[Gemini54]

Hi Folks..

i was wondering if I can really go No Contact, cos I ve tried doing that before when she gets really abusive..especially when I used to have some interviews ( I was looking for a job for nearly 9 months, after graduation and I got one recently) I can t think peacefully cos she ll make a scene out of petty things and pick a fight. So I was tried going No Contact for like a week.. During this week she called almost all she knew among my friends and family..They were harassed.. So I am planning on going NC with everyone I know cos that way nobody can reach me even if they wanted to.. Is that possible/advisable? Cos I really dont have an inclination to call her.. i am jus terrified about her and call her everyday cos I really dont wanna loose my peace of mind.. I really could not relish that I got a job after 9 months.. All I am thinking is that I have to end this relationship right away..

I think that you will need to forewarn friends and family.

Tell them what you're about to do, and ask them to just tell her that they don't want to be involved. That way they're not giving her an opinion or any information.

You WILL need to TELL her though. Yep, it will be hard, but she needs to hear it from your mouth. That way your friends and family hopefully won't be harassed by her calls - she'll know why you're not available.

[vanheart]

Trust is the basis for all relationships.

Even more so with LD ones. I know.

Stop the madness, this isn't working.

She's manipulative, untrusting, uncommunicative and constantly busts your chops. Oh, yeah & SUPER INSECURE.

Is that the kind of girl you want?

Screw your head back on.

[vanheart]

Hey agopala,

One thing before I crash.

My LD ex used to say how I wasn't the guy she got with. Make me feel like crap.

The truth is that I was that guy. She wasn't that girl.

I was an idiot for getting with her and continuing. I know that.

We have to know what we want & be aware before we start relationships.

We learn from our mistakes.

Now its time for you.

[agopala2]

Thanks

[agopala2]

Hi people

Thanks for assurance that I can revive my sanity.. I have told to my girlfriend that she can't have access to my mails and I have changed my passwords.. I have nt talked to her today and it gives a great sense of relieve and its like I am out of a cell.. I hope to get out of the "prison" soon..

[talaniman]

While I think this is only the calm before the storm, and I hope I'm wrong, at least you're staking out your own personal boundaries. Please keep us updated, and good luck.

[vanheart]

At some point you are going to have to stick up for yourself & let her know that all of this mistrust & bashing needs to stop.

Doesn't sound like either one of you like each other very much.
Distance will do that. Fantasyland.

If you feel like your in prison its because she put you there with your help.

What is it exactly you want? Because this situation either has to change for both of you in a positive way, or end.

[vanheart]

Have you guys ever made a plan?
To actually BE together?

I was in a 5yr LD relationship with someone that never really wanted me or wanted me in her goals. I was just there at a distance for her selfish needs.
Not as a partner. My fault for being a sucker.

Don't be that guy. Too much heartache in-between.
You've already endured 2 years. You guys need to crap or get off the pot.

[agopala2]

Hi guys..

I definitely want to be out of this relationship.. Yes.. I know it.. I was worrying all the time that it might shatter her.. but now, I know.. it would be a grater pain to marry her.. because I believe I would be cheating myself in the first place. Secondly her and her parents. Things have gotten real worse few days back, when she had actually called my mom to tell that " she is gonna commit suicide after writing a note indicating me as the cause" . Poor my mom, she was shocked and asked me to patch up irrespective of the cause.. I was not the aggressor in this case.. She was threatening to me that she would die.. I told" Well every body has to and ppl decide their own fate". The call to my mom was a response for these words. Unless I put in all my time and energy completely focused on her, she is not going to be happy. And I have been trying to do that for the last year and half and I have screwed my brains real nice.. Now I am sure, I want to be out of it.. I ll keep you all posted..

[amicon]

How much longer are you going to let her hold you hostage?

Time to bite the bullet and dump the emotional vampire.

Then change your phonenumber and tell family and friends to block her number.

[kp2171]

Unless I put in all my time and energy completely focused on her, she is not going to be happy.

You still dont get it. You CANNOT make her happy... no matter how much energy you put into it.

You tried to make her happy and she still never was. You don't make other people happy. Period.

Best you can do is be true to yourself... and if the other person finds that attractive, fine. You still aren't making yourself attractive. The other person is doing all of that work.

She makes herself unhappy.

Look.. ill cut really deep to the chase here concerning suicide... its been a long, long time but I've been in a place of absolute emotional despair... I was diagnosed as clinically, chronically depressed once. Suicidal. And it wasn't a mind game to get attention. I felt like absolute crap and I felt like there was really no place else to turn.

I could spent HOURS finding ways to blame anyone and everyone around me for all the bad things I felt. Blame sticks easily to anything you want to throw it at... at least it seems to...

So... you are not responsible for her happiness or her unhappiness. Stop bearing that burden. It isn't yours. As long as you do that, she will continue to control you.

So... best you can do is let her family know that this is over and that she is lashing out. If they wish to blame you... well, that explains a lot about why she is where she is.

So... we can keep talking about this... but the answer is still that you need to step away and you need to let her own her behavior. Period.

[agopala2]

Hi people..

I have told her that I do not see a future for our relationship. No only she fails to understand her, she keeps calling me and asking if there is someone else.. I had told her that there is a major compatibility crisis in our relationship which we are unable to address. But my friends who knew the real reason, told her that she need to be more understanding and trust me.. For which she immediately says " I ve changed a lot, why can't i be given a second chance".. I simply do not want to try again. I am really tired.. I try going out of contact.. by not picking her calls.. She keep calling to the land line and to my cousins.. I think I need to put up with this till I move into a new place.. I am planning to change my number and email account and go completely out of reach.. any suggestions?

[amicon]

Change everything-now.

If she keeps calling your friends and relatives its harassment,so they should let her know that they have every right to call the police on her.