[hheath541]

I found a site with some really good information about the hymen, especially as it concerns virginity.

Women's Sexual Health : Virginity & the Hymen : Discovery Health

[CravenMorhead]

It is really sad that the same very thought at times still exist in our society that the hymen has to be broken and has to bleed to prove virginity, which is obviously untrue now a days.

It is amazing that people still care if their mate is a virgin.

Before paternity tests and enlightened thinking, the only way to ensure that your children were in fact YOUR children was to make sure that the woman was virginal on their wedding night and then making sure she didn't screw around. Only way to be certain.

These days, you take a test and you can prove who the parent is. Being virginal at time of marriage, or even when you start dating, isn't as important. Being monogamous, if that was what was agreed upon, is the important part these days.

To the OP. Medically yes, the hymen is intact. Socially, as in what do you tell the world or future boyfriends, up to you. Yes you were raped. He didn't stop when you didn't consent. You can, and should, bring charges against him.

Expect this behaviour to continue. If you don't dump him... than this will be what your relationship will continue to be like.

[JudyKayTee]

she isn't medically a virgin but she is still a virgin. You do not have to be medically a virgin to have your innosence. This is what virginity actually is, innosence. Not blood, not vagina, not entry. Innosence. That is true virginity. Rape is a very touchy subject with me and you don't just go telling someone they are worthless (which by saying they lost their innocense in some cultures is. we never know where the op is from and I would strongly advise more tact when dishing out advice Judy). Its not a good way to go about it.

dnotegirl, rape is not your fault, and you should never feel dirty because of it. The guy needs a serious case of go to prison, but you still have your innosence, you're still a virgin in my eyes. I wish you well and I seriously suggest better protecting yourself. (learn kong foo :) )


*** edited out negitive comments about another member

I assume you mean innocence. No problem. Many of us actually speak phonics.

"True virginity"? This very simple question has turned into a very complicated thread. "Not blood, not vagina, not entry?" What? Virginity and innocence? What are you talking about? This is in the same category as your advice about adultery - thinking which does not agree with you is "crap." https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorc...ml#post2325296

She admits she was performing oral sex on him. Somehow she ended up at least only partially dressed, as did he. Then the penetration occurred.

Please give me your definition of innocent. I'm not seeing it here. I'm not finding fault with OP. I just have no idea what your thinking process is.

And PLEASE stop directing who should answer and how they should answer. You've been warned before and I trust you'll be warned again.

[Jake2008]

Let me get this straight.

Both of you were hot and bothered. You took off your clothes, and he took off his clothes. He started with oral sex, and then jumped on you, and you objected because he didn't stick with the agreement. As it turned out, he was unable to ejaculate, although you admit he did penetrate you a bit.

Do you think you have any responsibility in this? I do not get the impression that the sex play was not a consentual situation. But, it was okay for you to allow him some sexual contact, but the problem only arose when you didn't want actual sex.

Not by any stretch of the imagination am I saying UNWANTED sexual aggression is ok, or that it is ok for a man to force himself on any woman- let's get that straight right now. Rape is not consentual, it is a forced act of violence.Nor am I saying that had he been able to keep an erection that he wouldn't have raped you, he likely would have by the way you describe things.

What I am saying is that you put yourself in this position. Nobody tore the clothes off your body and forced you to allow him to do oral sex on you.

What he did in jumping on you was wrong, but when you put yourself out there and allow yourself to have him go as far as he did, you are asking for trouble.

Many will disagree, but this is only my opinion.

And as far as I'm concerned, you allowed this situation to escalate, and by turning around and wondering if you are still a virgin, makes me think you are highly sexually immature.

Keep your clothes on and there would be no confusion.

[JudyKayTee]

I didn't want to go "here" but here it goes as far as virginity and rape.

I was raped. I was there for "his" trial (obviously). Once "he" enters your vagina against your will it is rape. It doesn't matter if he enters 1", 10" or anything in between. Once a male enters a female against her will, it's rape.

Once you've been raped you are no longer a virgin by legal definition.

Rape = penetration = loss of virginity.

There are two choices: penetration and no longer a virgin OR no penetration and the woman remains a virgin.

This obviously has nothing to do with religious beliefs - that's a whole different subject.

[JudyKayTee]

My other comment - and I was the victim of rape - is NOT to keep this information from a significant partner. I certainly wouldn't tell someone I wasn't seriously involved with but even today every now and then I have a flashback. My husband knows what causes me to be anxious, frightened. We have talked about it, I thought I had talked it out but every now and then the memory returns.

I cannot, for example, be pinned down with a knee on any part of my body. I totally freak.

This is a life altering experience - if a partner can't understand, find another partner.

[hungtoronto]

Below is another opinion on virginity.


Losing It - What Is Virginity

If you don't know. In Asia the doctor can do operation to make it looks like the hymen is intact. Big market for that in Asia.

[Aurora_Bell]

Very dangerous, painful surgery. And not to mention costly.

[smoothy]

Below is another opinion on virginity.


Losing It - What Is Virginity

If you don't know. In Asia the doctor can do operation to make it looks like the hymen is intact. Big market for that in Asia.

Fake Hymen doesn't make them a virgin again,(nothing can)... it only makes them a liar.

[hungtoronto]

Fake Hymen doesn't make them a virgin again,(nothing can)....it only makes them a liar.

Well if they broke their hymen during an accident and want to have this redone then it's not lying but you're right, there are a lot of women out there who do this just to fool the men into marrying them. It's also a big superstition.

[asking]

I hope the OP is okay...

Judy, Alty, and Aurora, It makes me sad to hear your stories, but I am glad you are sharing.

[ScottGem]

We had this discussion before. Virginity is a MEDICAL term. A virgin is someone who has never had penile insertion into a vagina. End of story! Any statement that does not conform to that medical fact is factually incorrect.

That being said, in the OP's case it is possible that there was not penetration. I don't know since I wasn't there. It is possible she can get away with claiming virginity.

What is clear is that the OP was sexually intimate with this guy. She allowed him to take her pants off! Of course that doesn't excuse his attempt at penetration since the ground rules had been set down and the OP told him no when he tried.

However, I would hesitate to prosecute a rape charge in this case. On the other hand, I would definitely dump this guy because he clearly has no respect for the OP.

[Cat1864]

dnotegirl, how old are you? Were these separate events or two tellings of the same event?