[talaniman]

You have been given some great advice, really great, but it comes back to getting her back, and that should NOT be your focus.

You should be very grateful that she even bothers with you at all, for what you have put her through. Since you don't seem to understand what she is feeling, FEAR, and understanding she herself is having trouble just moving on and being happy, then understand very simply that unless you have some patience, and stop trying to influence her decision, because that's what you want right now, then you will surely defeat the purpose of sobriety, and the goal of rational thinking.

Back up guy, and be grateful for the friendship, not that you want more, not that you want her to give you what you want, not that you want her to take a risk on you, and give you a second chance. Her love is not a reward for doing what your supposed to do any way. Stay focused on your program as its about more than NOT drinking, its about you growing, and developing the coping skills that helps you deal with whatever life throws at you, and realizing you cannot control (influence) another into getting what you want.

If I were your sponsor, and the fact you don't have one is telling where you are in recovery, I would tell you that at this time, hoping to get her back is the wrong thing to do, and selfish to boot, when you should be grateful she is even talking to you, or spending time. Your focus should be in working your steps, and growing in recovery, and accepting life on its own terms, without thinking you can impose your will, to get what you want. If you can't appreciate the friendship, then you are not ready for what she CAN give you, and should leave her alone to pursue her own happiness.

Consider that though you have not had a drink, you still think like a selfish drunk, and that's not an observation, it's a fact. I think you follow the very good advice and put more into your recovery, and by the way, if I was your sponsor I would be making you aware that you make no big changes in your life for a year.

Get a sponsor my friend, to guide you through the process, as a relationship is not a priority. Nor should it be, and since you have already caused her enough pain, fear, and misery, cause no more.

If you were as busy in recovery, as you were dating, and sexing up all those women, you would be better for it. Then maybe some one will notice you are more than just a dry drunk, trying to get what he wants, when he wants it, and justifies it by assuming that's what they want too!

That's some very stinking, thinking. You can do better than that, if you want to.

Maybe this should be in "Addictions" since it is all about you, and what you lost, through being a drunk, and want back.