[citygirl07]

I take it that means no family vacations. What do you guys do fot fun? I mean all work and no play...............???? No hobbies..................???

I'm sorry, I thought you meant on a regular basis. We do take vacations... try to take a week away from home every year. We are taking one next month for 5 days, so I'm hoping that will help. We take weekend trips every now and again... maybe 3 times a year... shopping, ballgames, whatever. It's the whole family, though, not just me and the husband.

[talaniman]

Besides being caught up in the work/raising kids thing you sound just like what we used to do years ago. Except the wife and I had fun with other couples, who had kids the same age as us. You and your husband would be better friends, I think, with better communication skills, and honestly you sound so typical, to that I can't pinpoint why you would leave a 14 year relationship, so let me ask you this what are the top 5 changes you would make, to make YOU happy?

[citygirl07]

Besides being caught up in the work/raising kids thing you sound just like what we used to do years ago. Except the wife and I had fun with other couples, who had kids the same age as us. You and your husband would be better friends, I think, with better communication skills, and honestly you sound so typical, to that I can't pinpoint why you would leave a 14 year relationship, so let me ask you this what are the top 5 changes you would make, to make YOU happy?

What I would like to see happen is that 1)he'd lose weight, which would make him more attractive, thus making him more desirable 2)we need to start talking again 3)I want to actually like him again... I don't really like him most of the time. 4) I want to actually be able to tell him I love him and mean it. I haven't said it in years... and neither does he. 5) I'd like to be IN love again, but I think other things need to happen. 6)his child from previous marriage needs to move away to college somewhere and pay her own way 7) he needs to quit being so secretive 8)I want to have friends other than him... he's not stopping me by the way... our busy lifestyle seems to. I don't think he'd like it if I said I was going out with a girl friend, but it'd be nice to have one. 9)We need to spend more time together... maybe we should make time for a date night or something 10)We need to have common goals... because we don't talk much, I'm not sure that we do.

I guess I've been wanting to leave because I've just grown tired of dealing with it. Sometimes, the tension is so thick in our house, you could cut it with a knife. It's just a very sickening feeling to live with the stress for so long.

[plyinsmn]

I am married for 48 years. We have had good and bad times togrether, That's life.There are times I would do anything my wife asks of me and when I was younger there were times I looked forward togetting away on business meetings. We have three married children and nine grandchildren. They are our dividends for being together for 48 years.
You become one person after all that time. We can have convbersation just by looking at each other. We don't consider ourseves an old, just mature seniors.

[talaniman]

I guess I've been wanting to leave because I've just grown tired of dealing with it. Sometimes, the tension is so thick in our house, you could cut it with a knife. It's just a very sickening feeling to live with the stress for so long.

Tired is something that I understand. They only cure for that is rest and relax. I know your busy, but looking at your list I said wow I ask for 5 things and got 10. The first priority would be get some rest anyway you can and attack the list, and #1 prioritise it by importance to you, #2- recognise the items you can effect change in by yourself. Give this one some thought as you must be realistic in this appraisal. This is your list so remove those items from the others. #3- List those items from the remaining ones, those that you think your husband should do by himself. Again you MUST be realistic and honest as you know this man, so be fair. Remove #6 about the daughter for now. You should have 3 lists, yours that you can do, his that he can do, and the rest should be what you must do together. Take your time organising these lists, again I can't stress enough the need to be honest and realistic and fair. If you honestly don't think that you can do something on your list, then it goes in the list you both should do. You can see why being calm, and relaxed is the way to go in putting these list together so take your time, and give each item some thought. Back to the questions if you don't mind , about the relationship between you and your daughter and why you feel the way you do. And how old is she? I know seems as if your back in school taking a test doesn't it, so let me explain something, I've been in your place, maybe not exactly but tired and fedup, and looking for a way out. We feel that way when we have a lot going on and nothing is going our way. I do know tough times believe me. But through a lot of communications and hard work, my wife and I were willing to do, we survived and raised our kids and retired to play with the grand kids and enjoy life. We have 33 years and countng, It can be done, and we are happy now looking back, we didn't quite on each other, because the times were tough and the work we had to put in was hard. That's the key, willing to work, doing what it takes, and don't quite on each other. For now get your rest, and work on that list, as you will find it revealing to say the least, and please if you can let me know about your step daughter. I have a daughter and have raised a couple of neices too because of circumstances beyond their control, and can tell you stories and show you gray hairs to prove it. You can do this and be successful, so relax and hope to see your posts soon.

[E3317]

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