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chiper7777 · Feb 21, 2012, 07:44 PM

You can take this for what is worth but what I have found out is that if a girl says she needs some time that means she has a lot of decisions on her plate... I would simply send her a text and say I understand and leave it at that... do not call her do not text her do not chase her what so ever... respect what she wants... if she contacts you then answer the question and that is it... dont be cold but just answer her question... you now have to let her do the work and see if this is what she wants... if it is she will start to talk to you more and more and eventually she will ask you to do something... right now all you can do is be understand, be patient, and keep yourself busy until you see what cards she is going to play... I hope this helps and like I mentioned this is only from my experience...

indya · Feb 21, 2012, 10:46 PM

Take it slow. May be going too fast has scared her a bit. Most of the time when a girl asks to take it slow, it means she still has a lot of things at her end to be sorted out.

It by no means means that she is rejecting you. Respect her space, and give her some time. Do not call her. Just text her saying you understand and willing to take it slow the way she wants it. Then wait for things to develop. She herself will let you know when she wants to go on.

talaniman · Feb 21, 2012, 11:16 PM

Thank you for further details of the situation. But I am confused as to why she must go with her son while you conduct your business. Is she involved in some way?

In any regard, if you must see her, or be around her in the normal course of business, then you are polite and strictly business until you get control of your heart, and make it realize that its unrealistic to ACT on romantic hopes and feelings.

The feelings are normal, and like all emotions must be acknowledged by you, but take no actions because of them. It is a harder thing to exercise the discipline and self control when always exposed to the object of those feelings, but with time and practice you will.

Its no different than being rejected by a school crush, and feeling bad for a while as you see her in class all year. Since you cannot remove yourself, or her, from this situation, then you endure with class, dignity, and self respect.

Hoyte · Feb 22, 2012, 08:02 AM

Thanks chiper7777 & indya for your comments means a lot.
I did speak to her the other day, and said I understand where she at. And said I sorry for smother her. She look at me with a big smile and said thank u 4 understanding but I left out I would like to take it slow.so now I didn't say that I'm wondering if she taking it that I'm walking away. But I want her to know I do want to take it slow. I had not made contact since 2 days ago. And she hasn't contacted me as well.is this a sign she moved on or thinking things over. Im doing what she has asked, giving her space to think. I kind of feel good in myself because I would have kept on her case, but I think she the 1 I didn't go of my nut and listin to her.
Thanks again!

chiper7777 · Feb 22, 2012, 09:34 AM

All you can do now is keep busy... there is no need to tell her that you want to take it slow she already knows that you are respecting her and that is all she wants... whether that respect brings her back to you or not only time will tell... if you start to get down on yourself just say that you are giving her what she wants and if you really love her that is what you want to do give her what she wants even if it hurts... She will respect you and you have left yourself in a very good light... whatever you do do not CONTACT her about anything... because this will be violating the space she asked for and two you will only hurt if you do not get the response you want... be tough stay busy... and see what happens...

Hoyte · Feb 22, 2012, 10:59 AM

Chiper thanks what you are saying makes sense. Im doing just that in this moment in time and I taken on overtime at work on my days off. Because I would be stuck in my room going insane. Hey that is true what your saying about me wanting to tell her I want to take it slow. Im feeling some what ill thinking about her. Its getting to the stage when I'm pissing people off talking of her. So from now on I'm going to keep well busy so my heart calm down so I can think straight.
Thank you very much has cheerd me up!!
Respect is due

Hoyte · Feb 22, 2012, 05:59 PM

Hi talaniman.
The only involment she has for being there is to support her son, plus he works there, so she takes & picks him up.
When I saw her last week, I was calm,polite and spoke from my head.
Not my heart. I'm not angry with her,
So I believe next time we have contact will be fine from both sides. I will take on broad what your saying so my head is in the right place. For me to acknowledged my emotion, am I right to look at the object as a negative
And go with the flow talking as friends?

Time will tell.

mmresd · Feb 23, 2012, 12:25 AM

It seems like both of you want different things. The really liking her and not paying attention to what she told you is a problem. No point in looking for something on someone who is not willing to give you what you want, I would suggest moving on completely.

Hoyte · Feb 23, 2012, 01:23 AM

U could be true mmresd, but I don't think we want different things. If I listin then we would not be in this mess. She has a lot on her plate. And you know when your stressed things has to be sorted out first. Its all about the timing and I picked the wrong time!!

talaniman · Feb 23, 2012, 07:30 AM

Why even devote time and effort to someone that wants you to go slow without a commitment? Makes no sense to me and certainly not a reason to NOT put more time and effort into exploring OTHER options, and opportunities for yourself.

I mean you can still go slow with her without letting her hold your heart hostage.

Hoyte · Feb 28, 2012, 04:42 AM

Ok, I understand and don't understand. The thing is we haven't spoke like we used to for about a week or so on the phone,I've done what she has asked. In the way off cooling things.But I saw her yesterday because it was team day and she was there, she saw me and said I look abit nevours,which I was abit I said because I don't know what your doing. Everything OK she said. We chatted most of the day talking about her goings on with the things what she need to sort out, and it felt good.she didn't even try to avoid me, and talked every time we saw each other. But now I'm here and she there, I thought everything was OK. But the bit I
Don't understand is, why do I feel like I've missed something in the
Friendship part. Because she don't call or tex, or I'm I wanting abit
More from her?
So I'm lost in a way is she holding me at arms lengh. In case of my
Heart running mad about her again. Or is she still cooling thing.
Down still. Is there a way I can talk to her to get across to her to realize my heart has calmed down. Or should I not force the issue and leave how it is and let her come back to me.
Please help thank u
There are question I want to ask her but will she listin?

talaniman · Feb 28, 2012, 06:34 AM

I think this is about not getting what you want from her. I think you keep it very light since you are around her, and not give in to that urge to convince her that you have feelings and want to be around her more.

You think she doesn't know all that already? Of course she does, so stay cool, and keep that intense personal stuff to yourself.

Hoyte · Feb 28, 2012, 10:56 AM

Hey thanks for your input.with you saying that I hope I haven't messed up the situation again, down to me texing her the day after wondering if she got home save. She texed back saying she did, and virsa/ versa. Then went quiet again.sometime I think she playing a game and others I think she not.
Is there anything I can do or say to get her going half way?
Thanks again

mmresd · Feb 28, 2012, 11:03 AM

Yes, going NO contact.

Hoyte · Feb 28, 2012, 11:17 AM

Sorry I mean coming half way

Ps,I don't know if I should shut down a social site,she hasn't deleted me or do I keep it on to show her I'm cooling things. If I delete her would that tell her my feeling for her still strong?

talaniman · Feb 28, 2012, 04:57 PM

Hoyte my friend, you need to really stop worrying about the message you send her all together, or any romance with her all together. Its really simple, you stop pursuing her, and spying on her, and hoping she changes her mind about you.

You simply get on with your life and do the No Contact as you can, and be polite when you have to see her. You have a life without her that makes you happy is my message to you.

Alty · Feb 28, 2012, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Hoyte my friend, you need to really stop worrying about the message you send her all together, or any romance with her all together. Its really simple, you stop pursuing her, and spying on her, and hoping she changes her mind about you.

You simply get on with your life and do the No Contact as you can, and be polite when you have to see her. You have a life without her that makes you happy is my message to you.

I have to spread the rep, but 100 greenies to Tal. Dead on accurate post.

Hoyte, you're in the friend zone, that's where she's put you. As a friend you don't have to worry about what you say, do, or email.

If she changes her mind then great, but don't wait around for it to happen, because it may never happen.

Go out, live your life, have fun, meet new girls, and leave her be.

Hoyte · Feb 29, 2012, 07:57 AM

Hey guys, thanks 4 all your input. Guess what she got intouch this morning. And said things with her life are changing for the good. And I was mention in her life. We will be meeting up in a though days time. She said that she does like me fancy me and want me in her life. The no contact really really works. Thanks again! Nuff respect

Hoyte · Apr 13, 2012, 10:15 AM

Hello again well that lasted long. Ok, I think I have really upset her. With what I said what my heart is saying. I text her a message saying how I feel and she texted this back.

"Can u help or tell me the truth please. pls don't send msgs like this, u clearly haven't listened to what I have said to u previously.
I'm not looking for a relationship and I have said this countless times! Yr upsetting me by not respecting what I have said and there isn't going to an us!
The extra pressure u have put on me at a very difficult time in my life is just not acceptable, u said u were ok with friends yet u keep sending msgs like that!
I didn't ask u or jeff to help me move as u said things like he only wants me for himself! That made me feel very uncomfortable being around him and u! Back off and think before u say and do things that involve me!
If u really r my friend u will actually listen this time!".

mmresd · Apr 13, 2012, 10:29 AM

STOP contacting her. It will only keep bring your hopes up. It is time to go no contact for real this time, it is time to move on.