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 Originally Posted by N0help4u
She said she is keen on having couple therapy so why leaving this chance without giving a go (if it happens)? I know it is not going to happen easily but after all, I also have more time focus on my feelings and life so I am slowly regaining my balance and focus Someone may consider this attitude as 'weak' while someone else may say it's wiser. If it is meant not to happen or vice-versa, time will tell the truth... I will let you know how it goes... |
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... a surprise call from her today after work, 1 hour on the phone, we agreed on several things (among which yes on couple counselling) but again some sort of 'mixed signals' she still prefers no calls or texts from me, I told her calmly I see what she says but I believe that total silence is maybe not the best way to rebuild and that in my view we should be in touch to restart some sort of dialogue and closeness
Counseling may or may not help the relationship but ultimately it's still both of us that must work hard to make it work... Also it may take weeks or months before we can find the right counselling and having a no contact rule at all until then is maybe strange and hard if we have to start afresh... ... also it look like that she consider herself the one in charge to call me while I can't do the same... I stayed calm and I told her that 'I do miss her much' but I will respect her view and I will not call her and text her as she asked me to The final 'mixed' signal was the most negative one, when I told her that I am very confused because I have no idea of why she really wanted to split up, she become quite (very upset) - told her calmly that I am genuine when I say I have not understood given her positive reactions, clues and feedback until the day we had a quarrel 3 weeks ago'... she went in anger and begun to talk with anger so... at the end... ... so after 1 hour on the phone suddenly the line got interrupted [or so I thought] but when I tried to call her back she did not answer and I understood that in reality she had suddenly hung up the phone... (*%!@*)... women... dam... dam... I am not a mind reader or a fortune teller, if she does not want to reveal 'why' she split up and I have no idea of 'why' how can any progress happen between us? Is it so difficult to speak out and say what the hell is troubling her?? I will keep on sending her happiness, and in the meantime focus peacefully on my life, if she does not want me to call and she is fine with it I will be equally fine with her not calling me if is this that she wants I was glad I stayed very calm at all times and I was frank while keeping my dignity and this is what matters to me the most right now I am becoming to consider seriously if coming back together is (or not) the best for us... so I am thankful in a way of her unnecessary anger attack... |
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A girl once told me that her boyfriend kicked her naked down their long front yard drive way. She told me 'now that's true love for me to stick by my man'. How many hopes are you going to follow after? IF she is serious and gets the 2 of you a counselor or goes if you find one then great but it has been seeming to me there is something about you that she lost interest in and she feels its pointless to get into with you. Probably why she jumped at the counselor idea, but nayed the texting stuff.
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
So simply... I will not be waiting for her calls nor I will call or text her as she asked me to do... These past days of calm reflection gave me the opportunity to decide to mark boundary for my own good I have marked within myself the important boundary for me and my dignity and this is what matters to me the most right now I came to conclusion that after all It takes 2 people to create the relationship we have now or may or may not have in the future. This process cannot be just one sided. At this point we both have to want to make it better for there to be a future. There is a risk and a potential good side effect in keeping the new boundary I decided to build and maintain. The risk is that if someone new comes along and he seems the perfect man because right now she is only concentrating on the bad elements of the relationship we have. So if we breakup and she is faced with just the reality of a new 'entry', she will start to remember the positive and good bits of our story she had with me (potential good side effect) Well as I said before that I will keep on sending her happiness, and in the meantime focus peacefully on my life, if she does not want me to call and she is fine with it I will be equally fine with her not calling me if is this that she wants Originally Posted by N0help4u
Thank you for your view on us. I really appreciate your comments and opinions. The idea of the counseling came from me as I suspects that she may (or may not) have traits of BPD. I have been reading a lot and I came to conclusion that that there is some serious chances that she may be bipolar but I am not the expert so I suggested counseling 'to see if any of us or both may be affected', I could not find a better way to tell her without upsetting her and she liked the idea or so she said... I told her the first time about the BPD last April when she left me all of sudden with a text message in morning of few words 'I think I need time on my own' and no explanations for one month... I am very intrigued when you say that you have the feeling that there is something about me that she lost interest in and she feel its pointless to get into with me. What exactly made you think so? Anything in particular? What did you mean by 'nayed the texting stuff'? |
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It's a strange day after the last few hours of reflection
I feel much better since I decided to mark a strong boundary for my own dignity and respect I decided to break up with her as I am not happy in this situation that does not seem to change and goes in circle, it's just a beautiful utopia gone bad My heart from now is a private road, no heavy load or collisions, no more stories that will make me ache No more waiting ~ ~ O ~ ~ She doesn't know yet and given that she wishes no calls or texts from me I am not in any rush to let her know... ... one day, maybe tomorrow, or next week I will call her to return her last few things and in few minutes I will let her know that there is no more prince... or princess... the prince is flying away in search of new horizons and new routes in life... ... I will tell her that I am grateful nonetheless of the many beautiful moments she gave me... and that I wish her happiness now and forever... we are both free to fly away... Since I decided I feel so much lighter and... free somehow... I am letting go ... of course there is loads of sadness, I am not a robot... ~ ~ O ~ ~ Farewell to you princess, Wishing your true happiness, peace and love xxx ------------ * me... |
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I feel so much better since I decided... Right now she thinks she knows I want her, have me totally under her control and play hard to get (kinda thing). So who is going to give up before the other? ... well as I said I have already decided what to do... ... I am choosing the fist next sunny day (maybe this weekend) and ask for a short meeting talk with the excuse of bringing her stuff in my flat and I will tell her my decision to go on my way... I will let you know how it goes |
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Originally Posted by Gullyver
... I didn't tell her I will use the opportunity to have a brief chat with her about my decision (break up)... Hopefully she will reply Lets see... |
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Why? What should I get? That she is cold? Immature? Insanely jealous? Whatever it may be it is not my concern anymore I have already decided to follow my way, to accept only what is fair and no degrading or abusive... I am not happy of the relationship and I want to move on and be free... ... the rest of the telenovela will make you understand better my decision... ... she called me back 3 hours ago' asking me 'what do I need to pick up and give her?' I told her very calmly and politely that 'I want to pick up my things and bring her stuff over the next weekend, I suggested this Friday or Saturday asking if she can be there at that time after work......' ... I didn't tell her my decision (break up)... but she must have sensed something somehow and said to me I don't know, Friday no good to her and Saturday she has plans so she was not sure either.... ***I suggested Sunday then and she said she doesn't know either so I suggested that 10 minutes will do if she is busy.... ***She ask me 'are you coming just for pick up your things and give me back mines?' ***I replied 'depend entirely on you...if you are busy I just pop in and go otherwise we can sit down and have a coffee and a chat if you want....' ***she replied increasingly shouting over the phone (while I stayed calm) that she will let me know on Friday evening and not before...... (SO I CANNOT PLAN MY TIME & WEEKEND BECAUSE I MUST WAIT FOR THE PRINCESS, HER GRACE TO DECIDE Whether SHE HAS 10 MINUTES FOR THIS POOR PEASANT RISKING THAT SHE CALLS ON FRIDAY EVE AND SAY, SORRY I AM BUSY THIS WEEKEND... " ***So I responded calmly that I also must plan my time and planning to see friends... and she become increasingly verbally aggressive... saying 'or so go and meet your friends then and don't come here.....you (me) fxuxcxkxixnxg cxuxnxt! ***... the last 60 seconds she spend shouting insults over the phone... (O*@^X) what kind of abusive controlling person has she become?? ***I think that she sensed the reason why I was going and found excuses she is busy say she is not available as was suspecting I finally break up (I am guessing here but may be wrong indeed... ) Aggressive because afraid to split up..? No idea... only she knows... and it will will stay with her when she will be met by my silence What will I do now?. No more waiting... I move on even more resolutely... she has lost me and she doesn't know yet from now on just silence from me no replies if she text me no call will be responded or returned no explanations from me neither if she has any regrets at all she will be forced to look back and find where she pushed away with the hammer a loyal and caring partner ... and I think this is the end of the story... Any comment from women or men on the story above is welcomed Thank you to all of you who read or posted their comments on our story |
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"coffee and chat"??
You find a third person. Leave her stuff with that person for her to pick up. She leaves your stuff with that person for you to pick up. The two of you do not meet or make eye contact or talk or have coffee and chat. It's over. No Contact. Never ever. |
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Then she hung up the phone yelling 'you fxcking cxunt! I am happy I stayed calm and polite at all times during the conversation ... she tries to control and force me to wait for whenever she is willing to call for ME to bring HER stuff... As you said it's over and I am out of the game... game out for her... She is out of my life and I from hers |
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
That was needed as good opportunity to let her know face to face that I was out of the relationship If makes herself unreachable then all she will get will be silence And I am single and so she is and she will understand when she will not be able to reach me anymore, I am happily adopting complete silence and lack of explanations or contacts of any kind She will stew in her own silence and make her own conclusions |
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Originally Posted by Gullyver
I'm thinking that maybe she feels you try to hard and you keep trying different things to try and make it work -even taking breaks--- thus no consistency in the relationship. When people treat me like this I feel like Pavlov's dog. SO to me at least, its like if you have to try so hard to seek a healthy relationship its not good. She may feel the problems but not have figured out how to explain it. |
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