[laurabarton30]

He was in prison, but it was a long time ago, and the fact that he has mental health issues should not be judged. He is actually a very caring person who is a good dad to his other child. He looks after his mum, so you should not judge people on mistakes that they have spent a long time trying to be better. You should have more understanding for menatl health, I have worked for mental health soi know allabout peoples hidden disabilities.

[J_9]

My father was bipolar, and I have a BIL who is mentally challenged. I'm not being judgmental. Just pointing out facts as to how hard it is going to be for you.

People with bipolar disorder are very unreliable when they are unmedicated. This is common with the disorder as they don't like to take medication because of the way it makes them feel. Or they stop taking there medication once it starts working because they feel they no longer need it.

I understand you love him, but you have to think of the child that you would be bringing up. Mental illness is familial. It is possible that your child could get this disorder.

A child needs stability and structure in life. If you have to quit your job to care for the child, it will have neither structure or stability.

You can't be selfish and think of your wants, or his wants, you need to be practical and think of the child's NEEDS.

[laurabarton30]

The child would be my number 1 priority. I believe that it is better for the mother not to work if the child is young, so that she can spend all her time putting it into the child's needs. I would love it if he could work and support us, but the fact is he cant.

I work full time and I earn 250 per week before tax. He is on benifts and earns 250 per week and it doesn't even get taxed, so my wages are not even that great, and he is better off finacially to support me than I would be... how ironic is that!

[J_9]

I think your 250 a week and my 250 a week are different. I couldn't survive alone on 250 USD.

250 pounds = 383 USD. That is not nearly enough to raise a child. Children have so many needs and grow so fast. Food, clothing and toys are very expensive.

Right now you earn 250 a week. How will you afford any of that if you have to quit your job?

Do you have a friend using your computer named gemmagee?

[laurabarton30]

So if I'm working half 8 till 5 each day, like I do, then even then I can't afford to raise a child, that's crazy. Because after tax its £224 a week. But its unfair that people who are in poverty can't have children because they can't afford them. That's what it boils down to really!

I do not no anything about raising a child, the costs, the benefits people are entitled too, but I have some friends who are single mums who have never worked and they say its OK. It sounds like I would be better off, what a sad society that would be, because I really like working and want to progress and be able to work...

Do you have a friend using your computer named gemmagee?

Yes I do

[J_9]

I've raised 4 children. I know the costs. At 224 a week, you can barely support yourself let alone a child. How will you pay for formula, not every woman can breast feed? Diapers? Clothes? Baby food? Toys?

Is it fair to expect a child to live in poverty only because your boyfriend wants a child?

You can't be selfish, he can't be selfish. You need to think of the child.

Are you and gemmagee the same person?

[laurabarton30]

I would breast feed if I can for at least a year. If I can't then I would have to get him to buy the formula. But I am wanting to breast feed because it is the best. I would use cloth nappies and hand wash them every day, that would not bother me in the slightest. For clothes have you looked on freecycle? People give away clothes and shoes , buggies toys etc for nothing. My mum also has many many toys for me to have.

I would never be selfish. This is why I am asking advice so I can make an informed choice

Are you and gemmagee the same person?

No, she is my friend, she lives on a boat and has no access to a computer

[J_9]

I live in the US, you live in the UK. We have different programs here that you have there.

Not all women can breastfeed. Yes, it is the best, but not possible for all women.

Making what little money you make, you should not have a child at this point in time. Coupled with the fact that you have a boyfriend who will not be a reliable father as he needs to

needs to be able to go out n do his thing

. Having a child means that you stop going out and doing your thing. A parent, mother or father, needs to be committed to that child 24/7/365. He is not willing and/or able to do that. He wants to "do his thing." Whatever that is. So, he will be leaving you to pick up his pieces. Is that fair to the child?

Sure, freecycle is a good thing... when they are babies. But what about when it comes to school and they have to go to school in hand-me-downs. Yes, the child will be bullied and made fun of.

You are thinking with your heart and not your head.

[laurabarton30]

Thank you for the advice. It is a massive commitment and I have now heard many peoples views on the matter. Its not fair on the child to only have a part time father.

[Wondergirl]

I would use cloth nappies and hand wash them every day, that would not bother me in the slightest.

Do you have any idea of how many nappies a baby goes through every day -- and you plan to HAND WASH them? I insisted that my husband buy a washing machine and dryer after our first baby was born. I had to first soak the diapers in a special solution, then wash them at least twice, and then rinse them at least twice in order to get rid of the ammonia, or the baby ended up with a horrible diaper rash. And without the dryer, it would have been nearly impossible to have clean, ready-to-use diapers on hand.

[laurabarton30]

My mum hand washed towels with 4 children.its hard work, but its better for the environment and cheaper, it may take a lot longer but if its good for my mum then its good for me

[J_9]

Oh, heavens no! A child needs a full time mother AND father. A child needs stability and this relationship does not offer stability or structure. Having a child right now, with this man, would be setting your child up for a life of sadness, depression, desolation, and poverty.

[Wondergirl]

my mum hand washed towels with 4 children.its hard work, but its better for the environment and cheaper, it may take a lot longer but if its good for my mum then its good for me

And you will be slaving away washing nappies and clothes and towels and bed linens when your baby needs time with you. And if you don't hand wash everything now you are going to hate doing it and will resent the time away from the baby.

[laurabarton30]

OK thanks, its good to get a reality check on this.As I say I'm not a parent so this is why I'm asking for advice

[Wondergirl]

my mum hand washed towels with 4 children.its hard work, but its better for the environment and cheaper, it may take a lot longer but if its good for my mum then its good for me

And my ancestors probably cooked their meat over an open fire and picked wild berries and dug up wild carrots, but that doesn't mean I have to do that in 2013. There are ways to save the environment even when using a washer and dryer.

[laurabarton30]

I would actually prefer a life of cooking meat over an open fire, I'm a hippie

[J_9]

Reality checks can be tough. I understand.

I would also like to revisit that the BF said that you were to have a baby with him or he would find someone else who will.

Do you see that as respecting you as a partner? I don't. I see that as controlling behavior that may come from an upswing in the bipolar disorder. Maybe he was off his meds when he said that? Is that the kind of controlling environment you want to raise a child?

[Wondergirl]

Maybe he was off his meds when he said that?

Is he even taking meds or compliant when taking them?

[laurabarton30]

Yes I did feel manipulated when he said that. It was disrespectful and it hurt me. He doesn't take his meds.

[Wondergirl]

He doesnt take his meds.

Why not?