me on that. I swear to God I can't drive this point and further, if you don't get it now you never will.

And her long-term relationship doesn't prove jack sh*t. If she's been with the same dude since she was 15, she doesn't really know who she is. She's never had a one-night stand so she's more likely to have one. Besides, she's still young so she can still have some fun, usually people only start to settle down in their mid to late 20s.

5) dude, even before i got ur advice, i always believed i can ask her, but not get angry at what she says...ppl on this site know that i ask for advice even though i already know what im gonna do anyway :P

Then do it and post her answer. I'm eager to hear her response

and its easy for u to say that "she plays me like a fiddle" when ur all the way in God knows where looking at a computer screen

She's Charlie Daniels-ing yo' a$$! She weened you on Puppy Chow, you ate it all up, and now you're on Iams, keep obeying her every command and you'll earn yourself a dog house.

i dont voluntarily tell her i met a cool girl...im not an idiot....she asks me and i say...i dont go into details...i leave a mystery..i say it was a fun night, met nice ppl, etc..thats it

That's not what you wrote before. You're so inconsistent.

i dont think its rude if i ask her what is going on in a NICE way...in the end we are good friends...i mean we see each other almost everyday...

Ha, whatever...

EDIT
I have to learn November Rain by Guns N' Roses for an upcoming show this Saturday. Read the lyrics to the song, it's your exact situation.

[Ash123]

Holy Sh--- man, are you still working this thread?

She's got you whipped buddy.

If she's the one, take at least 6 months off like I said, and see if it is to be. You'll never know unless you give her isolation time.

[TrueFaith]

Hey tab can you do me a real big favor..

Its nearly christmass

So could you stop this thred :) yeah..?

I mean sierously... you have been going back and forth... back and forth..

A lot of people have put a lot of time into this.. and yet you are still making the same mistakes again... and again.

You have no idea where you are.. or what you want in life.. and you also have no idea of a real relationship..

You don't have any confidance in anything you do. As you let people use you.. and you are getting really hurt.

You say its cool and no problem.. and your tough and you don't care..
Well look we have about 468 posts! About the same stuff.

For someone that does not care.. WoW! I

If you was cool with.. then why in the hell.. are you always talking about it..

I don't mind helping people and I know you have a lot of friends here..

But dude.. enough is enough..

There is only so much people can say on a subject...

You give us all these pathetic lists. About what your options are and how this could happen. And how this makes you feel.

She does not care about you. And you sure asl hell have a weird way of looking at relationships.

I'm just saying this now.. and you can RED me if you want.. but really..

Stop beating this dead horse with a stick.