[JoeCanada76]

Hello J9,

I am so so sorry to hear about the situation that you feel that your in right now. I hope that we all here can help you in your time of need and hopefully say that right things that will help comfort you. I am praying for you and your whole family to be able to come together in this time and hopefully heal eventually.

You asked us what we personally would do in your situation. It would be hard to know exactly what we would do in your situation unless we went through it ourselves, but I will write hear what I think I would do and how I personally would deal with this situation.

If I understand correctly your father wants to just let go, but honestly since he is still here. It is not really his time to go yet.

Okay I am going to tell you a story. When I was a teenager. I found out that my Step Grandfather was dying with cancer. He lives in the states. I stayed home while most of the family went down to boston to be with him. He knew for a while that he had cancer but never told anybody. His children are all over the place and not all of them could make it.

Apparently close to the end. I remember sitting at home knowing everybody could not make it. Thinking of the pain he was in. I lit a candle and said a prayer. I asked God to take him home and that I know he has suffered enough. I asked God that once I blew out the candle that he would go back home. No more then a few minutes later I received a phone call that he passed away. Even the family that could not make it, once he knew everybody was on the phone apparently that is when he felt it was okay to leave, or that it was his time.

I personally feel that by talking with your mother or even trying to convince her to make a decision that she is not ready for will cause some resentment. I know it is well meaning but I do not think that anybody should convince your mother to do anything she does not want to do. I feel that she just needs support around her from family. Family to be there to help her through this time. It is understandable to want to do everything in your power to Help with your fathers wishes, but in the end it is between your father, your mother and God.

So personally I would not call up to convince my mother to do that. I think that I would show support, at the same time when my fathers time is up it will happen when everything is right. I do believe that to give up hope, or trying to tell your mother that it is time to give up is wrong. 50 years is a long time to be together and I do believe that your father should be communicating this with his wife and that they both are holding on to each other. When the right time does come for him to pass, it will happen. I am so sorry for this and I hope you do not mind me writing my thoughts about this.

J9, I just want you to know that support is important and case worker and nurses have no right to try to get other people to convince your mom to do anything she does not want to do. In the end, I do believe that he will go when he is absolutely ready, I agree with Didi on this.

So, I believe just show your support. Be there in spirit. I know this is a tough spot to be in but I honestly do not feel it is your responsibility to convince your mom of anything. Your mom needs to come to that realization that your fathers wishes on her own time. The only person who will be able to get through to her, even if it takes time is your father and your father alone.

I hope that you all will have your time with your father. I hope that everybody has their healing and support of each other.

Joe

[J_9]

Thank you all, everyone of you, Didi, Allheart, Bluerose, Ruby, Joe, Savage, Kae, God I hope I did not forget anyone, for all of your thoughts. It is good to know that I have somewhere to vent my feelings, as I have to be strong for my family. And the worst part is that I am a very emotional person. So hard to hold the tears back.

Anyway, I spoke with Mom again and told her that I will come up in about 2 weeks, when school is finished for me and when I can get the kids all situated here. She said that my Aunt (dad's sister) was coming then and that she did not want me to come at that time.

I know this may be her way of holding on a little, so I told her that I would come up when she is ready for me. I think she may be afraid that the end will come when I am there.

We discussed her options, and she is very well aware of them. I agree that it was a terrible position that the nurse put me in. I will take this pain with me when I start working and remember never to do this to a loved one.

Thank you all so very much for the support. You have no idea how wonderful it is to have people like you there for me. I try so hard to help others that I frequently forget about myself.

Well, again I am just rambling, so I suppose I will go back to studying for my test (if I can keep my mind on it).

Thanks again friends.

[J_9]

Okay, I just got off the phone with Mom. She went to the hosptial today and talked to Dad. She asked him if he was ready to go and he emphatically shook his head and said NO!

So, thank you all again for your support and friendship. I know where to turn when the time does come.

You all are so wonderful.

[brazygirl08]

Let us know how it all goes! Good luck with your tests and everything :)
Kristen

[J_9]

Thanks Brazy. I appreciate it.

[AKaeTrue]

I'm happy to hear that J.
I'm sure that was a big weight lifted off your shoulders.
I know this is still probably a difficult time for you, so
Please do keep us posted.
You know we're here to support you.

Go make good on your finals...
But don't forget the hot bubble bath:D

Kae

[Allheart]

Okay, I just got off the phone with Mom. She went to the hosptial today and talked to Dad. She asked him if he was ready to go and he emphatically shook his head and said NO!!

So, thank you all again for your support and friendship. I know where to turn when the time does come.

You all are so wonderful.

Way to go Dad and way to go Mom. I just love it :). And way to go J9 for being a caring and loving daughter as well as person. Now this does not mean you can go back to neglecting yourself my friend ;)

Lots of hugs and love sent your way and special prayers being said.

[Bluerose]

[shygrneyzs]

I am so glad that your Dad has decided to fight. My prayers are with all your family - for your Dad, Mom, YOU, your children, and everyone else. May that ease your own pain and grant you time to get your everything you need done at home. We always manage to do everything for everyone and not ourselves.

What lessons in courage and love and life you have given us in your postings here. Hugsss.

[RickJ]

Janine, I cannot even attempt to answer to this as I have no clue how or if I would do as the nurses ask. I cannot imagine how weighty this is on you.

My family and entire church will pray for you - that you are able to consider this then make a decision with a clear heart and mind.

[Skell]

Yes, you're in my thoughts to J_9!

[J_9]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I am home in Michigan with family this weekend. It was Dad's birthday yesterday.

Mom caled from the hospital this morning and said that my brother and I should come immediately. We made it in record time. Dad has been taken off all life support and is now just being given comfort measures. He gets moprhine hourly (a new sublingual that will help with the breathing), and some breathing treatments to loosen the phlegm in his lungs, but that is all.

He is still holding his own, although he stays asleep most of the time. He did wake to see us there, he will squeeze our hands upon request.

Hopefully we will have him one more night.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, you are a wonderful bunch of friends.

Xoxo
J

[RubyPitbull]

I know this is tough J. Try to find comfort in knowing that your Dad is glad you are there. It is important to both of you. Say anything that you feel needs to be said. Believe me, you will be glad you did. My heart goes out to you. My thoughts are with you.

[Allheart]

J we all are right there with you by your side. I know you know how much we all love you.

In our prayers, thoughts and hearts.

Big hug to you and your family and special hugs for Dad.

Love you J.

[J_9]

Thank you for your thoughts Ruby.

It is a hard time, especially seeing my mother like this. I am ready to let go, as he has no quality of life whatsoever, but it is hard for Mom. They have been together for 50 years.

She has begun her grieving process, she questions herself about chosing the comfort measures over prolonging his life. This is all part of it though. She is making her phone calls right now to the funeral homes so that we will have someplace to send him once the inevitable comes.

We will get through this though. Sad thing about it is that I always see here on the site that women are waiting to see if they are pregnant, then they are waiting to have a baby, now we are waiting for life to come full circle and say our goodbyes. We have to wait for life, then we have to wait for death.

Sorry, was just rambling there. Had to get a little out.

[RubyPitbull]

You are not rambling at all J. It is perfectly normal and natural to start thinking about the circle of life at times like this. It is a way of trying to calm your thoughts and emotions and rationalize the inevitable.

I understand what your Mother is going through. You and your siblings need to help her as much as possible. She may say that she doesn't need help because that is an automatic mom response. Don't ask her what you can do for her. Just do what you see needs to be done to make things easier on her. This is just the beginning of a tough road for her. 50 years is a lifetime. She lived with him. Now she is going to be coming home to an empty house. She will need help coping. You might want to look into grief counseling for her and have the info handy when she is ready for it. Hugs & kisses to you my dearest lady.

[Allheart]

Oh J how I feel for you and Mom and your whole family. And you are so right, you help so many with giving the gift of life, but you are doing, now as well, in a differnet way. Another beautful gift you can give someone, is the gift of a peacful and loving passing. And that is just what you and Mom are doing. That to me, is the highest sign of love.

May all be so fortunate and blessed to have someone so beautful and loving as you, by their side, when it is their time J.

Don't have a heavy heart for Dad. It is my belief, that peace, true peace awaits him. So through your tears, smile and know, that high above is shining on him. I believe that with all my heart.

Oh how my heart is with you all squeezing Dad's hand with you and holding Mom's other hand.

Much love

[bushg]

Bless you and your family. May you find peace and comfort in your family.

[AKaeTrue]

You're in my thoughts J.

[JoeCanada76]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I am home in Michigan with family this weekend. It was Dad's birthday yesterday.

Mom caled from the hospital this morning and said that my brother and I should come immediately. We made it in record time. Dad has been taken off of all life support and is now just being given comfort measures. He gets moprhine hourly (a new sublingual that will help with the breathing), and some breathing treatments to loosen the phlegm in his lungs, but that is all.

He is still holding his own, although he stays asleep most of the time. He did wake to see us there, he will squeeze our hands upon request.

Hopefully we will have him one more night.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, you are a wonderful bunch of friends.

xoxo
J

I am glad you got back home safely. It is good your able to have some time with your dad. Comfort measures are important and it is the right thing to do. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your dad and your whole family always.

Joe and Family.

Xoxoxo