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missk · Apr 26, 2007, 05:07 PM

S000000 what was your question? What is it that you want to hear? What do you want to know? What kind of answers are you looking for? Please ask this exact question on a different site and please let us know what they say. If you told us that he wasn't married we would still tell you to leave him alone. You don't realize this, but some day-you will-I promise. This will be a good life lesson for you-you just don't know it yet.

Lynn2 · Apr 26, 2007, 05:11 PM

OK so what is the reasone than if I posted that he wasn't married, that you would tell me to leave him alone.. because he's 30? OK so tell me why that's a big problem or what the heck is? I don't know why else you guys would tell me to leave him alone? Besides the fact he's married.. please tell me.. help me understand..?

missk · Apr 26, 2007, 05:23 PM

I am 32 years old. I understand the difference between 45 and 30-but not 33 and 18. You don't realize this yet, but there really is such a big difference. He is just trying to get him a young, sweet, piece of... I know you don't think so-but girl I'm telling you it's true. Why don't you straight up ask him if he's married? If he's not and you pursue this and have relations with him, he's going to get bored-I'm telling you.

Lynn2 · Apr 26, 2007, 05:44 PM

Oh sorry actually he's 30 I meant to fix that I typed 33

Emland · Apr 26, 2007, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by Lynn2

Ya so i flirt with him.... ok? Must of commited a crime. I wish I could talk to people that arent married.. and i garuntee if i left the fact out that he is married this whole thing would've been a different story.. And again I dont even know if he is married anymore, but i know he was like a year or so ago. And I never said I was going to pursue into a relationship with him, I just like the harmless flirting and talking.. nothing more, and I know how to control myself so there would be nothing to happen.... and for the work part we get stuff done, it was just a day or two towards the end of the night where there was nothing to do besides, one thing and had like 2 hour to do it, so just talked and worked on paper work in office, and then before the end of the night worked on it together, so drop that ......were not doing anything wrong and we ARE getting things done! And also that im leading on a married man, ....ok? Nope, deffinately not... pretty sure it would be the other way around.. and im just going along with it not doing anything wrong but talking, and flirting back.. im sorry he's married.. not my problem if he's flirting with me.., wifes to it to their husbands everyday.. oh wait is that a different story? oh ok so its ok.. forgot sorry :/

This post and your original differ greatly. You get a little heat and suddenly the story changes.

Yes, I would still have a problem with it if he weren't married. He is in a superior position at the workplace. He is abusing his position and is acting unprofessionally. I believe after the age of 25 that age no longer plays a big factor. The changes you make in the next 5 or 6 years will most likely be the most significant. He is grooming you and will make his move in the not so distant future. What will you do?

The only way I could ever say "go for it" would be IF you determine for certain he is not married (don't rely on his word only) and IF one of you find another place of work.

Lynn2 · Apr 26, 2007, 06:22 PM

Obviously you can't work with someone that you're dating, can easily be transferred... but nothings going wrong in the work place, he is a great manager... if were to ask any other employee they would say he is a great manager compared to others, and does what he is supposed to do, and gets everything done and more..

Emland · Apr 26, 2007, 06:25 PM

Lynn2, just please be careful and don't get hurt.

Lynn2 · Apr 26, 2007, 06:38 PM

Thanks, I really appreciate it and I really do understand that you're just trying to help me, I think I'm just caught up in the moment and I think I will come to my senses, just never felt like this before :) thanks a ton for talking with me

missk · Apr 26, 2007, 07:15 PM

Sometimes you got to take a step back before you move forward. I think you want to be careful. I know where you're coming from-I've been caught up in the moment-I'm sure everyone here has.

NowWhat · Apr 27, 2007, 01:51 PM

Look, some men like the chase. Some men like to forget their reality for a while by getting a girlfriend on the side that doesn't make them accountable for anything that a wife would.
If he is married, he can not fully commit to you. You know this before anything really happens. Don't set yourself up for a fall. These situations ALWAYS end badly.
Have you ever heard the expression, the grass is always greener on the other side?
We always want what we can't have. He can not "have" you - he is married.

Turn around and RUN! You are 18 and have a life of adventures ahead of you. Don't fall into the Mistress trap. Becoming a mistress comes with all kinds of titles like Whore, Homewrecker and a whole lot more. Are you any of those things? Do you want to be?

talaniman · Apr 27, 2007, 02:19 PM

If you were as mature as you say you are, then you would find out if he is married or not. The fact that you haven't, means you are so smitten that you can't believe he would lie or mislead you. Think with your head and not your heart, as you are terribly blinded now, but need facts to make a decision. Its up to you, so be defensive and keep making excuses for not getting the truth, it hurts you more than us, who are truly older, wiser and a lot more experienced in the ways of the world. Maybe you can't pick who you fall for, but you can have full control on how you deal it. Get the facts and make your decisions based on them.

Nosnosna · Apr 27, 2007, 03:01 PM

Ignoring all the age difference and married man and maturity issues for the moment and focusing on the work relationship...

The short version: Don't get involved in a relationship with a superior or subordinate. Ever. This reflects extremely poorly on the judgment of both of you, and jeopardizes both of your futures with the company and, for the manager, future employment as well.

Most companies have specific provisions in the employee handbook about this. If you're in an at-will employment state, you can both be fired on the spot over this. The manager, especially if he's salaried, can be terminated over this type of thing very nearly anywhere.

At the very least, if you ever get a promotion, a decent raise, a good review, or any preferential (or even just seemingly preferential) treatment, your coworkers will assume that's just payment for your 'services.' Being thought of as a whore is not going to be fun times. And they're going to be looking for anything that might indicate that.

Lynn2 · May 27, 2007, 09:08 PM

I keep falling harder and harder every time I see him... :(. Just today we worked together.. same 'ol flirting (nudging, brushing against eachother)... well we were talking and he put his hand out and I just went to lightly hit his and he held on to mine for like 5 minutes and just played with it and talked to me straight in the eyes the whole time.. then throughout the day he kept grabbing my hand and holding it and playing with it.. then when he left he gave me a hug, and I've never felt this feeling before, and I know its wrong but I just can't help to want to be with him.. I just wish I knew his intentions?. anything you say is greatly appreciated thank you :)

shygrneyzs · May 27, 2007, 09:14 PM

Enough people have told you his intentions and you have not been listening. His intentions are clear as a bell - you cannot be that naïve to not know he is coming onto you and you are not stopping him. You need to put a halt to this now before the next post is about how you think he took advantage of you.

Lynn2 · May 27, 2007, 10:05 PM

But I don't want to stop him... I obviously like him a lot, I just keep getting confused, I just wish it was easier is what I'm saying, and he's not going to take advantage of me because he's not like that

shygrneyzs · May 28, 2007, 06:20 AM

Oh brother, why are you so confused? By this point you obviously know his intentions are to get you in bed and have an affair with you - which means cheating on his wife - which makes you the mistress and in an adulterous relationship. Granted you are only 18, but you know enough, or should have learned enough from the other posters, that this is not a win-win situation. He wins and you are going to end up losing (in the long run).

You should go and browse through the help desk for posts from women who did the very same thing you are contemplating - being romantically involved with a married man. It is not a bed of roses. What happens if you become pregnant? What happens if his wife finds out?

But you are going to do just what he wants you to do. Some lessons have to be learned the very hard way.

talaniman · May 28, 2007, 07:34 AM

What he gives you feels good, because that's what you want, he knows that, and so he is going to seduce you into being his chick on the side and tell you how terrible his wife is, and he stays for the kids, but he loves you, and needs you, and you being young and niave, and wanting attention, fall for it and are miserable, but so in love you look stupid, falling for his phony rap. That's your future, and women like you, fall for it every day so follow your heart, and then come back after your miserable and ask us for help. Ask yourself first, what is a married man doing with you??

nicespringgirl · Jun 29, 2007, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you were as mature as you say you are, then you would find out if he is married or not. The fact that you haven't, means you are so smitten that you can't believe he would lie or mislead you. Think with your head and not your heart, as you are terribly blinded now, but need facts to make a decision. Its up to you, so be defensive and keep making excuses for not getting the truth, it hurts you more than us, who are truly older, wiser and a lot more experienced in the ways of the world. Maybe you can't pick who you fall for, but you can have full control on how you deal it. Get the facts and make your decisions based on them.

Right, I know you are a mature person, and I know how you feel. I am attracted to mature guys since I am a mature girl too. BUT, NO MARRIED MAN, please. Self-control! Self-control! How would u feel if you were his wife? Huh?

stargazer10 · Jul 24, 2007, 09:18 AM

If the situation isn't "bad at all". Why would you be asking for outside advice? Because somewhere in your heart you know it isn't right. Follow that instinct.

nicespringgirl · Jul 24, 2007, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by Lynn2

ive never met a more sweeter funnier handsomer (word?) than him. I just dont know what to think? Please all your opinions and comments will help me out.

That all you looking for a man? Sweet?funny? And handsome? And u still think you are a mature person!
Go more in depth on that, and since you are a mature person then you should like a mature man, do u think HE IS MATURE?? :eek: