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leee22 · Mar 11, 2011, 07:15 AM

Ok thank you all for all the great advise!!

leee22 · Apr 4, 2011, 10:02 AM

So I had the hearing and boy were they mean!! They didn't care if I had another family and that I could barely make end meet, we were unable to request the paternity test because according to the courd they had served me with a notice to appear in court few years back and sice I never went that kid atomatically bacomes mine!! I never received no noticed I asked to what address they had send it to and the address they send it to was my moms place and I have not lived there for 5yrs! So I never knew about this, anyway they are charging me 375 amonth, and I told them I just didn't have the money to do that, Im not trying to get out of paying but something more resonable would be better, and I still don't know if that kid is mine!! I have my son and I really spoil him and I don't even spend that much on him a month!! Anyway they have scheduled me for a second hearing in June I was just wondering what that hearing will be about??

JudyKayTee · Apr 4, 2011, 10:43 AM

If you want sympathy, stop referring to your son as the "kid."

The second Hearing will probably be a review of what you've paid (if your in accordance with the law and with Court Orders) as well as a possible financial review.

The notice was sent to your mother's address? She got it and never told you? If it's mailed and not returned it's considered delivered.

Here you were arguing whether to sign papers so the child can be adopted. What happened to that idea? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ml#post2734291

If you want out from child support, that's the way to do it.

RickJ · Apr 4, 2011, 12:08 PM

Merged the 4 threads started by lee.

leee22 · Apr 5, 2011, 07:40 AM

Well fist of all I think I need to first find out if this kid is min or not... and if its my son then no I don't want to get out of paying child support but wow they charge a arm and a leg, like I said I have a son of my own and we spoil him and I don't even spend that much on him a month, anyway I guess the only thing we can do is a DNA test on the side and if it comes out I'm not the father then it's a different processes and paper work I would have to do, but for right now the judge is considering the kid to be mine!! As far as the adoption I don't think I could live with myself knowing I have a son out there and I just gave him up that easily, but then again poor kid he knows only one person as his father and that's, that girls husband and I don't want to confuse the kid either, its just soooo complicated like I said first step would be to do a DNA test on the side and go from there,

Thanks for the reply

JudyKayTee · Apr 5, 2011, 01:58 PM

Keep using the word "kid" for the child who MIGHT be yours and "son" for the child you "know" is yours and you're going to lose in Court.

Just for the record child support keeps a roof over the child's head, shoes on his feet and food on his table. How much do you think that costs a month? Why do you think only the mother (in this case) should pay those expenses?

Child support - in most cases - doesn't SPOIL the child. It PROVIDES for the child. If you SPOIL your son, then you cut back on the spoiling and provide food and shelter for the other child.

And this is a warning to all men who don't keep their pants on - not that the woman isn't responsible; just saying it takes two and she's the one who can't walk away because, minimally, she goes through 9 months of a pregnancy.

leee22 · Apr 6, 2011, 06:09 AM

Trust me I know how much kids cost I do have a son of my own, and only because this girl decides to tell me 5 yrs later I might have a son does not mean I will cut back on spoiling MY son, If she would have told me since the beginning I would have not been in this situation, Im not a dead beat dad! I take care of my own I work like a dog to provide for my fiancé and my son, I just don't think this is fair and I don't think is fair for that kid either!

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2011, 08:05 AM

What isn't fair for that kid either? That his father doesn't want to support him?

That his father has at least two out of wedlock children and can't afford "him"?

That two adults couldn't communicate X number of years ago?

leee22 · Apr 6, 2011, 10:36 AM

Judy, that's exactly what I said in my comment that it wasent fair for that kid as well! And like I said I still don't know if that kid is fine and if you read all my comments!! I don't mind supporting him if I knew he was mine!! I just don't think that the system is fair... how could it be that, that girl has 3 other kids and is on welfare and is married and when I went to court they gave her more credit because she had more kids but yet they didn't consider my son!?

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2011, 11:02 AM

I'm not going to argue with you. You asked for legal advice. You got it.

This is why men should keep their pants on. Was she on Welfare with other kids when she was having sex with you?

Has your son been DNA tested so you know 100% that he's "yours"?

leee22 · Apr 6, 2011, 12:45 PM

Your right no need to argue! Thanks for the advice, and I will not your questions because that's none of your business, and not all guys are the same, Im trying to do the right thing here and only because I gave out MY opinions on how the system isent always fair, there's no need for you to put men down.

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2011, 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by leee22

your right no need to argue! thanks for the advice, and I will not your questions because thats none of your business, and not all guys are the same, Im trying to do the right thing here and only because I gave out MY opinions on how the system isent always fair, theres no need for you to put men down.

No more info, no more answers. Time to close this thread.

JudyKayTee · Apr 7, 2011, 02:25 PM

leee22 does not find this helpful : because she got off topic

Revenge reddie!

ScottGem · Apr 7, 2011, 03:53 PM

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

I just caught up with this thread. You haven't told us the circumstances of your breakup. Apparently it wasn't too long after you had sex with her if you had no idea she was pregnant.

It sounds to me like the mother doesn't want anything from you, but was forced to file so the state could recover what it has been paying to support the mother and her child.

But frankly, something doesn't ring true here. If the mother currently has a husband who wants to adopt its hard to imagine they are on welfare.

But, be that as it may, I suspect you went into the hearing without legal counsel. And that's probably why you got treated so meanly. Had you consulted an attorney he would have prepared you better. He would have known about the previous notice and might have been able to do something about it.

I'm not sure what you can do about it now except pay what the court orders.

leee22 · Apr 12, 2011, 11:31 AM

Finally someone who understands!! The girls current husband doesn't have a job and that's why she is on welfare and I was never with that girl we were high school friends and we messed around for like a month... that was my biggest mistake, but I will deal with it... and I just don't have money to go to a attorney, so that's why Im here to see if someone might help me... but yes you are right the mother doesn't want anything from me

JudyKayTee · Apr 12, 2011, 11:33 AM

How about this part of Scott's post: "But frankly, something doesn't ring true here. If the mother currently has a husband who wants to adopt its hard to imagine they are on welfare.

But, be that as it may, I suspect you went into the hearing without legal counsel. And that's probably why you got treated so meanly. Had you consulted an attorney he would have prepared you better. He would have known about the previous notice and might have been able to do something about it.

I'm not sure what you can do about it now except pay what the court orders."

If you were never with her then you can't be the child's father. Now I'm confused about that part of the question.