[smoothy]

if my bf told me he wants to "F" me, id tell him to get lost until he could speak to me with a few more manners. its a disgusting way to talk to someone...let alone try get a girl into bed!

Got to spread the rep... but any boy... and yes he is a boy... that talks like that should be shown the door. All he wants is a booty call, and the instant you miss your period.. and it CAN happen... he will take off. It happens every day... all the time.

If it was MY daughter he would have more to fear than having to get a job to pay for that kid... he'd have to fear me getting my hands on him for thinking he could take off without paying for the dance.

[Synnen]

Really? REALLY??

Teen sex should be embraced?

Let me guess---you're 15. And don't have a job. And don't pay taxes. And therefore do not pay into the welfare system that these teens use to raise their children because not enough of them are smart enough to use birth control, and almost none of those that have birth control fail choose adoption.

In Wisconsin, they're cutting teacher salaries and benefits, but it's OKAY that teens have sex, because "every organism does it"? Who is PAYING for it?

I got pregnant using THREE forms of birth control. Correctly. The second time I had sex.

NO ONE---not teens, not adults, not ANYONE--should be having sex if they're not ready to have a baby. Teens ESPECIALLY should not have sex, because they do not have the mental and emotional maturity to think beyond themselves and determine the best thing for their child--which, contrary to belief, is NOT getting on welfare and letting the taxpayers pay to raise your child.

Teens should be encouraged to NOT have sex. Teens should be encouraged to talk to their parents---about how to NOT succumb to peer pressure. Teens should be encouraged to have terrific self-esteem that doesn't depend on someone ELSE finding them attractive. And finally--teens should be encouraged to MASTURBATE, so that when they ARE ready for a partner, they know how to show someone else what works for them.

Seriously--I don't know what planet you're on, but I don't know a single teenager--INCLUDING myself when I was--that should be told that sex is a natural expression and that they just need birth control to make it safe.

There are too many mental and emotional factors regarding sex that teens do NOT understand yet--including the separation of sex from love, and lust from liking someone.

[Synnen]

PS--to the OP, what you do NOT do is have sex just because you boyfriend says he wants to.

Birth control FAILS.

You should learn that there are other ways to be happy together, and that if he can't wait until you're in a good position to have a baby to have sex, then he's just a creep who only wants to get into your pants anyway.

ALL teen boys want sex. It's whether they can control their urges that shows how mature and caring they are---NOT how much they want you and pressure you to do it.

[NukeNC]

This has really become more of a debate whether teens should have sex or not, and that's not what this thread is about. So, lets get back on topic or better yet... If Jessica doesn't respond and give more on the situation let this thread die.

[ramona_]

Synnen, if you're referring to me as being "15...and don't have a job" then I have to say you are wrong, I am a 19 year old female who works in the National Health Service part time in the psych. Ward and I'm currently at university.

The OP is sixteen years old and her boyfriend is seventeen and is in a committed relationship from what she has said. The average legal age of consent from across the globe is age 16. Just because you got pregnant from using three forms of birth control doesn't mean that she will, it happens but it is unlikely for it to happen on three forms of birth control because of how high the success rates are.

I didn't encourage her to have sex, I just said if she feels like she is ready then she should talk to her mum, talk to her GP and not be pressured into it by her boyfriend or anyone else as it is her decision. Many young adults in the UK that are the legal age of consent that if they feel that they are ready to have sex then they should practice it safely and with someone they trust.

Correct, teenagers/young adults may not understand the emotion and mental factors when it comes to sex but when are they going to learn it? There are people that do not understand the mental and emotional factors of sex, whether they're bordering adulthood or in their mid 30's.

There is only so much masturbation can give to a young adult.

If this poster talked to her mother about it thoroughly and talked about the possible consequences then she has the support of her mother. This poster is scared that the condom will break and that is holding her back, if she wants to do it and isn't being pressured into it then she should carry out appropriate methods of birth control. I am not saying to her "go get birth control and have all the sex you want", she still must be safe and have support from her boyfriend and her mother/parents. She should try out birth control methods until she finds the right one for her whether it's the oral contraceptive pill, IUD, female condom, male condom, "the rod", a coil or a cervical cap.

Sexual intercourse should go hand in hand with emotional maturity, where you can get into trouble is where physical runs ahead of emotional. We don't know anything about this girl, she could be the most immature girl in the world and in that case I would advise against sex but if you are emotionally mature then you can balance the physical and emotional aspect. Communication and trust is crucial.

[southamerica]

If you're not ready to have a baby
Not ready to talk to your mom about it
And you're scared

Just wait.

It's great that you're in a long term relationship with your boyfriend, but you two are still very young. You don't want to be parents right now, right? Sex can wait, keep enjoying your youth together and learn how to be an adult in a couple of years, what it's like to support yourself and live in the real world, before you have sex. No matter how safe you are, you always run the risk of pregnancy if you aren't abstinent.

That being said, you're going to do whatever you do, but I strongly advise (I even beg) you to talk to your parents, talk to a doctor, or talk to a trusted adult about sex, thoroughly. There is a lot more than whether it's safe. There's also the emotional side of things, the social side of things, and STD's/STI's. If you haven't had a thorough birds and bees talk with your mom as of yet, now's the time.

I hope you choose abstinence. Best of luck to you.

[Cat1864]

The problem is she isn't communicating with her mother (parents) and has said she 'can't let' her mother know why she needs birth control pills. That means she is disobeying her parents if she has sex with her 17 year old boyfriend.

Even if you don't agree with telling her to wait because she is only 16 years old, perhaps you would prefer not to encourage her to disobey her parents. I guess they should 'embrace' this choice after the fact like they did her piercing her own belling button after they said no.

[Cat1864]

How old are you? Legal age is different in every state/country. In England, the legal age of consent is 16 years old but doctors will give you birth control if they feel that you are safe and not getting it just to be able to have sex with any random guy, even if you are under that age. They will not tell your parents as they have to obied by a set of confidentiality rules.

Here in the states doctors have the same confidentiality rules. Telling her to see a doctor and that the doctor won't tell her parents is giving her the encouragement to go around her parents even if you tell her to talk to them.

Remember that she is 16 years old and thinks that first love lasts forever.

[smoothy]

I await to see the argument you are going to spark with that one Ramona. As judging from the previous posts of this thread, just brushing it off and saying "Well, your entitled to your opinion but I don't agree" isn't the way this is going to go. Lets face it, people like Ramona and Me aren't going to be swayed to agree with the idea that "Sex is wrong when your in your teens" and your not going to be swayed to agree with us either.

So, lets stop arguing and stop going around in circle. Agreed?

Doesn't change anything... that boy is an immature jerk. He's rude... doesn't have a lick of common sense or have respect for her if he speaks to her that way...

And lets face it... if you are stupid enough to have sex with someone you aren't married to at the time... then I'm one of the people that's going to be forcing you to fork over big bucks for child support until that child is an adult... and in some cases until they get 4 years of college.

And will be doing so with a big grin on my face. (If you listen carefully you can hear the violins playing the pity party.)

You certainly talk like an arrogant 15 year old boy... and not an adult speaking like that.

Incidentally... maturity isn't bestowed upon you on your 18th birthday. It's earned. It takes some people YEARS beyond their 18th birthday to earn it.

You might think its funny... WE think it will be funny when you spend the next 18-22 years handing over a big chunk of whatever you earn to the mother.

Want to dance... you better be ready to pay the piper.


AND if SHE thinks its not going to forever change her future and her options she has now... she is in for a VERY rude awakening too.

Because ANYTHING you have planned for your life now... kiss it all goodbye for both people if she ends up pregnant.

That's reality... thats life. Welcome to it and embrace it, because that's all you have. Mommy and dady aren't going to do it for you... your kid your problem.

And I've known far too many people that ended up in that situation. As young as 14 and up to far, far older. (I know a 45 year old woman that's in an unplanned and unexpected pregnancy.)


And THAT doesn't even consider AIDS, HERPES neither of which has a cure... or HPV or other STD's that can leave you sterile for when you are ready and really want a kid but won't be able to.

[ScottGem]

I believe teen sex shouldn't be encouraged but embraced. We all have sex, it's what every living organism does. I don't believe the best approach is to scare this young woman out of it. If she feels ready and she is in a committed relationship then why not? Sex gives you and your partner a bond which only sex can give.

So how old are you? 15, 16? This is terrible advice. Every living organism is capable of jumping off a bridge. Should we embrace that because we can do it? As I said earlier, in all "living organisms" sex is a biological imperative and the organism has no choice. Humans, among all living organisms, have the choice. So that knocks down that argument.

Engaging in sexual relations has inherent dangers. There are physical and emotional dangers. As we get older and mature we are better able to cope with those dangers.

While I agree that sex does have a bond, its not the only or even the most important bond between two people.

And I will say it again. This site does not allow the condoning or promotion of teenage sexual intercourse. And further such advice will not be allowed.

[ScottGem]

sexual intercourse should go hand in hand with emotional maturity, where you can get into trouble is where physical runs ahead of emotional. we don't know anything about this girl, she could be the most immature girl in the world and in that case i would advise against sex but if you are emotionally mature then you can balance the physical and emotional aspect. communication and trust is crucial.

That actually makes sense. But where you go wrong is assuming a 16 year old has that emotional maturity. What your posts are saying is if one thinks they are mature enough go ahead. But almost every teen will tell they feel they are mature enough, when the majority of them aren't. But what you posts have done is condone teens having sex without knowing about their maturity levels. And that is why your advice is bad and will be denigrated.

[ScottGem]

Lets face it, people like Ramona and Me aren't going to be swayed to agree with the idea that "Sex is wrong when your in your teens" and your not going to be swayed to agree with us either.

Clearly, but we are not trying to sway you when you have already closed your mind. We are trying to give the OP and other browsers good advice, not bad advice. That's why I have removed the post this is quoting from.

[Alty]

I understand its not the policy of the site. But, I'm not going to bull**** myself and the OP for something I personally don't agree with.

So you don't agree with us. That's fine. You have a right to your opinion.

Tell me something. What will you do if the OP comes back in a few months, starts a thread titled "I'm 16, pregnant, and I don't know what to do?"

Look around the site. We get threads like that every day. Most of these girls used birth control. Most of these girls are already going to be single moms, because the guy already ran as far away as he could after he got laid. The rest of them are statistically not going to be with their boyfriends, and they'll be raising their child alone.

I get why you feel the way you do. I did too when I was a teen. I got very lucky. I had sex as a teen, and I managed not to get pregnant, only because of a medical issue. I went to a Catholic school, and on my graduation day 4 of my friends were pregnant. All of them used birth control.

You're young, you think you're unbreakable, you think bullets bounce off you. I totally remember the feeling. Teen pregnancy only happens to other people. It won't happen to your, right? WRONG!

Pregnancy isn't the only thing to worry about. There are STI's that will be with you for life, there are even some that will kill you!

So let's play a game. Let's say that you do everything right, you use a condom, birth control, and you track ovulation. You've covered your bases. No, it's not 100%, but around 95% coverage against pregnancy. That's not bad right?

If I handed you a gun and told you that there was only a 5% chance that you'd get shot if you put it to your head and pulled the trigger, would you do it?

[Alty]

I agree that you have a right to your opinion. I don't agree that teens should have sex, but that's my opinion. I feel like a bit of hypocrite saying it because I did have sex as a teen. But, now that I'm 40, looking back, I wouldn't have taken that risk. That's the benefit of getting older, you gain wisdom. Sadly you don't have that wisdom when you really need it, in your teens. ;)

In the end you're right, she's going to do what she wants, no matter how many people tell her to wait, or tell her it's okay. It's her decision. I just hope she doesn't live to regret it, because many teens do, and that's where us older folks are coming from. We see very clearly the risks involved, whereas a hormone driven 16 year old won't.

Our main concern is the OP. I think that all of us are posting with regards to the OP. I really don't believe anyone means her any harm. I just hope you can see our side. There is something to be said for listening to those older then you, those that have been there, done that, suffered the consequences and care enough to not want the same consequences to end up being your fate.

We do get defensive, mainly because we know the risks, and we clearly see the risks. At 19, I can honestly say that I didn't, and I doubt that you fully do either. At 19 I still believed that I was bullet proof. I believed that I could handle whatever came my way. I know now that I couldn't have, and I'm glad that I never had to, but so many of my friends did, and they paid for it, for life!

Sex is 5 minutes of pleasure (let's face it, that's the reality at 16 ;)) but a baby, or an STI is forever. Forever is a long time. That's a pretty harsh lesson to learn if you don't have to, and no one has to. That's the point we old folks are trying to make. Learn from our mistakes. Learn what took us a lifetime to learn. You don't have to learn the hard way.

I hope that you can read this and see where I'm coming from. I don't expect you to agree, but if you can at least understand why we're saying what we're saying, then we've come halfway, and that's a huge step. :)

[smoothy]

So, lets calm down. Stop arguing "Sex is bad when your in your teens" "No its not!" I believe that the OP has gotten more than enough advice on the situation on both sides, and it really comes down to her own decision as a person.

So... as long as YOUR opinion is the only one allowed its OK... but its unreasonible if anyone disagrees with you and presents lots of reasons to back it up.


Really... besides AIDS, Herpes... STD's, Pregnancy, date rape, etc... any proof its NOT BAD? Those are plenty of reasons that explain WHY it IS bad... I've seen you produce NOTHING that presents any evidence its actually good yet... besides an adolescent boys mindset that he has the right to access a female semen receptacle at his beckoning.

And yes.. there are more than a few girls as well that develop issues as the result of being used...

I've really seen NO good reason for teenage sex presented YET in this thread, not a single one... and lots of great reasons against it.

[smoothy]

Okay, Aids, Herpes, STD's, Pregnancy... When did I ever say "Okay, have sex! No precautions necessary! WHATEVER!" Aids, Herpes and STD's can happen any time, regardless of age, if your going to be scared of those then you are most likely never going to experience sex. As for pregnancy... yes... its a scary thing. That's why you should take every precaution necessary to prevent it. But, as I've said NUMEROUS times... I believe sex to be a emotional connection between two people who love eachother AS WELL as the creation of new life, but for some reason it keeps coming back to you saying that I say "Sex is fine because it feels good."

You can have her take the Pill, Have an IUD AND you can use a condom and she can still get pregnant... we have SEVERAL prominent members here that can prove that is a very real possibility. Because its happened to them.

Really... teenagers don't understand love. They think lust and love are the same. They can't be more different. They haven't developed the maturity yet to tell one from the other. BESIDES the fact boys and girls see things so very differently. Using the term "emotional connection" indicates you can't tell the difference.

You get emotionally connected to your pet cat. Your Xbox... your car.

And you still have an adolescents comeback... "if it feels good its right" when that can't be further from the truth.

Tell that to a Crank user, a crack user, a heroin user... and see how valid an argument that really is. It feels real good to them too... and each time gets them on step closer to their grave.

Every sex partner is one more click of the revolver in a game of Russian Roulette.. its one step from someone who is infected and either doesn't know it yet... or is actually trying to infect others on purpose. Yes there really are people that do that.

It might feel good to drive that car at 16 going 140 mph... until something goes wrong and its too late.

There are MANY things that feel good but are very bad for you in any number or ways. Many you haven't even considered.

[smoothy]

Are you even reading what I'm typing? Half of what you just said was about me saying "If it feels good, do it!" And the end of my post expressed that I DIDN'T feel that way.

Then why are you pushing that point of "if it feels good do it"... its very clear in your posts.

You can't be on both sides of the fence. I've known too many people that had their lives adversely affected at the very time they didn't need that distraction.

Because it does negatively affect your ability to focus on school... be it high school or college. And that DOES affect you for the rest of your life... over a girl or girls you will barely remember in 10 , 20 or 30 years.

I say that because of first hand experience. By the time you hit 30, you are going to understand what I'm trying to say... as it will become obvious.

Life really doesn't revolve around getting laid. Getting laid just distracts you from life. And being distracted from life is going to hold you back at an important time in your life.

Hormones that haven't stabilized and that you haven't learned to control are preventing the obvious from being seen when you are that young, and yeah... you will be almost 30 before you can understand that. Guys anyway.

[Alty]

Smoothy, I have to point out that Nuke never did say "if it feels good it's right". In fact, he's been trying hard to tell us that that's not what he's saying at all.

Once again, I don't promote teens having sex, and I don't agree that just because she's in a committed relationship that she's ready. Why? Because of her age! She's 16! It's highly unlikely that her and her current boyfriend will end up together for life. It's highly unlikely that he'll stick around if she does get pregnant. It's very likely that she'll end up regretting this.

Yes, STI's are always a concern, not only for teens, but for anyone that has sex that isn't in a monogamous relationship (meaning that both partners are faithful, and clean).

Pregnancy is always a concern, no matter how many forms of birth control you use. I was 28 when I had my first child, and even though he was planned, we weren't financially secure. We were however married, had a house, jobs, and were mature enough to raise a child. At 16 I can't even imagine attempting to raise a child, especially not as a single mom which most 16 year old teens end up being if they get pregnant.

I am 40, but I was a teen once, and I remember what it was like. I remind myself every day what it was like because my son is 12, and will soon be a teen. I hope that when he goes through these issues, and I know he will, that he can come to me. Will he listen? I hope so, but I didn't, so why should I expect that he will? I will however approach every question he brings to me with an open mind. Same with my daughter.

I do know one thing. If I talk at him, and not to him, I may as well be talking to a brick wall.

I understand the need to tell teens that they're wrong when they make these choices. I do! We've all been there and lived through it. But, there's a way to go about this. There's give and take. Just because someone is young doesn't mean they're stupid. Just because someone is a teen doesn't mean they don't have an opinion.

If we all listen to each other, and talk to each other, we can learn from each other. If we continue to dictate, and say it's my way or the highway, then we're not getting anywhere. Both sides need to remember this.

I for one joined this site to help people. I'm posting here because I care about the OP and the choice she makes. I'm not here to prove that my way is the only way, that my opinion is the only opinion. I think that's were many of the posters on this thread are going wrong.

Everyone, no matter their age, has a right to their opinion. So, instead of telling them they're wrong, show them why your opinion may be right. Teach, don't dictate. Talk, don't order. Listen, and you may learn something in the process. :)

Can we please all try to remember that we all have a right to our own opinions, and that every one of us has the right to express our opinions. As long as our advice isn't illegal, I don't see the problem with discussing differing opinions, and listening to each other.

[smoothy]

Alty... those aren't his exact words but its what he basically said...

Post #8 of this thread, again in post #12 and in #37 no need to reprint them. Assuming thread pruning didn't skew the post numbers. I won't bulk up the thread with cut and paste. Its not that important.

[ScottGem]

I have said that I will not entertain any more of this. I answered your points initially. But you refused to accept the site policy argument. You have been derogatory towards me, just because I was expressing my opinion. You haven't let well enough alone, and I've trimmed this thread because of that. I don't want to close it in hopes the OP returns, but any more of this and I will.