[epark072]

Very good point. But she made time and Im seeing her in 20. See how it goes I'll keep you posted. Thanks.

[amicon]

Come back and let us know how it went.

[epark072]

OK I just got back from meeting her. Basically she's still confused and needs more time to think. And I told her I need to live too. I can't be in this pain and depressed about us. You're the one who is confused and don't know what she wants. I know what I want and she already knows what I want. She said maybe she was young and immature and didn't know what she wants. And I told her when you gave me all the plans about getting engaged and finish school and get married, I thought you're serious and ready to commit a serious relationship but apperently you're not ready. And she didn't say she loves me or she cares about me or she misses me or anything. She just said she felt insecure while we're in break. This tells a lot right? I told her everyone is insecure at some point when they are alone.

Still she's worrying about me being like not really lovey. I told her when you love someone, you love him with your heart not your brain. If you love someone with your brain, it's not true love and you're just taking me for granted.

I made my point clear by saying I still love her and what I told her was real. And things I promised I'm going to keep the promises.

I couldn't darely tell her I don't know how long I can have that feeling. Because I'm already recovering from the pain and if she's not sure about us, I will break up with her eventually.
But I don't know when I'm going to do that. But it won't be long.

She said she wants to talk on Wednesday again and I didn't say anything but I told her I'm going to do NC from now and she can call me only when she's 100% sure what she wants. When I asked her if she wants to break up now, she started crying.

So two things I'm thinking now, if she doesn't tell me that she loves me. We're not going to work because that's the most important thing.

Second, if she wants to break up, ill leave her and ill be fine by myself. I don't want to be taken for granted or used as back up plan.

I also told her, if you don't use your brain, you will immediately know what you want. If you don't know what you want, it's because you only use your brain to figure out what you want.

Again, when you love someone you love with your heart not brain.

I'm going to do NC again from now.. maybe if she calls me on Wednesday night, I will answer but meantime, NC works best for me. Thanks guys. Any insights will help me with this.

[amicon]

You definitely need to set yourself a deadline -or she ll keep wanting to rope you in for confusing talks for as long as it suits her.
If you feel you can go through another conversation on Wednesday do that but if she can't make her mind up by then I advice you to break up with her for your own sake.
You have a life to live and you can't be kept waiting for someone to stop being confused.

[Alty]

It sounds to me like she doesn't want to be with you but she's too afraid to be without you. She needs to figure out what she wants but there's no reason why you should be left waiting for her to make her decision.

Go to No Contact. If she calls Wednesday you can answer and tell her that you won't be taking any more of her calls or texts until she knows what she wants.

[talaniman]

Harshness alert

You have life and BS all mixed up. Clearly she doesn't want what you want, she just isn't ready. To withhold contact to force a decision is possessive, selfish, and manipulative on your part, and not about healing and making decisions.

Your much better disappearing from her life, and leaving her alone, and letting her heal, than giving ultimatums to get what you want, without considering what she wants, or may need.

For sure she doesn't need you and will see that in time, if you let her be. Thats what you should do, set her free, and stop the confusion on your part, as you have a lot to learn about the human heart, and whats love, and whats not.

Your version is not love, or caring.

[epark072]

Its funny that I feel so much better about myself already. I was in pain whole last week and after seeing my girlfriend, it feels even better than ever now! I don't expect now which is good and I'm already thinking that there are so many girls who would really appreciate like what I have done for her. I hope she understands she needs to grow up and know how hard it is to live life by her own.
NC works.. I want to tell everyone. It works immediately, I didn't expect her to call me today or anything. Well even though she has things to do tomorrow, from the way she started conversation on the phone like super wondering what I did last night, and night before and today. She said thank you for the card. Well we'll see how it goes till Wednesday.

Two thing I want to make sure if I'm doing right,

1. NC - I was the one who texted her and called her last week.
2. See if she says she loves me and wants me back on Wednesday. Not because of her insecurity but honest truly genuinely she loves me with her heart.

I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or Tuesday. I'll prob be down and get sad or anything but who knows.
And I don't know what she's going to talk about with her best friends tomorrow night.
Problem is she listens to everyone else but me.
Am I being really cold now? I still love her so much. I know I was so happy with her and it was the happiest I ever been.
When I'm down or sad, I can just read one of her cards and I could be happy right away. Just thinking that there's someone cares about me makes me happy and I'm really thankful.

[epark072]

Harshness alert

You have life and BS all mixed up. Clearly she doesn't want what you want, she just isn't ready. To withhold contact to force a decision is possessive, selfish, and manipulative on your part, and not about healing and making decisions.

Your much better disappearing from her life, and leaving her alone, and letting her heal, than giving ultimatums to get what you want, without considering what she wants, or may need.

For sure she doesn't need you and will see that in time, if you let her be. Thats what you should do, set her free, and stop the confusion on your part, as you have a lot to learn about the human heart, and whats love, and whats not.

Your version is not love, or caring.

Well the thing is everyone thinks that I haven't done anything seriously wrong. Everyone around me saying I'm just perfect for her but it was not enough for her apperently. I've done what I can do to show her that I love truly love her but she's still confused. I didn't make confusion she's just scared of me being less lovey when we get back together! That's the only feeling I get from her and that's exactly what she told me. And I told her clearly, I want someone who is stable and know what she wants and able to appreciate what she has now.

So I guess it's her part to figure out if she wants serious relationship or even wants to be in a relationship first. If she still wants me but not in a relationship, I can't help her. Because we both want different thing and it's not going to work. That's how I feel now. Her emotions and thoughts are all mixed up I think. Maybe mine too :(

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Read the stickies, especially the above two threads.

[amicon]

That's good advice Tal s given you-read the stickies. Feeling confused as you are now is normal.

[epark072]

Ok today has been nice and great until my girlfriend called me and saying she's hanging out with her best friends again. And still doesn't know how she feels. Ahhh it made me so mad thy Im just being like her doormat and just waiting for her to give me some BS. I don't know I want to call her back and say something. And I know her best friends she manipulates my gf's head and messes up with her mind. What should I do? What can do to make her stay away from her best friends? Seriously all the reason that she's confused is because of her best friends.

[Alty]

Ok today has been nice and great untill my gf called me and saying she's hanging out with her bff again. And still doesn't know how she feels. Ahhh it made me so mad thy Im just being like her doormat and just waiting for her to give me some BS. idk I wanna call her back and say something. And I know her bff she manipulates my gf's head and messes up with her mind. What should I do? What can do to make her stay away from her bff? Seriously all the reason that she's confused is because of her bff.

If she's that easily controlled that her best friends can make her decisions for her, why do you want her?

She's not confused because of her best friends, she's confused because she's young and because she's not sure you're the one.

Why are you still hanging on her every word? Are you going to sit back and wait forever for her to make up her mind?

If so, she has more control over you then you think her best friends has over her.

No contact. Learn it, live it, love it. That's the only way.

[amicon]

You can't stop anyone seeing or listening to anyone else.
And would you seriously want to be with someone who is as easily swayed as you say she is?
When there's no trust nor any proper communication in a relationship you don't have a relationship.
You can't wait around for her to make up her mind forever-you have a life to live.

[epark072]

Hi everyone! How have you guys been? Sorry for late update. There has been some good and bad things going on.
As you know I talked to my girlfriend on Sunday. And it didn't go well. We were still in complicated situation. She needs more time to think. Tuesday, I didn't call her or text her or anything till I saw her Facebook status saying she's single. I got mad and called her and asked her if she made up her mind. She still said no and I just told her stop hanging out with her best friends and if you don't have her own opinion, I want to break up. I told her out of anger. That night, I went to her house and tried to talk to her. I apologized to her and she told me she need more time. Maybe not in a relationship. She told me she missed me but she didn't say she loves me. And she told me she thought about getting back together but every time she thought about that, she got depressed because she thought what if our relationship turns out like what it used to be. Then she doesn't want to get hurt no more, she starts protecting herself. Then think about getting back together again. So she told me it's like a circle.
So we decided that we are going to have more time apart. And I came home.

I realized that I was never happy with someone else. She gave the most happiness in my life and I love her so much. I was going to propose her and wanted to get married but I don't know about her feelings now.
Should I keep trying to show her that I love her? Maybe writing a letter to her? Should I call her out for movie or something just like casual date? How can I make her trust me again? My work situation is better now Nd I have more time to be with her. But she still wants to be available for other guys or something. That's the feeling I got from her. But I don't want to let her go and I want to love her with all my heart again. Because I didn't really open up Myself to her.

She's going out with her girlfriends on Friday night for her school basketball game and they are going to dinner. And she asked me what Im doing this weekend. I said I don't have any big plan. But I want to go out with her. Should I just ask her out?

[Alty]

No contact!

That's all I have to say.

[talaniman]

Dead on Alty, I can only add again, READ THE STICKIES!!

[overayear]

Trust me man, the best thing to do in this situation is to apply NC. I am not one to say that NC is appropriate every time. I know on this website it seems to be the answer for all. But in your situation I would strongly recommend it. I wish I would have came on this website when I first split up with my ex. Things would have turned out a lot different. She is confused man. No matter what you do, say, write, text, call she is not going to make up her mind anytime soon if at all. You just need to not give her ultimatiums not be mean and just walk away. Let her make up her own mind, let her change her status let her find her herself. She is 21, and not to say this happens with every 21 year old but it happens to a lot. This is a age where you are confused about who you are and you have this sense of freedom because of everything you are allowed to do now. Just so many changes. I would save the heartache and just move on. If she comes back then you can decided then, but right now that is not going to happen. Break it off with her officially and just move on.

[amicon]

I can only agree with the previous posters, you need to go no contact with her now. You need to clear your head and not go around in circles with this situation which is going nowhere. Do you seriously want to be waiting for someone who's too much of a coward to come straight out and say: it's over?
You're allowing yourself to cling to false hope and that's a bad place to be.

[epark072]

It's been almost a month since I posted my last update. Today, after thanksgiving, I just had a nightmare last night about her. I was talking to her dad and her ex-bf. And when I woke up this sick feeling in my stomach and dizziness started killing me. It's been like that all day and I cannot function. Thank god I'm off today. For almost a month, we didn't talk at all.. but I sent her a card for thanksgiving last Tuesday. I really want to get back with her for a month, I've been thinking if I really want her if I really want to be with her for rest of my life. I wrote down things like if I can live without her, if I love her, if she has qualities I'm looking for, if I can do things she wanted me to do and yes I want everything. It's not like one day decision. I've been going through this for 2 1/2 weeks and answer is same.. but I don't know if she wants me back. At this point I'm back to point zero. I know everyone will say the same thing. Please say to me again. I need some harsh advice.

[Devorameira]

You sound like a great catch to me. It's hard to find a man who's loving, thoughtful, kind, and hard working. You should be proud of yourself for doing what you have to do to pay the bills and get ahead.

You don't really have a choice. Just stop talking to her period. If she thinks that you're surviving (better yet thriving) without her she may re-think her stance. No guarantees... woman can be a little fickle sometime. Besides, she may not be the true girls of your dreams. Your real soul-mate may still be out there looking for you! :)

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I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths,
I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.