[brandy681]

I think that is ridiculous Lynn.. First of all that would be crazy to hold a grudge just for that potty training issue and I can't even remember that time in my life.

I don't remember potty training because I was way too young to remember something like that and I am sure that she probably don't remember either. Even if she did remember what is that to hold a life long grudge about!

As far as the molesting part of the issue, I would definitely look in to this because your daughter(s) would have no reason to lie about it. I have heard of way too many adults who don't trust there children about family members or friends molesting there kids. I would definitey be angry at my mom if I she did not believe me and didn't put a definite end to it. Did you talk to her father about these issues because I would have and I would have done something about it because most of the times the mollestor will lie, not saying that this is your case but you always have to believe your children and put them first and admit to your mistakes as a parent.. even if they are wrong apologize anyway.

I know that you are probably upset that your daughter is accusing her dad of something like that but she must have a reason.. Maybe she was mollested by him at a young age or she doesn't trust him and is not close to him. If she was closer to him and trusted him then probably things may be different but if you don't take her side and believe her, and accept her wishes than I honestly do not blame her for this. I mean things happen and you may never be close to some of your daughters and for this you need to think something is up if 3 of your daughters do not care to see you. I don't want to seem harsh but that is a fact. I wish you luck and pray that you will find a way to heal all past wounds.


I have confronted my mom on some issues that I had as a child also and she said that she can't remember anything but my mom has apologized or I would probably still be a little upset about some things that she has done. My mom didn't do anything horrible but I have some grudges over my mom putting my brother first and all.

My mom finally admitted this because my brothers father had main custody and my mom didn't get to see him as much as she saw me. Always know that how you treat your children will come back to haunt you and treat all of them equal and show lots of love and definitely don't let anyone hurt your children because later they will hold a grudge for a long time or indefinitely.

Hope the info is of some help...

[lynnirene]

Miss Advice,

Do you know how inspired you are?

Last night I woke up thinking I should send bday/Christmas cards. But I was worried about what to say. Today, you repeat the same thought, and tell me what to say ! I know blessings come from 'people' not 'things', I just didn't expect it to be here waiting for me !

I thank you for your advise, it fits, it's good. I will do this. I knew I was going to send cards, but with your advice, I now know what would be good to right.

I saw a girl in WalMart yesterday, tall slender red hair like my youngest girl. Boy, it was hard to hold the tears back. I wish I had stopped to smile at her, it would have felt good to me. I often see young women who dress like her, or have her hair color. I decided that it was good practice to give a smile to anyone who did look like her, just to get myself ready for the 'real event', so I can be doing it without hesitation or tears (hopefully).

I'm glad you answered my post, thank you... Lynn

[lynnirene]

Brandy,

I think I explained in an earlier post. My daughter out of the country, I believe is telling the truth about the man who molested her, he was a know molester. But, we did not TAKE her to him and leave her alone in a house with him, or let her ride alone in his van, like she is saying. This would never have happened with out knowledge, no way in hell. But she is saying that it happened with our knowledge.

My other daughter, and the baby- Gpa and the baby and the whole family, used to watch as the baby sat on gpas feet, facing away from him, and he would bounce her on his shoes, playing horsey, she would bounce off and get back up again while we all had a belly luagh, and he strained a gut trying to lift her up. Initially my daughter reported that the baby, then 18 mo, said her bottom hurt, and she immediately accused her dad of molesting the baby. I suggested she take the baby to the dr to ease her mind, and she did. The dr said the baby was fine. But she was afraid and I promised her that dad would not be alone with the baby, he also agreed it was good to do. I thought it would give her time to process the situtation better. She was a new mother, newly divourced and I knew it scared her her. But one year later, she stated he had done it again, BUT, we kept true to our promise, and gpa WAS NEVER alone with the baby. In the meantime, she was taking the baby on overnights to the other gparents, and, unfortunately that gpa was an drug addicted alcoholic, and that gma worked every day, and a daughter of theirs had a live in boyfriend, and they were both using drugs at the time. My daughter now states that I knew her daughter was being molested and that I am lying about it, or, that I was simply ignoring what was going on. This is the worst pain of all for me, and my husband.

I know, with three daughters to explain about, it's hard to get it straight. I think your great for trying to understand though, thank you. I hope this is easier to understand.

Lynn

[riverdance1027]

I was also estranged from my two grown daughters after divorce. The older one's estrangement lasted five years during which time I missed her wedding and the birth of her first child. The younger daughter moved cross country and will not respond to me in any way. I missed her proms, her high school and college graduations, and some serious health problems. I have not reunited with my older but the younger is out of the picture. No accusations were ever made against me. My older daughter loves my help and care of her children and I am treated as a valuable influential grandparent. The whole thing makes no sense although my younger has admitted to having emotional problems. My point is that you have to hold out for reuniting at the same time you move on with life and accept that you may never reunite. "Hope for the best and plan for the worst." It's a process, but it can be done. Don't blame yourself. There are very few arenas in which you can be accused, tried, convicted and punished with no opportunity to protect yourself or present your own case.

[sister2]

I have two Children 1 boy 42 and one girl 38 my husband has 4 children 1 boy 3 girls ages 46-38 .and we could care less if we ever see them again!! When we married everything was wonderful all the kids got along ,but as they aged out and became married and parents of their own we were no longer a part of their lives.. Jealousy and envy became apparent on their parts towards the ones left at home... Each had their own stories about how they were no longer important because they didn't live with us any longer. One lived in Louisiana, one in South Carolina, One just anywhere that her and her boyfriend ended up { we raised two of her babies from age 4+5 to adult hood } I have heard how I was an awful mother after they became adults until I am sick of it... Now my son who is 42 gets in a bind after not speaking to me for 4 years, except to cuss me and tell me his take on how terrible I was .He begs for a place for him and his wife and 2 girls to live .Now He loves me , he was so wrong and cruel etc, etc. etc. Well after him and his wife 2 girls moved in I have come to the conclusion the reason adult kids do not want you in their lives is the way they live it ,not because of you... They do not want you to know the things they do that is not acceptable in society .Drugs ,language, child abuse, child neglect, oh so many things.. AFTER MY SON LIVING IN THIS HOUSE I WILL NEVER QUESTION WHY MY CHILD DOES NOT WANT ME IN THEIR LIVES ,I WILL JUST ACCEPT THAT IT'S FOR MY BEST INTEREST THAT THEY ARE NOT IN MY LIFE... IT IS REALLY TRUE WHAT I DO NOT KNOW CAN NOT HURT ME.. They do not have the right to ever stand in judgment of me ,after seeing their parenting skills FIRST HAND I am the WORLDS BEST MOTHER...