[I wish]

It's easier said than done. Fighting to urges of breaking no contact can be extremely difficult. But if you ever want to get over him, then you're going to have to stay strong.

Think about it this way, if he really did love you, he would find a way to contact you. So whether you contact him or not, it won't make a difference anyway.

Check out the NC related threads in my signature for more support.

[Chris0107]

If he was interested in getting back together he would have contacted you by now. He has obviously moved on. Keep your pride in tact and do not contact him. You will more then likely feel worse after reaching out to him.

[flowerchildfala]

Ok so we broke up sept and now he's engaged!! I don't know what to think and it just hurts really badly and I thought I was over him but hearing this has just put me back like 30 steps!! I'm trying to be happy for him but it just hurts that he's moved on this quickly and can make such a big commitment to her when he told me he didn't want to get married at this point in his life!! Guys, any help?

[redhed35]

It happens all the time,as hard as it is to come to terms with he met someone he wanted to marry,he did not want to marry you.

I know that's harsh but true none the less.

There is no need to feel happy for him,there is no need to send a card,the only thing to do is keep up no contact,keep in mind he found someone fell in love and is now marrying her,the same thing can happen to you too.

Keep working on you,keep busy and keep moving forward.

[DoulaLC]

Ouch! I'm sorry... I know it hurts. As red said, while you may have thought the two of you were a good match, it wasn't what he was feeling. Can't make someone feel what they don't feel.

In time you will be able to be happy for him... after you have moved on more with your own life. Spend extra time with family and friends, doing things you enjoy.

[joypulv]

It's a well known statistic that men 'move on' more quickly than women... the rate for remarriage after being widowed, for instance, is different by years. One theory is that men want that nice domestic home more than anything, whereas women already ARE that nice domestic home, and are more particular about who they choose, and also grieve longer for the man they lost.
Or someone else just clicks and the dumped person didn't. It's no reflection on how wonderful a person you are.
Everyone, men and women, will at times say what they prefer and then change their minds upon meeting someone new.
When jilted this way it's best to gather best friends around and allow them to totally trash the guy! Even if he doesn't deserve it, it's part of your healing process to let them say 'he's a no good SOB and doesn't deserve you.'

[Just_Another_Lemming]

I have to "spread it" Joy but completely agree. Good post.

[flowerchildfala]

Thanks guys! It's just hard to deal with and it's really put myself esteem down now because I keep thinking there must be something wrong with me!! I really need to move on and stop caring about what he does but it's just really hard. I honestly thought I was over him because when I saw them together I was OK with it, but now that I know he's asked her to marry him... it's different! It just hurts he was never committed to me or ever could but can do it so easily with her!

[QLP]

If it helps I will share with you that something similar happened to me a long time ago. My first love, someone I had a relationship with for 4 years, dumped me, and was engaged to someone else after 2 weeks. He had started working away and unbeknown to me had met her a few months earlier. Boy that stung at the time. He had been in no rush to commit, so to discover firstly that he had been cheating and secondly that he was going to marry the other woman was quite a blow.

All I can tell you is that it is true that time does heal. I can't remember how long it took but I had to brush myself down and get on with my life and the pain faded in time. I have been married to my husband for over 25 years now, so yes someone better did come along as well in time.

My ex did go on to marry the girl but was divorced a few years later. I'm rather embarrassed to admit to feeling a little smug that his marriage failed while mine was going strong, though I think it's a fairly human response after a deep hurt. Not only had my heart been wounded but my pride had been stamped into the ground. When he met another lady a few years later and seemed to settle down happily with her I was genuinely happy for them. I knew then that the wounds had fully healed. In case you're wondering about the rest of the story, we lost touch for a number of years then I learned that sadly he died early at the age of 40. I was genuinely sad for his family and although I didn't actually know if he was still with his partner, I was sad to think of whoever he might have made a life with losing him, but he was just a distant shadow in the past in my life by then.

I hope it helps to know you're not the only one this happens to. I cannot foretell how either of your lives will pan out but I promise you will find your own new path in time and the hurt will heal.

The only other thing I might add is that I probably made it harder for myself by not really going no contact with him. Although, I had no deliberate contact with him, I had become good friends with his mum and his two sisters so inevitably I heard things that weren't my business anymore and did bump into him and his new wife once, and that probably didn't help me to heal quickly. If you can go no contact that would help.

Wishing you happiness in the future.

[Jake2008]

You may want to consider that while you were still healing from the breakup, he had jumped light years ahead of you. You were still not over him, when he moved on with such remarkable speed into a new relationship with marriage to another.

The plus side of this is, this may actually help you heal faster. Now you know for example, that he isn't feeling the same pain, or going through the usual steps of recovering from a breakup. While it may be true that men recover faster, my experience has been that anyone who was in a committed relationship, and goes through a painful breakup, needs more than two months to recover before being emotionally ready to committ to another.

My guess is he had 'left' you long before you knew about it, which may explain his quick move to another.

But, now you know that he has made his choices. And as I was saying, the plus is, there is no doubt whatsoever that you made the right choice in ending the relationship, and healing from what was, is no longer a choice. Not to mention that it is far better for you to go through this now, before two kids and a mortgage, than later.

All the best of luck to you.

[flowerchildfala]

QLP: thanks for sharing your story, it's helped me a lot knowing that this does happen and that others have gotten through it and so I can too. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that and congrates on meeting an amazing guy and being married to him for 25 years! Yea I had kept no contact until my sister told me, I know she didn't mean any harm and I guess she was really shocked by it and wasn't thinking!!

Jake2008: everything you said is true and I guess it's what I've tried to deny, but your right in that he is light years away and I'm still in the caveman era with regards to moving on so I need to catch up! And yea I guess now is bettering then finding out down the line!

Joypulv: "Or someone else just clicks and the dumped person didn't. It's no reflection on how wonderful a person you are." this has really hit hard for me and it has made me feel a lot better so thank you a lot! We weren't right for each other and I guess he relised it before I did and I'm realising it now! Oh and I took your advice and had a day out with my girls and it helped to get it off my mind!

[Alty]

So sorry this happened to you. Keep your chin up, you'll find someone that wants you just as much as you want him. :)

[Jake2008]

Flowerchid,

It is wonderful that you have taken the advice you have been given, and used it in a positive way.

Breakups always have an 'after' part. Some days are good, then you slide a bit, then more good days, then something out of left field blindsides you. You still keep moving forward. His marriage to another woman so soon after the breakup was one of those moments that knocked you off balance.

Every day that you get back up and keep moving, moves those setbacks that much further in the past, and puts more and more good days under your belt.

Stay strong.

[flowerchildfala]

Ok so I'm really trying to get over him and move on!! There are days when I don't think about him at all, then there are days were something will remind me of him and I just break down in tears! I still love him but I'm having so much trouble moving on!! I've meet a new guy who's so amazing and treats me well, but I still feel like I miss my ex. He treated me badly and was never committed to the relationship, but I still cann't completely forget him and sometimes I wish he was in my life. Any advice guys?

[Jessicacn]

If there is not hope, why should you still be there? Do you like suffering? Leave him alone and stay alone... try to face up to yourself..

[Devorameira]

How long were your two together?

Break-ups are tough, and it takes time to get over. Are you sure you didn't start dating too soon?

It's obvious that he wasn't a great guy, so try concentrating on the bad and why you broke up to start with. Eventually those feelings will fade.

[talaniman]

Readers NOTE,

Again her posts were merged, not only for clarity, background, and additional facts, but to keep us readers from being confused and asking her the same questions over and over.

To the OP,

Your constant disregard of keeping it simple for us all and stop the serial posting of new threads will get them ALL closed. Please do your part, and benefit from this site.