[talaniman]

I think I can see where your anger came from since him with a baby in a picture probably triggered some old buried feelings of past bad times with your ex, and maybe a few more guys. But now its like you are trying to justify your react and that's not a good sign. It's a very unhealthy way to cope with the events you set in motion.

I can't blame you for looking at his Facebook, whatever your motives, but your hurt and shock were handled badly so acknowledge that part of your actions you could have controlled and don't shift the blame to him because you never looked for the truth after you found your evidence.

That's on you and no one else. Unpack that past baggage because it influences your thoughts and actions NOW, and the influence is not a good one. Deal with it, or you will repeat this behavior at the next "shocking" thing you encounter, and be mad and disappointed at yourself... yet again.

[SorryNewYork78]

I'm not justifying my actions based on my failed marriage. This is about trusting someone. I should not have to check up on anyone. I don't want to do that and my time should be spent on other more important things that need my attention. And the amount of time I have put in responding to the comments on this thread in the past day is proof that I needed the break from life's pace because what happened still bothers me. I miss him and the way he made me feel. I have told you that I should have probably acted more my age and calmly talked to him and I have also told him I was sorry. All I wanted to know was your opinion on whether down the road he will soften up and understand how I misunderstood the situation and we might be able to resume our friendship. I've invested some time and vulnerability in him and that means something to me that is not worth throwing away. And it would be just friends... No hand holding, no kissing good bye. But I do still care about him.

[Homegirl 50]

If you could be "just friends" with him, you would not have gotten this upset. He may somewhere down the road understand if he knew enough about your past and he may not. But you should move on. No more hopes about him. Get over this.

[FightingBlues]

I think part of what you're saying is right... that not every guy is the way he appears when you first meet him. However, ask yourself the question, if he were so fabulous, then why do you still feel justifiably upset at him? Obviously not so fabulous, right?

I know what you mean when you say a woman must act on her instinct. I believe in this as well because there are so many instances where you believe that giving them the benefit of the doubt is the morally right thing to do but then what happens? They repeat the same behaviour and you're left beating yourself up for not listening to that inner voice. But at the same time, you may have used a different approach that wouldn't involve an irate email. Although you may have been upset for what you believe is a present girlfriend and his child, you can't accuse someone of something without reasonable proof. Otherwise it will appear that you're attacking the other party and you will feel really bad if there's a small possibility this wasn't what you thought it was. At the same time, he doesn't have to justify his reasons for having those photos up for you to see. Yes it does sound sketchy, but if that's who he truly is then let it go. It is not worth analyzing this if he was really keeping his family a secret from you.

[SorryNewYork78]

Was going to update... He emailed me about a week ago stating that he woke up that morning thinking about me and he missed me and wanted to resume being friends. I was stunned, and that he accepted that I was sorry. Thank you for your advice. I'm really happy!

[talaniman]

The best to you. :)