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rosy_123 · Mar 20, 2007, 07:52 PM

"see everyone says, 'give her time, she'll see what she's lost' and like shes making the mistake leaving you and that i'll be better off without her..."

People say this because it's true! She will realize in time, it may be in a couple of months, it may be in a couple of years, but people always realize what they "lost" even if it was on their terms. You will be better off eventually, as long as you let yourself grow and learn from this...

"She gave me a reason to dream. i was in a major rut when we met and she showed me how to be happy and how to love. she taught me to have ambitions in life and to follow ur dreams... she was my perfect balance"

OK, if you weren't willing to LET her teach you these things, you'd still be in a rut, you wouldn't have ambitions, and all the rest. The point is, you're WILLING and OPEN to these things, most people are. Now that you know you're actually capable of feeling these things, what makes you think that it was all HER that brought it out in you? Sure she may have introduced you to these things, but all in all---it was YOU YOU YOU!! You have all these things in you already. Don't mean to sound like your mom, but seriously, think about it.

"NOW IVE LOST HER......
im the one that is losing here, not her.... she completes me and i need her in my life"

Maybe some people do complete other people, I'm still learning, just as you are. What I think about though is how much better my relationships would be if I didn't feel like I "needed" someone. If I didn't look to someone else to make ME happy. If I was already happy and stoked and was alone and THEN I meet someone---i'm already "complete" in a sense. You know what I mean? I don't NEED them in my life to make me complete, but it's nice they're around. It's nice to grow and learn with them, but it's also nice being your own person.

Good luck, keep busy and try to move forward. This is all a learning experience, just think how much smarter you'll be and how much more you'll know about yourself once you've moved on!

Stunning07 · Mar 20, 2007, 09:14 PM

listen it hurts man I was hurt for a month striaght I would lie in my bed.. just do nothing pop tylenol pm's man it sucks dude life is hell or feels like it for the few weeks... my x told me this... she loves me but not enough to be with right now... she likes being single and likes getting attention I think she has a boyfriend.. I thought it would hurt real bad but I'm at ease... I know your like DANNNNG! Right now and your hearts feels like its in your throat! But man... please do what we say before she gets annyoed and irratated with you... leave her alone realli I messed up on that part! I made it worse!! Let her go give her the space let her do what she's got to do it sucks hearing the truth but really no contact works.. real good its hard but works for both don't give in now... I know even though I'm saying this your going to listen to your heart and bother her but... try not to... you'll realise later on why NC works lay off... time will heal your pain she will miss you too no matter what three years is a lot... so don't worry

sypher373 · Mar 20, 2007, 09:33 PM

Man I know what your going through because I was with my ex for about the same time, and I had the same reaction. People are right, no contact will work. It is tough, and you will feel like you can't do it, but take it one step at a time, you'll get there.

As for "just forgetting your soul mate", I wouldn't say it's that easy. It isn't an all at once sort of thing. You will slowly heal, and though you may never forget her, the hurt will go down every day. It's a process, and like any process it takes time... be patient with yourself and get busy.

Good luck

where did i go wrong · Mar 21, 2007, 06:15 PM

So I've gone 2 and a half days NC, it seems to be working, I still feel like crap, but I'm starting to focus more on me and how I can move on rather than how WE were supposed to be...

I'm still stressing about seeing her again though, its so annoying, I believe I'm starting to make real progress yet when I see her ill probably go backwards... (but the photos are important)

I was thinking of seeing her on Monday, is that too soon or not soon enough?

rosy_123 · Mar 21, 2007, 07:11 PM

Too soon. Give it a couple of MONTHS. Seriously. After that you may decide you don't even need to see her. Keep on keeping on!

where did i go wrong · Mar 21, 2007, 07:15 PM

See its not that simple, yeah I would love to wait a couple of months, probably would be for the best, BUT she's applied for jobs in another state so I kind of have to see her again before she goes... she may be gone within the next few weeks, who knows!

And just for the record the photos aren't an excuss to break NC or to see her, they are really important to me, I had the time of my life and I want to remember all the other people I shared it with...

Stunning07 · Mar 21, 2007, 07:50 PM

Listen its hard I'm doing the same... give it time! And don't let your emotions break NC... its happened to me the first time I did NC and it was not worth it I'm on round two going strong leave it to that I'm in the same boat your not alone you can't die from heart break if she's yours she'll be back if not than she was never yours in the first place its OK... just KEEP UP THE NO CONTACT realli if she ever calls or text you make it short one, (one word) let her wonder what your doing let her wonder how your feeling... of course she misses you two years is a lot.. she stilll thinks of you deep down... but its your turn.. to make that feelings of hers expand try it! NC! I'm in the same boat I'm keeping my head up

talaniman · Mar 21, 2007, 08:14 PM

BUT she's applied for jobs in another state

Sounds like a good reason for a break-up to me.

where did i go wrong · Mar 22, 2007, 07:15 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sounds like a good reason for a break-up to me.

Thanks, that really helps my situation...

talaniman · Mar 22, 2007, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

thanks, that really helps my situation....................

I should clarify as long distance relationships cause a lot more problems than they solve and are highly stressful for both partners. I don't know if this IS the reason but a lack of facts had me wondering. Sorry if I sound harsh.

ChestnutBrownCanary · Mar 22, 2007, 01:13 PM

I am in a very similar situation as you are, except I was with my ex for 7 years. I have been doing NC for nearly two months now, and so far I still feel horrible. I woke up today and immediately started crying and sort of moaning this horrible sound... and I barely knew I was doing it. After a few seconds I remembered that I had been dreaming about her.

The pain is enormous, as you must know. We never fought, never got mad at each other, always were happy (I guess she wasn't towards the end... but the odd thing is that we had just gone on an amazing trip across Europe!) I love her so much. Like I said, our situations are very similar... everything you wrote in your initial and subsequent posts seems like words that I myself could have written. Just know that you are not alone in the situation that you are going through. Please message me if you want to chat. :(

ChestnutBrownCanary · Mar 22, 2007, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

see its not that simple, yeah i would love to wait a couple of months, probably would be for the best, BUT she's applied for jobs in another state so i kinda have to see her again before she goes... she may be gone within the next few weeks, who knows!

and just for the record the photos arent an excuss to break NC or to see her, they are really important to me, i had the time of my life and i want to remember all the other people i shared it with...

My ex is leaving the country for the summer, and might end up staying out of the country! She IS my soulmate... if soulmates exist. I went through a crazy decision process of whether NC was for me since she is leaving the country, but in the end I decided I needed to do NC no matter what the consequences.

where did i go wrong · Mar 22, 2007, 04:53 PM

OK, so after 4 days NC I get this text from her at 6am (before she goes to work) it says:
"Morning! how have ur days at work going? are they happy to have you back?"

(I was off work because of a broken arm)

So what the hell? Why would she care how work is going? Pretty strange questions... I don't understand why she would send me this...

Should I reply? If so what should I say?

I don't get it...

talaniman · Mar 22, 2007, 05:02 PM

Stay with no contact. Keep your eyes open and learn.

fay11961 · Mar 22, 2007, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

so we dated for 2 years and 3 months (today), and 2 weeks ago she decided that she wanted to break up cos she wanted to be 'alone'. i was absolutly shocked, we were so great together. i thought, and still think that she is my soul mate.
so a bit of background, we meet and hit it off immediately, a month into our relationship she was offered a job interstate and begged me to go with her, i thought she was great and had nothing else goin on so i followed her. we had an amazing time and decided to return home 4 months later. also in our 2 years together we travelled around europe and just recently went to japan.
we shared so many special times together and in the 2 years barely spent a day apart. which is why it was such a shock. i didnt see it coming. i was so happy with my life and i spose i assumed she was too. i begged her for a second chance, but her mind was made up. she said "i want to experience the next phase of my life alone".
so for the past few weeks ive been a mess, i know that she has moved on because she is planning to move interstate again very soon. i am still deeply in love with her and wish everyday that she'll come back to me, even tho i know its over.....
see the problem is i know its over, i know she's moved on, but a small part of me wont let me move on, i dont know how to.....how do u just give up ur soul mate.....
i need help, any advice would be greatly appreciated....

I LOVE ALL MY EX'S

where did i go wrong · Mar 23, 2007, 06:14 PM

Originally Posted by fay11961

I LOVE ALL MY EX'S

OK so how do u deal with it??

sypher373 · Mar 23, 2007, 10:29 PM

The no contact rule will help you out.

I would hate to see you trying to find ways to remain friends with her with some sort of ulterior motive. I've learned the hard way that you CANNOT do anything with any intentions of changing her feelings. Her mind is made up, and nothing you do now, could have done differently, or do in the future is going to change that.

Your best bet is to keep no contact so you can focus on yourself. The more you work on yourself the better able you will be to see what was wrong with the relationship, and what you would have liked differently.

Don't think about the future (being friends later, getting back together).

One day at a time man. Get through today. When tomorrow comes, do it again.

where did i go wrong · Mar 24, 2007, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by sypher373

The no contact rule will help you out.

I would hate to see you trying to find ways to remain friends with her with some sort of ulterior motive. I've learned the hard way that you CANNOT do anything with any intentions of changing her feelings. Her mind is made up, and nothing you do now, could have done differently, or do in the future is going to change that.

Your best bet is to keep no contact so you can focus on yourself. The more you work on yourself the better able you will be to see what was wrong with the relationship, and what you would have liked differently.

DONT think about the future (being friends later, getting back together).

One day at a time man. Get through today. When tommorrow comes, do it again.

It is getting easier...

ChestnutBrownCanary · Mar 25, 2007, 06:20 PM

Its not getting easier for me... nearly two months of NC and I feel horrible still... every day.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2007, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by ChestnutBrownCanary

Its not getting easier for me...nearly two months of NC and I feel horrible still...every day.

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