[joypulv]

OP didn't explain the details of the 'find' until later in the thread. Regardless of the nuances and arguments about snooping, how one handles finding out a secret about a partner is what really matters. (Not that the matter of snooping isn't important, but I think it's been settled here.)
OP hasn't talked to her partner yet, and needs to. ANYONE who finds out ANYTHING about someone and is upset about it needs to TALK first and foremost to that person.

(PS: I didn't ask for the Uber Member designation and don't even like the term.)

[talaniman]

When you find out something shocking about your partner and father of your kids you talk about it. You already know him well enough to judge his character and actions and have shared much already. This is but another thing to share and talk about.

He is probably a voyeur, a person who likes to watch and it does cause problems for those that don't understand it. That's why they make all kinds of adult porn for the wide range of peoples taste, and the actors merely play a role and most are very well paid. You both enjoy porn together, and that's a healthy start, but like most people like monster movies, the blood and gore slasher variety is too intense for them.

Some are more sensitive than others for sure, not just about porn but in many areas of life and one size doesn't fit all. So you talk to understand and see if it can be balanced and resolved and a way forward can be found.

Yes it a challenge but is it a deal breaker? Talk about it. That's what mature long term couples do when faced with challenges. When the shock wears off, you will. And this will not be the last challenge you face together, and I doubt it was the first. It's a dificult subject, but happy healthy couples overcome the difficulty, and move forward with their lives, to face those many challenges.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm a licensed investigator. I testify in Court. Checking someone's computer activity is snooping.

I realize someone has an ax to grind with certain members. Please keep that in mind when reading the "advice."

Also look at language and demeanor.

That's how AMHD works.

[talaniman]

This post was closed because of personal bickering back and forth.