[talaniman]

As others have said get busy doing things you enjoy, don't just sit and wait. It takes time for things to happen.

[JoeCanada76]

Let him get his help but it takes more then just one day.

It is called being DESPERATE.

Keep busy with yourself and enjoy your space time.

[rol]

Yeah let him get all the help he needs and keep your distance for now.

[prt]

I am sorry to keep posting over the same topic again and again. I have been doing quite well by not crying since he left two days ago, but I feel so miserable today... the weather isn't nice, I can't go home to my parents place as it is snowing and he texted me three times last night, to which I haven't replied at all. He keeps asking me not to forget him, not to stop loving him, etc. I love him to bits and I wish I could phone him and tell him how miserable I feel, but I know I can't and I won't do it. He is supposed to go to his psychologist today, I hope it helps him get out of his own mess. I just need to know when am I going to feel free and better... I know I must keep myself busy and so I try to do so, but I need him and I am starting to miss him so... I guess this is the mood I should have been in all the time and not so happy as I seemed to be when he left(as I was relief since I didn't have to carry on talking and crying and being all depressive), but I feel down today... sorry to bother you all, mates.

[rol]

Oh don't worry, its completely normal and you a re doing well to come here to vent..
Yes don't communicate with him right now.. He needs to get help for his commitment problems, I feel that by not wanting to make a commitment to stay with you and not making a commitment to leave you, he may need a lot of help.. but it's a positive sign at least that he wants to see a psychologist.

So get yourself back to being strong again... I know its not an easy time and you will go through a lot of emotions.

[talaniman]

but I feel down today... sorry to bother you all, mates.

It's a bright sunshiney morning here an I wish I could send you some. I Know to well how looking out the window can make us feel good or bad, when we get up in the mornings. Just curious as to what your best friend says about all this? If you care to share.

[prt]

One of my best friends says that the problem is my boyfriend is putting pressure on himself to commit when he is not the kind man who commits himself. He says that he knows what a good girl I am and that he doesn't want to lose me, so he finds himself in a quandary so as to say "i dont wanna leave her as i wont find anyone else with her qualities but i am not sure i am in love with her". He says I should forget about him and go for someone better. My other best friend says he is just the unconfident kind of person who will be so for his whole life and I will have to learn to cope with that if I love him, which I do. She says that sometimes love isn't just enough, we need to learn to forgive and to be there when we are needed.

He keeps texting me to tell me he is not going to allow himself to lose me as I am his life. He asks me to wait on him and not to be annoyed as he says he adores me and this is just a point all couples reach. He beggs me to trust him, but as time goes by I am starting to disbelieve him... I am not texting back and I feel sooo bad...

[JoeCanada76]

It is up to you when you feel ready to text him back. By you not texting him and showing him that your doing fine without him. What has his reaction be so far. Now he can not share enough on how much he feels for you and does not want to let you go. As far as that this is just a point all couples reach, that is a load of crap if I ever heard any. Sorry to be so blunt. I do not blame you for having your doubts. I must add, why do you feel so bad? There is not reason why you should feel guilty or bad for not texting back. It is all up to you what you do, but you need your space and he is not really giving it to you. He knows that you wanted some time. Right!

Joe

[momincali]

PRT, I think the weird feeling you have in your stomach is that little something that's telling you this is done, over with. This is a rollercoaster ride you don't want any part of, listen to the weird feeling. It feels weird to be without him, doesn't make it wrong.

[prt]

Thank you sooooo much. I have decided not to have any more contact to him and wait and see what happens. I truly believe if he really loves me and is the one, he won't let me go and will work on not letting me go. It is hard, but I have been here before and I think also on his side and although I try to believe him, I don't think I understand him and maybe we should just leave it at that. I don't feel I can be involved in a relationship where I am the one giving all and getting very little in return. I know I am putting everything so blunt now that I am quiet, and I also know that I will feel down at times too, but I hope I can make it and I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that he realises what a fool he as been and tries to get me back.

It's been ten days since he left and he has been texting me daily ever since. I felt relief at first that he wasn't here and I didn't have to put up with all his crying and nonsense but as days go by and I get these texts telling me he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me... I am starting to get anxious and had to go to the doctor yesterday as I had a nervous breakdown.I miss him so much I don't know what to do... The last day I spoke to him, that was three days ago, I told him not to contact me unless he had a good reason for doing so or if he was going to do what he said in his texts. He never rang again but texted me to let me know he knows our relationship will work and that he knows it's going to be all right. I am really desperate as I have a very special personal situation: I live 300 miles away from my parents and live by myself, I have been living in this place for the last four years, yet it is not my hometown and I hardly know many people, so I am going through a patch of rough weather as I don't know where to go or what to do...

[momincali]

Oh, I really feel for you right now. It's hard enough to go through a break up but to be so far away from mom and dad and not even be able to get a hug from them is very difficult, so consider yourself hugged.

Your ex needs to truly understand your position right now and respect your wishes of leaving you alone. If he truly loves you as he says he does, he should demonstrate it by allowing you time to regain your strength and time to put things into perspective whether he likes it or not. Make sure you bring that point firmly across to him.

[prt]

Thanks guys for listening when I need to vent. He hasn't texted for two days now, so I am starting to think that either he has given up on me and doesn't give a thing for me anymore or that he is trying to pull himself together to make a positive move and stop hurting me(this is the option I try to get hold tight in my mind). I have started a medical treatment which calms me down and makes me sleep and prevents me from crying or being too anxious. I don't know if it's a bad idea, however I only wonder whether I will ever get my feelings back and feel myself again. I wish all this was a nightmare. Do you think I will ever get my peace again? Do you think he is reconsidering us?

[prt]

Hi again!here I am and it 's been almost three weeks since he left and still texts me telling me how much he loves me and how much he feels for me, but then he just doesn't do anything about it. I don't reply to his text and I feel he is just unsure about his feelings and at the sme time doesn't want to lose me in case he realises that he loves me, which I think it is ttoo selfish as he doesn't let me go on with my life. In the mean time I went to the doctor yesterday and signed me a sick leave for two weeks off work as I have developed an ulcer in my stomach because of anxiety. I don't know what to do, whether to wait and see or to carry on, I know I shuld carry on without with and try and have fun but then I find it so hard that I cant... I feel sad and I miss him and I have added problems both at work and in the city I live in, so I think this is a patch or rough weather and don't know how to get away from it. I need some help, I am frankly desperate...

[rol]

Hi there prt,
This guy sounds highly commitmentphobic... he cannot make the commitment to stay with you , nor can he make the commitment to leave you.Its a sign of a man with a severe commitment problem. However wouldn't you rather you find out now than in a few years time? Only he can try and resolve his problems..
Please try and stay strong.
Did you already tell him not to contact you ?
Have you any friends there, or hobbies that you can do.
It sounds very painful.

[momincali]

PRT, if your boyfriend went home every day and said to himself that he needed to brush his teeth because it was good for him, his dentist told him so. He talks about it, talks about flossing, talks about mouthwash, but never does it. Is he being honest with himself and those he tells this too? No. He's lying to himself and others. I guarantee you when he goes back to the dentist he will have cavities and the yuckiest mouth ever. Talking about it meant nothing, it changed nothing. His actions will and do speak for him. He can say whatever he wants, but the bottom line is it does you no good unless it's followed by actions. At least the actions you're looking for. His actions right now are to actively stay away to keep the distance he's comfortable with while texting you all the time to lure you back in. That basically makes you a human yo-yo. Put a stop to his texts. Text him back with a short "enough is enough, don't text me anymore, I'm moving on."