[beartest]

Have increased time of working out in gym. Using hynotic music to put me to sleep. Have started doing 10 minutes meditation too. Have not called her. I write messages to her but never send them. I save them in drafts folder. But never send them.

Whenever I feel the urge to cry , I do. I cry and then when I get tired of it I stop.
And put some relaxing music and try ot get my mind off her. I keep telling myself it will not be over unless I help myself. I want to help myself. Yesterday I went out with a friend and his girlfriend and seeing their love together, I cried my way back.

I keep telling myself that God is with me. He will help me. I will help myself. I have not called her. It is like sometimes I feel the urge to ruin her life like she did mine. But then her smiling face and all that talks that she did with me.
Love still overpowers the hate that I am trying to build her for her. Maybe I will not succed, I have loved her more than myself.

One thing I know. I have to help myself. I have to get over with it. So that in future, I nvr ever cry for her or for anyone .

God, I still love her.

[redbaron68]

You're doing well man. Hang in there! I am going through the same right now. Mine was my fiancé (but she broke that part off). We dated a total of 2.5 years. I suspected she was cheating about 8 months ago, and I questioned her on it. When I did she just went silent. Wouldn't return my calls, nothing. I finally got so pissed I wrote her off. Then after a couple months of loneliness and weakness I called her and we somehow started seeing each other again, I typically would never have dealt with this, but I was weak (physically). I think I have heart problems, which makes me extremely tired, and depressed, thus my weakness. Now I have good insurance with a new job so I am getting it checked out. Anyway my point is, if you are weak physically, it will make you weak and vulnerable emotionally. Keep working out. Get some music you enjoy working out too, and crank it. I have also started meditating, and I am doing positive affirmations. They do work! I used to do them years ago and after 30 days I felt so good that women were drawn to me like a magnet everywhere I went. My 5 step plan is:

• Visualize myself successful and happy (positive visualization)
• Meditate 20-30 mins/day
• Positive affirmations when I am stuck in traffic or whenever else something negative pops in my head. This is extremely important as the internal conversation is key.
• Work out atleast every other day
• Make a plan on how you are going to improve your life. You have time to focus on you and your future...this is the time to do it. The wonderful woman you will eventually meet deserves the beast you have to offer...and you deserve the best you can be. Don't forget to take action on your plan...a little something everyday.

I read this somewhere, and saved it, because it encapsulates how mine treated me. Hope it helps you...
Here’s what you need to know about your ex:
1) If they left you with no explanation after a few years of dating, you will soon realize that you’re better off without her. Cowardly women who run away and pursue self interests without having the decency to close the door behind them will forever be in unstable relationships. You got lucky. Take your out. Imagine if she did this when you had kids!?
2) Your mind will play tricks on you. You fought, she didn’t make you a great person, and you weren’t really as happy in the relationship as you think you were. If you’re lucky, she’ll find another dude to deal with her bs and you can walk away clean.
3) The Rebound Depression: If she’s with another guy immediately after the break up, you may start feeling like you really want her back. Don’t do that. This is your self-esteem trying to protect itself. Stop. Think about this: She is a parasite. An organism that can’t live alone and needs another for food, habitat, and support in order to survive. Do you really want to be with someone who just leeches off you and gives you nothing in return? Be happy that you’re parasite free and know that there are so many women who have whatever one redeeming quality your ex does, and many many more.
4) If you thought that you were happy with this self-interested nutcase, imagine how happy you’ll be with a woman who brings the best out of you—the woman of your dreams. She won’t pull this bs on you and will be the woman you always imagined that you’d marry.

Good luck dude! The world is your oyster, but only if you go and take it.

Beartest... I just read more of your posts! You had to quit handing out with your friends because of her? This fact and the cheating both point to a girl that may have Borderline Personality Disorder! They are some of the most toxic, addictive, emotionally draining people you could ever date! Mine had several of the BPD traits and they are emotional vampires. They will suck you dry trying to make the relationship work. Go read this article and see if some of this is what you dealt with. If so than you are lucky to be done with that! It is the same bull I am dealing with. I still miss her so bad it is unbelievable. It really does feel something like getting over a bad drug addiction. I have not been addicted to drugs, but I know the relationship was not healthy for me, but I still want her back, but a little less every day.
AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.
http://gettinbetter.com/fiftyways.htmlhttp://

Love to hear back from you on what you think...

[beartest]

redbaron68. Dude, I am feeling much better after reading it. It is a common trait of women
Ha ha ha
And I thot the girl I loved was unique.

Very helpful article and I am feeling much better now.
I wish I was your girlfriend, :P at least I would have felt loved.

Sometimes I do get negative thoughts, and I feel suicidal, I keep telling myself that I have to help myself.

The idea of getting some one else in my life is not the issue right now.
Right now, I want to work towards being emotionally strong. I do cry at times.

Reading your article has kindled hope in me, that I can be a better person rather than crying out aloud for someone for whom I am no more than trash.

Even I had options to go to some other girls( I am not a stud but I do get some girls at my side sometimes) but even If I talked about kissing , I felt I am cheating my girlfriend.
Dude, you are a life saver. I still miss her, badly, but I will accept the fact that she is not coming back and I will help myself.
I love this place.

I have an exam coming up in September and I will study for it. I will devote all my time in it and there will not be a sinlge minute I will think about her.
I know it is impossible but I will try my best. And I will do it.
I don't know if I deserve some one else in my life or not, but I do know that I have to be emotionally strong and mentally strong.
The first time she cheated me and went, all my friends told me that she is not better or me and I should move on. Instead I decided to play Mr. havisham and just went into a misery well by taking drugs and never ever came out with it.
If we love some oone, they don't have a right to ruin us just because we can't live without them.
I will help myself this time. I will get over with it. I do cry and I do miss her and I love her terribly.
But it is time now to make myslef strong emotionally, not for her but ofr myself.
I want to do it for myself and just myself.
What exaclty are positive affirmations and how to do it?
I do meditation and use hypnosis music to sleep.

[beartest]

Update

I got an sms from her today that I never understood her and that I am a loser.
It came because I told one of my friends who happens to be a mutual friend that I will no longer try to get her back in my life. He must have told her and she texted me that I am a looser and that I don't understand her.

I replied that I am trying to get on with my life and I will never be a part of your life again what ever happens.

It was like it occurred to me that a girl who manipulated me so much again wants to make use of that fact that I love her.
It took me lots of courage to tell her that and I hope I don't brek down now hinking that maybe I could have called her and listened to her voice.

[talaniman]

Update
I replied back that I am trying to get on with my life and I will never be a part of your life again what ever happens.

Impressive! VERY impressive. Extremely VERY impressive!!

[beartest]

Impressive! VERY impressive. Extremely VERY impressive!!!!

I don't know if it is impressive or not.
When I was replying and typing in the message, I was so afraid what if she changes and if I wanted to get her back she will tell me that it was me who rejected her then and told her that no need to come back in my life.

I believe inmyself now, partly not fully.
I know it is me who has to work it out and no other one will come to my rescue.

You know, even though I knew that I was being treated like a spare part in her life, I was happy to be a part of her life, for all the love I had for her.
We are human, not programmed robots.
I will practice more yoga and more workout in gym and I will get my confidence that I can be better alone and I don't need anyone else to make me feel loved.
I will love myself.

[redbaron68]

Beartest,

She had a chance to show how sorry she was and change her ways the first time she cheated. She didn't even try then, so her chances of ever changing are very very slim. I know that is a tough pill to swallow because it hurts your pride. I am dealing with the same stuff right now. The problem is she never really appreciated you (in a way that healthy person would) and that's tough because you sound like a great guy. Some girls just don't get it. It sounds like you have been trying to make her understand how great the relationship was, but you are trying to be logical about it, and she doesn't seem to have the capacity to be logical, so don't expect her to be logical when she can't be. Yours and mine are the type that don't get it, and probably never will. She has the problem and now she has made her problem your problem. Don't let her do that to you man. Pick yourself up dust yourself off and learn from this. By the way the only loser is someone who doesn't learn from their mistakes... and it sounds like she hasn't learned a thing. The fact that she can send you a text like this should be a reminder of that. Think of that text as a gift to remind you of that. Would the real girl of your dreams do that to you?

You will be all right it will just take some time. Someday, soon I hope, you will look back and wonder why you ever put up with what you have for so long.

You have a lot of negative self talk in your head, and getting rid of that will help. Here is the link about affirmations:

Positive affirmations for positive change - Stepping Stones

[mmresd]

You want to face it without drugs, then just do it. We are here for emotional support, don't be a coward and just give up. The only way you heal from this is with time, time alone, without drugs, time in which you need to use to become a better person, and everntually, this time will allow you to start fresh.

[beartest]

I won't give up this time.
It is because of people like you all here, that I can help myself. At least I know how to help myself now. Before, I took it as a misery and just wailed and cried upon it.
I will take my time and I will heal myself.
Thanks to all the people here for your support.
I really appreciate it.

I would be posting some updates here just in case I don't know if I am doing it right or not, because I still have some weak spots in me which I would like to mend here on this forum.

Thanks once again everyone.

[beartest]

I have been restraining myself from seeing her pics and looking at my phone constanlty if there is a message from her or a call maybe, but only to find it is of no use.
Sometimes when I am seeing TV, I wail when I see the love involved , I try to control myself and I think I have been doing pretty good job, I tell to myself, that if she had needed me , she would have not left me like this, then I should also get along with it, am doing meditation, going to gym, studying and keeping everything off her , even not browsing her Facebook profile, as I read here, it is not wise to put my hands on a heating stove, it would be who would get burned.

[talaniman]

You are really doinng good guy, as healing is a long arduous process, like paint drying, or grass growing, and emotional pain is sometimes as hurt full as physical pain.

Nothing gets you through this process better than being busy with things you enjoy. And fun people. Ever hear te expression "Time flies when your having fun."?

Its TRUE!!

[beartest]

OK, I have done enough to not to call her, going to gym,studying and all,
I am doing pretty fine I think,
Sometimes I cry but I have deleted all messages,photos ,everything from my PC and Phone that reminded of her.

I am now facing a new problem, I am angry all the time because of I lost someone I loved, I want to love myself but all I end up with is cursing myself ,
I wantt o love myself and do what I want, but I can't, I am cursing myself,
Please help

[talaniman]

Drop the I can't thinking, and just do for yourself. You may not e a successful as you want, but you can still see the benefit of tying. Make a list of some new things you want to try, and make a plan to try them, and then make time to work the plan.

Make a day to do something good for yourself, like shop for a new shirt, a haircut, or pedicure. When faced with what you can't, find something you can. You don't have to be angry at yourself, be good to yourself instead.

[beartest]

Drop the I can't thinking, and just do for yourself. you may not e a successful as you want, but you can still see the benefit of tying. Make a list of some new things you want to try, and make a plan to try them, and then make time to work the plan.

Make a day to do something good for yourself, like shop for a new shirt, a haircut, or pedicure. When faced with what you can't, find something you can. You don't have to be angry at yourself, be good to yourself instead.

Hi talaniman
I really appreciate you helping me out and It was your initial posts and everyone else's that made me cope up with the excuciating pain I was going through.

Today I did something that I thought I would never do, I went to her Facebook profile, saw her new pics and she was wearing those puma shoes that we brought together, I cried and cried seeing that.

I have figured out this, that if I want to heal myself, I have to face it, I can't run forever from her memories and her, I cried for like 15 minutes and wiped my tears and tried remebering the god times we shared and then washed my face.

The reason I am posting it here because I wanted to make sure I don't break down again seeing her happy without me, well she is happy without me, I cried looking her smiling face and I DID NOT BREAK DOWN, I just cried.
Earlier I used to like wail for hours. I wiped my tears and told myself, she has started her life, I should also start mine now, and if she is not in my life now, I should work for a life that I wanted, before she came in my life, I will do this, I know, because deep in me, I know, I can't chage myself. I have planned to go on having sex with some prostitutes too, but I don't want to. I wanted to do it because I wanted to end the better things about me.
I won't now. I can face her memories now, I won't run from them. I have a life, and I will love myself, more than anyone could have loved me.

Exercising helps, and doing yoga too. Earlier I used to wail for hours and sit down numb like I am falling in a black hole, not knowing where I am going, just waiting for my life to end.
Today, I saw her pics, saw her smiling , saw her happy, and I did not broke down, I just cried and wiped my tearsw and here I am ,posting the update here.
The yoga and exercising surely did made my mind strong, I need more of it, till the point when I see her in person and can face her without crying my heart out to her, not that I lan to face her in my lifetime, but if I can make myself strong enough to do this, I can tackle any problem I will be facing in my life, because if I have the courage to not get hurt by the only person who can hurt me, whom I gave my life, I can sure as hell withstand anything.

[beartest]

Hi, everyone
So I get a text from her that she wanted to know that can everything be alryt like before?
I said I don't know and I don't want to know now

To that she started telling me that I am selfish and think only about myself

I called her on her birthday and then wished her hapy birthday.

I really don't know what to do
I feel like she is just manipulating me again and I feel again like a spare part in her life

I am falling weak again

I am constantly trying to not to fall for her again but she has started everything again( calling me by d name she gave me) and all that

I told her I missed you lots and it would be very diffici\ult for me to live with my life again without you, and I will live it, and I don't want you to com back

She replied that she also doesn't wants to come back and all that

And then she started shouting again at me that I am selfsih and I think about myself only

Earlier I used to live with the fact that she is manipulating me bcoz I used to feel happy with her

I still feel happy when she calls , but all that what I have went through because of her, I can't forget all that, and sooner or later I will seek redemption if she is with me

I don't know what to do now
Its like I know I will be better without her, but its like I am putting myself again in this situation that I know has no escape

Some one please tell me what to do

[talaniman]

Its really simple, you go back to what you were doing before she texts you, and stop the contact with her. Time to ignore, block,or whatever you have to do to cut the contact, as it just brings you pain.

You start over with yourself, and let this current situation, and the pain fade into the distance. Don't dwell on this latest incident, as you learn to deal with your pain, by focusing on the things that you enjoy, or will enjoy without her.

[redbaron68]

Agree with talaniman. I by the way what kind of person would cheat on you then try to come back and call you the selfish one. Let her behavior remind you why you are better off looking after yourself and waiting for a girl that you can have a healthy relationship with.

[beartest]

Yeah, when ever she tells me that she loves me, I just can't believe it
I laugh it to myself, some tears roll down on my eyes, cz I know she just wants me to be a spare part in her life, and nothing else, and I had wished for a fairytale :)

I talk to her once or twice daily, and I am surprised that I don't go on telling her how much I love her and what she meant in my life, I guess, I have done enough already,

It just takes a second for me to rrealize that she is the same girl who just left me twice thinking I would be able to cope up with the trauma of being without her, and figure out a what to do with my life without her in it,

And you all know what, she just succeeded in it

I have figured out living life without her,
I am going to gym, blogging , studying, doing yoga and meditation,
After all, once getting up from bed without her wishing me good mornig too seemed herculean once, it still takes heroic effort to do it, but here I am doing it daily,

It is so strange what love makes us to do, even getting up from bed seems heroic task at a point,

[talaniman]

Why are you talking to her once,or twice daily? That would appear to be torture to me.

[beartest]

Why are you talking to her once,or twice daily? That would appear to be torture to me.

Yeah, it is torture , but you know what, I figured out, if I will not deal with this, this would( occasional talking) to her would be torture to me in future,

When we break up, even a single phone call seems miracle from eternity with thousand of thoughts pouring in when we see the number flashing on our screen,

It ain't happening now,
I would do it until the day she becomes a phone number in my cell, nothing else,

I do whatever I was doing and one thing I would like to point out here,
Doing yoga helps in dealing wth this better,

To be honest, tears still drip from my eyes, but once I accepted that she is gone, it is not so painful as it was before.