[Synnen]

dear Joe,
thanks for ur encouragement but u know it really hurts to think that she is someone else's.............that thought kills me!!!

See... the thing is... if you really love her, you'll be happy for her happiness, whether it is with you.

If you're just infatuated (in lust, maybe), then you'll feel miserable that it's not YOU making her happy.

To me, love is putting happiness of the other person before your own.

EDIT: Ack... drat me for not finishing reading. You've gotten great advice here, and it sounds like you are doing a ton better! Hooray for you!

[talaniman]

thanks 4 d support AMHD.......I feel that i am again attracted towards her....wht to do mannnnnn???shud i maintain the no contact thing.......

can i start dating again??? is it that this time i may be emotionally fragile

By all means leave her alone, and busy yourself with other things you enjoy. You will always be attracted to her but in time you will deal with it more maturely. As for dating, if you can enjoy anothers company without comparing them to the one you cannot have then fine. But be honest with yourself as leading someone on or using them to forget some one else is not really fair. You may be emotionally fragile if so have fun in a group setting.

[userjan1]

OK let me put it this way... I honestly wannabe her friend... but I am afraid that if I take her as a friend at this stage.. then I may fall in again... I am confused!!

As the time has passed by the cloudiness in my mind has somewht cleared up... but now again I feel attracted... not because of lust.. but only because I am a protective sort of a person and I still house a soft corner for her.. though my intensity has drastically reduced

[talaniman]

I'd wait and see how you feel later, before worrying about the friendship thing, when the confusion is GONE! I'm afraid if you see or talk to her now you WOULD fall in again... HEAD first. Better to wait until you are a lot less intense in your feelings for her. Stay busy with a life you enjoy without her.

[userjan1]

Okie expert... I will do as you say... it is just that when I feel happy I just try to solve all d problems in my life and I become a little more tolerant towards people... perhaps this tolerance is what is prompting me to talk to her again... but I will adhere to your advice and refrain

[JoeCanada76]

userjan1,

I have done my best to help you, but you keep going back to the same thing even after all the advice. You need to be able to help yourself. Every time you have any doubts about anything re read through ALL ANSWERS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Then maybe you will start to get it.

Joe

[userjan1]

Yes Joe I hv started to get it man... its just that I flicker once in a while.I will be more cautious and controlled now... but I will really need your help alwaz! :)


And to tell you the truth I am actually going through all dese answers whenever I feel low

[JoeCanada76]

Excellent,

I think that is the best thing to do, is read all these answers whenever you do have that flicker. Like I said before the flickers are normal. We will be here to help you through them.

That is want I want to hear. These answers are to uplift you. Like I said before I will always be here to help. At the same time you need to help yourself as well. In order to move forward. I am going to change the way I worded that on my last post.

[userjan1]

Thank u dear friend!! :)

[userjan1]

But I want to ask 1 last question... does NO CONTACT RULE also apply to her friends... who remind me of her??
I really need the answer to this one... as some of her friends hv been lately approaching me... to be a friend of theirs too

[JoeCanada76]

Hmmm, That is a hard one to answer. See the thing about hanging out or having friends that is hers, what do you think will end up happening. Guess who will be with them a lot of the time. It is up to you but I would say the only reason why they are approaching you is because they want to know what is going on. Maybe this is a way for them to get info from you and then they will report back. I personally do not think it is a good idea.

Joe

[talaniman]

I think its always better to have your own life that you enjoy, and your own friends. I agree with Joe on this one, hanging out with her friends could put you in a bad position later down the road.

[dudya07]

I agree with "jesushelper76", you need to get the right/real thoughts in your head. Stop loving an image of a perfect relationship, which obviously you and her can't have. Avoid all contacts with her, it will be easier day after day. Do your work, go to the gym, meet up with friends, spend time with your family... surround yourself with people, who you love.
Avoid anything, that might remind you of her... Also, it feels better to get angry rather than feeling sorry for yourself... it is not you, who's wrong!!
As soon as you face it, you'll feel better. It will take time, might take a long time, but the longer your postpone it, the harder it will get.

[userjan1]

OK I will adhere to your advice... but its really hard you see!! But I am going to face it boldly and stop taking myself fr granted

[dudya07]

No one said it would be easy. Prepare to feel hurt, you will feel terrible, but it will be easier with every new coming day... you will feel better afterwards, long after this moment... might take a month, might take longer.

[userjan1]

Hi dudes,
Just an update from my side...
I hv taken several steps (like NO CONTACT thing... ) to stop thinking about her... but still my one problem remains... I can't stop myself from setting STATUS MESSAGES FOR HER ON THE MESSENGER...
Whenever I see her online,I just put a status message that has some relation to us... wht to do?
Should I delete her from my messenger for good?? I hv tried to delete her from my messenger 3-4 times but every time I re-add her owing to the curiousity to see her status msges( mind you she does not put status msges for me usually... but at times she does and when she does I instantly reply to her status message by putting a counter message from my side.. )...
Whnever I am online,I just keep on chking that she is dere or not!! Not because I haveta talk ,but just that I get a strange satisfaction to seee her before me!!

This thing just reminds me of her and comes in my way of forgetting her... can you suggest a way out?
I am looking 4 an answer terribly

[Kiddybaby]

What do you mean you can't stop? There is no such thing as can't. Every day every hour and every moment of our lives we make choices and choose not to check and see what she is doing. Do you know that there are so many things out there to do in the world. Choose not to watch her. When you say you get a strange satisfaction to see her before u, you sound like an online stalker. Delete her from your messenger and start to occupy your time with other things and talking to other people. Over time you will see that it will get easier. Our emotions are fueled by what our mind tells us. Stop telling yourself that you need her or you need to know what is going on in her life. Your heart will not stop beating if you don't know this information. What ever feel good sensation you get from knowing what she is doing you get it for a moment and it dies down and then when you see her on again you get excited and then it dies down again and it is up and down. Do you not have a life outside of the computer?

[talaniman]

You don't need answers, you need action, so get off your butt and get busy doing the suggestions that have been laid out to you and stop all the whinning and doing immature stuff like with that messenger thing, that you know good and well is doing you no good. Grow up and stop feeling so sorry for yourself and leave the excuses out. Half your problem is you buddy.

[userjan1]

OK dears
Here she goes from my messenger.. the last nail in d coffin... pray to God it lasts!! :)

[Kiddybaby]

Way to go! You are going to be OK... this is a step in the right direction.