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confused11 · Apr 12, 2007, 10:11 PM

Thanks for the advice kae. Yeah you're right, time will make everything better... but what if he is just in a rebound relationship himself? He told me that its his way of coping with this. Maybe he'll realize that he's made a mistake. I know I shouldn't be hoping for this but I am. I'm still really in love with him. He used to tell me all the time that I'm the one, and talk about us getting married and kids and all that. He really seemed to be more in love with me then I was with him at times, that's why I just don't understand how he moved on to someone else this fast.

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 10:51 PM

It was my impression that he broke up with you for this other girl...
He may just be handing you a line about the coping stuff...
You're better off emotionally without the mind games.

Either way, you will be more appealing to him (and others) if you live your life happily now without dwelling on him or the way he has hurt you...

It's difficult for you I know... I'm sorry for your situation.

A month is still to early for you yet.
Just try thinking of other "happier" thoughts when he pops into your mind.

I do hope it gets better, and I know it will...
Kae

confused11 · Apr 12, 2007, 10:55 PM

So there is no reason for me at all to think that he'll change his mind and realize that he made a mistake? I should just totally move on 100 percent?

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 11:06 PM

You should move on...
That doesn't necessarily mean that he'll never want you back.
If he sees a confidant and happy person, he may very well want you back when he's done with the other girl, but if you really think about the situation, it that really what you want for yourself... To be his girl after he's done with his "coping" girlfriend?

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 11:06 PM

Was this a break or a break up?

vlee · Apr 12, 2007, 11:21 PM

It's been a year and a half... he isn't coming back, and even if he did, how could you trust him? I agree that it sounds like he dumped you for this other girl, which implies he was flirting with her and getting to know her while you were together. I think you should move on and find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 11:25 PM

Originally Posted by vlee

it's been a year and a half....he isn't coming back, and even if he did, how could you trust him? I agree that it sounds like he dumped you for this other girl, which implies he was flirting with her and getting to know her while you were together. i think you should move on and find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

It's only been a month, but she does deserve someone who will treat her with love and respect.

confused11 · Apr 12, 2007, 11:34 PM

Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

Was this a break or a break up?

Well it was a break up. But he said that he wasn't sure what he wanted. He said that I become comfortable and complacent and that I wasn't the same person that he fell in love with. So basically he said that he wanted to see if other girls become comfortable and complacent because he doesn't like that, he wants the girl to be their own person, which I thought I was, but not according to him. He said he still loves me more then anything and that I'm at the top of the list of what he wants in a girl but that he needs time. Which I thought was OK at first, but then I found out that he was seeing someone else right away. He told me that nothing happened while we were together and that he only went out with her the first time because he was feeling down and she was at work with him and she was like lets do something to take your mind of things, but now apparently they go out all the time... so I really don't know. All I know is that I still love him more then anything and want him back. I really thought and still do that he is the one for me.

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 11:51 PM

Originally Posted by confused11

well it was a break up. but he said that he wasnt sure what he wanted. he said that I become comfortable and complacent and that I wasnt the same person that he fell in love with. so basically he said that he wanted to see if other girls become comfortable and complacent because he doesnt like that, he wants the girl to be their own person, which I thought I was, but not according to him. He said he still loves me more then anything and that I'm at the top of the list of what he wants in a girl but that he needs time. Which I thought was ok at first, but then I found out that he was seeing someone else right away. He told me that nothing happend while we were together and that he only went out with her the first time because he was feeling down and she was at work with him and she was like lets do something to take your mind of things, but now apparently they go out all the time... so i really dont know. all i know is that i still love him more then anything and want him back. i really thought and still do that he is the one for me.

OK, those lines that he gave you sound like BS from an outsider looking in...
It seems to me like he's trying to let you down easy...
If you were at the top of his list, he'd be with you.
If you were at the top of his list, he would have never risked losing you in the first place.
It now sounds like he's using you, his ex girlfriend, as a back up girl.
These are mind games...

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 11:54 PM

I know it must be painful, seeming that you still really love this guy.
But this is not a healthy situation for you.

confused11 · Apr 13, 2007, 12:03 AM

Yeah. I know. Part of me really wants to move on, because I realize what he is doing is bs and not good for me at all. And I realize that if he really loved me he wouldn't do this, but part of me just wants him back so bad. Its just so hard. I know that I just need more time. I just have to be strong and do the no contact thing and move on.

AKaeTrue · Apr 13, 2007, 12:18 AM

Yes, the no contact this is more for you and to help you move on...
I'm happy to read that you realize the situation...
It is more time that you need.
Try not to dwell.
Time is long and painful when you live in the past.
Hang out with your friends and try to have fun...

confused11 · Apr 13, 2007, 12:23 AM

Thank you so much for the advice :) I just ate some ice cream and feel better for now. Maybe ill actually get some sleep tonight. I know I'll be OK, just takes times.

AKaeTrue · Apr 13, 2007, 12:36 AM

Your welcome...
Keep us posted.
This site can also be a good source of therapy
LOL, especially when you need to vent...

Take care,
Kae

confused11 · Apr 14, 2007, 10:57 PM

So I posted a couple of weeks ago about my boyfriend of 18 months breaking up with me because he was confused/needed time, which turned out to be that he was seeing some other girl he met at work. Well anyway, today I went to our old apartment where we lived together to pick up more stuff, he wasn't supposed to be there, but as I was about to leave, he got there. So right away he hugged me, kissed me on the head and told me I looked really good. He then asked me how I was and was being all nice joking around. Then he told me that he is not seeing that girl anymore and that it was stupid. Then he said we should hang out sometime. I told him I was doing better and I moving on and I have a lot of stuff going on and that if he wanted to hang out he would have to call me. Then about 3 hours later, he stopped by my work, but I was on break so I didn't see him... so I'm totally confused. He was really nice and it was really good to see him and part of me wants to hang out with him, but part of me just wants to get over it and move on. I don't understand what he is doing at all, and I don't want to be his fall back on option. Any advice on this? Thanks for all the help guys.

mckenzie134 · Apr 14, 2007, 11:24 PM

Well this is a very tricky situation. Im going to be mean here but I'm a guy and 28 years old. When I was 20 years old I had a 16 year old girlfriend and we went out for 4 years I wasn't ready for a relationship but she was really hot and always chased me which was great I used to go out and pick up and she was always texting and wanting to see me. Sometimes I would be on with another girl and then that just didn't work out but I always had her there so I could always just keep seeing hjer and I always had a hot girl to do. That was wrong of me but I was young I feel he may be doing the same maybe he was with this girl from work for a bit then thought once he got her and slept with her it wasn't that great and also maybe she said I don't want anything serious or maybe she ad another guy as well and now he goes back to you. This will continue to happen and he will find another girl and you will be on the outer again until he neeeds a bit and comes back to give you one and thinks how good is tis. You need to move on I bet if you tell him you don't want anything to do with him he will be crying and begging because in all honesty all this guy wants is someone there that he can screw and at the moment that is you until next time. I guarantee ou will find aguy who is not like that some who respects you and cares for you this will be great for you and you will wonder why you ever dated him at all...

confused11 · Apr 14, 2007, 11:45 PM

Yeah you're probably. He is also your age, 28. And he really seemed like he wanted to settle down and get married and stuff and then out of nowhere he broke up with me. The girl that he was seeing after me got back together with her ex boyfriend. You are right in everything you say, he probably will do this again if I give him the chance. Should I stay away from him completely or hang out as friends?

talaniman · Apr 15, 2007, 05:35 AM

Stay away from him completely. Tell him to leave you alone. Why go through that crap again? We all know what happens when he fancies another. Don't be old stand by any more. Time to find your own happiness.

confused11 · Apr 23, 2007, 12:09 AM

Hey guys. So its been about 6 weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me. I've been feeling a lot better lately and I even went out with a guy from work a couple of times. The thing is that I know I'm still in love with my ex and the last week and a half he's been acting really weird. Last week I was at his place getting the rest of my stuff when he came home from work early, he kept on hugging me and even when I said I had to go he said don't go. Then he stopped by my work, but I was on break so I didn't see him. And then the last two nights, he's called. It seems like he finds excuses to call, like to ask how to do something on the interenet and to ask if I had a soccer game and how come I hadn't told him about it because he wanted to come. He gives very mixed signals because the last time we had a serious talk he told me that I should just move on but now he is calling asking to come to my soccer game? I really don't understand, can you guys help me with this at all. Thanks.

jody88 · Apr 23, 2007, 01:17 AM

It seems to me that your b/f has just realised what he has lost by finishing with you. But to be sure I suggest that next time he rings up, you ask him if you can talk properly and you should find out what he really wants, whether he wants you back as a g/f or he is just missing your company as a friend. You will never know unless you ask him. He seems to be missing you though. Hope my advise is helpful:)