[Jake2008]

All you can do is keep on doing what you are doing, and remember why you are doing it. Try not to be forced into that place where the reasons for splitting, are outweighed by the good times, and I'm sure there were some.

You might get a diary, and jot down your thoughts when you are feeling you aren't making any headway. As long as you keep busy and stay your ground, these feelings will eventually disappear.

You are doing the right thing, but I urge you to remain cautious, you've had a bit of a break from him, but he is still the same person, and if he sees an opportunity to contact you, he will.

I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea to get some legal advice before the upcoming court date. You will most likely be asked, in detail, what happened on the night he was assalted (and show how he contributed to the assault), in which case, he could step up his connection with you thinking you will make him appear to be innocent.

Also discuss with your lawyer, your fear of having to face him again, because of his behaviour with you after the split (particularly). Many lawyers will offer a free consultation so you have nothing to lose.

Your feelings of guilt, sadness and depression are normal after a breakup, especially when you have a man manipulating you. Remember that is part of how an abuser operates- control, control control. It isn't you he is interested in, it is himself.

My opinion is that people like that are incapable of giving love, and respecting anyone who doesn't comply with what they expect in a relationship. Your continued denial of contact will upset him, but for all the wrong reasons. Hopefully, he will go in a different direction, and sadly, he'll likely also repeat history.

Be careful, and be strong.

[talaniman]

I have to be a witness in a court case for him later in the year as he was assaulted whilst we were going out - yes, I felt at risk when it happened and this was just one of the reasons things went down hill too, his mouth got him into that predicament.

He should leave you alone when he gets his stuff, and a letter to his lawyer with the truth, will have him thinking second thoughts about you testifying in his behalf.

Or a simple letter to him threatening to tell the truth about how he instigated everything, and thats what you will testify to, if he doesn't leave you alone, may make him leave you alone. I don't know, but for sure play timid to his intimidations, will only embolden him to keep doing it. Got any older brothers, or male friends? You better be careful though, as this idiot won't let go easily, without a good smash to his ego. He bares watching.

[deb_751]

The incident happened mid February and it will be going to Crown Court. The police have said that it will likely go to Crown Court as it is too serious offence for Magistrates. I don't even know what the offenders have been charged with. I did read your previous post about victim support and do intend to go to them for help when I know what is going on for sure - dates etc, thank you. I am a prosecution witness. I witnessed my ex-boyfriend get beaten up by two drunken men and I had to call the police and run for help - it was horrendous. It is a long story but I think the whole incident could have been avoided if he hadn't intervened in what was their argument and I felt that he compromised my safety by getting involved. Having said that he didn't deserve the injuries he received.

He ended up in hospital with a fractured shoulder, broken cheek bone and bruises etc. I nursed him for two weeks after until he was feeling better. That's why I feel so guilty, I finished with him shortly after this all happened because I decided I couldn't take his angry temperament any longer.

I am also worried if the fact that I don't want to see him at Court will be picked up on by the defence and go against him. I don't want to antagonise him or ruin the case for him. The police have already took witness statements from him and myself. Thanks.

[amicon]

You could contact them now as they will communicate your feelings of discomfort to the CPS.

The way things usually run,I think this will go to trial some time in May.

[Jake2008]

While he may have contributed to being a loudmouth, nobody goes around asking to be beaten up. Unless they see that as an opportunity to sue people. Reminds me of the prosecution of a man who would jump in front of a moving car, and sue in court for the driver being negligent. My imagination gets carried away sometimes, just a thought.

Life doesn't stop because he has problems. You don't owe him anything. That he turned out the way he did once you got to know him, would have, and could have happened at any time during the relationship, regardless of the incident now going to court.

I don't know how much bearing your experiences with him now will affect the outcome of his trial, although that is probably worrying him more than anything else, thus the constant contact. If he thinks he's lost you, and also lost you as his 'proof' or witness, is the part that worries me. But that is not your problem. Your concern needs to be on your safety, both prior to, during, and after court is done with.

I still think it would be prudent of you to speak to a lawyer, independent of anyone you have already officially talked to, and expain the changes since you gave your statement, and your concerns about his behaviour, and your reluctance to testify against him. (even though, as you said, he didn't deserve to be beaten). A lawyer will be able to help you and guide you toward detaching yourself emotionally from this man, and seeing a clear path of options for you.

A friend of mine had to testify in a trial against a man accused of her husband's murder. You can imagine her reluctance. She had been given both a victim support worker and police protection.

The truth is what it is, and I hope that you put your peace of mind and safety ahead of what possible consequences he could suffer as a result. Your relationship with him, I hope, would be independent of what will be presented in court.

[Bubbly_Dreamer1]

If he ends up being a stalkerish kind of man.
Take care of it, by getting restrictions, you know?
Your life, COULD be at risk,\
You need to tell him, I gave you another chance, and I didn't see anything different, it seemed to get worse, I'm sorry.
If he says he wishes he was dead.. well most people say that after a breakup to guilt someone into feeling bad. Just say I am sorry for doing this but I want what is best for me, and you.

[talaniman]

If you have business to handle suck it up, and do the right thing. But he doesn't get to harass you for it.

Cope with your feelings. Getting facts of the case is a good step.