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cllockhart · Jul 30, 2011, 05:00 AM

What if he is still a baby? Will he still get his own lawyer? Or would the two families be fighting against each other?

ScottGem · Jul 30, 2011, 05:14 AM

Originally Posted by cllockhart

What if he is still a baby? Will he still get his own lawyer? Or would the two families be fighting against each other?

Ok, scenario one, the father survives you. Your parents take custody. He tries to take child, your parents refuse. He then goes to court for custody. He proves he's the father, court awards him custody. There is almost nothing your parents can do.

Scenario two, He predeceases you or you die together. Your parents take custody. His parents file for custody. Court will likely appoint a Guardian Ad Liteum (GAL) to look out for the child's interests. Court will look at each parents fitness (age, financial condition, your stated preference, but most importantly, prior relationship) to decide custody.

cllockhart · Jul 30, 2011, 05:40 AM

Thank you for your answers.

I just want to make sure my child is well taken care of. And I know my parents (aside from me) are the only family members he has that would be able to or even want to care for him. I don't want my child growing up unloved and that is how my fiancé and his brothers feel. I hate knowing now that he is not loved by his grandparents and it kills me. I would not ever want him raised in an environment like that.

ScottGem · Jul 30, 2011, 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by cllockhart

Thank you for your answers.

I just want to make sure my child is well taken care of. And I know my parents (aside from me) are the only family members he has that would be able to or even want to care for him. I don't want my child growing up unloved and that is how my fiance and his brothers feel. I hate knowing now that he is not loved by his grandparents and it kills me. I would not ever want him raised in an environment like that.

Ok, this presents a slightly different angle. So you aren't concerned if your fiancé gets custody? Only if you both die and that his parents try for custody?

If the unthinkable were to happen, your parents should get in touch with his siblings. If they will testify that they grew up in a cold and unloving environment, that will be very strong evidence for a court. So the bottom line here is that I don't think you have too much to worry about. What I would suggest is that the father include a preference in his will for custody to go to your parents. But given what you have told us about the situation, I don't think you have much to worry about. The only things would be if the father were to take custody and move away from your parents allowing his parents to establish a relationship. And frankly, there is almost nothing you could do about it.

cllockhart · Jul 30, 2011, 05:56 AM

Yeah I understand that it is pretty much a lost cause. His siblings would not testify against his parents. Even though they grew up that way they are still close to their parents. They have a tight family unit. What I meant was growing up they were never told they were loved, they never got hugs and kisses, and they tried to spend as little time with them as possible. Basically his parents don't really like kids, but they do like family. His brothers and my fiancé get along great with their parents now, so a deposition from them would be unheard of.

cllockhart · Jul 30, 2011, 06:22 AM

I just had another thought. Pretty much a bribe was brought up earlier so I was wondering if I would be able to put in my will to give him a certain percent of my estate if he maintains residence within say 100 miles of my parents until the child is 18 and also allow them so many hours a week for and 2 weeks per summer for visitation. When my child is 18 he would get the allotted amount of money.

Do you think that would work?

ScottGem · Jul 30, 2011, 06:23 AM

Ok, then they may need to be subpoenaed to testify. But hopefully this won't be an issue for many, many years.

joypulv · Jul 30, 2011, 07:04 AM

Although it has been stated here that of course you 'can' put pretty much what you want in a will, you may find it difficult to find a lawyer willing to draft it the way you want. Your fiancé has to live within 100 miles of your parents, etc, is fraught with so many problems that I don't think a lawyer will touch it. Parents die, divorce, move, become senile or ill. You may be changing your will often, as situations change, and it will cost you the more complicated it is. And also as has been stated, family court can supercede your stated wishes. Bio father rights are changing all the time, too, by state, so it will matter when and where you are.

I would suggest visiting a lawyer locally to get a clear picture of all this.

AK lawyer · Jul 30, 2011, 07:15 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

... you may find it difficult to find a lawyer willing to draft it the way you want. ...

There are no lawyers willing to think "out of the box"? None willing to depart from their own boiler plate? In behalf of lawyers everywhere, I'm offended. :D

excon · Jul 30, 2011, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by cllockhart

Do you think that would work?

Hello again, c:

Yes I do.

If you allot him money WITH conditions, the court is NOT going to ignore your conditions and give him the money anyway... THAT ain't going to happen.

excon

joypulv · Jul 30, 2011, 09:56 AM

Groan