[JudyKayTee]

If you go to Church you believe in prayer, you believe in God - prayer can move mountains.

[this8384]

If you go to Church you believe in prayer, you believe in God - prayer can move mountains.

Faith can move mountains - if you pray but don't have faith, it's just words.

*runs away before you can hit me*

[QLP]

If your wife is looking at lawyers and setting up her own accounts please make sure you have got your own legal advice in order. It sounds like you are going to be left with unsettled debts that your wife is still adding to. I'm worried she might be cleaning you out totally before upping and leaving you to deal with the mess. Please get some advice now on your finances.

[JudyKayTee]

Faith can move mountains - if you pray but don't have faith, it's just words.

*runs away before you can hit me*

Well, I guess I'll give up my plan to become a preacher -

[erickat]

So... nothing has really changed - except maybe me. I've been continuing my plan - lost 22 lbs so far, still praying & going to church, have been to counseling (twice alone - then she went by herself & then we went together) the message is the same - she's done & wants out. The therapist agrees there's not much you can do if only one wants to work on it. I've stopped snooping, now that I know where I stand - and am gradually coming to realise that maybe it's over (after 21 years). She says she can't believe it's a surprise to me - and that she's a planner - which is why she's making lists of lawyers, calculating alimony, child support etc... She handed me a book "welcome to your crisis" which apparently was the basis for her carying out her plan - it really is all about moving on - nothing about reconciliation. Prior to this, I'd read "she comes first" - which I'd seen her notes about, and a couple of books from the library "Lord, change my attitude before it's too late" and "making marriage work" - but it's really difficult when only one wants to make it so. The kids all know - and they see the changes in me - but she doesn't. She's pissed because I won't agree to move out - I told her if she wants out so bad, she is welcome to go - so we're at a sort of stalemate - she's being as negative as possible & I'm being as positive as possible. Likely scenario is that we'll de-clutter the house & put it on the market in the spring & agree to split up everything & then move on - but I really don't want to. The house likely won't sell for anything near what it's worth or what we owe - and I really don't want to sell it anyway. On the positive side, my pain is subsiding, somewhat, as I learn to do things for myself & kids & try to be happy despite what is going on. Of course, I'm documenting everything - especially when she goes out at night & doesn't come home (3 or 4 times so far) - she's trying to make me jealous by going out with all our (her) old friends & posting pictures on Facebook of the wonderful time they're having, while I'm sitting home - so I took my daughter on a bike ride & had a great time - trying to reconnect to who I am & my kids & not define myself by my relationship with my wife - since she doesn't seem to want me anyway - why be miserable? The only thing that is really different now is that it's all out on the table - and she can't stand the way I'm reacting - worrying only makes you go through things twice - not to say I shouldn't plan - but I don't think she'll do anything that would hurt the kids - as a matter of fact, I told her we needed to come together for their sakes (daughter 13, son 16, son 18) - anyway, I just thought I'd post an update so you all know I'm OK - and the plan all along was to come out of this in a better place, regardless of what happens - which I can't control - but I'm trying to influence by love. (oh yeah, I also got Mort Fertel's 6 cd course on marriage fitness - but I'm finding that ours is probably too far gone). Take care

[JudyKayTee]

I'm sorry it's not working out the way you had hoped but I DO have to say I am more than impressed by all you have done. Amazing! I think I can even hear an upbeat tone in your "voice."

An update is always appreciated - and sometimes life is just what life is and you have to go with the flow.

I wish you luck and hope you find what you want/need.