[karnak]

Thanks everyone, for all the support and insight you've given me.

Some update: her birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I sent her a birthday message. Something simple and nice. Other than that it's been complete no contact for almost two months.

She never gave a reply. I haven't talked with her since I first posted this thread.

But I feel terrible and miserable. Very miserable indeed.

New job is going very well. Lots of work, but things are going nice. Been going to the gym, reading, movies, etc...

But no news from the woman I love. This hurts. A LOT.

I hope things work better for the rest of you.

Thanks again for the suppot.

All the best.

[Wildcat21]

Give it time bud, give it time. You can't pressure her at all.

May be in a couple weeks ask to go for a cup of coffe - nothing more. NO TOUGH QUESTIONS! NONE!! Just be funny and interesting - your life is going great.

TEASE THE HELL out of her - no wuss, nice guy, behavior - no sick pup. NO MORE SMOTHERING EVER!

You have to change and show it to her.

You should be pretty mad about all this pretty soon - when you do see her, show her you are a MAN!!

You have to indifferent towards, remember the reason why she dated you in the first place.

ALSO -sometimes when you see that person again in REAL life - the feelings are gone.

[Debra Jill]

Wildcat!? This is the first time I've disagreed with your advice. The ex-girlfriend told this guy she didn't want him contacting her (remember? He sent her books and some dvd's) that she just wanted him to leave her alone and to stop pursuing her.
After that he sends her a birthday card (I understand because it's coming from his heart) but she stipulated to "leave her alone." So again, he extends himself to her but she doesn't respond to his gesture.
He shouldn't be giving her a call in a couple of weeks to ask her out for coffee! He's only going to be rejected again. :(
He has given her ample opportunity to make the next move and she doesn't sound like she's moving anywhere near him.
In time he'll find a girl that'll make this relationship seem like puppy-love in comparison. I know he's probably reading this and saying "no way," but it's almost inevitable, don't you think? (especially if he's young and this was his only serious relationship).
Am I missing something about calling her for coffee?

[shenda]

You mentioned that your beloved... does not feel that she can give you what you need/want.

Stop trying to get her back, do not check up on her at anytime, until you have taken the time to show her a little respect. She said, she is not able to give you what you need/want. What is that thing that disturbs her? It has something to do with an expectation of yours. Settle that issue with yourself, first. You are spending way too much time attempting to woo your beloved, versus understanding your beloved. Generally, the Mother Theresa syndrome is found in women, but I think you have been bitten by that same bug... You will carry the load of love for two without investigating if she feels the same way too. She is a part of the relationship, apparently, made to feel inadequate in some area. She is a kind heart... she doesn't want to use you, thus her refusal to accept your gifts. She doesn't want to hear from you because she needs time to sort things through. She needs to identify your value in her life, are you truly someone who will ease her load or apply more pressure. Back off. If she desires you, she knows how to reach out to you; however, be wise... maximize this time to evaluate the essence of the atmosphere you have set for her.

[Wildcat21]

Debra Jill - I know she didn't want him contacting her. But...

He needs to ALSO figure out what pushed ber her away. He needs to improve himself big time first. He needs to stop smothering her or any other woman first. He needs to learn about woman.

He needs to get a life and learn that woman are a part of your life - not your life. Date other woman as well and some how make sure she know s this.

I do think win back can work - BUT, it takes a lot of time - and he needs to continue with the 'space'. Hey - she liked something about him originally. He also needs to learn that he is the prize - woman won't see guys that put her ahead of him - woman at least want the feeling they are seeing someone who is an upgrade - NOT a needy, insecure whimp.

YES - there are other woman out there - actually millions- and he should be looking 100%. I hope he is trying to at leats casually date other woman.

If he doesn't change - then forget it. AND if they do meet for coffe - don't call for like a week after that or more.

Guys don't get it that woman want to think about their guy, mytery, challenge.

Whwne you ALWAYS pick up the phone and call her 5 times a day and always do wha tshe wants to do and are always agreeable - she will leave.

Karnak should not even bother if he hasn't chnaged and learn to love himslef first - take care of yourself first. I hope he read everything at the wesites I suggested as well - thousands of great tips.

[Wildcat21]

Shenda - great advice. Just great!

"until you have taken the time to show her a little respect" - exactly - that's why no contact - I have a feeling he may have been trying to contact and that would ruin any chance.

"It has something to do with an expectation of yours. Settle that issue with yourself, first." - YES! That's part of the change!

"You are spending way too much time attempting to woo your beloved, versus understanding your beloved." - YES! That's about learning about woman.

"are you truly someone who will ease her load or apply more pressure." Exactly! Outstanding!! Man - that's sooooooo deep!! Been there.

Just great stuff! Thanks.

[Wildcat21]

Shenda - from a woman's perspective - how does he show his respect of her?

Not contacting? Giving her the 'space'?

[Hope12]

Many do strange things under stress that they normally would not do and yet when that stress is relieved the strange actions of the person under stress also leave.
I then can appreciate what Jesus said when he gave very positive counsel about these concerns: “Stop being anxious about your souls as to what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your bodies as to what you will wear. Does not the soul mean more than food and the body than clothing?” Matthew 6:25

Yes, the soul and body, or the whole person, are vastly more important than food and clothing. God’s servants can be sure that he will help them to obtain their basic needs. Jesus gave this example: “Observe intently the birds of heaven, because they do not sow seed or reap or gather into storehouses; still your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth more than they are?” Matthew 6:26
We most of the time bring about our own stress but it is unthinkable that God would provide for feathered creatures yet neglect his human who he Created , who are very precious to him and for whom Christ laid down his life.
Jesus then reinforced this by referring to the lilies of the field that neither toil nor spin, yet “not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these.” King Solomon’s reign was noted for its splendor. Jesus then comfortingly asked: “Will [God] not much rather clothe you?” Matthew 6:28-32; Song of Solomon 3:9, 10.
So here Jesus is referring to clothing and food and care. We also care for our loved ones, do we not? Well if we do we always want the best for them. God wants the same for you and your loved one. It puts a responsibility on us to care for those we love. If we say we love someone, we take care of them. So to if we love God, we would want to take care of the responsibility that goes along with the claim that we love him. When we love someone dearly we look for their approval of us. We go out of our way at time to please them. We also need to please our Creator, thereby relieving ourselves of the stress that daily life can put on us.
Many people are inclined to worry about the future, especially when things are going wrong. But those who believe in the God of the Bible can turn to him in faith. In Philippians 4:6 adds to Jesus’ word ‘Do not be anxious over anything, Paul adds, “but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God.”

Our worship to the Creator and writer of the Bible Jehovah God is the best stress relief anyone will ever find. Also it is free for the asking! Most of all, it works because it comes from the person who created both man and women.

I don’t know if this women will return to you but yet family, work and the stresses that can take place in a relationship can make any person do strange things. But there is a cure for stress, all we need to do is reach 0ut and take it. God’s unwavering help and understanding and wisdom. He offers that help by means of his word the Bible. We though have be willing to accept the help when offered.

I wish you well,
Hope12
:o

[s_cianci]

She is no doubt suffering from depression and needs substantial psychiatric treatment before she can resume anything resembling a normal life. She is in no condition to have anything of a meaningful relationship right now. Write this one off and move on.