[JudyKayTee]

Wow, you can tell he is a nice guy from what has been written here?

He is the guy that wants her to have surgery... for HIS reasons.

Yea, nice guy.

Out of greenies but, yes, I saw that, too. A nice guy who wants her to have reconstuctive surgery so he can rupture her hymen - after he's already had sex with her.

Shaking my head in disbelief.

[Homegirl 50]

The fact that you are questioning whether you love him is a big red flag in my opinion.
I think perhaps he knows your weakness and is using it against you to control you. That is not love.
You sound confused and desperate, that is not love.
I would suggest you spend some time with yourself, to get to know who you are, to feel comfortable with who you are. Having this young man in your life is a hindrance to your doing that.

[mudweiser]

I'm just wondering.. does your boyfriend have Asperger's, is he bipolar.. or something like that.

I'm just asking because he is "so artistic and likes to use words to describe his thoughts".

If something is mentally wrong with him then maybe you should consult a therapist or go to couple's therapy.

But if he's just an obnoxious jerk then maybe it's time to just let it go.

[smoothy]

I still can't find where the OP actually says HE is who wants it...

All I can find on either thread is she feels some need to do that for him because she wants to... and that he would support it... and I've read through them several times.

And there is a huge difference between him liking something she presents to him, and from him actually being the one to initiate that request or demand. She flat out says she doesn't know what he wants... exactly how does she think THIS will change anything? And I am basing this on exactly what she says... I'm not a mindreader.


And what I see from the combination of threads now is that he isn't "The ONE" any more than she is ready for anyone in that capacity. And from THIS thread its clear from her comments that she is trying to force something that just isn't.

And what "isn't" is a healthy relationship on track towards marriage.

Anyone that gets married like this... WILL end up divorced... and wondering what "went wrong"... when nothing "went right" in the first place.

And its clearly NOT an arrainged marriage situation as this operation is common with because they don't "Date".

[ling918]

I don't understand his deepest thoughts but I do know he would like to break the hymen. Told him about it and he did not oppose nor agree. Everything is just my idea. I have difficulty in understanding him because I had let him down in the beginning of our relationship and that has pushed him to his limits. He remained with me but his tolerance has reached the limits. Sometimes, I couldn't understand his viewpoint and so he could not take it. Thus, he did the same thing to me like 'a revenge' to let me know. Not anyone is involved in this relationship, its just our own thinking and perception towards matters.

[mudweiser]

I don't understand his deepest thoughts but I do know he would like to break the hymen.

If you don't know his deepest thoughts how do you know that he'd like to break your hymen? Has he said it to you directly?

told him about it and he did not oppose nor agree. Everything is just my idea. I have difficulty in understanding him because I had let him down in the beginning of our relationship and that has pushed him to his limits.

What did you "do"? How did this thing that you did "push him to his limits" ?

he remained with me but his tolerance has reached the limits.

How nice of him. He did you such a favor to you for staying with you. God knows you'd never find anyone else that would treat you just as good as he does.

sometimes, I couldn't understand his viewpoint and so he could not take it. Thus, he did the same thing to me like 'a revenge' to let me know. Not anyone is involved in this relationship, its just our own thinking and perception towards matters.

You know, I think this is pathetic. It's like your making him out to be some move-like guy with a "lost soul that so misunderstood and complex". Give me a break. If he doesn't have some sort of disease that affects him in a way that he doesn't function normally then he's just a jerk.

Can you please cut the BS about him having complicated deep thoughts and just tell us what he's saying and doing...

[Homegirl 50]

I think you are very confused and needy and maybe this guy feeds those feelings. What you need is counseling, someone to help you understand yourself.
Leave this guy alone. The relationship is a tad creepy.

[Cat1864]

i dont understand his deepest thoughts but i do know he would like to break the hymen. told him about it and he did not oppose nor agree. everything is just my idea. i have difficulty in understanding him because i had let him down in the beginning of our relationship and that has pushed him to his limits. he remained with me but his tolerance has reached the limits. sometimes, i couldnt understand his viewpoint and so he could not take it. thus, he did the same thing to me like 'a revenge' to let me know. not anyone is involved in this relationship, its just our own thinking and perception towards matters.

Stop allowing yourself and him to convince you that you are less of a girlfriend just because you aren't a mind-reader. Of course you can't understand his deepest thoughts unless he tells you in plain words what his thoughts are. Not even mind-readers can understand the deepest thoughts of another person because imagery and meaning changes from individual to individual.

How did you let him down? Why did you stay with him when he did something so childish as to get revenge (like a revenge) by doing what you did?

Stop thinking that you should be 'perfect' in every way for him. Does he understand you? Does he try to understand your moods? Does he do anything other than act like a drama king and put everything on your shoulders? I have a feeling that he is guiding your every move and you either don't realize it or you accept it for some reason.

Every post that you have written about him makes me wonder just what this relationship is about (I could make a guess). It definitely isn't about two equals building a relationship together. It is sounding more and more like he is in charge and you are doing everything you can to please him. Who are you as an individual?