[BrokenNiks]

So my ex and I broke up almost a month ago . We were together for 13 months off and on . I let some of mh issues from the past interfere with us meaning trust and stuff . She Is very mad with me right now . We Hung out Thursday then yesterday she told me that she can't even be myfriend cause I hurt her so bad and she doesn't trust me . Before I had said I would change those things but I obviously didt . I know see a counsellor and am trying to fix them . However I still want to be with her and I've asked her to give me one more chance but she says she can't trust me . I've let her down and she is so mad that I allowed my issues to break us up . I Don't what to do . I thought us being friends I could show her through actions however now she doesn't want too . Everything was fine when we hung out so I'm not sure what happened?? And she said her feelings have changed yet we texted for 3 hours last night about us so if he didn't care wouldn't she have not entertained the conversation? So at the end of conversation I said please think about it and she said whatever which isn't no . So I sent a long message today o hope I get a positive response from it . I need help please let me know what you feel from this...

[greunale]

Ask her a good reason that she is so made nobody can hold a grudge forever

[BrokenNiks]

She says she is so mad cause I have hurt her so bad by allowing issues to come between us and ruin us.She said last night she has lost love for me .That actually really hurts however I feel its just hidden behind all the anger and resentment for whatever she feels she has a right to be this way.If anyone shouldn't trust or being mad it should be me this is the 3rd time she has left me and gotten so rude and mean with me .Im at my breaking point I can't always take the blame for everything that goes wrong it takes two... Yet she has still asked my daughter and I over for xmas but she hates me?? And she needs to think if we can be friends.

[Fr_Chuck]

Time to give it some space. It sounds like you were letting issue get in the way and now of course want to pass the blame to her. Often if we hurt the other one two many times, there is no fixing or making it up.
You may try no contact for one week, then contact her one more time asking her to talk ( really in person talk) none of this text, email and the such.

[BrokenNiks]

Thank u for your response however I wa doing my best . She is far from perfect and always blames me . I'm not saying I'm perfect however if anyone should be mad it would be me as she has put me through hell in kore ways then one . Verbal an emotional abuse always blames me for everything in life . However I still lie her and would love for us to workout... She has my daughter today and after I'm going to cut all contact

[BrokenNiks]

I didn't see your response till now .Thank you , This is what IM trying not to talk about "us" or anything like that and maybe in the future it could lead to "us" again .Im just worried that she might get with someone else however I can't stop that if its going to happen it will right... Do you have any great tips for me as to show her IM just keeping it at friends??

[talaniman]

Friends don't have an agenda for more, nor do they do things to get more. Friends accept friends for what they are and don't look for plans to show them they are friends.

As long as you hope things work out, you will never be a true friend, and if she does get with someone else, instead of being happy for your friend, you will be devastated.

That's the folly of keeping someone you want more with, as a friend, and maybe making this a clean cut would allow you to heal, and accept, she doesn't want to give you what you want. Then you can deal with all your baggage from the past without her. That's a good thing, that's much needed for you to let go.

[BrokenNiks]

True , I guess you are right . Well Ill let you know her anger and verbal abuse has pushed me away now . Im a wreck however I can't take it anymore .Everything that ever goes wrong is my fault , Im this and Im that . She has issues she needs to deal with and I was willing to deal with it all cause I love her more then anyone ever. Im still in love with her after all the hurtful things she has said to me . AT first I could tell she was pushing me away on purpose now Its just gone too far . Iver allowed her to control my mind and through all the evil words I was nice a couple times Id call her a ***** and so on but this is too much... I donbt even plan on going there for xmas dinner anymore forget that ! She can eventually worry about how she lost me! Her whole family told her constantly I was the best thing that ever happened to her ! And she was amazing to me too however she has a lot more issues then me . I still think down the road she will try and come back to me cause its what always happens just each time it gets worse and worse so this time she said her feelings have changed , I don't believe it cause just before she ended it we were looking to move in and so on .So I'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism the anger ! Ive now had enough and Im depressed cause I still love her and want plus my xmas is ruined my faimily is ruined :( ANd no one believes me they all think Ill go back

[BrokenNiks]

Threads merged yet again.

After Xmas my ex started contacting me on a daily basis so we started hanging out everyday. She said she's giving me a chance to show her why we should be together. So I've been trying. She's been calling me babe, baby, calling things "ours", randomly kissing me.

So this has been since Xmas.Then all of sudden last night she's like all I'm seeing is talk, and no change, I can't be around you right now :s I'm so confused cause things were going fine, so I'm not sure what changed?! Maybe I need to back off and not be so open to her? I love her like no other and would do anything for us again. Were both females, my first like this. And even sometimes she won't respond to my texts and say some hurtful things.

I ask why, and she says cause she's hurting so bad... I don't know, please help me!

[talaniman]

Poor thing. You want things to work so bad and try so hard that you ignore the obvious. You have latched on to a moody selfish B###H, and don't know how to let go, heal, and do better once you feel better and solved your own issues. That why you are confused because you can never please her no matter how hard you try, unless she is in a great mood.

Kissing her butt ain't going to work, let go!

[BrokenNiks]

You're so right no matter what I'm wrong and can't keep her happy . Feel like she is the one with all the issues an have now been put on me and I'm so blind I take them . I need to let go but that's my problem I didn't know how :s and bow I'm hurting again from how she was all good with sleeping over everynigjt and now nothing . That's leading me on and I don't appreciate it at all... </3

[BrokenNiks]

IS it a good thing to take things slow and become friends with your ex, rather then jumping into a relationship again?

[talaniman]

Why are you wasting time with the ex instead of rebuilding your own life without her?

You just can't quit can you?

[BrokenNiks]

Well she asked if we could go slow and start as friends and re build from there.Ive been taking care of me and doing my own thing as has she .I was just wondering if it's a good or bad thing to do things this way

[talaniman]

I think it is, because starting over requires a healing period, that for whatever reason you keep avoiding, and interrupting on a whim, or at her request. Just look at this thread and do the math from when this thread started, up to now, and reread the merged threads you have started. Its still a very deep and emotional issue with you about getting back with her. That hasn't changed at all.

You seem to be always reacting to her whims because her agenda doesn't match yours. Lets be real, this is an unhealthy friendship! I don't see true friendship, without much healing!

If she went on a date would with another female would be okay?
Can you deal with her having romance outside your friendship?
Would you be hurt if she was to busy to be friends?

HONEST answers ONLY!

[BrokenNiks]

Honest answers would be yes to all those questions . Why am I like this?? It's so hard for me to walk away

[talaniman]

I think we all are similar in that we find it hard to navigate through our maze of intense feelings and do the right thing our brains tell us. Hearts often want for no logical reasons, and shout louder than our brains. And who wants to give up what we think is love? That's darn hard.

That's what stopping all contact is about, giving you a chance to manage our OWN feelings in better ways. That does mean some pain, and its not easy, but healing is a hard long process that the reward are not felt until much later.

You are human, just like the rest of us, so we all struggle with our feelings from time to time.

[BrokenNiks]

Yup and I always fall weak to her . It would probably
Be best to walk away however here Iam.
She says let's be friends and rake it slow cause
I still love you but I'm scared of going back to
Qhere we were so don't want to rush things.
And here Iam doing what she wants when she
Wants... I'm torn :((((

[talaniman]

You are afraid, who wouldn't be. You are afraid to lose the love you have attached to her. That's why you have put staying in her life, on her terms, Not yours. I know that fear very well.

The solution is to put yourself above this situation, and figure out your own plan, that gets you what you need to be happy.

She isn't going to give you what you want, so you have to get it on your own.

What do you want for yourself?

[BrokenNiks]

I just want to be healthy and happy in life. I do want real unconditional love. I guess I am scared, cause the love I have for her is deep, and when you are in it, it's hard to believe you will find it again. It's not that easy though, if it was, I'd be gone.

How did you do it?? What made you walk?