[talaniman]

If you can't be with the one you love, Love the one your with.(Love song from the 70's)

Back in the day when my heart was getting broken and stomped on the one thing I learned was how happy I could be just by being me. Dating new and different people was great, but for those times there was no one special, there was still a lot to do and I enjoyed every minute. Even though I am married to my friend and soul mate I still can have those old feelings from way back and have no regrets as to how things worked out. The healthiest people love themselves, and can love others. It starts with self, especially when you realize that's all you got sometimes.

[Tuscany]

Very true Tal!!

[valinors_sorrow]

Ordinary Guy-
I think your view on my mom's saying is right on. And I totally agree with everyone that it could go either way for men or women.
The thing that I find amazing with abusive relationships (I was in one while in college) is how quickly the abused lose their self esteem and their self worth. I swear it took my ex 2 times of telling me that I was a horrible person and I would be alone forever if I ever left him and I started to believe it. I think that relationship was the turning point for me. When I left him I was alone for 4 years. Living in my own apartment, helping my mom, going out, seeing friends. Those years gave me a chance to get "healthy" again. I started loving myself again...and then I knew I could finally love someone else.

Bingo! The abuse may be obvious to those looking in but the debilitating effects of the abuse are not so visible and therefore people tend to overlook them. You are very lucky, as am I, to have gotten out when there was still enough awareness that we needed to self protect against him. Later on is when the warped thinking makes it harder to imagine any kind of adequate protection without him. You know, up close and very personally, a really valuable thing there.