What to think?

titanic2011 · Mar 18, 2012, 12:45 PM

Yeah that's done. There's no point of me dating her now, unelss its just for FWB.

Pretty messed up though when she tells me all this time she sees a future together she just needs time and is not interested in anyone else. Ah well. You think you know someone.

titanic2011 · Mar 20, 2012, 10:21 PM

I didn't speak to her for a few days and she left a few texts and calls. Tonight we spoke on the phone and she said she wants to take a step back and not have things so serious. She wants to focus on her and still date me casually. Not see each other as much because it wasn't healthy. She said again I should date other people. She is not ready for exclusive commitment.

Should I comply? Meaning OK knowing I have strong feelings for her just date her occasionally once every few weeks or whatever and enjoy the time with her, but of course I would date other people? Or should I just cut the losses because it sounds like a doormat situation

I also know I have been way too available for her. And planning things around her so that we could spend time and enjoy each other. She made the comment I need to find other things to do, hobby. I told her that isn't the problem, it was just me being into her and wanting to spend all my time with her. Clearly that was my mistake... I have to readjust that.

talaniman · Mar 20, 2012, 11:37 PM

If it were me I would date others, and get a life that I enjoyed without her. That FWB thing always hurts some one, and you probably would stay attached to her and go crazy if she dates someone else, or had no time to date you.

A clean break is best I feel.

titanic2011 · Mar 21, 2012, 04:57 AM

Cut her out completely? That way there's no slight chance of me thinking eventually it will work out? At one point in our conversation she said maybe we should take a break for a few weeks and let things settle then like start all over. She said the first month she was happy and the last few weeks she hasn't been with our arguments and such. I just don't want to make the wrong choice and be like a doormat.

Oh and I asked her about FB.. She said she wants to cut out the physical side quite a bit too. She said earlier in dating she's all about it because its been awhile, and now she doesn't really care for it as much and thinks that's not a priority. So no FWB. It would be literally casual dating, maybe only few times a month as opposed to like 10 days like we have been.

talaniman · Mar 21, 2012, 06:56 AM

Dude, she wants you in the friend zone until something better comes along, so why have false hope that things will work out? She is happy now, so make sure you heal properly so you can be happy, and able to explore and date with no regrets, guilt, baggage, or comparing others to her.

That's what a clean break, and NO CONTACT is all about. Resolving your own emotional issues so you can make good decisions for yourself based on facts and not just feelings.

titanic2011 · Mar 21, 2012, 04:17 PM

I did it. She said that's my decision to go separate ways. She has to focus on her now. Done. See you.

Thanks for the support Tal. Really good to see things from a different perspective.

Agh well I definitely screwed up

titanic2011 · Apr 10, 2012, 05:32 AM

So I did my own thing and assumed we were done and she started contacting me again and blew up my phone. When I finally got around to getting to her we hung out for a little bit. She was still on the same page, casual dating, her not interested in dating anyone else but really me, OK with me dating others ( I told her and she was mad because I didn't tell her before I went on the dates), and if I can handle that great if not then I need to end it. Pretty much ball in my court. She says she can see herself marring me but she wants to do her own thing right now and live life with no commitment obligations as she is young and I've done a lot that she hasn't already. She also wants the person she is with next to be he rbest friend. Then she asked if I was sick of all the talking and trying to figure things out and the arguing, and I of course told her yes I was, it's exhausting and repetitive. Then she said some things she will never change like occasional dinners with friends (guys, x's) and speaking to her x's. So then we slept together and I went home. She asked the next day if I wanted to do something this weekend, but no talking just having fun. Then later she says well let's play it by ear and see how we interact this week before deciding on the weekend.

What's confusing is I don't know if I feel the same way. It's like if feel if we hang out it's not going to be fun as it used to be. Before she would text me all the time just to say hi, or even call like throughout the day, and that had dwindled completely. I asked her about that and she said she wanted to take that step back, yet she can't return calls and texts. She even says she seen them on her phone and just doesn't feel like replying right away. Really? You used to always answer or instantly respond and now you don't? You want to be good friends as foundation yet you are hyprocrite. And that's another reason why I shut her off when I did awhile ago. More and more I see how things are and what she says and how she acts, the more and more I don't see a relationship with her. Which is good because I can see that and accept it if that is truly the case I'd say. But with her it's just trying to understand really what happened? How did we get here?

I'm not even sure if I should attempt to see her. Part of me is saying, what's the point? Is my mind just thinking well hey I did have fun with her in the past, let's see if it can happen again. Just have fun. The other part is telling me what's the point of dating someone if you've been somewhere strong, they want to take a step back, and you don't even know if you see a future with them not just because of yourself, but because of all the things they've told you and how they feel and how they carry out things and how some things will never change... and some of these things are things you've always been unOK with. And then the OTHER part of me (ha) is saying what everyone from a third party stand point would say... she is just using you now to let her feelings settle and when she is OK she will disappear on her term.

talaniman · Apr 10, 2012, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Dude, she wants you in the friend zone until something better comes along, so why have false hope that things will work out? She is happy now, so make sure you heal properly so you can be happy, and able to explore and date with no regrets, guilt, baggage, or comparing others to her.

Thats what a clean break, and NO CONTACT is all about. Resolving your own emotional issues so you can make good decisions for yourself based on facts and not just feelings.

Don't get sucked back into confusion. This isn't a clean break. She has her fun when she wants, and I strongly suggest you let her, and have your own without her. She wants friendship, but on her terms which right now conflicts with old feelings you still have.

Disappear, cut contact, and make healing your priority. Busy, and unavailable! Geez guy, hard to think after good sex isn't it? Its crazy to figure you can have sex with an ex who doesn't want an exclusive relationship, when you do, so sorry sex is out. Friends With Benefits hurts as much as a break up, and twice as confusing.

titanic2011 · Apr 10, 2012, 06:24 AM

Not even an ex! Just dating apparently. And I Reread my post because I was in hurry.. I neglected to include (copy paste fail) She was feeling sick and think she is pregnant, which is why I had to go see her and break nc. Test negative but now I have to wait a week or two and see what test show. So talk about a confused situation.

talaniman · Apr 10, 2012, 01:32 PM

If a female is pregnant she will let you know, but she is a playing you now, to keep you confused and attentive, and has succeeded in distracting you with sex, and concerns for getting her pregnant. So you sit and wait on her to confirm, all the while worrying.

Its not a confusing situation at all, and if where as dire as she has lead you to believe, why the sex? I Think your actions are being lead by her for her own purpose. That's exactly why you stay out of her bed and her life until she says you are a dad. Only after a birth and conformation of paternity do you have anything to do.

Until then, leave her alone.
This may be harsh

Not smart bringing a kid into this confusion my friend, not smart at all.

titanic2011 · Apr 11, 2012, 04:55 PM

I won't be a dad... she had abortion before. She will have one again she says.

But you are right. Screw her. She wants to take a step back and then its on her terms completely. For anything.

It's crazy how things go though. I still can't believe a month ago how things hae progressed so great and then now I feel like I don't know her, think bad things about her, literally, and wonder how things ended up this way.

titanic2011 · Jul 2, 2012, 08:24 AM

Well we been texting past week. Small stuff. Nothing really. She's been asking when I am going to pick up my stuff. I told her from day 1 that she can throw it. Well months pass and this chat has come up again. She left a voicemail saying she would feel bad throwing it. Jewerly in there, which again, I don't care. She wanted to meet briefly grab a bite to eat. But I just ignored and told her to chuck it out. Good move?

talaniman · Jul 2, 2012, 08:45 AM

Good move, now if you can just stop texting..

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